Chapter Fourteen
On a weekend in February, they all took a drive to Big Bear Lake. Suella missed dressing her daughter in the ballet outfits, but supposed she might have almost as much fun with ski wear. She helped her pick out an adorable fuchsia ski suit that complemented her fair skin and curly blond hair. “You should get one too,” Nathan had said. “Do you think we’re just going to let you drink hot chocolate in the ski lodge?”
Suella couldn’t believe how busy the ski area was. Hundreds of people teemed along the slopes, swishing through the snow like ants on toothpicks. Nathan, Suella and Natalie all rode together on a lift chair as it pulled them up the mountain. The sky was overcast, but with little wind. At least it wasn’t too cold on the day they decided to do this. “Isn’t this great?” Natalie said, waving her gloved hand toward the rustic, snow covered mountain scenery and all the excitement below them.
When they dropped off the lift chair, Suella started skidding too much and jabbed frantically at the snow with her ski poles to try to stop. Natalie, who instinctively knew to angle her skis in and swish them out, laughed at her mother. Their first stop was a bunny slope with a smaller lift and a cheery girl ski instructor on hand to give them all pointers. Nathan curled and sped through the snow as if he’d been born on skis. Still, he patiently stood by while the girl ski pro taught Natalie and Suella how to turn, snow plow and shift their weight to control their direction.
After about an hour, Suella could cut through the bunny slope, making long graceful turns without flailing about or falling. “I think you’re ready for the green run!” the instructor said. Nathan was so happy about this he whooped with delight.
They all skied toward the lift to take them there, laughing and grinning.
On the way up, Suella said “If I fall off the side of a mountain, make sure they donate my organs.”
Nathan laughed. “You’re not going to fall. I won’t let you.” When they all dropped off the lift at the start of the green run, Suella started to breathe fast.
There was an immediate drop off that looked like a cliff! “It’s no problem,” Nathan said. “Just cut through it like the girl showed you. Follow me!”
Nathan skied along a ridge above the drop and curved off into the slope for the main run. Natalie, in her dark goggles, followed gracefully along behind him while Suella coasted and prayed. The green run opened up into a bowl area where dozens of other people swished through the snow as they glided downhill. For a moment the sun poked through clouds, causing Suella to squint. She wished she’d chosen tinted ones like Natalie’s. While her heart pounded every time she skied near another person, she felt glad as the run flattened out and led toward the lodge at the bottom. “See! You can do this!” Nathan said.
“I can do it too, daddy!” Natalie sang, raising her fists triumphantly. “Let’s go up again!”
Suella groaned inside. She’d wanted to ski down to the lodge and rest for a minute, but decided it would be more fun to share her daughter’s joy on a second run. “Let’s go even faster this time,” Natalie said, as the lift chair glided over the slopes. “This is the best day ever!”
When they hopped off the lift chair, Suella resolved that, no matter what, she would ski on toward the lodge when they reached the bottom. Natalie leaped off the ski lift chair the moment they arrived at the green diamond slope. She swished and curved her way around the initial drop as if she’d been skiing for her whole life. Suella and Nathan chased after her. She realized that with all the activity she’d lost touch with the cold bite in the air. Natalie skied further and faster out ahead of them, nearing a congested area. Nathan jabbed his poles. He was trying to give himself forward thrust in order to catch up with his daughter.
Suella lagged anxiously behind. She made sure of rounding the steep drop with long, graceful curves, even if it slowed her down. By the time she reached the long, wide-open area, which before had looked like a bowling alley on a Friday night, she noticed that many skiers had clustered over to the far side, near a clump of trees. They were all standing still. Suella searched the crowd for the distinctive rose ski pants and jacket Natalie was wearing but she could not find them. Something told her that she should angle over toward the crowd of people stopped by the trees.
When she arrived there, she discovered that they were tending to someone who had fallen on the ground. As details became clearer when she approached, she realized that the person on the ground was wearing rose ski pants. Natalie. She heard her daughter whimpering and sobbing. Terrified, she closed the gap between them by leaning down and coasting hard. When she reached the crowd, she jabbed her ski poles into the snow to stop herself, then kicked off the latches on the ski boots, to free herself from the skis. “Mommy!” Natalie cried.
