He rolled, grabbing the pole. She watched as he struggled to his feet. Something warned her not to help. Perhaps it was the rigidness in his shoulders or the tension in the air, but either way, it told her that he wasn’t in a good place right now.
She waited patiently for him to straighten. Swallowing, panic began to build inside her when he wouldn’t look at her. Taking a step closer to him, she hesitated when he jerked backwards, stumbling again.
“Don’t,” she whispered, reaching her hand out to him. “Don’t, Saber. Please… Don’t shut me out.”
Saber turned to look at her then. Taylor shook her head, tears pooling in her eyes before spilling down her cheeks. The distant look in his eyes and the silence told her what he was doing. He wasn’t just closing her out… He was letting her go.
“No,” she sobbed, her hand clenching and falling to her side. “You love me. I know you do. I’m your Amate. I belong to you. Last night….”
“Stop!” His sharp order ricocheted through her.
Taylor shook her head. “You love me,” she insisted.
“I need you to leave,” he said, looking away from her for a moment before he turned back to gaze down at her with blazing eyes filled with pain. “I want you to leave, and not come back this time, Taylor.”
“NO!” She cried in frustration, stepping toward him. “I belong to you! You are mine! You are my Amate. I claimed you last night,” she insisted, stepping up in front of him and dropping the towel. “I gave myself to you, Saber. I gave you more than my body. I gave you my heart,” she whispered, tilting her head to look up at him with desperate eyes.
His hand rose. For a moment, she thought he would admit that he was wrong, but instead, his fingers wrapped around her wrist and he lifted it between them. He shook his head as he stared down at her. Her lips trembled at the harsh coldness that clouded his eyes.
“You do not wear my claim upon your wrist, just as I do not wear yours,” he said, releasing her wrist as if the touch of her skin burned him. “And we never will.”
Taylor watched in disbelief as he awkwardly bent down and picked up the towel that she had dropped. He carefully wrapped it around her, before using the pole to step back. She turned her gaze away from him when he looked back at her with a blank expression.
“Tell me,” she whispered, looking back at him once again. "Tell me that you don’t love me, Saber. Tell me that you don’t love me and that you want me to leave and not come back, but look me in the eye when you say it.”
Taylor braced herself for the wave of pain that she knew was about to hit her. He was going to do it. She could see the resignation in his eyes. He was going to let her go, whether she wanted to go or not.
“I don’t love you, Taylor. I want you to leave and not come back,” Saber said in a quiet voice, never breaking eye contact with her.
The pain was worse than she ever imagined it could be. It felt as if someone was ripping her heart out of her chest. Swallowing, she tilted her head, but didn’t scream.
“You’re a terrible liar, Saber,” Taylor whispered, staring back at him before she lowered her head, letting her hair fall forward to conceal the fresh tears running down her face. “I’ll leave, but there is something you need to know,” she said, looking up again. “I love you. I have from the moment I met you. I’m going to go away for a while. There is an aid mission that I was asked to go on. I wasn’t going to go because….” She paused, clamping her lips together to get control of her composure before continuing. “I’m giving you three months to think over whether you really want me out of your life. When I return, I’ll come by one last time. If you want me, place a yellow ribbon on the tree in the front courtyard. If I don’t see it, you’ll never see me again. I won’t chase you, Saber. I love you for you, not your body. I love the man inside, but I need him to love me, too.”
Turning on her heel, she walked back into the house. Dropping the towel, she pulled on her shirt and pants and slipped on her shoes. Grabbing her bra and panties, she stuffed them back into her backpack. Picking it up, she walked out of the house without a backwards glance. She didn’t want him to see the utter grief that was tearing her apart.
*.*.*
Saber watched as Taylor walked back into the house. From where he was standing, he could see her getting dressed. His fingers gripped the pole in his hands until he felt sure that it would crumble under the pressure of his grasp.
