“The carriage slowed and then stopped. I could hear Yagmur telling my father he should come outside. He said they had things to discuss. My mother told him she didn’t like it. She said again that something wasn’t right. When my father went out, I heard him yelling at someone, asking whoever it was what he was doing there. Then Yagmur called for my mother to come out as well. I remember the look in her eyes. It was like she knew. I think she did know. She stood up and grabbed me by the arm immediately, hauling me to my feet. I started to complain—I didn’t understand what was going on—but she was frantic, speaking quietly but urgently into my ear. She told me not to speak—not to utter a single sound, no matter what. She made me swear to God I would be silent. The bench seat of the carriage could be lifted, and there was a storage area inside of it. My mother opened up the bench, and then she shoved me underneath, shutting the lid on top of me.
“I couldn’t hear well from inside. I remember it was hot and cramped, but I didn’t move, and I didn’t make a sound. I heard voices—that of my father, yelling, and other voices I didn’t recognize. Then I heard my mother scream my father’s name, over and over again, and I had to remind myself she wasn’t calling for me. Then I heard laughter, and for a while, she was silent. I could hear talking, more laughing and other…sounds. I didn’t know what to make of it. I could hear her voice, but it was muffled. I knew she was crying, but I think she was just trying not to make any sounds. I think…I think she just didn’t want me to hear…to hear…”
Again he stopped, and his hands covered his face.
“I heard the door of the carriage open and Dalton and Kolby’s voices. They didn’t say much, just that there was nothing of value inside, and they needed to get moving quickly. Then I heard horses riding around the carriage and then riding off. They didn’t realize I was there, you see. They hadn’t seen me get inside the carriage. They believed me to have stayed home with my ill sister.”
“I don’t know how long I stayed there. Eventually, there were no more sounds, but I still didn’t move. My mother told me to stay, and I wasn’t going anywhere until she came to get me. I could tell when the sun set because the inside of the bench became black as pitch. I just lay there, trying to be as silent as I could—trying to obey my mother’s words. I probably dozed off for a while, but sometime in the night, I heard horses again. I recognized the voice outside, but I still didn’t move. I might have just stayed in there forever, but when I heard a certain word uttered…well, I knew I should come out. It was our family’s secret word, I guess you would say. When I heard it, I knew it was safe to come out again.”
“Lord Sawyer’s head was sticking through the carriage door. He saw me as I climbed out, thanked God that I stilled lived, and then told me to stay right where I was. I kept asking for my mother—asking where she was, but he wouldn’t tell me. The next day, they finally told me my parents were both dead. It was years before I found out the rest—what they had done to her.”
I knew what he was going to say before he finally let the words escape his mouth.
“Father had been killed by sword. They told me he died quickly. But my mother…she…she had been…brutalized repeatedly before they beat her to death. She was raped and murdered by our most trusted servants while I was hiding inside the bench in the carriage. They were killed by those I had admired the most. By the time Ida and the rest of the household were retrieved and brought to Sawyer, Edgar’s army had already begun to seize Sterling lands. He could not lay claim to the castle because I still lived, and the Church wouldn’t allow it—but all the other outlying areas—Sterling Village, Wynton, Eagle, Yeager—they all fell into Hadebrand’s hands.”
Branford stared silently at his hands for several minutes. I didn’t know what I should do or say, and I was afraid to make a move.
“I don’t allow servants in these rooms on any kind of regular basis,” Branford finally said. “Ramona is allowed in here sometimes because Ida says the place will be filthy if I don’t let her. Ramona was raised here in the castle. She’s never even been off the grounds, so I let her in to clean on occasion. I validate the loyalty of every guard in our employ—most of whom come from far away, and I have hand-picked. No one who comes here asking for a job inside the castle gets one. I can’t trust that person. He could have been sent by Edgar. If even one conspirator maneuvered his way into the castle, we would all be in danger.”
I dropped my eyes from him and contemplated his words as I twisted the fingers of my hands around themselves. To be so young and exposed to such a thing was unthinkable to me. Even if it had not been his parents, he certainly would have been scarred. I could not imagine listening to the sounds of such violence and being unable to do anything about it. And then to know those that those who were deemed trustworthy were the cause…the idea was unfathomable.
“Well,” Branford said with a sigh, “that’s why I behaved the way I did last night. My family was betrayed by those closest to us, and now I find it nearly impossible to trust anyone. If I suspect betrayal, I make sure there is no way it can hurt my family. That’s why I was so angry at the carriage driver when we first arrived. It’s why I reacted the way I did last night, and it’s why I want my cousins strung up by their necks until they’re dead.”
I flinched at his words. What Lady Kimberly and Lady Nelle had done was horrible, but for Branford to speak of ending their lives so easily was frightening.
“But they are part of your family,” I said quietly.
“Not any longer,” he replied. Branford ran both of his hands through his hair. “Kimberly has had her embarrassing little tirades before but nothing like this. She must think my mother’s wishes will protect her from anything she does. Not anymore.”
“You thought our carriage driver was a traitor, too?”
