Can you believe I just said that? Graduate from college. Me. In only three months. I can’t believe it.
April 7
My Silent Sister,
I have one word: details! There are too many of these in my life. I’m never going to finish everything I need to do for my classes. I am never going to get everything finished in time for the wedding. Why, oh, why did we decide on May 22? Why didn’t we push the date out to August? I just want to be done with school right now! My brain can’t hold another detail about anything!
April 8
Isn’t this perfect, Silent Sister?
Just the right verse, just when I needed it:
“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” (Ephesians 3:20)
If I finish this semester, it’s definitely going to be because of God’s mighty power at work within me.
One of my professors has a sign on his desk that reads, “He who first taught us to trust in His name, has not thus far brought us to bring us to shame.” I’ve read it so many times I have it memorized. I keep repeating it when I think I’m not going to accomplish all that I need to get done. God is in this. He’s with me. He’s leading me. He can do even more than I ask of Him.
Thank You, Lord. Thank You for being with me every step of the way.
Now, back to studying I go.
April 30
Silent Sis,
Sweet news! Or I should say, awesome news! Doug and Tracy are going to have a baby—did I tell you that? I don’t remember. The awesome news is that they found out it’s going to be a boy. They want to name him Daniel. I’m so happy for them!
I can’t imagine what it would be like to be preggers and walk around with a big belly like Tracy. She looks pretty cute, but she also looks pretty uncomfortable when she tries to bend over.
One day. I hope. Todd is going to be a great dad. But first he’s going to be a great husband. And before that happens, I have a whole lot of things to finish!
Ta-ta for now!
May 15
Oh, Silent Sister, can you believe it?
One week from today I will be a married woman. I can’t believe it. Katie helped me to move my things into our apartment, and I realized how pathetically poor we are.
Here’s the inventory of our worldly possessions:
1) A custom, one-of-a-kind surfin’ sofa that Todd made using the back rest of a salvaged bench seat from ol’ Gus the Bus and his beloved surfboard Naranja, which serves as the nice bright orange seat. That’s all I’m going to say about it at this point, except I have a feeling it will be with us for a long time. So, Katie and I gave it a name: Narangus.
2) A nice new bed that Todd’s dad bought for us. I do have to say that I worried just a little that Todd would want us to have a bed like the one he had at that apartment he shared with Doug and Rick in San Diego. It was just a big box with sand. Aaaaah, no.
3) Todd’s old dresser.
4) The bookshelf Todd and I bought all those years ago at a garage sale. It could use some fresh paint. The dusty rose is really dusty now.
5) One potted daisy and a welcome mat at the front door, thanks to Katie and her heroic effort to help me perk up the place.
6) Three paper cups, one coffee mug, a stack of paper plates, a box of tissues, hand soap and hand lotion by the kitchen sink and six chocolate chip cookies from the bakery, again, thanks to Katie.
7) One poster of a waterfall highlighting the bridge Todd jumped off of in Maui.
8) Oh, and my faithful Winnie the Pooh that Todd bought for me at Disneyland eons ago.
9) One patchwork blanket my grandmother made for me when I was in elementary school.
There. Isn’t that the inventory every young married couple needs to set up house?
May 21
Sweetie Pie, oh, Silent Sis,
TOMORROW!!!
Today is the last day that I will be Christina Juliet Miller. Tomorrow at this time I will become Christina Juliet Spencer. Eeeeeee!
I have my letters to my future husband all ready to take on our honeymoon. I ended up taking them out of the individual envelopes and folding them up all nice and neat into a little bundle. Then I tied them with some lace ribbon my mom had in with her sewing things.
I can’t wait to give them to Todd. I hope he doesn’t think they’re silly. He won’t. Will he? It doesn’t matter. I’m going to give them to him, and he can say whatever he wants.
We’re going to Maui for our honeymoon. Did I tell you that? Thanks to Uncle Bob, of course. We’re staying at Uncle Bob’s condo. It’s the same one we went to for my sixteenth birthday. Never did I guess then that I’d be returning for our honeymoon!
Oh! I just realized that one of the letters I wrote to my future husband, aka TODD, was written at that same condo. Is that amazing or what? Full circle, right? Wow. I do feel like the most spoiled bride ever. No, not spoiled. I take that back. I am blessed. So blessed.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it’s going to be like being with Todd completely for the first time. You know what I mean. And I’ve come to the conclusion that he and I will just have to figure out how we fit together as we go along. It will be the first time for him and the first time for me, and together we’ll just figure it out. I am so, so, so excited! (And a tiny bit nervous.) But mostly I’m excited and happy, and I just can’t believe this day is finally here!
TOMORROW!!!
Oh, and by the way, I managed to finish everything that I needed to do in all my classes, I graduated, and all the details for the wedding have been completed. So why did I spend so much time worrying? I don’t even think it’s dawned on me that I’m now a college graduate.