His eyes burned when she turned and walked out of the house without a backwards look. Shaking, he heard the sound of her transport as it started. A moment later, it flew over his house, heading back in the direction of Hunter and Jesse’s house. It was only when she was out of sight that he gave in to the grief. A loud gasp escaped him as he sank back down to the ground. The pole clattered against the tile and he leaned forward, rocking as pain exploded through him.
Sitting back, he tilted his head back and roared in rage. His body shook with the force of his pain. It was far worse than what the doctors had told him yesterday.
“You are lucky to still have your leg,” the surgeon had told him. “There is nothing else we can do. The damage was too great even for the bone regenerator to repair. The nerve damage is irreversible. I had to remove almost an inch of fragmented bone during this last surgery. Your body is rejecting the bone graft that was done. I’ve injected a new anti-rejection agent in the hopes that we can still save it. If the graft holds long enough for the new bone to have a chance to fuse, then you should be fine. If this doesn’t work, it will be necessary to amputate your leg.”
Saber’s eyes burned as he looked up at the sky. In his mind’s eye, all he could see was Taylor’s beautiful face as he made love to her. He didn’t know how it was possible for a male to survive such agony. For the first time in his life, he understood the bond between a Trivator and his Amate.
“Goddess, help me,” he whispered. “I love her so much. Help me.”
Chapter 10
“Taylor, are you sure about this?” Jesse asked, following her sister as she picked up another item and tossed it into her backpack. “What happened last night? Taylor,” Jesse reached out and touched Taylor’s arm when she tried to walk around her again. “Talk to me. I’m here for you. I always have been.”
Taylor stopped, her hands twisting the shirt she had grabbed. She stared at the wall before she released the breath she was holding. Turning, she sank down on the edge of the bed, her head bowed.
“I have to go away for a little while, Jesse,” she whispered. “I need… I need to find myself.”
Jesse’s eyes softened at the confusion in Taylor’s voice. Kneeling on the floor in front of her sister, Jesse laid her hands over Taylor’s trembling ones. A tear drop landed on the back of her hand. Concern swept through Jesse. Taylor had always been the bubbly one of the three sisters. Seeing her in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it was tearing Jesse apart.
“What did Saber do to you?” Jesse asked.
Taylor swallowed before she looked at Jesse. Her eyes were full of unshed tears. She pulled one hand free and wiped angrily at her cheek when they spilled over.
“He lied to me,” Taylor whispered. “He said he wanted me to leave and not come back. He said he didn’t love me.”
Jesse shook her head and cupped Taylor’s cheek. “He adores you,” she said in a firm voice. “He’s just going through a rough time.”
“Five years, Jesse,” Taylor said, sliding off the bed and stepping around her older sister. Wrapping her arms around her waist, she turned to look at Jesse. “It’s been almost five years since the mission and his return. I’ve tried to be patient. I went into physical therapy to help him, but he fights me. He… He’s changed so much, but I still love him. It hurts, Jesse. It hurts so much and I don’t know how to make it stop.”
Jesse rose to her feet and wrapped her arms around Taylor’s trembling body. She didn’t say anything. She closed her eyes and wished there was a magic
answer to ease the pain Taylor was feeling.
“So, where are you going?” She asked, pulling back.
Taylor sniffed and pulled away. “There is a practicum that I was offered to finish out my studies early. It is an aid mission to the Dises V star system. They haven’t been in the Alliance for very long. I… I wasn’t going to go. I could finish my degree here, but this is a chance to finish early and really apply what I’ve been learning.”
“Taylor…,” Jesse whispered, her hand going to her throat. “How long will you be gone? Who is going? When are you leaving?”
Taylor stuffed the shirt she was holding into the backpack she always carried. “Three months. There are six of us from my class going. The transport is leaving this afternoon. I’ve got to hurry if I’m going to make it.”
“Oh, Taylor, surely there is another way,” Jesse said, twisting her hands together.
