He wrapped his fingers around my ponytail, wrenching my head back. I yelped as heat spiked down my spine. “It was your fault.”
I grasped his hand, trying to leverage my weight as fire spread across my scalp. “What are—?”
“Don’t act like you have no idea.” He dragged me until I was perched on my knees. I shifted my weight onto my left, but the position hurt. “Debbie’s dead because of you.”
“You’re crazy.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself. “You’re fucking crazy. You killed—”
Erik let go of me so quickly that I fell back. His hand snaked out, striking me across the face and spinning my thoughts. I fell to the side, jaw stinging, and the room seemed to shift floor to ceiling. Tears of pain filled my eyes as I dragged in air. A burn raced across my face as I slowly opened my jaw. My brain couldn’t process any of this. How did I go from taking finals to this?
This couldn’t be real—could not be happening.
Every part of me froze up. It was too familiar. The way my lip ached, how numb my skin felt, the buzzing inside my head. I’d been here before, on the floor, head spinning from a hit I hadn’t seen coming.
Suddenly, it was like being sixteen all over again, cowering on the floor as Jeremy went into one of his rages over something so simple, so stupid. Helpless. Scared. Confused. Body and hands shaking.
“I’m not crazy, and it’s not my fault that Deb died.” Anger edged his voice, making it razor-sharp. “If you hadn’t said anything to her and minded your own goddamn business, she wouldn’t have broken up with me.”
“What?” Blood leaked out of the corner of my mouth. I wiped it away with a trembling hand and found myself staring at the horrifying smear of red.
Too familiar.
“When you asked her about the bruises! And then that fucking Sunday. You had to get involved.” He started toward me. “You just had to be standing there and get hurt. Like it was my fucking fault. It wasn’t! It was yours!”
Fury snapped at the heels of the rising fear, and I did something I’d never done with Jeremy, no matter how bad it got.
I wasn’t a victim anymore. I would never be the victim again.
“So typical.” I spat the words out. “You hit someone and it’s always their fault. Never yours.”
“Oh, shut up, you stupid gimpy bitch.”
Planting my hands on the floor, I ignored the dizziness that assaulted me. “I guess your fists just slip and fall on people’s faces?”
“Only those who deserve it.”
“Did Debbie deserve it?”
He cursed. “Don’t you dare talk about her. You don’t know shit.”
I lurched to my feet and staggered back, bumping into the bed. Lifting my head, I saw Erik advance through a haze of tears. I spun, reaching for the closest weapon. I grabbed the bedside lamp, ripping it from its plug, more than prepared to knock him upside the head so hard that it kicked him into the next dorm.
He swung at me, and I jumped back. The momentary loss of balance gave him a second to gain the upper hand. He snatched the lamp from my hand and tossed it across the room. It hit my clothes and then thudded off the wall. My heart stopped, and then I whirled toward the door.
Pain exploded along the back of my head, doubling me over. The walls tilted again, and I blinked to clear my vision, but it felt like it took hours to reopen my eyes. The next thing I knew I was on the floor, on my back in between the beds, staring dumbly at the ceiling.
Erik was pacing, his sneakers crunching over my hair. How had my hair come loose? My entire body throbbed like I was a giant bruise. I drew in a deep breath, and it hurt my ribs and back.
“You’re awake.” He stood over me, sneering. “I didn’t even hit you that hard.”
My head was full of cobwebs. I must’ve fallen and passed out, which meant I probably had a concussion.
And concussions were bad news, right?
Feeling like I’d been abruptly woken up, I slowly rose onto my elbows. For a second, I felt like I was swimming through mud.
“I wasted so much time. I should’ve . . .” He stopped, pressing his palms against his temples and then he started pacing again. “I didn’t mean to do it.”
What was he talking about? Forcing myself into a sitting position, I leaned against the bed, winded. He didn’t mean to do what?
“It just . . . it just happened. I came over to talk to her, to prove to her that she made a mistake and that we needed to get back together, but she told me to leave.” His hands dropped to his sides, closing into sizable fists.
I winced as I pushed back against the bed, trying to gather my spinning thoughts.
