"Just ask for guidance," said Adam One. "Do an overnight Vigil. Pray for the strength to face your doubts and fears. I feel confident that a positive answer will be provided to you. You have gifts that should not be wasted. We would all welcome you as an Eve among us, I can assure you."
"All right," said Toby. "I can do that." For every Yes, she thought, there is also a No.
Pilar was the keeper of the Vigil materials and the other Gardener out-of-body voyaging substances. Toby hadn't spoken with her for several days because of her illness -- a stomach virus, it was said. But in their conversation Adam One hadn't mentioned anything about this illness, so maybe Pilar was well again. Those bugs never lasted more than a week.
Toby sought out Pilar's tiny cubicle at the back of the building. Pilar was lying propped up on her futon; a beeswax candle flickered in a tin can on the floor beside her. The air was close, and smelled of vomit. But the bowl beside Pilar was empty, and clean.
"Dear Toby," said Pilar. "Come and sit beside me." Her little face was more like a walnut than ever, though her skin was pale, or as pale as brown skin could get. Greyish. Muddy.
"Are you feeling better?" said Toby, taking Pilar's sinewy claw in both of her own hands.
"Oh yes. Much better," said Pilar, smiling sweetly. Her voice was not strong.
"What was it?"
"I ate something that disagreed with me," said Pilar. "Now, what can I do for you?"
"I wanted to make sure you were all right," said Toby, who'd just discovered that this was true. Pilar looked so wan, so depleted. She recognized fear in herself: what if Pilar -- who'd seemed eternal, who'd surely always been there, or if not always, at least for a very long time, like a boulder or an ancient stump -- what if she were suddenly to vanish?
"That's very kind of you," said Pilar. She squeezed Toby's hand.
"And Adam One asked me to become an Eve."
"I suppose you said no?" said Pilar, smiling.
"That's right," said Toby. Pilar could usually guess what she was thinking. "But he wants me to do an overnight Vigil. To pray for guidance."
"That would be best," said Pilar. "You know where I keep the Vigil things. It's the brown bottle," she said as Toby lifted the rubber-band-and-string curtain in front of the storage shelves. "The brown one, to the right. Five drops only, and two from the purple one."
"Have I done this mix before?" asked Toby.
"Not this exact one. You'll get an answer of some kind, on this. It never fails. Nature never does betray us. You do know that?"
Toby knew no such thing. She measured the drops into one of Pilar's chipped teacups, then replaced the bottles. "Are you sure you're better?" she asked.
"I'm fine," said Pilar, "for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. Now, you go along, Toby dear, and have a lovely Vigil. It's a gibbous moon tonight. Enjoy it!" Sometimes, when doling out the head trips, Pilar sounded like the supervisor of a kiddie carnival ride.
For the site of her Vigil, Toby chose the tomato section of the Edencliff Rooftop Garden. She posted the site on the Vigil sign-in slate, as required: those on Vigils sometimes went wandering away, and in tracing them it was helpful to know where they were supposed to have been.
Adam One had recently taken to placing gatekeepers on every floor, beside the landings. So I can't get down the Garden stairs without someone seeing me, thought Toby. Unless I fall off the roof.
She waited till dusk, then took the drops with a mix of Elderflower and Raspberry to disguise the taste: Pilar's Vigil potions always tasted like mulch. Then she sat down in meditation position, near a large tomato plant, which in the moonlight looked like a contorted leafy dancer or a grotesque insect.
Soon the plant began to glow and twirl its vines, and the tomatoes on it started to beat like hearts. There were crickets nearby, speaking in tongues: quarkit quarkit, ibbit ibbit, arkit arkit ...
Neural gymnastics, thought Toby. She closed her eyes.
Why can't I believe? she asked the darkness.
Behind her eyelids she saw an animal. It was a golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned.
It gazed at her. She gazed at it. "You are the effect of a carefully calibrated blend of plant toxins," she told it. Then she fell asleep.
33
The next morning Adam One came to see how Toby's Vigil had gone. "Did you get an answer?" he asked her.
"I saw an animal," said Toby.
Adam One was delighted. "What a successful outcome! Which animal? What did it say to you?" But before Toby could answer, he looked over her shoulder. "We have a messenger," he said.