Taylor turned and looked at Jesse’s worried face. Stepping up, she gave her big sister a tight hug before stepping back. Shaking her head, she opened the drawer next to the bed and pulled out a picture of her, Jesse, Jordan, and their dad. Staring at it, she slid it into the front pocket of her backpack.
“I’ve grown up, Jesse,” she said in a firm voice. “You, Jordan, and Dad, you’ve all done a great job, but it’s time for me to find out who I am. I love you. I don’t think I tell you that enough, or thank you for everything you’ve done.”
“You never have to thank me, Taylor,” Jesse protested. “You are family.”
Taylor zipped her bag closed and slung it over her shoulder. “I know,” she said. “Will you tell Jordan goodbye for me?”
Jesse pressed her lips together so she wouldn’t cry and nodded. Taylor could see this was difficult for Jesse. For the moment at least, a sense of calm came over her. This would give both her and Saber time to see if they really were meant to go their separate ways.
“I love you, Taylor,” Jesse said in a quivering voice. “I expect to hear from you at least once a week. Remember to be careful.”
Taylor chuckled. “I’m too fast for a bunch of old fuddy-duddies to catch me,” she teased to cover her own feelings. “I need to give Leila and Lyon a kiss before I go. I’m going to miss those two.”
Jesse laughed and shook her head. “Shana and Scout are going to be furious that they aren’t here to see you off!” She warned, slipping her arm through Taylor’s.
Taylor smiled. “Kali and Razor needed them to babysit while they went on that diplomatic mission,” she said. “Kali taught me a few of her moves. She is really cool on the obstacle course down at the training center. She ran circles around the young recruits.”
“I know,” Jesse replied with a sigh, running her hand over her slightly plumper figure. “I might have been able to keep up with her before the kids.”
Taylor squeezed Jesse’s arm. “And Hunter,” she teased. “Admit it. He loves feeding you and he can’t keep his hands off you.”
Jesse blushed and grinned. “He likes that I’m slightly curvier,” she admitted, before she drew in a deep breath. “Just promise me that you’ll be safe.”
“Always,” Taylor replied, bending to kiss Lyon before picking up Leila and hugging her. “I’ll miss you, sweet pea.”
Leila giggled, looking at Jesse and holding out her arms. “Mama,” she squealed.
Jesse looked at Charma, their housekeeper. “Can you watch these two for just a bit longer?” She asked.
“Of course, Jesse,” Charma said, clapping her hands for Leila. “I think it is time to go swimming.”
“Yay!” Lyon shouted, jumping to his feet and taking off out the door to the garden.
“I’ll be there in just a few minutes,” Jesse promised.
Charma nodded, turning to hurry after Lyon. “Take your time,” she said, stepping out of the door and calling for Lyon to wait up for her.
Taylor chuckled and turned toward the front door. She could hear the sound of a transport out front. Buzz, one of her classmates, was picking her up.
“My ride’s here,” Taylor said in a thick voice. “If Saber tries to contact me… Just let him know I think it is best if we don’t talk to each other for a while. I want him to know I meant what I said.”
Jesse frowned. “What did you tell him?” She asked in concern.
Taylor paused at the front door and gave Jesse a weak smile. “That if he didn’t get his shit together by the time I get back, that I’m moving on with my life. I can’t do this anymore, Jesse. I love him too much to watch him destroy what we have because he can’t accept that I don’t need a warrior as an Amate, I need the man.”
Jesse nodded and hugged Taylor again. “He’ll realize that,” she promised. “If he doesn’t, Hunter and Dagger will whip his ass.”
Taylor laughed and opened the door. “Maybe that is what he needs,” she teased. “I’ll see you in a few months.”
“Be safe,” Jesse called out watching Taylor jog over to the transport.
Taylor had grown up. Jesse waved again as the transport lifted off the ground. A sad smile curved her lips. Saber better get his shit together or he was going to lose the best thing that ever happened to him.
*.*.*
Saber grimaced when he heard the banging on his front door. He laid his head back on the couch when it stopped and closed his eyes again. For a moment, he wondered if he had imagined it as his head was still making the loud pounding that had woken him from a fitful sleep.
