“Your parents?” Now I was really confused.
“They were in a car accident,” Nori said. “Tanner called me late last night. They're in the hospital, and they're okay, but he knew I'd want to get here right away. I didn't leave a note or call you because I was thinking about them.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Not everything is about you, X.”
I flinched. She was right. I'd come here to apologize because I hated the thought that I'd hurt her, and I didn't want to lose her. I'd never once considered that anything else could've brought her back here. When I saw she'd gone, I'd automatically assumed that it had to be because of me, like I was the most important person in her world.
For someone who thought he didn't deserve anything, I sure thought about myself a lot.
I'd completely missed that part of the Dom lesson, too. Sure, it'd been about control, and about taking care of the Sub, but I'd never stopped to think about what that really meant.
With someone who was only a sexual partner, that was where the needs started and ended. With sex. But a Dom / Sub relationship that was more than sex meant that the care had to extend outside the bedroom. Society might not understand the whole BDSM lifestyle, but the ideal, truest, kind of love was the kind that was supposed to be displayed there. The kind that came with putting a partner's needs above your own.
I needed to put her needs above mine. Think about her instead of myself.
Tanner had clearly understood that. Even though she told him that she didn't want to get back together, he'd called her about her parents, and I had no doubt he'd helped her get here. He'd also been with her all day and had taken care of her tonight. He might not have stayed if I hadn't shown up, but he'd still cared for her.
I didn't deny the jealousy that went through me, but I knew that wasn't the point. If I truly cared about her – if I actually loved her – as much as I said I did, I needed to stop thinking about myself and put her first. That didn't mean pushing her away, but rather letting her go. Walking away so that she could get what she needed from someone who could truly help her.
“I'm sorry,” I said quietly. It seemed like such a trite thing to say, but it was all I could. She didn't need to hear another speech about my newfound self-awareness. “I'll let you rest. I won't bother you again.”
I was half-way to the door when she spoke.
“Don't.”
I stopped but didn't turn. I couldn't hope that she meant what I thought. It'd be too much.
“Don't go.”
I looked over my shoulder at her. “Nori?”
Her eyes met mine, and I could see the tears shining in them. “Please don't go. Stay with me.”
As if I could do anything but what she asked. It wasn't even a choice.
Chapter Six
Nori
He'd come to Texas for me. Left the house. Gone out in public. Not just in public, but flown half-way across the country, back to the place where he'd lost everything.
For me.
The entire time he and Tanner were standing in the hallway, my brain had been struggling to process the fact that X was standing in front of me. When I'd opened the door, he was the last person I'd suspected, and not just because I hadn't thought he'd want to make amends for what happened. If I'd been in a hotel close by the house, I still would've been surprised to see him. The thought of him even getting into a car to drive somewhere was a shock. But I knew, to get here, he would've had to drive to the airport, get on a plane, somehow figure out where I was, and then drive here. It was almost unimaginable.
And yet, here he was. Defying the odds. That, I supposed, wasn't exactly a surprise. X had always been the kind of person who took what others said about him and did whatever the hell he wanted to anyway.
When Tanner looked at me, I knew he was asking if it was okay for him to go. I nodded. I needed to know why X was here, and I was pretty sure I didn't want Tanner to be around for that conversation. He clearly knew that something was going on between us, but I didn't think he'd want to hear that we had slept together.
So Tanner left, I invited X in, and less than twenty minutes later, I was telling him about why I left. I'd been horrified by what he'd revealed about his sister and mother, then sympathetic, but by the time he got to the part about asking me to come back to Philadelphia, my patience had worn pretty thin.
I knew I was being a bit harsh, but I didn't have the strength to worry about that as I told him what happened. I knew I cared about him, maybe even loved him, but I meant it when I said that not everything was about him. I hadn't left a note or anything, and maybe I should have, but he could've just called. I'd been mad at him, but I would've picked up.
My parents were okay, but that didn't mean I wasn't still too drained to deal with him. I'd wanted to know why he was here. Now I knew.
I barely heard him apologize to me, but I did hear him say that he was going to leave. I should've let him go, just like I'd told Tanner to leave. I wanted to be alone.
Except I didn't.
I hadn't wanted Tanner to stay, even though he'd been a great friend to me today. But I didn't want X to go, no matter how he'd behaved in the past.
“Don't go.”
The words came out barely above a whisper, but I heard him stop and say my name.
When I looked up, I could feel the tears burning in my eyes. “Please, don't go. Stay with me.”
For one long moment, I thought my words had put the wall between us back up. That he'd tell me it was too little, too late. I knew I could do this on my own if he walked out, but I didn't want to. I wanted him with me.
Relief rushed through me as he came over to the couch and sat down. He was too far away to touch me, and I wondered if he was purposefully staying out of reach. I should've been grateful, because I didn't think I could handle a platonic touch from X the way I had from Tanner.
“What can I do?” he asked.
“I don't have the strength to argue,” I said.
“I don't want to argue.” He reached out, his fingers brushing mine. “I don't want to hurt you anymore. Tell me how not to hurt you, Nori.”
