My blood began to run fast and hot through my body. Vanessa Dowd was a real piece of work. I turned to Rebecca and shook my head before turning back to her mum.
'Mrs Dowd, I delivered the package for a friend, not McAuley. I didn't know what was in the parcel and it was the one and only delivery I made. Afterwards McAuley paid me three hundred pounds. I gave every penny away.'
I could feel Rebecca's eyes burning into me. I turned to face her, one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do.
'Y-you work for McAuley?' she asked. 'Ross . . . Ross was a friend of mine and you work for McAuley? How could you?'
Don't, Rebecca. Don't lump me in with all the other guys who lied to you and used you. I'm not like that . . .
Except that I am.
'No, I don't work for him. I did that one delivery and that was it,' I tried to explain. 'After the business with Ross Resnick and especially what he did to my sister, I made it clear I wanted nothing more to do with McAuley and I went looking for another way of making some money. That's when I started working at TFTM.'
And those were all true events – they just didn't happen with the motivation I'd implied. Rebecca drew away from me. It was only a slight movement, but it was enough. I looked from her to Mrs Dowd and back again. Nodding briefly, I stood up. Thank you and goodnight.
'I'm sorry you don't believe me, Rebecca. I've told you the truth, but I guess you have no way of knowing that.'
I turned back to Mrs Dowd. She watched me, a tiny smile of satisfaction on her face. She was slicker than Gideon, that was for sure. Where he used a sledgehammer, she used a razor-sharp stiletto. In a way I admired her. Here was an object lesson in how to get a job done.
'What . . . what did McAuley do to your sister?' asked Rebecca.
'Thanks to McAuley and one of my so-called friends, my sister Jessica is now doing heroin,' I said, adding bitterly, 'I have a lot to thank McAuley for.'
I looked around. Owen was off the phone and I had everyone's full attention.
'Tobey, I haven't figured out yet what your game is,' said Gideon. 'But don't worry, I will.'
'There's no game, no nefarious plans, no cards up my sleeve,' I told him. Gideon Dowd could sod off and die as far as I was concerned. I took a deep breath. 'It was nice meeting all of you,' I said, my tone implying the exact opposite. 'If you don't mind, I'll phone for a taxi and wait outside until it arrives.'
I started for the door.
'Tobey, have a seat,' ordered Mrs Dowd.
Like McAuley, she didn't need to shout. I stood for a moment or two, seriously thinking about defying her. But then I sat down again next to Rebecca, who didn't move away. What was going to happen now?
'Rebecca?' her mum prompted. 'Is your guest staying for dinner or not?'
I looked at Rebecca steadily. To look away would've been to appear worse than guilty.
'Would you like to stay?' she asked at last.
'Only if that's what you want,' I said.
'Then stay.'
'Very touching, I'm sure, but the blanker obviously can't be trusted,' said Gideon. 'And he worked for McAuley for goodness' sake. For all any of us know, he still does. Am I the only one in the room with any sense?'
'I worked for McAuley – past tense,' I said. 'And it was once and only once.'
'So you say,' Gideon dismissed.
'It's the truth.'
'Are you arguing with me?' he asked through narrowed eyes.
'Yes, I am,' I replied.
To my surprise, Mrs Dowd burst out laughing. 'Good for you, Tobey,' she approved.
Which was the last thing I'd expected from her. What on earth . . . ? I glanced at Gideon. His expression was very eloquent. If he could've punched through my chest and ripped out my heart to hand it, still beating, back to me, he would've done so – in a hot big city second.
'Mrs Dowd, dinner is served,' said a Cross man in a dark suit who seemed to appear from nowhere.
Who was this guy? He couldn't be a butler. I mean, Godsake! Who had a butler in this day and age? Ah! Apparently the Dowds did.
'Mum, I need to freshen up,' said Rebecca.
She looked fresh enough to me.
'Good idea. I'll join you,' said Vanessa Dowd. 'Morton, we'll be right there.'
'Yes, Mrs Dowd.' The butler headed out of the room, followed by Rebecca and her mum.