“He may be,” Branford said. He dropped his hands and looked back out the window, but I didn’t think he could see anything but sky from his angle. “I know I can seem ruthless, but I do have my reasons. Four times we have confirmed spies here in Silverhelm though we could not prove they came from Hadebrand. Two had managed to weasel their way into our outer guard while the others were posing as merchants. They never actually got inside the castle, but there are those out there who want to bring the Sterling family down, just as they did the Monroes—my mother’s family. They were all but wiped out, and her family lands were taken, but I will not allow that to happen to the Sterlings. I won’t allow that to happen to Silverhelm.”
Branford turned back and finally looked at me again.
“I don’t tolerate any disloyalty, Alexandra,” he said. “Perhaps there had been signs of it in the guards who killed my parents, and perhaps the signs were ignored because the guards were considered friends. I won’t make the same mistake. In keeping that pledge, I have been known to…to overreact.”
“I would not betray you, Branford,” I said quietly.
“I don’t think you would, my wife,” Branford said, but his tone was so melancholy, I wasn’t sure if I could trust his words. “That is why I chose a wife in the manner I did—randomly and without any way for someone to predict. It’s just…I never really know. No one can know with absolute certainty, can they? Unless you are able to read a person’s thoughts, you can never know for sure.”
“What about your sister,” I asked, “or King Camden or Sir Parnell?”
“I trust them,” Branford said slowly. “As much as I can trust anyone. I know them so well—their habits, their likes and dislikes—it seems I can almost read their minds. Of course, I also knew Kimberly was angry with me when I told her I could no longer…well, spend time with her. Still, I never thought she would come here to my rooms and…”
Branford stopped and growled low in his chest. He stood, his hands clenched into fists, and I cringed back into my chair, unsure of what he would do.
“I want her to die for what she did to you,” Branford said, “but I can’t do that. My mother—she promised her sister we would care for t
hem. Kimberly will be punished, but as my sister pointed out to me, I can’t take her life without dishonoring my mother.”
“I understand, Branford,” I said. Truly, I was somewhat relieved. Already the court could not possibly think well of me, and if I were to be considered responsible for the deaths of two of their own…well, it certainly would not improve my position.
“I won’t allow Kimberly or Nelle to upset you again,” he said, his tone now soft. He marched the two steps it took to reach me. He cupped my chin and tilted my head upward until I met his glorious, green, hesitant eyes. His voice dropped to a whisper. “I promise.”
I nodded and looked off to the side at nothing in particular. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say to him. On one level, I knew he was sincere, and he truly meant every word he said. On another, he could change his mind. He could decide his relations were ultimately more important than I. He could even decide, based on some arbitrary whim, that I was not loyal and order my death.
“I know,” Branford said. He dropped his hand, turned away from me and walked back to the window. He leaned against the sill and looked out over the castle grounds.
“What do you know, my…Branford?”
“I know my promises are meaningless to you,” he said simply. He folded his arms and dropped his chin on them as he stared out into the forest. “I’m used to my word meaning something, but apparently that isn’t the case here.”
I had no idea if I really believed him or not. I felt strangely empty…hollow, even. It wasn’t that I thought he was intentionally lying to me. I just didn’t know if he could keep his promises forever.
“I…I know you mean…” I tried to speak but was quite glad when Branford interrupted, for I had no idea what words were to come from my mouth next.
“Maybe it’s best to talk of something else?” Branford suggested.
“What shall we talk about?”
“I’m not sure,” Branford said. “I want to know you, and I want you to know me, but I’m not sure where to begin. Tell me about living in Hadebrand.”
“There isn’t much to tell,” I said. I could feel heat rising to my face as his bright green eyes stared through me. “I helped Princess Whitney dress in the mornings and evenings. I cooked for her when she was ill, and she didn’t like what the kitchen servants had made. She could be very picky about what she wanted to eat even when she was in good health.”
“I bet she was.” Branford snickered. “What did you do for enjoyment?”
“Enjoyment?”
“Yes. When you didn’t have any duties to perform, what did you do then?”
“I’m not sure I understand,” I replied. “If Princess Whitney didn’t require anything right away or if she was traveling, I did the mending and cleaned. There were always duties to perform.”
“Did they give you no time to yourself at all?” Branford asked, his tone of voice making it obvious he was disgusted.
“At night,” I said softly, “when Princess Whitney had gone to sleep and no one else needed anything.”
“They treated you like a slave.” Branford growled.
“Is there some difference between a servant and a slave?” I asked before I realized the words were out of my mouth. I bit my lower lip and looked at the ground. Branford turned from the window and stared at me.
“You have some teeth, woman,” he said, but his voice did not sound angry, so I glanced up to his face and was met with his half smile. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Could you have left King Edgar’s employ?”
“And go where?” I asked. “I have no family, and I would have to find a way of supporting myself.”
“But you would have been allowed to leave,” Branford said. “No one would have stopped you if you decided to walk out the castle gates never to return. You could have given yourself to God at the abbey or found a way to travel to another village.”
“I supposed I could have.”
