emotion was present it was controlled and in the correct proportion;
    that is, to the extent that emotion in living creatures
   is a functional, constituent part of the entire created order.
   And Bach himself, if not exactly anonymous, in his own time
   possessed the status and reputation, not of some Gauguinesque
    genius on his doomed way to self-sanctified immolation,
    but rather of an honest, competent craftsman not
   greatly dissimilar from his clay-handling Staffordshire contemporaries
    - Robert Wood, say; or Astbury, making practical
    use of Dwight's powdered calcined flints to increase
   whiteness much as Bach made use of Reiser's music in the
   development of his own ecclesiastical style. To be sure, one
   did indeed become excited over pottery. It was Mark Twain,
   of all people, who said, with characteristic American hyperbole,
    that the very marks on the bottom of a piece of
   crockery were able to throw him into gibbering ecstasy. (I'd
   like to have seen that.) I have found my own hands trembling
    dangerously while handling a Whieldon mug, with its
   abstract decoration of runny, manganese glaze streaked with
   green. But - or so I felt - much as Bach's fervour made no
   direct, secular assault upon his hearers' private and personal
   emotions, approaching them rather upon the (to him) universal
    ground of Christian belief and the scriptures, so the
   emotional excitement stimulated by the potters, their shapes,
   glazes and decorations, was kept decently and soberly at
   one remove by the utilitarianism of their work, by their
   necessary concentration upon the practicalities of craftsmanship
    and, ultimately, by the plain fact that they belonged
   to an age when it was not the job of their sort, even when innovating,
    to shock and disturb, but on the contrary to enhance
    and beautify the accepted order of existence. In addition
    they had, and retain, one all-important source of charm
   - namely, all their imperfections on their head. Again and
   again I have found delight in the clodhopping provincialism
   of Felix Pratt, Obadiah Sherratt and their fellows. It is from
   their very naivet6 and maladroitness that their appeal flows.
   Do they not exemplify the very essence of the human situa39
   tion - scrabbling in the mud to get their bread by creating
   something attractive at a price which ordinary folk can
   afford?
   I worked hard at the business in Northbrook Street, not
   because I felt I ought to, but because I enjoyed it; and certainly
    not on account of any pressure on my father's part.
   Indeed, within a year he and I had got into the habit of
   driving to work in two cars, for as often as not he would be
   ready for the cool verandah, the six o'clock news and a limejuice
    and gin while I stayed to set up a window-display of
   Royal Doulton, write to an agent about a consignment of
   Spode, or perhaps, over dinner at the Chequers, pick the
   brains of some new sales representative. For - and this, in my
   view, is the second touchstone of a vocation - I found I was
   not content simply to do what I was told. Though diffident
   in other walks of life, when it came to buying and selling
   ceramics I was not afraid of making mistakes and must continually
    be learning someone else's job, or setting myself to
   master the ins and outs of some fresh aspect of the business
   with which, strictly speaking, I need not have bothered.
   For recreation I fished, drank beer in pubs, walked over the
   downs and through the fields and copses of Enborne and
   Highclere, or sometimes, on a Saturday, drove over to Bradfield
    to watch a match. London I seldom went to, except to
   buy and sell or to see an exhibition.
   Soon I began to travel and to use my languages; first,
   simply in order to widen my knowledge of ceramics, but later
   in the way of serious business. Of course I had been to Paris
   several times before, but never for the express purpose of
   visiting the Sevres Museum and talking to the people who
   run it. I went, too, to the Schlossmuseum in Berlin, to Nymphenburg
    and to the Bayerisches National-Museum at
   Munich. With less difficulty than I had expected, I obtained
   a limited visa to visit East Germany, and made my reverent
   way not only to the Kunstgewerbemuseum and the Landesmuseum
    at Leipzig, but also to the Meissen factory itself. On
   this trip I encountered no Iron Curtain complications. As
   with chess players, so with lovers of ceramics: the barriers
   dissolve.