After giving me a filthy look, Gideon followed them. I stood up, unsure what I should do. I went to follow them, hoping to stumble across the dining room some time before morning but Owen blocked my way.
'Tobey, we need to talk,' he said.
Owen looked around to make sure we were truly alone, then he handed me a folded slip of paper. Frowning, I opened it and quickly read. I stared at him, completely shocked.
'Is this for real?'
Owen nodded. 'I had that amount deposited in Byron's account, just as you suggested. This had better work, Tobey. That's a lot of my money sitting in that blanker's account.'
Owen was such a tosser. He was talking to a Nought, but thought nothing of insulting us Noughts to my face. I looked down at the confirmation slip in my hand. Owen had transferred a mind-boggling amount of money to Byron's account, far more than I'd suggested.
'It'll work.' I nodded. 'Besides, you got McAuley's first shipment, didn't you? So that's your money back, plus interest.'
'I didn't get the shipment,' Owen dismissed. 'My brother did.'
'But you're poised to take over McAuley's entire operation,' I reminded him. 'And think how much money you'll make then.'
'I shall enjoy being out from under Gideon's shadow,' mused Owen. 'I have quite a few ideas of my own . . .'
I just bet he did.
Owen emerged from his reverie to tell me, 'I must admit, when you first came to me with this scheme, I thought you were either barking or a genius.'
'The jury's still out on that one,' I said, handing back the confirmation slip.
Owen smiled. 'Oh, before I forget, I need the name of a straight career copper. Not a PC Plod, but not anyone too high up who'll be more interested in covering things up either.'
Surely he'd know more of the coppers in Meadowview than I did? Why was he asking me?
'It can't be anyone even vaguely connected with me. It can't be anyone I know,' explained Owen, taking another swift look around to ensure we were still alone. 'I've got to play this smart. Gideon is gonna go down and if Ma suspects I had a hand in bringing down her favourite son, I'm as good as dead.'
Happy families.
'I think Detective Inspector Boothe at Meadowview police station is straight,' I ventured.
'You're sure?'
'As sure as I can be. But it's not guaranteed.'
'DI Boothe, eh? Never heard of him, so he'll do.'
What was Owen planning? At that moment, I thanked God that I wasn't his brother.
'I like you, Tobey.' Owen grinned at me. 'I knew you and I could do business.'
'How did you know?' I couldn't help asking.
'Because I recognized you for who and what you are at once,' he replied.
'And what's that?'
'My mirror image.'
Inside my body, every drop of blood lost its heat. That was a damned lie. There was no way I was Owen's mirror image.
'I hear another shipment of McAuley's got . . . shall we say, diverted?' said Owen.
'Yeah, I heard that too,' I said. 'Something about the police getting it?'
'What a shame I didn't get to hear about it first,' said Owen, his eyes never leaving mine.
'Yeah, it is,' I agreed.
'You only got details of the one shipment in the file you retrieved from McAuley's memory key?'
'That's right,' I said. 'And I gave you all the information I had. Maybe the police bugged McAuley's house.'
'Maybe they did,' said Owen.
Silence.
'May I ask you something?' I began.
'Go ahead.'
'How did your family find out I delivered
that package to Louise Resnick?' I asked.
Owen allowed himself a tiny smile. 'Whatever McAuley knows, sooner rather than later it finds its way to us as well.'
'Oh, I see.' That confirmed it. Someone in McAuley's employ was working for the Dowds. That question was answered. Wasn't there anyone in this whole crummy little world who could be trusted?
'So is that how you knew where and when to send your men on the day of the Wasteland shooting?' I asked. 'One of McAuley's men told you beforehand what he was planning?'
'It might've been,' said Owen. 'Tobey, I don't like a lot of questions.'
I had to bite back my response to that one.
'Fair enough. What are we talking about?'
Owen looked puzzled.
'We're not with the others. You obviously kept me here to talk about something,' I said. 'Rebecca or your mum might want to know what.'
Owen studied me carefully before he said, 'Tell them I warned you that if you're lying and you really are working for McAuley, I will kill you myself.'
Silence.