I was the one who took his hand, nearly sighing with relief when his fingers curled around mine. I wasn't just too tired to argue, I was too tired to pretend that I didn't need him. “I just need you to be with me.”
He brushed his knuckles across my cheek, and I felt the faint edge of scar tissue. “I'll be whatever you need me to be.”
Something inside me relaxed at his words. I didn't know yet how much he meant by them, but for right now, it was what I needed. “Thank you.” The words took more effort than they should have.
“You look exhausted,” he said gently. “Come on, let's get you to bed.”
I shook my head. “It'd be too weird to sleep in my mom's bed. I'm sleeping here.”
He looked like he was about to argue with me, but he only nodded and stood. “Okay, then, where are the extra blankets?”
Something had changed. I didn't know what or why, only that it seemed like X's priorities had suddenly shifted. I couldn’t take the time to analyze it right now. I was too tired to think straight.
By the time X returned with a blanket and extra pillow, I was stretched out and half-way to sleep. He smoothed down my hair as he tucked me in, the gesture as natural as anything. Then, he leaned down and pressed his lips against my forehead. Heat spread through me in a way it hadn't when Tanner touched me.
“Sleep,” X said quietly. “I'm not going anywhere.”
I believed him.
And I slept.
I didn't know for how long, but when I felt myself starting to wake up, I heard the shower turning off, so I knew I hadn't been out long. I was still tired, but I didn't want to go back to sleep again, not yet anyway. I'd essentially only had a nap, but it cleared my head enough to know that I wanted to see if X was still here.
The bathroom door opened and he walked out. It felt like an eerie form of deja vu, and I half-expected X to com
e out in his hoodie again, to go back to the sullen man I'd left behind in Philadelphia.
He was only wearing a towel.
My mind immediately flashed back to the first time I'd seen him in that house in just a towel...but not around his waist. Desire spiked through my half-wakeful state. I stared at him, at the way drops of water still clung to his chest and shoulders. It'd been less than two days since I'd slept with him, but he hadn't let me touch him then, see him. Now I was greedy, wanting to see all of him.
“Hey.” He smiled at me as he came over, and there was something different about it. Not softer, but rather stronger.
Whatever epiphany he'd had, it changed something inside him. I just didn't know what that meant for us.
“Go back to sleep.” He leaned down, his fingers tucking some wayward hair behind my ear. “I'll be right over there.” He gestured toward a chair.
“No.” I shook my head. I was vaguely aware that I was still a bit loopy, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. “Come here.”
I patted the couch. It was a big one, far too big for this tiny apartment, but my mom said she'd wanted it in case I needed a place to crash. I knew it was actually because she wanted to make sure Dad had a place to sleep if he needed it.
“I don't think that's a good idea,” X said. He didn't move though.
“Did you know what you were doing?” I asked. “That night?”
His expression tightened, but he nodded.
“Then don't you think I do too?” I reached toward him, ready for him to push my hand away. He didn't, letting my fingers skim across his cheek.
“Nori.” He caught my hand and brought it to his mouth, brushing his lips across my knuckles. “You need to get some sleep.”
“I need you.” I squeezed his hand. “Just lay here with me.”
He nodded, and I waited for him to head back to the bathroom to change. He didn't though. He simply eased me up and maneuvered us around so that he was lying behind me.
In only a towel.
I shivered, and then his arm went around me and a deeper shiver went through me.
“Go to sleep, Nori.” He kissed my temple. “I'll be right here. Whatever you need.”
I ran my fingers up his arm. “What changed your mind?”
“Hmm?” He raked his fingers through my hair.
Distracting.
“You came in here all explain-y.”
He chuckled at my word choice. At least, I assumed that's what he was laughing at.
“But then you were going to go, and leave me alone. Now you're here. What changed?” I was hovering now, that place between sleeping and being awake. Even though I knew I needed sleep, I liked this place. I could say things I would normally hold back. Plus, no case of hangover the next morning like there was with alcohol.
He was quiet for a minute, but his body was still relaxed against my back, so I knew he was thinking.
“I just realized that I needed to stop thinking about me, and start thinking about you.”
I turned my head so I could look up at him. His face was so close that I could see every shade of blue in his eyes. “What does that mean?”
“It means,” he said with another one of those new smiles. “That I finally understood what you were trying to teach me about being a Dom. That I'm supposed to take care of my Sub.”
I swallowed hard, feeling quite a bit more awake now. I really wanted him to mean what he said.
“I want you, Nori,” he said. His hand came up, thumb stroking across my bottom lip. “But not just for sex. I want you to be mine.”
Shit. It was hard to breathe.
“I'm not asking you to make any decisions now. I just don't want to hide anything from you. Not after what happened the last time I wasn't being honest.”
I was pretty sure I was staring, but I couldn't believe what I was hearing. “What the hell happened to you?”
His gaze moved along my face, like he was trying to memorize it. “I realized how close I came to losing you completely. I've never been so scared of anything in my life.”