“Then you know the difference between a servant and a slave.” Branford turned around and placed his hands behind his back, against the windowsill, then leaned against them. “You have as many choices as any of us do. When we say we have no choice, it’s just our way of saying we have already chosen our path. There are always choices.”
“I’ve always been at the mercy of others,” I said. “If I had been a princess when you chose me—”
“Who do princesses usually end up marrying?” Branford interrupted again. “Do you think they have any more choice in the matter than you did? I at least gave you the opportunity to refuse if you so desired. Do you think the princesses of the realms have that luxury? Their fathers choose some man based on his political influence, not the man’s concern for his daughter. Edgar was ready to marry Whitney off to me, and I hate her. That whore threw herself at me after a tournament at Sawyer Castle. I won, I was celebrating, and I was quite drunk. She helped me back to the inn where I was staying, and then I helped her out of her clothes. In the morning she told me I would have to marry her, and I laughed.”
“Why did you laugh?” I asked, for it seemed a logical assumption on the princess’s part.
“Because, Alexandra,” Branford said. “Because I am free. I am a noble, and I am a man. I can do whatever the hell I want. I can take God’s name in vain. I can kill on a whim, and I can sleep with any woman I choose. The Church will offer me forgiveness, and no one will consider me any the less because of it. The most I will ever have to put up with is the ire of my king and queen, which is not to be taken lightly. Whitney is a fool. Not only did she give her virginity to me, she’d made it clear she was trying to trap me into a wedding. As if I would let someone so close to my enemy into my household.”
Branford turned toward me, his eyes blazing but not in the same way they had when he touched me the day before. There was anger and hatred in them but also that quiet, desperate sorrow I had seen before.
“Do you see?” Branford asked. He walked back to me and held the sides of my face. He was gentle—his fingertips just barely pressing into my skin—and I had no fear of his actions, even as his eyes burned into me. “Do you see why I couldn't marry her? Even when Camden told me to? I couldn't. I wouldn't be wed to the daughter of the man who killed my parents. Do you understand, Alexandra? Please, please understand. I couldn't do it. I couldn't.”
“I understand,” I said. His eyes closed and he rested his forehead against mine.
“Do you really?” Branford asked. His tone was abruptly cold again. “Do you really understand, or are you just saying it because you think that's what I want from you?”
I didn't know how to answer, and I could not help but feel a cold chill run up my spine at his harsh tone directed at me.
“Please, don’t look like that,” Branford said in a soft, no longer chilling voice. “I wasn’t trying to frighten you…I just want to hear the truth. You are so apt at hiding what you feel inside, I’m never quite sure if you mean what you say.”
“Do you believe King Edgar really ordered the murder of your parents?”
“Yes,” he said without hesitation.
“Then I understand,” I told him, trying to keep my voice as firm as I could manage. Branford’s eyes looked into mine for a moment, and then he nodded his head.
“Thank you,” he said. “I want you to always speak what you truly think and believe when we are here alone.”
“But not when we are in the company of others?” I asked for clarification. Branford scowled a moment.
“I would not want you to contradict me in front of others, no,” he said. “As long as that is not your intent, you should be able to speak freely most of the time. If there are others above your station, which is now restricted only to immediate royalty—kings and queens, princes and princesses by birth, not marriage—their word takes precedence. Otherwise, your word is as good as theirs.”
“But you don’t speak of these things in front of others, do you? You don’t talk of the…betrayal of your family or of war with
Hadebrand.”
“No, definitely not.” Branford’s voice was harsh and dark. “Speaking of it could alert them to my plans. Edgar killed my parents. I may not be able to prove it, but I know it in my heart. He may not have done the deed with his hands, but he was still behind it. He wanted our lands—took most of them, too. Only by the will of the Church do I still have rights to Sterling Castle itself, but many of the lands around it are now Edgar’s.”
“That’s why you chose me as a wife—to anger Edgar into war.”
At first, I simply nodded to myself, and then I stopped breathing as I realized the words had actually exited my mouth. I hadn’t meant to say it—not out loud.
“Why did you say that, Alexandra? Sunniva did not speak of those details.”
There was no way around it now. If we were truly beginning again, I would have to confess my indiscretion and hope he would have mercy on me. I again remembered the carriage driver begging for leniency where there was none to be had. I glanced up at Branford, and he stood above me with his head tilted slightly and one eyebrow arched upwards.
“I heard you talking to Sir Parnell,” I finally said quietly. “I wasn’t asleep, and I heard what you said. I planned to tell you. I didn’t mean to overhear; I just wasn’t quite asleep.”
I closed my eyes and braced myself for whatever his reaction might be. For a long moment, the room was silent. Finally, Branford spoke quietly.
“What did you hear?”
“Everything, my…Branford.”
He was silent for some time.
“You seem to have a habit of listening to conversation not meant for your ears,” Branford said. I couldn’t tell from his tone if he was angry or not. “What else have you heard that I don’t know about?”
“Nothing, my lord,” I said quietly. “I never meant to keep it a secret. I meant to tell you all of it, I swear.”
“It doesn’t matter, Alexandra,” Branford said. “It seems I have nothing to hide from you anyway.”
“I’m sorry, my lord.”