“Shit, I’m going to take it you’re ready. Please open your eyes. It pains me to think what your ass is thinking about right now.”
I giggled and looked at Margie as she was walking out of my bathroom. She looked breathtaking. Her brown curls looked perfect, and the little bit of makeup she had on highlighted her beauty.
“Shall we, ladies?” Margie said as she walked past us, wiggling her car keys.
We giggled like little girls all the way down the stairs. I kissed my parents good-bye, and then the girls and I headed out to Margie’s car. I couldn’t wait to see Garrett, and my sweaty palms were evidence of that.
“Stop fidgeting, Emma. Everything is going to be fine. This night is going to change your future,” Peggy said with a wink.
When we walked into the high school gym, “Rock Around the Clock” by Bill Haley and His Comets was playing, and everyone was dancing. I instantly wanted to dance. I loved dancing, and I would do it all the time if I got the chance. Peggy yelled out and ran into Raymond’s arms. I smiled and shook my head. Those two were for sure in love. I looked behind Raymond and saw Michael.
“Hey, Emma,” Michael said as he walked up to me.
“Michael, can we step outside, so we can talk?” I asked.
He nodded his head. “Sure, it’s a beautiful night, and I actually wanted to talk to you, too.”
It was pretty warm for being December in Texas, but something in the air gave me a chill.
I turned and looked at Michael. I didn’t want to give him the chance to start the conversation, so I just started talking, “Michael, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to lead you on by going out with you. Honestly…I have feelings for someone else.” I couldn’t believe I’d just blurted that out.
Michael closed his eyes and smiled. When he opened them, he said, “Thank God, Emma. I just didn’t feel a connection. I didn’t want to be a jerk and just drop you, but…I kind of like someone else, too.”
We both started laughing.
“Emma, I’m glad you are finally admitting your feelings for Garrett.”
I stopped smiling. “What? How did you know I was talking about Garrett?”
Michael shook his head and grinned. “It’s hard not to notice. Anytime he is near, you can’t keep your eyes off of him, and the same goes for him. I know you only went out with me to hide from your feelings.”
I nodded my head. “Well, starting right now, I’m not hiding anymore.”
Michael laughed. “Me either.”
I giggled. “Then, get in there and go ask a girl to dance!”
He grabbed me and quickly hugged me. When we stepped back from each other, I glanced toward the door and saw Garrett standing there. My smile faded when I saw the hurt on his face. I guessed that Michael must have seen Garrett, too, as I noticed how he’d tensed up.
“Garrett, it’s not what you think,” I said.
Garrett gave us a weak smile and turned to walk back into the gym.
“Let me go talk to him,” Michael said.
I grabbed his arm. “No, I need to be the one to talk to him. Thank you though.”
I ran up the steps and made my way into the gym. I looked around until I found Garrett. He was leaning against the wall, trying to look like he was listening to Wayne talking about something. I took a deep breath as I walked right up to him.
I smiled. “Garrett…”
He smiled, and my heart melted. Only he could make me feel this way. It would always be only Garrett. My parents would probably tell me I was crazy and that I needed to live my life before making such a decision, but in this very moment, I knew that Garrett Mathews was the only man I’d ever love, and I was done fighting it.
“Hi, Emma.”
“Will you dance with me?” I bit down on my lower lip and looked up at him through my eyelashes.
My mother always told me that I had the most beautiful long lashes, and if used properly, I would be able to get any man to do anything I wanted.
He nodded his head and took my hand before leading me out to the dance floor. When he gently brought me into his arms, I felt like I was finally home. “Only You” by The Platters began playing, and I looked up into Garrett’s eyes. The way he was looking at me caused me to hold my breath. It felt like a million butterflies were flying around in my stomach, and all I wanted was for him to kiss me. I quickly looked around to see who was watching us. I looked back up into his eyes, and he started laughing.
“You must be thinking the same thing I am, Buttercup,” he said as he winked.