In her hazy post-Vigil state, Toby thought he meant some kind of mushroom angel or plant spirit, but it was only Zeb, breathing hard from his climb up the fire escape. He was still wearing his pleeblander disguise: black fleather vest, grimy jeans, battered solarbike boots. He looked hungover.
"Were you up all night?" said Toby.
"You too, looks like," said Zeb. "I'll get shit for it back at the nest -- Lucerne hates it when I work at night." He didn't seem too concerned about that. "You want to call a general meeting," he said to Adam One, "or hear the bad news first yourself?"
"Bad news first," said Adam One. "We may have to edit it for wider consumption." He nodded towards Toby. "She doesn't panic."
"Right," said Zeb. "Here's the story."
His sources of information were unofficial, he said: in pursuit of the truth, he'd been forced to sacrifice himself by spending an evening watching the girls gyrate at Scales and Tails, where the CorpSeCorps guys hung out when off-duty. He didn't like to get too close to the CorpSeMen, he said -- he had a history of sorts, he might be recognized despite the alterations he'd had done to himself. But he knew a few of the girls, so he'd mined them for rumours.
"You paid them?" said Adam One.
"Nothing's free," said Zeb. "But I didn't pay too much."
Burt had indeed been running a gro-op in the Buenavista, he said. It was the usual method -- unoccupied apartments, windows blacked out, electricity hijacked. Full-spectrum gro-lights, automatic sprinkler systems, all top of the line. But it wasn't just ordinary skunkweed, not even West Coast superweed: it was a stratospheric splice, with some peyote genes and psilocybins, and even a little ayahuasca -- the good part, though they hadn't completely eliminated the part that made you puke your guts out. A lot of people who'd tried this would kill to do it again, and there wasn't much being made yet, so it was going for a very high price on the market.
It was a CorpSeCorps operation, naturally. The HelthWyzer labs had developed the splice, the CorpSeCorpsMen were the wholesalers. They ran it the way they ran everything illegal, through the pleebmobs. They'd thought it was a joke to get one of the Adams to front it, and to plant the gro-op in a building the Gardeners controlled. They'd been paying Burt well enough, but then he'd tried to cheat by selling on his own. He'd been getting away with it too, said Zeb, until the CorpSeCorps got an anonymous tip. Traced to a cellphone tossed into a dumpster. No DNA on it. Woman's voice, though. Very pissed-off woman.
That would be Veena, thought Toby. I wonder where she got the phone? Word had it that she'd taken Bernice to the West Coast, with the money the CorpSeCorps had paid her.
"Where is he now?" said Adam One. "Adam Thirteen? Former Adam Thirteen. Is he still alive?"
"Can't tell you," said Zeb. "No word on it."
"Let us pray," said Adam One. "He'll talk about us."
"If he was in that deep with them, he already has," said Zeb.
"Did he know about Pilar's tissue samples?" said Adam One. "And our contact in HelthWyzer? Our young courier with the honey jar?"
"No," said Zeb. "That was just you and me and Pilar. We never discussed it in Council."
"Fortunate," said Adam One.
"Let's hope he'll have an accident with a gutting knife," said Zeb. "You didn't hear any of this,"
he said to Toby.
"Fear not!" said Adam One. "Toby's truly one of us now. She's going to be an Eve."
"I didn't get an answer!" Toby protested. An animal yawn was not very definitive, as visions went.
Adam One smiled benignly. "You'll make the right decision," he said.
Toby spent the rest of the afternoon mixing up a scent combo that would be irresistible to rats, and could be laid down as a trail from the FenderBender Body Shop to the Buenavista Condos. The goal was to remove the rats from the former and rehouse them in the latter, without loss of life: the Gardeners didn't want to displace a fellow Species without offering them accommodation of equal value.
She used meat scraps from the stash Pilar kept for maggots, some honey, some peanut butter -- she'd sent Amanda to buy that at a supermarkette. Some rancid cheese; beer dregs for the liquid element. When it was ready, she sent for Shackleton and Crozier and gave them their instructions.
"That is really putrid," said Shackleton, sniffing with admiration.
"Think you can stand it?" said Toby. "Because if you can't ..."
"We'll do it," said Crozier, straightening his shoulders.
"Can I come too?" said little Oates, who'd followed them.
"No thumbsuckers," said Crozier.