   40
   I went to Rorstrand in Stockholm, where the idea first
   occurred to me of expanding the family business into the
   fields both of antique pottery and porcelain and of fine modern
    ceramics. It was here that I first saw high-quality modern
   wares which I thought I could sell in the shop, and found out
   what I needed to know about importing them. I knew I
   would be risking precious capital, yet somehow I felt little
   anxiety. What I meant to do was so obviously right and important
    that if the Berkshire public did not like it they could
   make that their question and go rot. I would go down with
   the ship.
   However, it didn't go down. From the outset my idea was
   so successful that I determined to spread a wider net in
   Scandinavia. And thus it was that, ten years after my parting
   from Kirsten, I came at last to Copenhagen - sea-girt, greenspired
    K0benhavn - on the Sound.
   For me, K0benhavn leapt forth immediately as the nearest
   thing I had found to the ideal city. I did not actually go the
   length of deciding that you could burn Paris, Rome and
   Madrid, but from the outset I fell headlong in love with
   K0benhavn, and was never so foolish as to try, from any
   misplaced respect for generally-accepted values, to reason
   myself out of this spontaneous joy. Le cceur a ses raisons
   que la raison ne connait point.
   Paris, Florence, Venice - those cities have become selfconscious
    in their beauty and crowded with people who go
   there because they have read or been told that they should;
   but K0benhavn possesses, as an integral part of the baroque
   splendour of its churches and palaces, a natural ease and
   modesty, like that of an aristocrat too well-bred to draw
   attention to riches or grandeur. The Amalienborg Palace,
   thank God, never set out to rival Versailles. The two were a
   long way apart in the eighteenth century, when it was cornpleted,
    and to one walking today in that quiet square, where
   the black-coated, blue-trousered Royal Lifeguards still stand
   sentinel, they seem even further apart now. Peter the Great
   could still ride his horse up the 105 feet of the Rundetarn
   to the top, but fortunately he happens to have disappeared,
   while it - less cruel, nasty and bumptious - has not. In any
   41
   other city the green, spiral tower of the Frelserskirke might
   seem no more than an amusing curiosity, but in K0benhavn
   it expresses rather the natural grace an 
					     					 			d light hearts of Danish
    people, who have never seen reason to be unduly solemn
   or serious-minded even in the matter of churches. And as
   for the less obvious, more secluded delights of the city - the
   silver birches by the pool in the Bibliotekshaven, or the wonderful
    porcelain collection in the Davids Samling - these are
   like treasures which the kindly aristocrat prefers not to talk
   about, but lets you discover for yourself, if you wish, having
   told you that you are free to go wherever you like and amuse
   yourself until dinner. No other city's quality is so unassuming
    and unself-conscious, and therefore so friendly and reassuring
    to the heart, as K0benhavn's. How beautiful, as
   Keats remarked, are the retired flowers.
   Now the plain truth is that Copenhagen is easily the most
   attractive of all contemporary porcelain - Meissen, Wedgwood
    and all. Among its beauties is a certain creamy, smoky
   quality which fairly wrings the heart. I became well-known,
   in due course, both at the Royal Copenhagen factory and
   also at Bing & Gr0ndahl, where Per Simonsen, the manager,
   would open the private museum for me and show me yet
   again the Crusader-and-Saracen chessmen, the complete
   series of Christmas plates and the under-glaze blue-and-gold
   Heron service of Pietro Krohn. It is not, of course, necessary
   for retailers - nor the practice of even a minority of them
   - to visit or make themselves known at porcelain manufactories.
    As far as mere business is concerned, the retailer deals
   with the agent who, if up to his job, is perfectly competent
   to tell and show him all he needs to know. Strictly speaking,
   my peregrinations were as unnecessary as those of a jeweller
   going to see for himself what happens at Kimberley, or a
   publican's with a passion to visit Glenlivet and Burton-onTrent.