Every hair on my body stood up. I gave him a slight smile. “And what exactly are you thinking of, Mr. Mathews?”
“I wish you weren’t dating Michael because I’d really love to kiss you right now.”
My smile dropped, and I felt my eyes beginning to water. I licked my lips. “I’m not dating him. I told Michael that I had feelings for someone else, and he told me the same thing.”
The look on Garrett’s face was one I knew I would never forget for as long as I live. It almost appeared to be relief. As the song was beginning to end, Garrett looked down at my lips. I had never wanted something so badly in my entire life. I was practically willing him to kiss me. He began to lean down, but then someone started calling out his name.
“Garrett! Garrett, you have to come right away!”
We both instantly jumped back from each other. Garrett smiled that crooked smile, and I about dropped to the floor. I put my hand on my stomach to settle my nerves.
Garrett and I both turned and looked at the older gentleman running toward us. Billy, Wayne, and Raymond were running behind him.
“Uncle Pete? What’s wrong?” Garrett said.
The older gentleman was attempting to catch his breath. “You’ve got to get to Dr. Birk’s house. Your dad…he was holding his chest…fell…I drove here as fast as I could.”
Garrett just looked at his uncle. “What?”
Billy walked up and quickly glanced at me before looking at Garrett. “Garrett, you need to get over to Emma’s house. Uncle Pete took your dad there. Something is wrong. Um…your dad passed out while he and Pete were trying to shoe a horse.”
Garrett stood there. “What do you mean, something happened?”
I grabbed Garrett’s hand and began running out of the gym, pulling him behind me. I yelled back at Billy, “Who drove?”
“Garrett did.”
We ran to Garrett’s truck as Pete, Wayne, and Raymond ran over and jumped into what I guessed was Pete’s truck.
I turned to Garrett. “Garrett, Billy needs your keys.”
He looked back and forth between Billy and me. Garrett reached into his pocket and handed Billy the keys. I opened the passenger door and jumped in. Garrett followed behind me. Billy ran around and got into the driver’s seat. As Billy started driving to my house, I grabbed Garrett’s hand. He looked at me and gave me a weak smile.
He leaned down and said, “I’m going to give you that kiss…soon.”
I smiled and nodded my head. “I’m going to hold you to that.”
His smile faded, and he whispered, “Promise me.”
“I promise.”
Garrett looked out the window and didn’t say another word. I had the most terrible feeling in my stomach. As soon as his Uncle Pete had mentioned Mr. Mathews holding his chest, I knew he must have had a heart attack. I closed my eyes and silently prayed for him to be okay.
Billy pulled up to my house, and Garrett jumped out of the truck before Billy even came to a stop. I started crying when I saw my father stepping out onto the porch. He stopped Garrett from going any farther.
I threw my hands up to my mouth and started saying, “No. Oh, please, God, no.”
“Emma?” Billy grabbed my hand. “What’s going on?”
I knew from the look on my father’s face that something bad had happened.
“Billy…Garrett is going to need you. Go! Get out of the truck, and go!” I slid over and jumped out of the truck.
/>
I quickly walked up to Garrett and my father. I looked through our front window and saw Mrs. Mathews. My mother was holding her while she cried.
“Garrett, your father had a heart attack,” my daddy said.
I tried not to, but I started crying.
“Is he okay, Dr. Birk? Is he going to be okay?” Garrett asked, his voice breaking up.
My heart was breaking for Garrett, and I felt so incredibly helpless.
My father stepped closer to Garrett. “Garrett, I need you to listen to me, okay?”
Garrett nodded his head as he looked at my father.
“I’m sorry, son, but your father passed away. I tried everything I could to bring him back, but I just couldn’t do it.”
I slowly felt my body falling, and then two arms wrapped around me. When I looked up, I saw Raymond was holding me.
“No,” Garrett whispered. “No. He can’t leave us, Dr. Birk. He can’t leave me alone like that.”