Owen suddenly smiled and my blood ran like icy slush. He said, 'Now let's go eat.'
sixty-one
Dinner with the Dowds was excruciating. Owen completely ignored me. Rebecca was very quiet, only speaking when spoken to. Gideon spent the entire time either on his mobile or directing snide remarks my way. Only Vanessa Dowd seemed to be completely at ease and enjoying herself. The food reflected the ambience around the table. Shark's-fin soup was the starter, followed by the rarest steak I'd ever had. The thing was so rare I'm surprised it didn't moo on my plate. No one bothered to ask me how I wanted it cooked – I was definitely a welldone kind of guy. But I wasn't about to complain.
Rebecca's mother watched with amused interest as I chewed my first bloody mouthful. 'Tobey, I'm afraid it's one of the things I insist upon,' she said. 'Steak should be eaten very rare, otherwise it's ruined.'
'Rebecca, you like your meat rare too, don't you?' Gideon said pointedly, looking from Rebecca to me and back again.
Tosser.
'I'm a vegetarian, Gideon – as you very well know,' Rebecca replied.
I chewed on another mouthful. The steak was served with matchstick-thin chips and assorted vegetables. I cleared my plate. The dessert was lemon tart served with lime sorbet. It was foul, bitter and nasty. But I ate all of that too.
After dinner, Rebecca barely said five sentences to me. I gave it half an hour, but when she still wouldn't talk to me I decided I'd truly outstayed my welcome. I was quite prepared to phone for a taxi, but Rebecca insisted on driving me home. All the way home, she'd only speak to me when spoken to, so we quickly lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. Doubt had raised its ugly head and Rebecca was backing away from me.
As we pulled up outside my house, I tried one last time to get her to talk to me properly.
'Rebecca, would you like to come in and meet my mum and sister?' I asked.
She looked surprised, then pleased, but the light in her eyes soon faded. 'No, I . . . No, thanks. Better not.'
I sighed. 'Look, Rebecca, I never lied to you.'
'You never told me the truth either,' she replied. 'And you promised me, Tobey. Look, I have to go home. Mum's orders.'
'Can we meet up tomorrow? We need to talk.'
Rebecca started to shake her head.
'Please. I need to talk to you.'
'All right then,' she said reluctantly. 'When and where?'
'How about tomorrow outside Los Amigos at seven?'
'I'm not sure I want a meal.'
With me.
'Well, we can meet there and find a coffee shop nearby.'
'OK. I'll see you at seven.' At least it wasn't a straight-out no. Rebecca drove off the moment I was clear of her car.
I was getting the chilly treatment and, to be honest, I didn't blame her. I should've told her up front about McAuley. I'd thought about it, I really had, but had decided it would look too much like I was just trying to manipulate her. Big mistake.
I entered my house and went straight up to my room. Sitting on my bed, I thought through everything that had happened since Callie was injured. Before then, my life had seemed so neatly stitched together. It scared me just how easily everything fell to pieces.
There was a knock at my door. Before I could answer, Jessica walked into my room. Her typically unruly, spiked hair lay un-gelled and tamed in a pixie cut framing her face. And for once she wasn't wearing make-up. She smiled at me, albeit hesitantly. I was instantly on my guard.
'Have you come to get me into more trouble with Mum?' I asked with belligerence.
'Don't be like that . . .'
Was she serious?
'Jessica, what d'you want?'
'I want us back to the way we used to be,' she said.
'Then tell Mum the truth,' I replied.
Jessica looked me in the eye. 'I did. At least, part of it.'
'Jess, I'm not the one in this family who's into drugs,' I pointed out.
'No, you're just into money,' she said. 'And it's all right for you, 'cause you're smart. You have a real chance to make some and get out of this place. What're the rest of us supposed to do, Tobey?'
'I don't know. But you'll never find the answer in waxed paper wrappers.'
'I'm not looking for the answer.'
'Then what are you looking for?'
'A way to not mind so much about the question.'
'Jessica, that stuff will stop you minding about anything, except more junk,' I said.
'I know.'
'Then please stop taking it.'
'It's that easy, is it?'
'No. But Mum and I are here to help you.'