    For the matter of that, Mahomedans, many of them
   desperately poor, have for hundreds of years pinched and
   scraped to get themselves to Mecca; and little enough there
   is to see when you get there, by all I ever heard. Yet to them
   it seems otherwise. It is not what they see, but what they
   feel in their hearts.
   42
   My feelings, though secular, were scarcely different in
   kind. People in Berkshire knew too little about ceramic
   antiques and fine modern porcelain. I was going to change
   all that, and whether I made or lost money was not what
   mattered. What mattered was the work - the vital and
   necessary work. Of course, I would have to start in a small
   way. After all, the shop and its capital were not mine and
   even to myself I could not justify the idea of urging my
   father, at his time of life, to re-orientate the business he
   had been running for thiry years. However, he and I had
   always got on well, he was pleased with my enthusiasm and
   hard work and I had no difficulty in persuading him to let
   me borrow, as floating capital, a small sum which I thought
   I would be able to repay (plus at least fifteen per cent) within
    three years. Thus armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe, I entered
    upon a systematic attendance of sales within striking
   distance of Newbury and began to cultivate the acquaintance
   of travelling dealers who sold to antique shops. Soon afterwards
    I turned over part of the shop - near the entrance,
   where people would be bound to see - to the sale of antique
   pottery and porcelain.
   Throughout these years I never felt anything more than a
   general, sociable interest in girls. Many people, I suppose,
   might feel that this was unnatural, but I was perfectly content
    to remain a non-starter. No doubt I retained something
   of my childish belief in my physical unattractiveness (the
   attitude of years is not easily changed) but if this was indeed
    a reason it must have lain deep, for I was seldom
   troubled by desire and certainly felt no particular inadequacy.
   Indeed, without thinking much about it I was rather proud
   of my self-sufficiency, of being absorbed in my work and
   content with my friends and somewhat solitary recreations.
   In so far as I ever reflected, the idea of taking the trouble to
   pay close attention to any individual girl seemed a complication
    and distraction not worth anything to be got out of
   it. If something like that was ever going to happen to me,
   then it would have to be capable of penetrating a sizeable
   barrier of diffidence. As for my parents, they made no
   43
   attempt to influence me. Perhaps they felt in no hurry for my
   affections to wander.
   I know, now, that in some ways I must have seemed - in
   fact I was - rather staid and old-fashioned. For a start, an
   unreflecting, orthodox Christian (how 'square'!); fastidiously
   detached; even, perhaps, a shade precious - though I could
   always get on with people and never lacked for friends. But
   things - beautiful things - were so much easier and more
   dependable than people; consistent, predictable and on that
   account satisfying. Porcelain was a simplification, a refinement
    of fallible, often-disappointing reality. To be sure, the
   style and beauty of girls' clothes had power to delight me. I
   could gaze, and take in every detail: but frequently their
   owners struck me as frivolously wayward, trivial and demanding,
    all-too-liable only to taint or spill the cool pleasure
   flowing from pottery or counterpoint. As the sixties advanced
   into ever-greater discord and confusion, shattering, in one
   sphere after another, the very idea of acquiescence, or of the
   need for any commonly-accepted values or restraints, I found
   myself, though not yet thirty, less and less in accord with
   the spirit of the times, preferring my own world of fragile
   craftsmanship, secure, like a walled mansion (so I imagined
   it), situated in some quiet street away from the turbulent
   market-place given over to protest and half-baked mysticism.
   This - as I myself realized - was a too-negative view of a
   decade which included much gaiety and sincere ardour, but
   I could not help it. There were moments, indeed, when I
   acknowledged to myself that Tony Redwood, dog-collar or
   no, was more up-to-date than I; both in heart and inclination
    more warmly in sympathy with much of what was happening;
    and also with those to whom and through whom
   it was happening. ' "Proud youth! fastidious of the lower
   world" - it'll catch up with you one of these days, Alan,' said
   Tony one evening, when I had been remarking how much I
   disliked some popular movement or other. He was smiling we
    both were - but he half-meant it none the less.
