CHAPTER VII.
THE CONSQUINSIES.
The shevalliay did not die, for the ball came out of its own accord, inthe midst of a violent fever and inflamayshn which was brot on by thewound. He was kept in bed for 6 weeks though, and did not recover for along time after.
As for master, his lot, I'm sorry to say, was wuss than that of hisadvisary. Inflammation came on too; and, to make an ugly story short,they were obliged to take off his hand at the rist.
He bore it, in cors, like a Trojin, and in a month he too was well, andhis wound heel'd; but I never see a man look so like a devvle as he usedsometimes, when he looked down at the stump!
To be sure, in Miss Griffinses eyes, this only indeerd him the mor. Shesent twenty noats a day to ask for him, calling him her beloved, herunfortunat, her hero, her wictim, and I dono what. I've kep some of thenoats, as I tell you, and curiously sentimentle they are, beating thesorrows of MacWhirter all to nothing.
Old Crabs used to come offen, and consumed a power of wine and seagarsat our house. I bleave he was at Paris because there was an exycutionin his own house in England; and his son was a sure find (as they say)during his illness, and couldn't deny himself to the old genlmn. Hiseveninx my lord spent reglar at Lady Griffin's; where, as master wasill, I didn't go any more now, and where the shevalier wasn't there todisturb him.
"You see how that woman hates you, Deuceace," says my lord, one day, ina fit of cander, after they had been talking about Lady Griffin: "SHEHAS NOT DONE WITH YOU YET, I tell you fairly."
"Curse her," says master, in a fury, lifting up his maim'd arm--"curseher! but I will be even with her one day. I am sure of Matilda: I tookcare to put that beyond the reach of a failure. The girl must marry me,for her own sake."
"FOR HER OWN SAKE! O ho! Good, good!" My lord lifted his i's, and saidgravely, "I understand, my dear boy: it is an excellent plan."
"Well," says master, grinning fearcely and knowingly at his exlent oldfather, "as the girl is safe, what harm can I fear from the fiend of astep-mother?"
My lord only gev a long whizzle, and, soon after, taking up his hat,walked off. I saw him sawnter down the Plas Vandome, and go in quitecalmly to the old door of Lady Griffinses hotel. Bless his old face!such a puffickly good-natured, kind-hearted, merry, selfish oldscoundrel, I never shall see again.
His lordship was quite right in saying to master that "Lady Griffinhadn't done with him." No moar she had. But she never would have thoughtof the nex game she was going to play, IF SOMEBODY HADN'T PUT HER UP TOIT. Who did? If you red the above passidge, and saw how a venrabble oldgenlmn took his hat, and sauntered down the Plas Vandome (looking hardand kind at all the nussary-maids--buns they call them in France--inthe way), I leave you to guess who was the author of the nex scheam: awoman, suttnly, never would have pitcht on it.
In the fuss payper which I wrote concerning Mr. Deuceace's adventers,and his kind behayvior to Messrs. Dawkins and Blewitt, I had the honorof laying before the public a skidewl of my master's detts, in witch wasthe following itim:
"Bills of xchange and I.O.U.'s, 4963L. 0s. 0d."
The I.O.U.se were trifling, say a thowsnd pound. The bills amountid tofour thowsnd moar.
Now, the lor is in France, that if a genlmn gives these in England, anda French genlmn gits them in any way, he can pursew the Englishman whohas drawn them, even though he should be in France. Master did not knowthis fact--laboring under a very common mistak, that, when onst out ofEngland, he might wissle at all the debts he left behind him.
My Lady Griffin sent over to her slissators in London, who madearrangemints with the persons who possest the fine collection ofortografs on stampt paper which master had left behind him; and theywere glad enuff to take any oppertunity of getting back their money.
One fine morning, as I was looking about in the court-yard of ourhotel, talking to the servant-gals, as was my reglar custom, in order toimprove myself in the French languidge, one of them comes up to me andsays, "Tenez, Monsieur Charles, down below in the office there isa bailiff, with a couple of gendarmes, who is asking for yourmaster--a-t-il des dettes par hasard?"
I was struck all of a heap--the truth flasht on my mind's hi."Toinette," says I, for that was the gal's name--"Toinette," saysI, giving her a kiss, "keep them for two minits, as you valyou myaffeckshn;" and then I gave her another kiss, and ran up stares to ourchambers. Master had now pretty well recovered of his wound, and wasaloud to drive abowt: it was lucky for him that he had the strength tomove. "Sir, sir," says I, "the bailiffs are after you, and you must runfor your life."
"Bailiff?" says he: "nonsense! I don't, thank heaven, owe a shilling toany man."
"Stuff, sir," says I, forgetting my respeck; "don't you owe money inEngland? I tell you the bailiffs are here, and will be on you in amoment."
As I spoke, cling cling, ling ling, goes the bell of the antyshamber,and there they were sure enough!
What was to be done? Quick as litening, I throws off my livry coat,claps my goold lace hat on master's head, and makes him put on my livry.Then I wraps myself up in his dressing-gown, and lolling down on thesofa, bids him open the dor.
There they were--the bailiff--two jondarms with him--Toinette, and anold waiter. When Toinette sees master, she smiles, and says: "Dis donc,Charles! ou est donc ton maitre? Chez lui, n'est-ce pas? C'est le jeunea monsieur," says she, curtsying to the bailiff.
The old waiter was just a-going to blurt out, "Mais ce n'est pas!" whenToinette stops him, and says, "Laissez donc passer ces messieurs, vieuxbete;" and in they walk, the 2 jon d'arms taking their post in the hall.
Master throws open the salong doar very gravely, and touching MY hatsays, "Have you any orders about the cab, sir?"
"Why, no, Chawls," says I; "I shan't drive out to-day."
The old bailiff grinned, for he understood English (having had plentyof English customers), and says in French, as master goes out, "I think,sir, you had better let your servant get a coach, for I am under thepainful necessity of arresting you, au nom de la loi, for the sum ofninety-eight thousand seven hundred francs, owed by you to the SieurJacques Francois Lebrun, of Paris;" and he pulls out a number of bills,with master's acceptances on them sure enough.
"Take a chair, sir," says I; and down he sits; and I began to chaff him,as well as I could, about the weather, my illness, my sad axdent, havinglost one of my hands, which was stuck into my busum, and so on.
At last, after a minnit or two, I could contane no longer, and bust outin a horse laff.
The old fellow turned quite pail, and began to suspect somethink."Hola!" says he; "gendarmes! a moi! a moi! Je suis floue, vole," whichmeans, in English, that he was reglar sold.
The jondarmes jumped into the room, and so did Toinette and thewaiter. Grasefly rising from my arm-chare, I took my hand from mydressing-gownd, and, flinging it open, stuck up on the chair one of theneatest legs ever seen.
I then pinted majestickly--to what do you think?--to my PLUSH TITES!those sellabrated inigspressables which have rendered me famous inYourope.
Taking the hint, the jondarmes and the servnts rord out laffing; andso did Charles Yellowplush, Esquire, I can tell you. Old Grippard thebailiff looked as if he would faint in his chare.
I heard a kab galloping like mad out of the hotel-gate, and knew thenthat my master was safe.