I have a job, too. That was another God-thing. I’m working at the bookstore next to the Dove’s Nest Café where Katie works. How amazing is that? When I get back from the honeymoon, I’ll work in the same building every day with Katie.
I mean it: I am blessed. God has blessed me in more ways than I have even stopped to count.
TOMORROW!!!
May 31
Hi, hi, Silent Sis.
I hope you understand why I didn’t take you along on our honeymoon. We’re back now and, oh wow! I mean, WOW! Todd and I are definitely “Happily Mauied.” Our wedding was amazing, beautiful, and perfect. It’s still like a dream. The happiest of all dreams. And our honeymoon was really, really, really wonderful.
I know you’re probably wondering about how it was for us when we were finally able to give ourselves to each other, or as Todd said, quoting Genesis (of course he has a Bible verse for everything!), we could be “naked and not ashamed.” And we were. I mean, it was a little oddish and embarrassing right at first, but that’s because everything was new and unfamiliar territory. But it was so natural and beautiful. It really is an amazing way to express our love for each other. I can see why God made this full expression something to be shared only between one man and one woman for the rest of their lives. It’s so intimate. Not like in the movies.
Katie was asking me what it was like, and I realized that even thinking about Todd and me being together completely—mind, body and soul—was intimate. Just between Todd and me. It wasn’t something for me to report even to my best friend. Again, it wasn’t like in the movies.
She honored my privacy and discretion, but she said she wanted me to tell her that the purity part of it isn’t a hoax. She said she needed to know that what she was saving for her future husband would be worth the wait.
I told her, “Oh, it’s worth the wait, all right. Definitely.” I told her to trust me, and she said something about how happy I looked and how my face was glowing. I also told her that she would be glad she saved those hundreds of kisses she wanted to give away to different guys over the y
ears. I told her that, once she got on the other side of the longing and was a married woman, she would be free to break open the bank. After I said that much, I just couldn’t finish the sentence. I didn’t know how to express it. I said something like, “You’ll have to finish that sentence for yourself one day.”
I know that wasn’t a very good answer, and I’m sure it wasn’t what she was hoping to hear.
All I will tell you, dear Silent Sis, is that I’m a very happily married woman. Not that everything is perfect between us, but we have our lives ahead of us to figure out what works and doesn’t work. And that should be half the fun, right?
June 29
It’s Baby Daniel Day, Silent Sis!
We went to the hospital to see Doug, Tracy, and baby Daniel. He is SO cute! I got to hold him and kiss his bald little head. He was 7 pounds and 14 ounces. My baby-clueless husband thought Daniel was 14 pounds and 7 ounces! If he was, ouch! Poor Tracy.
Doug had to tell all of us that he cut the umbilical cord. Katie stopped him before he said any more. Thank you, Katie. I’m sure I’ll want to know a lot more baby details when it’s our turn some day, but for now I’d rather not hear those sorts of particulars.
My favorite moment of the visit was right when we were leaving and I had to give baby Daniel back to Tracy. Todd went over to the bed, placed his hand on Daniel’s little head, and blessed him. It was the most solemn, striking moment for all of us. Katie, Tracy, and I all got teared up and exchanged this beautiful, womanly smile. I can’t believe we’re all grown up and sharing these huge life experiences.
Daniel really is adorable. I loved holding him. I wish we didn’t live so far away from them. It takes about an hour to get to Carlsbad, which isn’t bad, but then it’s an hour home, and that’s always the killer.
July 13
Silent Sister, hi, hi, hi.
Oh, I do love being married! Todd and I had the most romantic dinner last night. I made chicken, baked potatoes, and green beans that I bought on the way home from a roadside stand. Then we had watermelon for dessert. I’m not saying I’m a great cook or anything. The chicken was pretty dry, actually. But I splurged and bought real butter for the potatoes, and the green beans were fresh and tasted just right.
We ate slowly and talked, laughed, and kissed a bunch of times in between bites. The whole dinner our feet were cozied up under our little kitchen table. I know that sounds strange—like we were holding feet instead of holding hands, but that is kind of what it was like.
After we ate, we kept leaning across the table, kissing and whispering and kissing some more. Then we did what married people get to do with sweet abandon.
When I woke up this morning, I turned and looked at my husband. He was awake and just lying there, staring at me. I told him that being married to him is so much better and more amazing than I ever dreamed it would be. Todd said I was beautiful. He said it over and over. It’s like all the things I wished he would say to me over the years while we were dating he’s saying to me now. And they mean so much because we’re “us.” We’re together. We’re married. I believe him when he tells me he loves me and that I’m beautiful.
