X.
TODGERS'.
THIS is the story of a visit made by Mr. Pecksniff, a very pompous man,and his two daughters Miss Mercy and Miss Charity, to the boarding-housekept by Mrs. Todgers, in London; and a call while there on Miss Pinch, agoverness or young lady teaching in a rich family.
Mr. Pecksniff with his two beautiful young daughters looked about himfor a moment, and then knocked at the door of a very dingy building,even among the choice collection of dingy houses around, on the front ofwhich was a little oval board, like a tea-tray, with thisinscription--"Commercial Boarding-house: M. Todgers."
It seemed that M. Todgers was not up yet, for Mr. Pecksniff knockedtwice and rang three times without making any impression on anything buta dog over the way. At last a chain and some bolts were withdrawn with arusty noise, and a small boy with a large red head, and no nose to speakof, and a very dirty boot on his left arm, appeared; who (beingsurprised) rubbed the nose just mentioned with the back of ashoe-brush, and said nothing.
"Still abed, my man?" asked Mr. Pecksniff.
"Still abed!" replied the boy. "I wish they was still abed. They're verynoisy abed; all calling for their boots at once. I thought you was thepaper, and wondered why you didn't shove yourself through the grating asusual. What do you want?"
Considering his years, which were tender, the youth may be said to haveasked this question sternly, and in something of a defiant manner. ButMr. Pecksniff, without taking offense at his bearing, put a card in hishand, and bade him take that up-stairs, and show them in the meanwhileinto a room where there was a fire.
Surely there never was, in any other borough, city, or hamlet, in theworld, such a singular sort of a place as Todgers'. And surely London,to judge from that part of it which hemmed Todgers' round, and hustledit, and crushed it, and stuck its brick-and-mortar elbows into it, andkept the air from it, and stood perpetually between it and the light,was worthy of Todgers'.
There were more trucks near Todgers' than you would suppose a whole citycould ever need; not trucks at work but a vagabond race, foreverlounging in the narrow lanes before their masters' doors and stopping upthe pass; so that when a stray hackney-coach or lumbering wagon camethat way, they were the cause of such an uproar as enlivened the wholeneighborhood, and made the very bells in the next church-tower ringagain. In the narrow dark streets near Todgers', wine-merchants andwholesale dealers in grocery-ware had perfect little towns of their own;and, deep among the very foundations of these buildings, the ground wasundermined and burrowed out into stables, where cart-horses, troubled byrats, might be heard on a quiet Sunday, rattling their halters, asdisturbed spirits in tales of haunted houses are said to clank theirchains.
To tell of half the queer old taverns that had a drowsy and secretexistence near Todgers' would fill a goodly book; while a second volumeno less in size might be given to an account of the quaint old guestswho frequented their dimly-lighted parlors.
The top of the house was worthy of notice. There was a sort of terraceon the roof, with posts and fragments of rotten lines, once intended todry clothes upon; and there were two or three tea-chests out there, fullof earth, with forgotten plants in them, like old walking-sticks.Whoever climbed to this observatory was stunned at first from havingknocked his head against the little door in coming out; and, after that,was for the moment choked from having looked, perforce, straight downthe kitchen chimney; but these two stages over, there were things togaze at from the top of Todgers', well worth your seeing, too. For,first and foremost, if the day were bright, you observed upon thehouse-tops, stretching far away, a long dark path--the shadow of thetall Monument which stands in memory of the great fire in London manyyears before: and turning round, the Monument itself was close besideyou, with every hair erect upon his golden head, as if the doings of thecity frightened him. Then there were steeples, towers, belfries, shiningvanes and masts of ships, a very forest. Gables, house-tops,garret-windows, wilderness upon wilderness. Smoke and noise enough forall the world at once.