My father closed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened his eyes, he looked directly at me and then back at Garrett. “Garrett, your mother needs you to be strong right now. I know what I’m asking from you is a lot. I know what it is like to lose your father at such a young age. But your mother in there has just lost the love of her life, her soul mate, and she needs you, son. She needs you. Now, I want you to walk around to the side of the house. Let it out before you go in there to see your mother.”
I was taken aback by what my father had said. He was giving Garrett mere minutes to grieve the loss of his father.
Garrett nodded his head, and then he turned to me. He walked up to me and grabbed my hand. I looked back at my father, and he simply nodded at me. Garrett and I began making our way around to the side of the house. On the way, he grabbed Billy by the shirt, and Billy followed us. My heart was beating so loudly that I was sure Garrett could hear it. I tried to calm myself down.
What is Garrett going to do? How can I help him?
When we got around the house, Garrett dropped my hand and started yelling out, “No! Son of a bitch, no!”
I jumped and attempted hold back my sobs.
Over and over again, he just kept yelling out, “No!”
Billy walked up to him, and Garrett started pushing him away.
“Billy, no! My God, he was my world. Who’s gonna run the ranch and take care of my mother while I’m at college?”
I swallowed as the realization hit me. By the look on his face, it must have hit Garrett as well, but he didn’t say a word.
“Garrett, I’ll help you. Raymond and Wayne will help, too. We’re all going to help,” Billy said.
Garrett put his hands on his knees and began crying. He tried to take in air at the same time. Billy looked at me with pleading eyes. I nodded as I walked over and placed my hand on Garrett’s back. He jumped and stood up straight. The moment he looked into my eyes, he cried harder. He reached for me and pulled me into his arms.
He whispered, “I’m so sorry, Emma. I wanted to give you the world. I’m so sorry.”
My heart slammed in my chest, and I knew exactly what he’d meant. Our future.
He had been thinking of our future. I didn’t think it was possible that my heart could hurt even more. I’d wasted all those months, hiding and denying my feelings.
I held on to him harder. “Shh…I’m here for you. Garrett, I’m here for you.”
Garrett sucked in a deep breath and stepped back from me. He looked at Billy and then at me. The tears running down his face gutted me, and when I looked at Billy, I knew he felt the same way. Turning back to Garrett, I went to say something, but he shook his head and turned back toward the house.
He quickly wiped away his tears and stopped. He turned around and looked at us. “Nothing will ever be the same.”
I shook my head and reached out for him, but he took a step back.
He whispered, “Nothing.”
I walked up the porch stairs and stopped at the door. I could hear my mother crying inside, and I wanted to turn around and throw up. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Dr. Birk was standing there, talking to my uncle, Wayne, and Raymond. I wanted nothing more than to just run as far away from here as I could. I knew Billy and Emma were right behind me, and the last thing I wanted to do was see Emma. If I saw her, I would just be reminded that the future I wanted with her was now gone.
Dr. Birk looked up and gave me a sympathetic smile.
I better get used to those.
I walked into the front parlor, and the moment I saw my mother sitting on the sofa, crying, I knew what I had to do. I straightened up my shoulders, pushed all my feelings deep down, and walked up to her. Mrs. Birk glanced up at me with tears rolling down her face. She stood up, so I could sit down next to my mother. I sat down and took her into my arms, and she began crying harder.
“Garrett…oh God! Garrett, I can’t live without him. What are we going to do? Thomas, no…please come back to me.”
My gut tightened up, and I had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I held her closer as I began talking to her, “Mama, it’s going to be fine. I promise, I won’t let you or Dad down. I’ll take care of you and the ranch.”
My mother pulled back and looked at me. “Garrett, he left us. He left us…”
She broke down crying again, and I pulled her back to me and began rocking her. I glanced up and saw Billy’s father, David, standing there. He was white as a ghost, and I knew this had to be hard on him. He and my father were best friends, and David had lost his wife a few years ago.
