CHAPTER XVI.
THE PARSON'S INDIGNATION.
Mark found his roommate and faithful second, Texas, busily occupied incleaning up for the morning inspection. Texas wasn't looking for Mark;it had been Texas' private opinion that Mark had earned a week's holidayby the battle of the morning, and that the surgeon would surely grantit. When Mark did turn up, however, Texas wasted no time in complainingof the injustice, but got his friend by the hand in a hurry.
"Ole man," he cried, "I'm proud of you! I ain't had a chance to say howproud I am!"
"Thanks," said Mark, laughing, "but look out for that sore thumb--andfor mercy's sakes don't slap me on that shoulder again. I'm moredelicate than I look. And say, Texas, I've got a new member for oursecret society--b'gee!"
Texas looked interested.
"He's a pretty game youngster," Mark continued, "for when Bull Harrisand that gang of his tried to haze him, he sailed in and tried to do thecrowd."
"Oh!" cried Texas, excitedly. "Wow! I wish I'd 'a' been there. Say,Mark, d'ye know I've been a missin' no end o' fun that a'way. Parson hada fight, an' I didn't see it; you had one daown to Cranston's, an' Imissed that; an' yere's another!"
Texas looked disgusted and Mark burst out laughing.
"'Tain't any fun," growled the former. "But go on, tell me 'bout thischap. What does he look like?"
"He's not as tall as we," replied Mark, "but he's very good-looking andjolly. And when he says 'B'gee' and laughs, you can't help laughing withhim. Hello, there's inspection!"
This last remark was prompted by a sharp rap upon the door. The twosprang up and stood at attention. "Heels together, eyes to the front,chest out"--they knew the whole formula by this time. And Cadet CorporalJasper strode in, found fault with a few things and then went on tocarry death and devastation into the next place.
A few minutes later the Parson strolled in.
"Yea, by Zeus," began he, without waiting for the formality of asalutation. "Yea, by Apollo, the far-darting, this is indeed an outrageworthy of the great Achilles to avenge. And I do swear by the bones ofmy ancestors, by the hounds of Diana, forsooth even by Jupiter lapis andthe Gemini, that never while I inspire the atmosphere of existence willI submit myself to so outrageous an imposition----"
"Wow!" cried Texas. "What's up?"
"Sit down and tell us about it," added Mark.
"It is written in the most immortal document," continued the Parson,without noticing the interruption, "that ever emanated from the mind ofman, the Declaration of Independence (signed, by the way, by an ancestorof my stepmother), that among the inalienable privileges of man,co-ordinate with life and liberty itself, is the pursuit of happiness.And in the name of the Seven Gates of Thebes and the Seven Hills of theEternal City, I demand to know what happiness a man can have if all hishappiness is taken from him!"
"B'gee! Reminds me of a story I heard about a boy who wanted to see thecow jump over the moon on a night when there wasn't any moon, b'gee."
Mark and Texas looked up in surprise and the Parson faced about inobvious displeasure at the interruption.
"In the name of all the Olympian divinities and the inhabitants ofCharon and the Styx," he cried, angrily, "I demand to know----"
"Come in," said Mark, laughing. "Excuse me for interrupting, Parson, butthis is Mr. Alan Dewey, b'gee, member Number Five of our band ofdesperate buccaneers, if you please. Mr. Dewey, allow me to introduceyou to the gentleman who 'reminded' you of that last story, Mr. PeterStanard, of Boston, Massachusetts, the cradle of liberty, the nurse offreedom, and the center and metropolis of the geological universe."
The Parson bowed gravely.
"While I am, together with all true Bostonians, proud of the reputationwhich my city has merited, yet I am----"
"Also to Mr. Jeremiah Powers," continued Mark, cutting the Parson off inhis peroration.
"Son o' the Honorable Scrap Powers, o' Hurricane County, Texas," addedTexas, himself.