After the first glance, there were slight features in the midst of thiscrowd of objects, which sprung out from the mass without any reason, asit were, and took hold of the attention whether the spectator would orno. Thus, the revolving chimney-pots on one great stack of buildingsseemed to be turning gravely to each other every now and then, andwhispering the result of their separate observation of what was going onbelow. Others, of a crooked-back shape, appeared to be maliciouslyholding themselves askew, that they might shut the prospect out andbaffle Todgers'. The man who was mending a pen at an upper window overthe way became of vast importance in the scene, and made a blank in it,ridiculously large in its size, when he went away. The fluttering of apiece of cloth upon the dyer's pole had far more interest for the momentthan all the changing motion of the crowd. Yet even while the looker-onfelt angry with himself for this, and wondered how it was the tumultswelled into a roar; the hosts of objects seemed to thicken and expand ahundredfold; and after gazing round him, quite scared, he turned intoTodgers' again, much more rapidly than he came out; and ten to one hetold M. Todgers afterwards that if he hadn't done so, he would certainlyhave come into the street by the shortest cut: that is to say,head-foremost.
So said the two Miss Pecksniffs, when they came down with Mrs. Todgersfrom the roof of the house; leaving the youthful porter to close thedoor and follow them down-stairs: who being of a playful temperament,and contemplating with a delight peculiar to his sex and time of lifeany chance of dashing himself into small fragments, lingered behind towalk upon the wall around the roof.
It was the second day of their stay in London, and by this time theMisses Pecksniff and Mrs. Todgers were becoming very friendly, insomuchthat the last-named lady had already told the story of three earlydisappointments in love; and had furthermore given her young friends ageneral account of the life, conduct, and character of Mr. Todgers: who,it seemed, had cut his life as a husband rather short, by unlawfullyrunning away from his happiness, and staying for a time in foreigncountries as a bachelor.
"Your pa was once a little particular in his attentions, my dears," saidMrs. Todgers, "but to be your ma was too much happiness denied me. You'dhardly know who this was done for, perhaps?"
She called their attention to an oval miniature, like a little blister,which was tacked up over the kettle-holder, and in which there was adreamy shadowing forth of her own visage.
"It's a speaking likeness!" cried the two Misses Pecksniff.
"It was considered so once," said Mrs. Todgers, warming herself in agentlemanly manner at the fire: "but I hardly thought you would haveknown it, my loves."
They would have known it anywhere. If they could have met with it in thestreet or seen it in a shop-window, they would have cried, "Goodgracious! Mrs. Todgers!"
"Being in charge of a boarding-house like this makes sad havoc with thefeatures, my dear Misses Pecksniff," said Mrs. Todgers. "The gravy aloneis enough to add twenty years to one's age, I do assure you."
"Lor!" cried the two Misses Pecksniff.
"The anxiety of that one thing, my dears," said Mrs. Todgers, "keeps themind continually upon the stretch. There is no such passion in humannature as the passion for gravy among business men. It's nothing to saya joint won't yield--a whole animal wouldn't yield--the amount of gravythey expect each day at dinner. And what I have undergone inconsequence," cried Mrs. Todgers, raising her eyes and shaking her head,"no one would believe!"
"Just like Mr. Pinch, Mercy!" said Charity. "We have always noticed itin him, you remember?"
"Yes, my dear," giggled Mercy, "but we have never given it him, youknow."
Mr. Pecksniff kept what was called a school for architects, and TomPinch was one of his students.
"You, my dears, having to deal with your pa's pupils who can't helpthemselves, are able to take your own way," said Mrs. Todgers, "but in aboarding-house, where any gentleman may say, any Saturday evening, 'Mrs.Todgers, this day week we part, in consequence of the cheese,' it is notso e
asy to preserve a pleasant understanding. Your pa was kind enough,"added the good lady, "to invite me to take a ride with you to-day; and Ithink he mentioned that you were going to call upon Miss Pinch. Anyrelation to the gentleman you were speaking of just now, MissPecksniff?"
"For goodness' sake, Mrs. Todgers," interposed the lively Mercy, "don'tcall him a gentleman. My dear Cherry, Pinch a gentleman! The idea!"
"What a wicked girl you are!" cried Mrs. Todgers, embracing her withgreat affection. "You are quite a joker, I do declare! My dear MissPecksniff, what a happiness your sister's spirits must be to your pa andself!"