   Tony Redwood and his wife, Freda, were my closest
   friends. I rather believe that on his arrival in 1965 Tony, who
   was only a few years older than myself, seemed to several
   44
   people in his parish both an alarmingly intellectual and also
   somewhat unconventional clergyman. Clever, quick and incisive,
    he was certainly a long way fr 
					     					 			om the kindly, noncontroversial,
    let's-not-say-anything-specifk-in-case-it-givesoffence
    type, with a challenging turn of mind and, often, a
   way of startling people by reacting in the opposite manner
   from what might have been expected. As it became known,
   however, that he was warm-hearted, sensible and unshockable,
    he began to gain the confidence of all kinds of people some
    of them a long way from Newbury. I remember vividly
   the summer evening when he and I got back from a walk beyond
    Kingsclere to find waiting in his drawing-room three
   hippies, who had hitch-hiked from London to seek his advice
    and help about a friend in trouble with the police.
   As the years passed and my father's confidence in me increased
    with my experience and proved staying-power, he
   gradually took a less and less active part in running the
   shop. Not that there was any question of supplanting him:
   I felt too much affection and respect for him to wish for anything
    of the kind. But there came to be an increasing amount
   of 'Well, just as you think best, my boy' or 'Perhaps I'll stay
   and give Jack a hand in the garden this afternoon'. We understood
    each other very well, and I can't recall that we
   ever had a serious disagreement about business - or, indeed,
    anything else.
   Though I remember clearly the February morning when
   Barbara Stannard came into the shop for the first time, this
   is mainly because of a matter that had nothing to do with
   her, but with my so-called secretary, Mrs Taswell. Miss Flitter
   and dear old Miss Lee had retired within a few months of
   each other - one to her cottage at Boxford, up the Lambourn
   valley, the other to live with a brother somewhere in south
   London - and had been succeeded by Deirdre, a perky schoolleaver
    from Donnington, whose Berkshire idiom ('I dunno as
   I thinks a great lot o' that, Mistralan') would have sounded
   familiar enough, I imagine, to Jack o' Newbury himself; and
   by Mrs Taswell.
   Mrs Taswell was one of those people you either have to
   harden your heart against and get rid of, leaving her on your
   45
   conscience even while you argue miserably with the Lord that
   you had work to do and it was no earthly business of yours
   that she subsequently fell among thieves; or else take on
   board on top of everything else. She was not young, she was
   not local and she was distinctly odd - though this was not
   immediately apparent. She came via an employment agency
   in Reading, on whose books we had been for several weeks,
   and initially she seemed a godsend, for she was well-spoken
   and had a pleasant manner. Not only that, but she could
   type and had done secretarial work in the civil service. For
   a little more money she was ready, she said, to throw these
   accomplishments into the kitty: she wouJd type letters and
   file papers as well as serve in the shop. We had known it
   was not going to be easy to replace Miss Lee and Miss Flitter
   - they were as much creatures of a bygone age as housemaids
    - and we engaged Mrs Taswell without more ado.
   It soon became clear that, although industrious, loyal and
   honest, she was possessed of such a quota of eccentric
   stupidity as was hardly in nature. 'She's naturally dull,' said
   my father, quoting Dr Johnson, 'but it must have taken her a
   great deal of pains to become what we now see her.' As I
   gradually learned, it had indeed. Ages long ago Mr Taswell
   had fled away into the storm, and there was an eleven-yearold
    daughter who had resolutely refused to live with her, running
    back to her father time after time, until even the court
   gave it up as a bad job. Naturally, this had made Mrs Taswell
    unhappy. On top of this, she was ludicrously incapable
   of managing her own money and when she first came to us
   was not only overdrawn, but writing dud cheques with no
   real understanding of why these were proving unpopular. In
   short, she was a person quite unable to cope with life unless
   there was someone to tell her what to do. I paid off the overdraft
    (it was not very large), transferred her account to our
   own bank and thereafter, with her relieved consent, looked
   after it for her, approving payment of the bills for her regular
   outgoings and telling her what spending money she could