"Be careful," said Toby. "We don't want to find you spraygunned in a vacant lot. Minus your kidneys."
"I know what I'm doing," said Shackleton proudly. "Zeb's gonna help us. We're wearing pleeb stuff -- see?" He opened his Gardener shirt: underneath it was a black T-shirt that read, DEATH: A GREAT WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT! Underneath the slogan was a skull and crossbones, in silver.
"Those Corps guys are so dumb," said Crozier, grinning. He had a T-shirt too: STRIPPERS LOVE MY POLE. "We'll walk right past them!"
"Not a thumbsucker," said Oates, kicking Crozier in the shin. Crozier batted him on the side of the head.
"We're under their radar," said Shackleton. "They won't even see us." "Pig-eater!" said Oates.
"Oates, that is enough language out of you," said Toby. "You can come and help me feed the worms. Off you go," she said to the other two. "Here's the bottle. Don't spill it inside FenderBender, and especially not on wood, or some unlucky people will have to live with it for a long time." She added, to Shackleton, "We're depending on you." It was good to let boys that age believe they were doing the jobs of men, so long as they didn't get carried away.
"Ciao, bedwetter," said Crozier.
"You totally stink," said Oates.
34
The next morning Toby was giving a class at the Wellness Clinic: Affective Herbs, for the twelve-to fifteen-year-olds. Manic Botanics, the kids called it, which was better than what they called some of the other subjects: Poop and Goop for violet biolet instruction, Guck and Muck for Compost-Pile Building.
"Willow," she said. "Analgesic. A-N-A-L-G-E-S-I-C, spell it on your slates." There was the squeaking of chalk -- too much squeaking. "Stop that, Crozier," said Toby, without looking. Crozier was a chronic squeaker. Had she heard a whisper of Dry Witch? "I heard that, Shackleton," she said. The class was more restless than usual: aftershocks from the uproar caused by Veena. "Analgesic. What do we mean by that?"
"Painkiller," said Amanda.
"Correct, Amanda," said Toby. Amanda, always suspiciously well behaved in class, was even more so today. She was sly, Amanda. Too well versed in the ways of the Exfernal World. But Adam One believed the Gardeners had been of great benefit to her, and who was to say that Amanda was not undergoing a life change?
Still, it was unfortunate that Ren had been swept into Amanda's all-too-attractive orbit. Ren was overly pliable -- she risked being always under somebody's thumb.
"What part of the Willow do we use to make the analgesic?" she went on. "The leaves?" said Ren. Too eager to please, the wrong answer anyway, and even more anxious than usual. Ren must be feeling the loss of Bernice, or maybe the guilt: how ruthlessly Bernice had been shouldered aside, once Amanda had appeared on the scene. They think we don't see them, thought Toby. They think we don't know what they're up to. Their snobberies, their cruelties, their schemes.
Nuala stuck her head in the door. "Toby, dear," she said, "could I have a word with you?" Her tone was lugubrious. Toby stepped out into the corridor.
"What's happened?" she said.
"You need to go and see Pilar," said Nuala. "Right now. She's chosen her time." Toby felt her heart contract. So Pilar had lied to her. No, not lied; just not told the whole truth. It had been something she'd eaten, but not by accident. Nuala squeezed Toby's arm to show deep sympathy. Get your moist palms off me, Toby thought, I'm not a man.
"Could you take my class?" she said. "Please. I'm teaching Willow."
"Of course, Toby dear," said Nuala. "I'll do 'The Weeping Willow' with them." This sugary song was a favourite of Nuala's; she'd composed it for small children. Toby could imagine the rolling eyes among these older kids. But since Nuala didn't really know much about botanicals, having them sing it would at least fill the time.
Toby hurried away to the sound of Nuala's voice: "Toby has been called away on an errand of mercy, so let us help her by singing the Weeping Willow song!" Her intense, slightly flat contralto rose above the lacklustre voices of the children:
Weeping willow, weeping willow, branches waving like the sea,
While I'm lying on my pillow, come and take my pain from me...
Hell would be an eternity of Nuala's lyrics, thought Toby. Anyway it wasn't the Weeping Willow, it was the White Willow, salix alba, with its available salicylic acid. That's what killed the pain.