"That Pinch is the most hideous, goggle-eyed creature, Mrs. Todgers, inexistence," resumed Mercy: "quite an ogre. The ugliest, awkwardest,frightfullest being, you can imagine. This is his sister, so I leave youto suppose what _she_ is. I shall be obliged to laugh outright, I knowI shall!" cried the charming girl. "I never shall be able to keep myface straight. The notion of a Miss Pinch really living at all issufficient to kill one, but to see her--oh my stars!"
Mrs. Todgers laughed immensely at the dear love's humor, and declaredshe was quite afraid of her, that she was. She was so very severe.
"Who is severe?" cried a voice at the door. "There is no such thing asseverity in our family, I hope!" And then Mr. Pecksniff peeped smilinglyinto the room, and said, "May I come in, Mrs. Todgers?"
Mrs. Todgers almost screamed, for the little door between that room andthe inner one being wide open, there was a full showing of thesofa-bedstead open as a bed, and not closed as a sofa. But she had thepresence of mind to close it in the twinkling of an eye; and having doneso, said, though not without confusion, "Oh yes, Mr. Pecksniff, you cancome in if you please."
"How are we to-day," said Mr. Pecksniff, jocosely; "and what are ourplans? Are we ready to go and see Tom Pinch's sister? Ha, ha, ha! PoorThomas Pinch!"
"Are we ready," returned Mrs. Todgers, nodding her head in a mysteriousmanner, "to send a favorable reply to Mr. Jinkins' round-robin?[D]That's the first question, Mr. Pecksniff."
"Why Mr. Jinkins' robin, my dear madam?" asked Mr. Pecksniff, puttingone arm round Mercy and the other round Mrs. Todgers, whom he seemed forthe moment, to mistake for Charity. "Why Mr. Jinkins'?"
"Because he began to get it up, and indeed always takes the lead in thehouse," said Mrs. Todgers, playfully. "That's why, sir."
"Jinkins is a man of superior talents," observed Mr. Pecksniff. "I haveformed a great regard for Jinkins. I take Jinkins' desire to pay politeattention to my daughters as an additional proof of the friendlyfeelings of Jinkins, Mrs. Todgers."
"Well now," returned the lady, "having said so much, you must say therest, Mr. Pecksniff: so tell the dear young ladies all about it."
With these words, she gently drew away from Mr. Pecksniff's grasp, andtook Miss Charity into her own embrace; though whether she was led tothis act solely by the affection she had conceived for that young lady,or whether it had any reference to a lowering, not to say distinctlyspiteful expression which had been visible in her face for somemoments, has never been exactly ascertained. Be this as it may, Mr.Pecksniff went on to inform his daughters of the purpose and history ofthe round-robin aforesaid, which was, in brief, that the young men whohelped to make up the sum and substance of that company, calledTodgers', desired the honor of their presence at the general table solong as they remained in the house, and besought that they would gracethe board at dinner-time next day, the same being Sunday. He furthersaid that, Mrs. Todgers having consented to this invitation, he waswilling, for his part, to accept it; and so left them that he mightwrite his gracious answer, the while they armed themselves with theirbest bonnets for the utter defeat and overthrow of Miss Pinch.
Tom Pinch's sister was governess in a family, a lofty family; perhapsthe wealthiest brass and copper founder's family known to mankind. Theylived at Camberwell; in a house so big and fierce that its mere outside,like the outside of a giant's castle, struck terror into vulgar mindsand made bold persons quail. There was a great front gate, with a greatbell, whose handle was in itself a note of admiration; and a greatlodge, which, being close to the house, rather spoiled the look-outcertainly, but made the look-in tremendous. At this entry, a greatporter kept constant watch and ward; and when he gave the visitor highleave to pass, he rang a second great bell, answering to whose notes agreat footman appeared in due time at the great hall-door with suchgreat tags upon his liveried shoulders that he was perpetuallyentangling and hooking himself among the chairs and tables and led alife of torment which could scarcely have been surpassed if he had beena blue-bottle in a world of cobwebs.
To this mansion, Mr. Pecksniff, accompanied by his daughters and Mrs.Todgers, drove gallantly in a one-horse fly. The foregoing ceremonieshaving been all performed, they were ushered into the house, and so, bydegrees, they got at last into a small room with books in it, where Mr.Pinch's sister was at that moment instructing her eldest pupil: to wit,a little woman thirteen years old, who had already arrived at such apitch of whalebone and education that she had nothing girlish about her;which was a source of great rejoicing to all her relations and friends.