“She wouldn’t listen to me. All she needed to do was listen to me!” His voice rose and then dropped. “She made me mad and I—and I pushed her. It was an accident.”
Erik dropped down suddenly and gripped my chin. I cried out as his fingers dug into my chin, bruising. “It was an accident! She fell backward, and I don’t even understand how it happened. Her neck hit the corner of the bed and I heard the snap. Oh God . . .” He pushed away from me, wrenching my head to the side as he stood. Clutching his hair, he backed up. “Her neck just snapped.”
I squeezed my eyes shut against the images pouring in.
“I knew no one would believe it was an accident. They’d blame me when it wasn’t my fault! Debbie just—” He cut himself off as he sat on the edge of her bed. “She just wouldn’t listen.”
Horror seized me. I’d suspected the truth all along, but to hear him put it out there sickened and shocked me. “You killed her.” My jaw and mouth ached—it hurt to talk.
“It was an accident.” He stood again, walking the length of the small room. “It wouldn’t have happened if you had just kept your mouth shut. It’s your fault.”
Erik had deep psychological problems. That much was official.
As he made another pass around the room, my head began to clear, but a low-level pounding ache throbbed along the back of my head. I turned, wincing as pain shot down my neck. My face felt swollen and my ribs bruised, but I knew the longer I was in here with him, the worse these injuries would get, if not—I cut off that line of thought. No need to feed anxiety.
“This is on your conscience. It’s your fault. Debbie would still be here if you hadn’t said anything, if you hadn’t gotten in the way,” he ranted, hands clenching and unclenching, and I knew he wanted to put those hands on me, and not in a happy way. “You’ve ruined everything.”
I heard my cell phone go off in the next room and hope surged. Had an hour passed already? Maybe—just maybe—Cam was out of his final early. Or Jase had decided to go ahead and come over. Oh, please God, let it be one of them.
Erik didn’t seem to notice. He continued to pace the small room, grabbing fistfuls of hair. He stopped by the foot of Debbie’s bed and pounded his fists off the sides of his head. “You’ve ruined everything, and now look what’s happened. I have no choice.”
My cell went off again.
Please. Please. Please.
Drawing my legs to my chest, my muscles tensed in anticipation of bum-rushing the door. “You won’t get away with this.”
He lowered his hands, piercing me with a crazed glare. “Get away with what?”
“This.” I placed my palms on the carpet, ready. “Whatever this is, you won’t get away with it.”
Once more, my cell phone went off, and this time, he noticed. Erik glanced at the door, brows furrowing. “I’m not planning to get away with anything.”
I let out a breath. Maybe he wasn’t completely crazy. I’d be happy with just half crazy. “You’re not? Because we can forget this ever happened.” That was such a lie, because I was totally not forgetting that this happened. “We can walk out of here—”
He shook his head. “I’m not planning to get away,” he said casually, like we were talking about finals. “I’m not planning to walk away from this.”
Whatever tiny smidgen of relie
f that had blossomed from his statement crashed and burned in a race car kind of crash. Not planning to walk away from this. “You sound like you’re never leaving this room.”
“I’m not.” He barked out a laugh as he turned to me. “Not unless it’s in a body bag.”
Horror exploded in my gut like a buckshot. Fuck the waiting for a good moment to go for the door. Instinct kicked back in and I lumbered to my feet, cursing my bad leg as I pushed off. I used to be light on my feet and fast. Not anymore.
He crashed into me, knocking me to the floor and pushing a scream out of my throat. Out in the suite, something smashed off the wall as Erik’s fingers dug into my shoulders, flipping me onto my back roughly.
As my wide eyes stared into Erik’s, time seemed to stop for a second. A horrible sinking feeling tried to drag me down through the carpet with the truth of what he was about to do.
Erik’s head jerked at the sound of someone banging on the bedroom door, and a wild look filled his eyes. Taking advantage of the momentary distraction, I swung my arm off the floor. My fist connected with the corner of his mouth, snapping his head to the side.
He reared back, grunting as blood and spit flew from his busted lip. He grip loosened on my arms, and I twisted to my side and opened my mouth to call out.