'I'll think about it.'
So much for that then. 'D'you want me to tell Mum for you?'
Jessica's eyes narrowed. 'Is that a threat?'
'No,' I said, exasperated. 'I'm trying to help. Can't you see that?'
'No, I can't,' said Jessica. 'You only want to help me your way, not my way.'
What was she on about? I really wasn't in the mood for a big argument so I let it slide.
I sighed. 'Are you still using?'
At first I thought she wasn't going to answer. 'Tobey,' she said at last, 'I'm not one of your maths problems. OK?'
'Meaning?'
'Meaning not every problem has a solution.'
'I know that.'
'No, you don't. That's the trouble. In your world A plus B equals C. It works for maths so you expect it to work for people too.'
'That's not true.'
'Isn't it?' asked Jessica. 'You assume you've got me all figured out. I bet you even think you know why I started on smack in the first place.'
'I thought maybe it had something to do with your course at college,' I admitted.
'You think I'm going to fail?'
I shrugged. It seemed logical.
'Tobey, I did my exam and submitted enough coursework to scrape a pass. My marks won't be setting any college records, but I did pass,' Jessica told me. 'So what does that do to your theory now?'
'All right then. Tell me why you started taking that stuff,' I challenged.
Sadly, she shook her head. 'Tobey, I did just tell you.'
'I don't understand.'
'I know,' said Jessica. 'And you never will until you experience the one thing that drunks and druggies and all the miserable, lonely, unhappy people in this world share.'
'And what's that?' I asked.
'Work it out.'
And she was gone.
sixty-two. Callie
How can I have slept for so long? It feels like I just nodded off, like I've been out of it for a day, maybe two max. I stopped. The world didn't. Time moved on without me. So did Tobey.
Who is Rebecca?
Just a girl? His girl friend? Or his girlfriend? I thought . . . Tobey and me . . . I thought . . . But I was wrong. He has someone else now. Rebecca. And what do I have? Uncle Jude and this hospital bed. I'm trying so har
d to be glad for Tobey. I'm trying so desperately hard not to mind – or care. But though I've never met Rebecca, I hate her. I hate her for taking Tobey away from me, for being there when he needed someone.
I've woken up to find all the bad things in my life have been waiting patiently for me and all the good things have gone. Uncle Jude is out there, biding his time. I'm surprised he didn't visit me when I was unconscious and finish the job. Or maybe he wants me wide awake to fully appreciate when he takes his revenge. I still have to live with the fact that an innocent man is dead because of me. That hasn't gone away either. That fact has eaten an even bigger hole inside of me, because I'm still here, I've survived. And Robert Powers didn't. Is this karma? In the world of 'what goes around, comes around', maybe I'm getting what I deserve. I just wish someone would tell me when it'll stop hurting so much.
All I want is for Tobey to hold me tight and tell me that everything will be all right between us. Who am I trying to fool? All I want is Tobey.
But he's moved on.
And I'm stuck here.
And I've never felt so alone.
sixty-three
The following morning, me, Mum and Jess all sat down to have breakfast together again. Mum sipped at her orange juice. Jessica picked at her cereal. I stirred my coffee round and round. For once I didn't have much of an appetite. Every time I looked up, Jessica was looking at me. Should I say something to Mum? Should I try? I still hadn't worked out what my sister had been trying to tell me the night before. And I was desperate not to make things any worse.
'Mum, I lied to you about Tobey,' Jessica said unexpectedly.
Mum frowned at her. 'Pardon?'
'Tobey hasn't been dealing drugs. I only told you that because he threatened to tell you . . . to tell you that I'd been s-smoking . . . smack.'
'Jessica, please tell me you're joking,' Mum said, appalled.
Jessica bowed her head, unable to say a word.
'You've been taking drugs?' Mum whispered. 'Oh, Jessica.'
A tear followed in quick succession by a host of others fell from Jessica's eyes onto the table.
I looked from Mum to my sister, holding my breath.
'Oh, Jessica . . .' Mum got up and hugged Jess to her. Jess fell into her embrace and started to sob her heart out.