"Visitors for Miss Pinch!" said the footman. He must have been aningenious young man, for he said it very cleverly; with a nicedistinction in his manner between the cold respect with which he wouldhave announced visitors to the family and the warm personal interestwith which he would have announced visitors to the cook.
"Visitors for Miss Pinch!"
Miss Pinch rose hastily with such tokens of agitation as plainlydeclared that her list of callers was not numerous. At the same time,the little pupil became alarmingly upright, and prepared herself to takenotice of all that might be said and done. For the lady of theestablishment was curious in the natural history and habits of theanimal called Governess, and encouraged her daughters to report thereonwhenever occasion served; which was, in reference to all partiesconcerned, very proper, improving, and pleasant.
It is a melancholy fact, but it must be related, that Mr. Pinch's sisterwas not at all ugly. On the contrary, she had a good face--a very mildand friendly face; and a pretty little figure--slight and short, butremarkable for its neatness. There was something of her brother, much ofhim indeed, in a certain gentleness of manner, and in her look of timidtruthfulness; but she was so far from being a fright, or a dowdy, or ahorror, or anything else predicted by the two Misses Pecksniff, thatthose young ladies naturally regarded her with great indignation,feeling that this was by no means what they had come to see.
Miss Mercy, as having the larger share of gayety, bore up the bestagainst this disappointment, and carried it off, in outward show atleast, with a titter; but her sister, not caring to hide her disdain,expressed it pretty openly in her looks. As to Mrs. Todgers, she leanedon Mr. Pecksniff's arm and preserved a kind of genteel grimness,suitable to any state of mind, and involving any shade of opinion.
"Don't be alarmed, Miss Pinch," said Mr. Pecksniff, taking her handcondescendingly in one of his, and patting it with the other. "I havecalled to see you, in pursuance of a promise given to your brother,Thomas Pinch. My name--compose yourself, Miss Pinch--is Pecksniff."
The good man spoke these words as though he would have said, "You see inme, young person, the friend of your race; the patron of your house; thepreserver of your brother, who is fed with manna daily from my table;and in right of whom there is a considerable balance in my favor atpresent standing in the books beyond the sky. But I have no pride, for Ican afford to do without it!"
The poor girl felt it all as if it had been Gospel Truth. Her brother,writing in the fullness of his simple heart, had often told her so, andhow much more! As Mr. Pecksniff ceased to speak, she hung her head, anddropped a tear upon his hand.
"Oh, very well, Miss Pinch!" thought the sharp pupil, "crying beforestrangers as if you didn't like the situation!"
"Thomas is well," said Mr. Pecksniff; "and sends his love and thisletter. I cannot say, poor fellow, that he will ever become great in ourprofess
ion; but he has the will to do well, which is the next thing tohaving the power; and, therefore, we must bear with him. Eh?"
"I know he has the will, sir," said Tom Pinch's sister, "and I know howkindly and thoughtfully you cherish it, for which neither he nor I canever be grateful enough, as we often say in writing to each other. Theyoung ladies, too," she added, glancing gratefully at his two daughters."I know how much we owe to them."
"My dears," said Mr. Pecksniff, turning to them with a smile: "Thomas'sister is saying something you will be glad to hear, I think."
"We can't take any merit to ourselves, papa!" cried Cherry, as they bothshowed Tom Pinch's sister, with a courtesy, that they would feel obligedif she would keep her distance. "Mr. Pinch's being so well provided foris owing to you alone, and we can only say how glad we are to hear thathe is as grateful as he ought to be."
"Oh, very well, Miss Pinch!" thought the pupil again. "Got a gratefulbrother, living on other people's kindness!"
"It was very kind of you," said Tom Pinch's sister, with Tom's ownsimplicity and Tom's own smile, "to come here--very kind indeed: thoughhow great a kindness you have done me in gratifying my wish to see you,and to thank you with my own lips, you, who make so light of benefitsconferred, can scarcely think."