“Fucking bitch,” he ground out, slamming his fist into my lower back. A perfect kidney punch that immobilized me.
“Tess!”
Jase—it was Jase!
The door groaned as he beat it. “Are you in there? Are you okay?”
I reached out toward the door, my fingers digging into the carpet. “Jase—” His name ended in a grunt.
Erik rolled me over, and I was suddenly staring into the eyes of someone who’d come unhinged. Eyes that I was sure Debbie had stared into countless times and were quite possibly the last thing she’d seen.
Terror caught me in an unbreakable grip and a scream tore through me, piercing the air and then cutting off abruptly as Erik’s hand circled around my neck, closing in.
The door rattled on its hinges. “Tess! What the fuck? Tess!”
Panic dug in deep with its sharp, icy claws. His grip was bruising, cutting into my windpipe. I opened my mouth to scream again, but there was no sound—no air! Heart pounding, I slapped him and then caught his chin with my fist. He yelped, but his hold remained.
“Tess!” called Jase. The door rocked, sounding like he’d rammed it with his shoulder. “Goddamnit!”
Stars burst behind my eyes, and I couldn’t—I couldn’t drag in enough air. I clawed at Erik’s hands, feeling his skin tear under my nails. The door shuddered again, but it wasn’t going to give in time.
“Stop it!” Erik lifted me up and then slammed my head back down. “Just stop!”
Darkness crept upon the corners of my vision, crowding my sight. A fiery burn flamed deep in my chest, spreading rapidly into my throat. I needed to breathe!
“Teresa! Baby,” shouted Jase, and the sound of his voice shot a bolt of desperate strength through me. The door shook and groaned. “Come on . . .”
Using everything in me, I beat on Erik’s chest—his face and shoulders. I rolled my hips, trying to throw him, but he pushed down and down, and it felt like I was floating through the floor, slowly disappearing into the waiting abyss. I knew I shouldn’t let go, that I must not, but my hands slipped down, arms falling to my sides.
In the background, something shattered. Maybe it was the last of my oxygen-deprived cells. I didn’t know what, but Erik’s dark eyes latched onto mine, and I was sure that this was it. My lashes drifted shut. He was going to be the last thing I saw, just like Debbie. And it wasn’t fair. I hadn’t even begun to live life, to embrace this new future or to get Jase, because if I’d survived this, I wouldn’t let him walk away. Not anymore. But . . . but it didn’t matter now. My hearing dwindled until there was only a fine point, a roaring of blood.
Suddenly the unbearable pressure was off my throat and air rushed in as a pained grunt filled the room. Something broke—snapped like old, dry twigs and it sounded far away, like it was outside.
Hands pressed against my cheeks and then arms lifted me. My head felt too heavy, floppy. Like there was something wrong with my neck. “Oh God, open your eyes. Come on baby, open your eyes.” There was a pause, and his large body shuddered. “I’m sorry. Fuck. Open your eyes. Please.”
It felt like my lids had been glued shut, but I pried them open. All I saw was Jase’s deep gray eyes, darker than I’d ever seen them.
“There you are,” he said, cradling me closer. “Stay with me. Tess! Oh God, don’t leave me. Please. I . . .”
His lips were moving, but the words didn’t make sense, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. There was nothing but darkness.
Twenty-nine
The steady sound of beeping slowly, insistently drilled through the layers of haze and sleep until I felt my chest rise with a deep, shuddering breath.
“Teresa.” What I was lying on shifted as weight settled beside me. A hand pressed against my cheek, cool and comforting. “Are you there?”
Was I? I thought so. My surroundings slowly came into play. I was in a stiff bed, and it was my brother’s voice I was hearing. My head felt weighted down, though, like I was glued to the mattress.
I slowly blinked my eyes open and winced at the bright overhead lights. Once my vision cleared, it was obvious I was in a hospital room. The white walls, mounted TV, and pea green curtain were a dead giveaway.
“Hey,” Cam said gently. “How are you feeling?”
Turning my head to him slightly, I ran my tongue over the roof of my mouth. “I feel . . . strange.” My voice was hoarse, and my jaw ached from speaking those three words.