He jerked when he felt the presence of someone else in the room. His hand groped for the weapon he usually carried; instead, his fingers wrapped around his cane. Swinging it upward, he grunted.
“What do you think you are doing?” Hunter demanded, glaring down at where Saber was sprawled on the couch.
“That’s the problem, he isn’t thinking – as usual,” Dagger added, giving the voice command for the panels in the ceiling to change to clear.
“Shewta! What are you two doing here? I know I locked the door,” Saber muttered, releasing the cane that Hunter was holding and covering his eyes. “Shut out the light,” he demanded in a thick, slightly slurred voice.
“No,” Dagger said, walking over to sit down in the chair across from Saber.
“Sunshade mode,” Saber hissed, breathing a sigh when the panels darkened to block part of the sun, but not all of it. Pushing up into a sitting position, he leaned forward and drew in a deep breath, hoping that the room would stop spinning. “What are you doing here?”
“Trying not to kill your ass,” Hunter snapped in irritation. “You made Jesse cry!”
Saber glanced up at Hunter’s angry face and grimaced. He knew what was about to happen. It had been building for the past five years. With a weary sigh, he leaned back and stared at Hunter, ignoring the pounding in his head from too much liquor.
“Taylor…,” Saber started to say before he clamped his lips shut at the dark scowl on Hunter’s face.
“Gone,” Hunter snapped again, moving to sit down in the other chair across from Saber. “She left yesterday afternoon on an aid mission to Dises V.”
Saber groaned and leaned back, running his hand over his hair as he stared up at the shadowed sky. Dises V had only been in the Alliance for the last six months.
“As you know, the Eastern sector on Dises V reached out and requested help from the Alliance. The council agreed to provide limited support and medical aid. The problem is tensions have been mounting over the last couple of months between the two ruling sectors. The Eastern sector is embracing the Alliance while the Western opposes it. The Western argues that the Alliance has no jurisdiction to be on the planet. They have been using the inhabitants of the Eastern regions to supply their labor force. The Eastern sector is smaller and has been the main source of that labor over the last few centuries. They want to conform to Alliance standards and free all those sold into servitude. Razor is trying to negotiate a peace accord and set up trade to help the Eastern regions r
eceive additional resources to make the transition easier,” Hunter bluntly informed Saber.
“What Razor really wants to do is flatten the Western sectors refusing to comply, but there are too many innocents being held hostage by the rebel groups in the Western regions,” Dagger added, bending forward to pick up Saber’s cane and twirling it between his fingers. “If you ask me, the whole region is about to explode.”
“Razor has requested additional troops, but the council is hoping to avoid that. They believe if the Eastern region is aware that more troops are on their way, things will escalate before a treaty can be signed. The Western region insists that they deal with their people. That this is a matter between them, not the Alliance.”
Saber scowled at Hunter. “That makes absolutely no sense. If the council knows how dangerous the situation is, why don’t they agree with Razor’s demands? You would think they would realize that he understands the situation and wouldn’t request additional troops unless he suspected something was about to happen. Surely, the ruling faction of the Western region knows better than to oppose Razor?” He muttered. “Why would you allow Taylor to go to that region knowing it is about to explode?”
Hunter’s eyes narrowed. “I didn’t,” he bit out. “She left while I was in a closed meeting. Jesse feels Taylor is old enough to make her own decisions.”
Saber grimaced and glared at Dagger, holding his hand out. Dagger tossed the cane he had been playing with to Saber. Leaning heavily on it, Saber struggled to a standing position.
“Call her back,” Saber grunted. “This isn’t Earth. Jesse should know that Taylor is under your protection. There is no ‘old’ enough. The duty of a Trivator demands that he care for the females under his protection until that protection is passed to another.”
“You should have thought about that before you hurt her, Saber,” Hunter said in a cold, hard voice. “I gave my trust to you that you would protect Taylor.”