"Very grateful; very pleasant; very proper;" murmured Mr. Pecksniff.
"It makes me happy too," said Ruth Pinch, who, now that her firstsurprise was over, had a chatty, cheerful way with her, and asingle-hearted desire to look upon the best side of everything, whichwas the very moral and image of Tom; "very happy to think that you willbe able to tell him how more than comfortably I am situated here, andhow unnecessary it is that he should ever waste a regret on my beingcast upon my own resources. Dear me! So long as I heard that he washappy and he heard that I was," said Tom's sister, "we could both bear,without one impatient or complaining thought, a great deal more thanever we have had to endure, I am certain." And if ever the plain truthwere spoken on this occasionally false earth, Tom's sister spoke it whenshe said that.
"Ah!" cried Mr. Pecksniff, whose eyes had in the meantime wandered tothe pupil; "certainly. And how do _you_ do, my very interesting child?"
"Quite well, I thank you, sir," replied that frosty innocent.
"A sweet face this, my dears," said Mr. Pecksniff, turning to hisdaughters. "A charming manner!"
Both young ladies had been in delight with the child of a wealthy house(through whom the nearest road and shortest cut to her parents might besupposed to lie) from the first. Mrs. Todgers vowed that anythingone-quarter so angelic she had never seen. "She wanted but a pair ofwings, a dear," said that good woman, "to be a young syrup"--meaning,possibly, young sylph or seraph.
"If you will give that to your distinguished parents, my amiable littlefriend," said Mr. Pecksniff, producing one of his professional cards,"and will say that I and my daughters----"
"And Mrs. Todgers, pa," said Mercy.
"And Mrs. Todgers, of London," added Mr. Pecksniff, "that I, and mydaughters, and Mrs. Todgers, of London, did not intrude upon them, asour object simply was to take some notice of Miss Pinch, whose brotheris a young man in my employment; but that I could not leave this verynoble mansion without adding my humble tribute, as an architect, to thecorrectness and elegance of the owner's taste, and to his justappreciation of that beautiful art, to the cultivation of which I havedevoted a life, and to the promotion of whose glory and advancement Ihave sacrificed a--a fortune--I shall be very much obliged to you."
"Missis' compliments to Miss Pinch," said the footman, suddenlyappearing and speaking in exactly the same key as before, "and begs toknow wot my young lady is a-learning of just now."
"Oh!" said Mr. Pecksniff, "here is the young man. _He_ will take thecard. With my compliments, if you please, young man. My dears, we areinterrupting the studies. Let us go."
One evening, following the visit to Miss Pinch, there was a great bustleat Todgers', partly owing to some additional domestic preparations forthe morrow and partly to the excitement always arising in that housefrom Saturday night, when every gentleman's linen arrived at a differenthour in his own little bundle, with his private account pinned on theoutside. Shrill quarrels from time to time arose between Mrs. Todgersand the girls in remote back kitchens; and sounds were occasionallyheard, indicative of small articles of ironmongery and hardware beingthrown at the boy. It was the custom of that youth on Saturdays to rollup his shirt sleeves to his shoulders, and pervade all parts of thehouse in an apron of coarse green baize; moreover, he was more stronglytempted on Saturdays than on other days (it being a busy time) to makebolts into the neighboring alleys when he answered the door, and thereto play at leap-frog and other sports with vagrant lads, until pursuedand brought back by the hair of his head or the lobe of his ear; thus,he was quite a conspicuous feature among the peculiar incidents of thelast day in the week at Todgers'.
He was especially so on this particular Saturday evening, and honoredthe Misses Pecksniff with a deal of notice; seldom passing the door ofMrs. Todgers' private room, where they sat alone before the fire,without putting in his head and greeting them with some such complimentsas, "There you are again!" "Ain't it nice?"--and similar humorousattentions.
"I say," he whispered, stopping in one of his journeys to and fro,"young ladies, there's soup to-morrow. She's a-making it now. Ain't shea-putting in the water? Oh! not at all neither!"
In the course of answering another knock, he thrust in his head again:
"I say--there's fowls to-morrow. Not skinny ones. Oh no!"