“You’ve been sleeping for a little while, long enough for the parents to get down here and then some.” Cam smiled wearily as he reached for a pitcher and poured water into a small, plastic cup. “Mom and Dad are down the hall talking to the police.”
The police? I stared at him dumbly as he played Mr. Nurse, carefully reaching around to the back of my neck and helping me take a drink. The cool water was like jumping into a pool on a hot, sweltering day.
He placed the cup on the bedside table. A sudden look of understanding crept across his face. “You don’t remember, do you?”
I shook my head and then grimaced as a sharp pain arced between my temples. Cam glanced at the door as if he wanted to run out and get someone, but he placed his hand over mine, drawing my gaze to my knuckles.
They were red, scratched, and swollen.
I jerked up halfway, muscles and skin protesting the unexpected movement as the fog cleared from my head. “Oh my God . . .”
Concern flared in Cam’s eyes “You remember?”
“Erik. He—”
“I know. We all know. You don’t have to worry about him anymore,” Cam said, gently pressing his hand down on my shoulder so I was lying down. “You need to stay still. You have a concussion—a minor one but you can’t be moving around a lot. Okay?”
My heart was pounding as I took in the IV hooked to the center of my arm, pumping clear fluids in. That horrible snapping sound came back to me, reminding me of bones breaking. “Is he dead?”
“Fuck. I wish.” Anger stormed across his face. “Jase broke his jaw and knocked him into next week, but the fucker’s alive. He’s going to jail, though. He woke up when the police and EMTs got there, blabbering what he did to Debbie to anyone who’d listen. He kept saying it was . . .” He trailed off, his mouth pressing down in a hard line.
“He said it was my fault,” I finished for him, closing my eyes as the memories of Erik’s rage and flat-out madness resurfaced, but a different worry took hold. “Where . . . where is Jase?”
Cam looked away when I opened my eyes. “The last I saw him he was with the police.”
“What?” I started to sit up again, but he stopped me. “What do you mean?”
“He’s not in trouble. He had to talk to them
, like I’m sure you’ll have to now that they know you’re awake.” He paused. “They needed a statement.”
“How long ago was that?”
Cam shifted like he was uncomfortable. “They held him back when they took you to the hospital. I haven’t seen him. I came straight here when I found out.”
He hadn’t seen Jase at all? Meaning he hadn’t checked on me? I closed my eyes and smacked at the useless emotions. Jase said he’d wanted to talk. He’d come and he’d saved my life. Just because he wasn’t here didn’t mean I needed to throw a fit. Besides, I had bigger things to deal with.
When I opened my eyes, Cam was staring at me. Several seconds passed. “You’re really in love with him, aren’t you?”
I sighed. “Yeah.”
He shifted and then cursed under his breath. “I know you didn’t want to hear this before, but you’re going to listen now. The fucker is stupid, but the fucker loves you.”
I opened my mouth.
“Yeah, I know he pushed you away or whatever, but he’s a guy and he’s stupid. Hey, I can admit that. We do stupid shit.” Cam leaned over, lowering his voice. “He sort of reminds me of Shortcake—of Avery—you know? She was like that in the beginning. For different reasons, but she . . . she had her own issues she had to work through. And I think that’s what he was doing. I don’t know. I’m not him, but Jase has got some baggage.”
“I know,” I said quietly, blinking back tears. Everything about Jase was complicated. It always had been, and I wasn’t sure that the only thing he needed to do was to work through his issues. Some things people just couldn’t get past.
Cam lowered his gaze and then took a deep breath. “You know, he told me a while back that you feel guilty about what I did to Jeremy.”
Surprised, my eyes widened as I stared at him.
“You shouldn’t.” His head rose and he looked straight at me. “I did that to Jeremy, and I’d do it again. It was never your fault. Okay? It doesn’t matter that you kept quiet. Trust me, I know how people keep shit to themselves, storing it away until the silence fucking destroys. You were a kid basically, and I knew what I was doing. And the only thing I regret is that you feel guilty for something I chose to do.”