This might seem like a funny jump from that thought, but at work today I was thinking about all this, and I saw Katie talking to Rick, smiling at him and him smiling back at her. They’re pretty much together now. She says it’s not really official. But I was trying to find a way to tell her to be careful and not to give her heart away to Rick completely. I know the reason I feel that way is because back in high school he was such a smooth talker, and I found myself going along with him just because I liked the way he made me feel.
At the time, I really wanted Todd to be the one to say all the sweet things to me and tell me that I looked good, but he didn’t. Now that Todd is free to give me all these compliments, they mean so much more than the surface kind of flirty things Rick used to say to me.
I just hope Katie isn’t letting Rick feed that insecure part of her that’s longing for attention and affirmation. I’m trying to be supportive of their relationship. Rick has changed A LOT.
Everyone has seen that. Still, I have a sisterly sort of concern for Katie.
I’m glad she’s going to be an RA this year at Rancho Corona. It’s her senior year, and I think she’s going to be great in that position. Plus I think it will give her something to do so she won’t become too wrapped up in Rick.
August 16
Fun times, SS!
Todd is having some great times with the kids in the youth group this summer. It’s his job, but I know he’d be doing all this even if it wasn’t. He’s really good with them, and more teens come every week.
Tonight he taught from the book of 1 John and said all these great things about love—God’s love and human love. All the girls kept looking at me to see if I agreed with what he said. I’m sure they could tell by my continual smile that I’m Todd’s biggest supporter, and I totally agreed with what he said.
I wanted to be sure to write down the verses I liked the most from his talk. I want to memorize these verses. They’re out of 1 John 4.
“God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us . . . There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.
“We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.”
It’s so true. God loved us first. He keeps pouring out His love on us and teaching us how to love others the way He loves. And His perfect love casts out all fear. That’s how it says it in the translation of the Bible that I have.
I think about how afraid I was of so many things for a long time. I look back on the things I worried about with Todd and how I was afraid I’d never see him again when he left for Hawai’i and then for Spain.
I know this isn’t exactly what those verses are talking about in 1 John, but in a lot of ways it applies to how things were inside of me. My love wasn’t fully formed yet, neither my love for God nor for Todd. And I know they aren’t fully mature yet. But Todd and I are so much further along than we were five years ago or even five months ago. Our love for each other keeps growing and as it does, I find I don’t have any of those old fears. They’re gone. For me it’s becoming the same way with God. The more I’m growing in my love for Him, the more I know Him and trust Him. I feel God’s love for me more now, and it’s growing stronger the longer I’m a Christian. It really is a relationship because it keeps growing and changing.
Father God, You have been so good to me. Thank You for loving me. I want to love You more.
September 6
Hello, Silent Sister.
My husband is driving me crazy! Can I just say that here and you won’t tell anyone how frustrated I am at the moment?
It’s a stupid thing, really. We had this argument about how he leaves his bath towel on the floor after he uses it. He expects me to pick it up and put it in the laundry, and then when it’s all nice, fresh, clean, and dry, I’m supposed to hang it on the towel rack.
Where did he get that idea? Why can’t he hang it on the towel rack or put it in the dirty clothes basket himself? Why is it that every time I use the bathroom, I have to trip over one of his wadded up towels?
I tried to talk to him about this before he left this morning, and he said I was too “hormonal.” WHAT!? Since when did he start telling me I was being “hormonal”?
I’m so mad at him!
And I’m mad at myself, too, because I know later, when I think about this, my response is going to seem petty and ridiculous. The towel part, that is. Not the part about his saying I’m hormonal. That has to be the worst word in the whole English language. Is it even in the dictionary? I’m going to look it up.
&
nbsp; But first I seriously need some chocolate. I hope we have some brownies left. Oh, yeah. So, I made them last night when I got home from work, and Todd started to devour them before we even had dinner. He kept saying thank you for making them, as if no one ever made brownies for him before.
I guess no one ever has.
That doesn’t mean I’m not still mad at him about his incurable towel habit and the insensitive comment.
Katie once said that Todd was “detail impaired.” She was right. I think she described him that way when he had the shopping list for the youth group trip and I put down “two dozen wire coat hangers.” He decided to buy two plastic coat hangers instead. Needless to say, no one could roast marshmallows that night at the campfire with only two plastic coat hangers!
Marshmallows sound good right now. I wonder if we have any?
October 21
Hey there, Silent Sister.
The Katie-and-Rick saga is getting interesting. Rick’s roommate, Eli, was over the other night, and he was talking to Todd and me about Katie—what a great personality she has and how he doesn’t think Rick realizes what a great person she is.
Eli and Todd met each other back when Todd was in Spain, and Todd worked it out so that Eli could share Rick’s apartment now. They just live a few doors down from us, which is bizarre, but not really because this is a small town and this is the nicest apartment complex for the lowest rent.