I closed my eyes and tried to make sense of everything that was happening. Just a little bit ago, I had been about to kiss the girl of my dreams and tell her how much I cared about her, and the next moment, my whole world had been torn apart.
Why, Dad? Why did you leave us? Why?
I had been going over everything that had happened the last four weeks in my head, still trying to make sense of it all.
“Garrett? Son, are you listening to me?” David said.
I was pulled out of my daydream. I cleared my throat and nodded my head. “Yes, sir. I’m sorry. My mind was wandering.”
David nodded his head and looked back toward the house. My mother was busy, working in her garden and getting it ready for spring planting.
I’d been trying to be strong for my mother, but today, I wanted to just run away from all of this.
The coach from Texas A&M had been over for a visit, and he’d talked to me about my decision not to attend college and play football. He had pulled me off to the side and said they would help find ranch hands to help my mother out. They would do whatever it took to get me to play.
The sounds of my mother’s nightly cries had filled my head. I’d shaken my head and said, I’m sorry, sir. I need to stay here and take care of my mother and our family ranch.
He’d nodded as he’d given me that same damn pathetic look everyone had been giving me. Son, let me ask you something. What would your father want? I think he’d want you to go to college and get your degree, so you could be better suited for running a cattle ranch like this.
I’d given him a weak smile and said, My father didn’t have a degree, and he built this cattle ranch with nothing but hard work and determination. I intend on making it even bigger and better. I’m staying here. Thank you though for driving all the way out here. I appreciate it very much.
After our conversation, he’d left, and David had told me it was time to get to business.
So, here we were, going over everything in the barn.
David cleared his throat. “One of the main things you always need to remember is to keep good records on everything from breeding, calving, culling, and weaning to your purchase and sales. Everything needs to be recorded, and you need to do it the day of. Don’t think that you’ll write it down the next day because I guarantee that you’ll forget.”
I nodded my head. “Yes, sir. My father showed me all of that about a year ago. I was in charge
of keeping records of all the feed, hay, and fencing supplies.”
David smiled and shook his head. “Damn. Your father was already getting you ready to take over the ranch, wasn’t he? He was one smart man.”
I smiled weakly. “Yes, sir, he was.”
“What do you think would be the next important thing you need to concentrate on?”
I didn’t have to think long on this one. “Fences. Broken fences mean lost cattle, and that means lost money.”
David’s smile spread across his face like he was the proudest man in the world.
Billy started laughing. “Now, you are talking like my dad here talks.”
We all laughed.
David slapped me on the back. “Next?”
“Machinery needs to be checked daily in order to make sure everything is running. If something isn’t running, then it means loss of work time, which equals loss of money.”
“Your father did a good job, Garrett. You’ll want to also manage your grazing and your feeding. With us being in this drought, I’m sure your daddy told you that you only feed during times of need. Most of the time, the cattle are fine with hay.”
I nodded my head. I glanced back at the house when I heard a car pulling up. Emma.
Dr. and Mrs. Birk had been by a few times to check on us, and each time, Emma had come. I’d seen her the first two times, and every time since then, I’d taken off on my horse and just vanished. I couldn’t bear the idea of seeing her and having to tell her that I wasn’t going to college, so I had no real future to offer her. She probably wanted to move to a big city, like Austin, and live in a big house with lots of babies. I couldn’t give her that. I’d never be able to give her that.
“Keep up to date with vaccinations. That’s real important for healthy cattle.”
I nodded my head as I stepped back just enough to where I could see Emma, but she couldn’t see me.
“Also, be sure to fully prepare for calving season. Now, your daddy already has the breeding season managed and down.”
I glanced over toward Billy, and he looked at me. He had just jumped all over me this morning. He’d said Emma was worried sick about me and kept asking him if he had spoken with me. I hadn’t gone back to school yet, but that was all about to change. Mother had said she would stop eating if I didn’t get myself to school, so Monday would be my first day back.