Young Dewey shook hands all around, and then sat down on the bed,looking at Mark with a puzzled expression on his face, as much as tosay, "what on earth have I struck--b'gee?" Mark saw his expression andundertook to inform him, making haste to start before the Parson couldbegin again on the relative merits of Boston and the rest of thecivilized universe.
"Powers and Stanard," said he, "are the members of our organization,together with Indian, the fat boy."
"I see," said Dewey, at the same time thinking what a novel organizationit must be. "There's Indian now."
Indian's round, scared face peered in through the open doorway justthen. He was introduced to Number Five, whereupon Number Five remarked'Very pleased to meet you, b'gee.' And Indian echoed 'Bless my soul!'and crept into the room and sat down in an inconspicuous corner.
There was a moment's pause and then the Parson commenced:
"If I remember correctly, we were occupied when last interrupted,by--ahem! a rather facetious observation upon the subject of oursolitary lunar satellite and quadruped of the genus Bos--occupied I sayin considering the position which the metropolis of Boston hasobtained----"
"Drop Boston!" laughed Mark. "We weren't on Boston anyhow. Boston camein afterward--as Boston always does, in fact."
"Which reminds me, b'gee," put in the newcomer, "of a story I once heardof----"
"Drop the story, too!" exclaimed Mark. "I want to know what the Parsonwas so indignant about."
"Yes, yes!" put in Texas. "That's what I say, too. And be quick aboutit. We've only ten minutes 'fore drill, an' if there's anybody got to belicked, why, we got to hustle."
"Well," said Stanard, drawing a long breath. "Well! Since it is theobvious and, in fact, natural desire of the company assembled, soexpressed by them, that I should immediately proceed to a summary andconcise statement of the matter in hand, pausing for no extensiveintroductions or formal perorations, but endeavoring assiduously toimpart to my promulgations a certain clarified conciseness which inmatters of this peculiar nature is so eminently advantageous----"
The Parson was interrupted at this place by a subdued "B'gee!" fromDewey, followed by a more emphatic "Wow!" and a scarcely audible "Blessmy soul!"
"What's the matter?" he inquired, stopping short and looking puzzled.
"Nothing," replied Mark. "I didn't say anything."
"Oh!" said the Parson. "Excuse me. Where was I? Oh, yes, I was justsaying I would be brief. Gentlemen--ahem!--when I entered this room Iwas in a condition of violent anger. As I stated, an outrage had beenoffered me such as neither Parmenides, nor Socrates, nor even Zeno,stoic of stoics, could have borne. And I have resolved to seek oncemore, as a prodigal son, the land of my birth, where science is fosteredinstead of being repressed as in this hotbed of prejudice and ignorance.I----"
"What's up?" cried the four.
"I am coming to that," said the Parson, gravely, stretching out his longshanks, drawing up his trousers, and displaying his sea-green socks."This same morning--and my friend Indian will substantiate my statement,for he was there--a low, ignorant cadet corporal did enter into my room,for inspection, by Zeus, and after generally displaying his ill-manners,he turned to me and conveyed the extraordinary information that,according to rules, forsooth, I must be deprived of the dearest objectof my affections, solace of my weary hours, my friend in time of need,my companion in sickness, which through all the trials of adversity hasstuck to me closer than a brother, my only joy, my----"
"What?" cried the four, by this time wrought up to the highest pitch ofindignation and excitement.
"My one refuge from the cares of life," continued the solemn Parson,"the one mitigating circumstance in this life of tribulation, theonly----"
"What? What? What?"
"What? Of all things what, but this? What but my life, my pride, myhope--my beloved volume of 'Dana's Geology,' friend of my----"
And the roar of laughter which came then made the sentry out on thestreet jump in alarm. The laughing lasted until the cry came:
"New cadets turn out!
" which meant drill; and it lasted after that, too,so that Cadet Spencer, drillmaster, "on duty over plebes," spent thenext hour or two in wondering what on earth his charges kept snickeringat. Poor Texas was the subject of a ten-minute discourse upon"impertinence and presumption," because he was guilty of the heinousoffense of bursting out laughing in the midst of one of the irate littledrillmaster's tirades.