Pilar was lying in her cubicle, on her bed, with her beeswax candle still burning in its tin container. She stretched out her thin brown fingers. "Dearest Toby," she said. "Thank you for coming. I wanted to see you."
"You did it yourself!" said Toby. "You didn't tell me!" She was so sad she was angry.
"I didn't want you to waste your time in worrying," said Pilar. Her voice had dwindled to a whisper. "I wanted you to have your nice Vigil. Now come and sit beside me, and tell me what you saw last night."
"An animal," said Toby. "Sort of like a lion, but not a lion."
"Good," whispered Pilar. "That's a good sign. You'll be helped with strength when you need it. I'm glad it wasn't a slug." She gave a tiny laugh; then her face contorted in pain.
"Why?" said Toby. "Why did you?"
"I got the diagnosis," said Pilar. "It's cancer. Very advanced. So, best to go now, while I still know what I'm doing. Why linger?" "What diagnosis?" said Toby.
"I sent in some biopsy samples," said Pilar. "Katuro did it for me -- took the tissue samples. We hid them in a jar of honey and smuggled them to the diagnostic labs at HelthWyzer West -- under a different identity, of course."
"Who smuggled them?" said Toby. "Was it Zeb?"
Pilar smiled as if enjoying a private joke. "A friend," she said. "We have many friends."
"We could take you to a hospital," said Toby. "I'm sure Adam One would authorize -- "
"Don't backslide, my Toby," said Pilar. "You know our views on hospitals. I might as well be thrown into a cesspool. Anyway, there's no cure for what I've taken. Now, please hand me that glass -- the blue one."
"Not yet!" said Toby. How to postpone, delay? Keep Pilar with her.
"It's just water, and a little Willow and Poppy," Pilar whispered. "Deadens the pain without knocking you out. I want to stay awake as long as possible. I'm good for a while."
Toby watched while Pilar drank. "Another pillow," said Pilar.
Toby handed her one of the husk-filled sacks from the bottom of the bed. "You've been my family here," she said. "More than the others." She was finding it hard to talk, but she refused to cry.
"And you've been mine," said Pilar simply. "Remember to tend the Buenavista Ararat. Keep it renewed."
Toby didn't want to tell her that the Buenavista Ararat was lost to them because of Burt. Why upset her? She propped Pilar up with the pillow: she was strang
ely heavy. "What did you use?" she asked. Her throat was tightening.
"I've trained you well," said Pilar. Her eyes crinkled at the edges, as if the whole thing was a prank. "Let's see if you can guess. Symptoms: cramps and vomiting. Then a respite period during which the patient appears to improve. But meanwhile, the liver is slowly being destroyed. No antidote."
"One of the amanitas," said Toby.
"Clever girl," Pilar whispered. "The Death Angel, a friend in need."
"But it will be so painful," said Toby.
"Don't worry about that," said Pilar. "There's always the Poppy concentrate. It's the red bottle -- that one. I'll let you know when. Now, listen to me carefully. This is my will. As we say, shrouds have no pockets -- all earthly things must be passed from the dying to the living, and that includes our knowledge. I want you to have everything I've assembled here -- all my materials. It's a good collection, and it confers great power. Guard it well and use it well. I trust you to do that. You're familiar with some of these bottles. I've made a paper list of the rest, which you must memorize and then destroy. The list is inside the green jar -- that one. Do you promise?"
"Yes," said Toby. "I promise."
"Deathbed promises are sacred among us," said Pilar. "You know that. Don't cry. Look at me. I'm not sad."
Toby knew the theory: Pilar believed that she was donating herself to the matrix of Life through her own volition, and she also believed that this should be a matter for celebration.
But what about me? thought Toby. I'm being deserted. It was like the time her mother died, and then her father. How many times did she have to go through the process of being orphaned? Don't whine, she told herself sternly.
"I want you to be Eve Six," Pilar said. "In my place. No one else has the talent, and the knowledge. Can you do that for me? Promise?"
Toby promised. What else could she say?
"Good," Pilar whispered, breathing out. "Now, I think it's time for the Poppy. The red bottle, that's the one. Wish me well on my journey."
"Thank you for all you've taught me," said Toby. I can't stand this, she thought. I'm killing her. No: I'm helping her to die. I'm fulfilling her wishes.
She watched as Pilar drank.