Presently he called through the keyhole:
"There's a fish to-morrow--just come. Don't eat none of him!" and withthis spectral warning vanished again.
By-and-by, he returned to lay the cloth for supper. He entertained themon this occasion by thrusting the lighted candle into his mouth, afterthe performance of which feat, he went on with his professional duties;brightening every knife as he laid it on the table, by breathing on theblade and afterwards polishing the same on the apron already mentioned.When he had completed his preparations, he grinned at the sisters, andexpressed his belief that the approaching meal would be of "rather aspicy sort."
"Will it be long before it's ready, Bailey?" asked Mercy.
"No," said Bailey, "it _is_ cooked. When I come up she was dodging amongthe tender pieces with a fork, and eating of 'em."
But he had scarcely achieved the utterance of these words, when hereceived a sudden blow on the head, which sent him staggering againstthe wall; and Mrs. Todgers, dish in hand, stood indignantly before him.
"Oh you little villain!" said that lady. "Oh you bad, false boy!"
"No worse than yerself," retorted Bailey, guarding his head with hisarm. "Ah! Come now! Do that agin, will yer!"
"He's the most dreadful child," said Mrs. Todgers, setting down thedish, "I ever had to deal with. The gentlemen spoil him to that extent,and teach him such things, that I'm afraid nothing but hanging will everdo him any good."
"Won't it!" cried Bailey. "Oh! Yes! Wot do you go a-lowerin' thetable-beer for, then, and destroying my constitooshun?"
"Go down-stairs, you vicious boy!" said Mrs. Todgers, holding the dooropen. "Do you hear me? Go along!"
After two or three skilful dodges he went, and was seen no more thatnight, save once, when he brought up some tumblers and hot water, andmuch disturbed the two Misses Pecksniff by squinting hideously behindthe back of the unconscious Mrs. Todgers. Having done this justice tohis wounded feelings, he retired under-ground; where, in company with aswarm of black beetles and a kitchen candle, he employed himself incleaning boots and brushing clothes until the night was far advanced.
Benjamin was supposed to be the real name of this young servant, but hewas known by a great variety of names. Benjamin, for instance, had beenconverted into Uncle Ben, and that again had been corrupted into Uncle.The gentlemen at Todgers' had a merry habit, too, of bestowing upon him,for the time being, the name of any notorious criminal or minister; a
ndsometimes, when current events were flat, they even sought the pages ofhistory for these distinctions; as Mr. Pitt, Young Brownrigg, and thelike. At the period of which we write, he was generally known among thegentlemen as Bailey junior; a name bestowed upon him incontradistinction, perhaps, to the Old Bailey prison; and possibly asinvolving the recollection of an unfortunate lady of the same name, whoperished by her own hand early in life, and has been made famous in asong.
The usual Sunday dinner-hour at Todgers' was two o'clock--a suitabletime, it was considered, for all parties; convenient to Mrs. Todgers, onaccount of the baker's; and convenient to the gentlemen, with referenceto their afternoon engagements. But on the Sunday which was to introducethe two Misses Pecksniff to a full knowledge of Todgers' and itssociety, the dinner was postponed until five, in order that everythingmight be as genteel as the occasion demanded.
When the hour drew nigh, Bailey junior, testifying great excitement,appeared in a complete suit of cast-off clothes several sizes too largefor him, and, in particular, mounted a clean shirt of such extraordinarymagnitude that one of the gentlemen (remarkable for his ready wit)called him "collars" on the spot. At about a quarter before five adeputation, consisting of Mr. Jinkins and another gentleman whose namewas Gander, knocked at the door of Mrs. Todgers' room, and, beingformally introduced to the two Misses Pecksniff by their parent, who wasin waiting, besought the honor of showing them up-stairs.
Here the gentlemen were all assembled. There was a general cry of "Hear,hear!" and "Bravo, Jink!" when Mr. Jinkins appeared with Charity on hisarm: which became quite rapturous as Mr. Gander followed, escortingMercy, and Mr. Pecksniff brought up the rear with Mrs. Todgers.
"The wittles is up!"
FOOTNOTE:
[D] A "round-robin" is a letter signed by all the people of a company,with the names written in a circle around the letter so that no namewill be first or last.