I rolled onto my back, which wasn't easy, even on the larger couch. “Scared?”
“Terrified.” He cupped the side of my face. “I've spent my whole life thinking that I don't deserve to be happy, and I've never tried to fight that. Until now. I want us to be together. For real.”
I wanted that too, wanted it so bad it hurt, but...
His expression sobered, the light in his eyes dimming. “It's okay. I'm not asking for anything right now. We both have a lot going on and–”
“I want that too,” I said quickly. I reached up, hesitating with my hand over his cheek.
“But?”
I dropped my hand and answered honestly, “I don't know if I can trust you.”
I waited for the explosion, waited for him to start getting defensive with me.
“I understand,” he said.
I blinked. Was he serious?
“And I'm going to do everything in my power to earn that trust back.” He reached down and picked up my hand. “I meant what I said, Nori. Whatever you need.”
And then he put my hand over his heart.
Over the scar tissue over his heart.
Chapter Seven
Xavier
My heart was beating so hard against my chest that I knew Nori could feel it against her palm. Part of it was the intense desire I'd been feeling from the moment I laid down on the couch with her, knowing that only my towel and her robe separated the two of us, but I'd have been lying if I didn't admit that an equal amount of it was anxiety.
I hadn't let anyone touch my scars like this. In my head and my heart, I knew that she'd never freak out or anything like that, but that dark fear that'd been a part of me from the moment I woke up kept telling me that Nori was going to reject me. That the feel of the scar tissue would turn her off, would break whatever this spell was between us and send us hurtling back to reality. That she would tell me this was a mistake.
Except she didn't do any of that. What she did do was lean forward and kiss the place where my tattoo once was.
I felt like I was burning again, but this time, it wasn't pain but pleasure I was feeling. Not physically, since I couldn't feel much where the scar tissue was concerned, but rather the rush that came with knowing that she hadn't pushed me away.
I still had a chance.
Taking it slow would be the smartest thing to do. Lay here with her in my arms, let myself appreciate what it felt like to have someone trust me so implicitly. But then her hand was sliding up my chest to my neck, all along the left side of my body. The side I never thought anyone would touch again. Not without revulsion.
She wasn't repulsed though. Her expression held so much tenderness that it made my heart ache.
This was why I loved her. I couldn't just use the word care anymore. It wasn't enough. What I felt for Nori went beyond anything I'd felt for anyone ever. I would do whatever it took to be whatever, whoever, she needed. My own happiness, my own life even, didn't matter. She was it.
So I kissed her.
It started gently as I held myself back. I didn't want to push too hard or too fast, didn't want to risk scaring her away, but then she was kissing me back, her hand on my neck as she parted her lips. A groan escaped as my tongue touched hers, and I put my hand on her waist, desperate to feel the skin beneath the robe. I kept myself in check though, focusing on enjoying her lips moving with mine, on the wet heat as I explored her mouth.
This was about what she needed, not me.
I moved away from her mouth and kissed up her jaw to her ear. “You can touch me, if you want,” I whispered.
Her body stiffened, and when she turned her head toward me, her eyes were wide, myriad emotions flickering across her teal-colored irises. I waited, letting her process. I knew she'd had so much to think about, and I wanted to take her away from that, even if only for tonight, but it had to be her choice.
Her gaze dropped, and she be
gan to run her fingers along my scars. Starting with the collarbone and working her way across my shoulder, my arm, then over to my chest.
“What was the rest of the tattoo?” she asked softly. “The one that ended over your heart.”
“ARH and MAH,” I answered. The pain was still there, but not as agonizing as it had been. Nori's presence helped ease it. “Abigail Renee Hammond and Madison Alexandria Hammond.”
“Your mom and your sister?” she guessed.
I nodded and then sucked in a breath as she leaned forward and kissed the spot. But she didn't stop there. She began to kiss and lick her way across every inch of scar tissue she could reach, missing only the parts where the skin was still tender.
When her hand reached for the towel, however, I reached down and grabbed her wrist. She raised her head, desire evident in her eyes, on her face. She hid nothing from me, and that meant more than even her touch.
“I'm going to take care of you,” I promised as I raised her hand and kissed her palm. She shivered, and something deep and primal inside me reared its head.
“I want to touch you,” she said, her voice breathless.
“Later,” I promised. And I meant it. Outside this apartment, I still had all of my issues about people seeing me, but for her, I would give everything, even if it was more than I thought I could. I would do whatever it took to earn her trust, to make this work.
“Then will you touch me?”
I swore softly. Apparently, taking it slow wasn't going to be on the menu for the day. I let go of her wrist. “Hands off the towel.”
She nodded obediently.
I reached down between us for the belt of her robe but kept my eyes on hers as I tugged it free. Only when I raised my hand to touch her did I look down. I took my time, fingers barely grazing her skin as I parted the folds of her robe. First, I bared the valley between her breasts and teased my way down to her stomach. When I uncovered her breasts, I couldn't stop myself from tasting. I'd intended only to touch, but her dusky pink nipples started to harden, and I had to take one into my mouth.