Nathan had knelt down in the snow, on the other side of her, holding her, comforting her. “I’m here, precious,” Suella said, dropping to her knees and gathering her daughter in her arms. Natalie shook against her with wracking sobs.
Nathan said “She bumped into another little girl on the way down.
Took a tumble. and ended up over here. I don’t think anything’s broken.”
“Where does it hurt, Natalie?”
Her eyes darted all around and her breath came out in raspy sobs. “All over.”
Nathan said “We called rescue just to be on the safe side. They’re going to take her to the first aid station in the lodge.”
Just a few moments later, a young guy and a girl about the same age swished to a stop on their skis right beside them. The guy towed a plastic sled behind him. Both of them wore black and red ski suits that were printed with “staff” on the back. The girl spoke first. She rushed beside Natalie. “We’re here darling,” she said. “Jay and I are going to bring you down to the lodge so that the nurse can make sure you’re okay.” She and Jay lifted Natalie tenderly, as if she were as fragile as a porcelain doll, holding her head while they lifted her toward the rescue sled.
“That’s it, sweetie,” Jay said. “Just a little joy ride and we’ll get you inside where it’s warm. All the hot chocolate you can drink. How does that sound?”
Natalie murmured “Okay.” She turned to Suella and added “Mommy, come with us! Don’t go away!”
“Don’t worry baby I’ll be right behind you!” She followed behind Jay and the girl, who towed the sled and Nathan fell in behind her. Together they made a skiing caravan that coasted the rest of the way down the hill toward the lodge. Other skiers cleared out of the way for them. They reached the bottom very quickly. Jay, the girl, and the sled rounded a corner for the rear door of the lodge, where several people emerged to receive them.
Suella had to disengage herself from her skis again, along with Nathan.
They leaned their skis against grooves beside another door of the lodge. She anxiously stepped in the direction where they’d brought Natalie. Moments later she watched Jay and a couple of other guys with big arms and necks lift the entire sled onto an examination table.
The nurse, a plain woman wearing glasses and in early middle age, brushed back Natalie’s hair with her palm as she cooed reassurances to her. The men gently lifted Natalie from the sled and placed her down on the table. Natalie had started to cry and sob, but quieted down when she saw Suella enter the room.
“Where does it hurt?” the nurse asked. “Move your toes for me.” Jay gingerly removed Natalie’s ski boots so the nurse could better assess the extent of her injuries. She quickly and efficiently checked Natalie’s legs, feet, toes, and her hip, arms, and hands. Suella slumped with relief at watching her daughter lift her limbs with ease, without crying out in pain. “You’re a very brave, very lucky girl,” the nurse said. She lifted a penlight to check Natalie’s eyes and ears as she spoke.
After a few minutes more of an examination, she instructed Jay and the girl from the slopes to stay behind and keep Natali
e company. Meanwhile, the nurse brought Suella and Nathan out into the hallway. She said “She just had a scary fall, is all. Nothing’s broken, she doesn’t have any cuts or lacerations either. I’d like to keep her here for awhile longer, just to check for any changes in behavior or condition.”
Nathan nodded. “That’s completely fine with me, ma’am.”
Suella shook the woman’s hand. “I’m so grateful.” When they all walked back into the nurse’s room, Natalie was sitting up, looking distressed and sheepish.
“I want to change my pants,” Natalie said. “I wet myself.”
The nurse said “We have plenty of towels she can use to clean herself up. I can give you a plastic bag for her underwear. We even have paper panties that would probably fit her.”
Suella was amazed at how prepared they were. Jay and Nathan gracefully left the room so that the nurse and Suella could look after Natalie. In order to get her pants off, they had to unzip the bib and pull the suspenders down first. The nurse had taken Natalie’s jacket off at the beginning of the examination. As the ski bib slid off Natalie, Suella gasped in horror when she saw her little girl’s panties. They were tinged crimson red. “Oh my god,” she said, while the nurse calmly tugged Natalie’s blood-soaked panties over her feet. “What happened?” Suella asked.
The nurse gently examined Natalie’s vulva, kneading a sample of the blood between her thumb and first finger. “What’s wrong with me?” Natalie asked, her small face a contorted mask of confusion and fear.
“What is it?” Suella anxiously asked the nurse.
“Natalie, does anything hurt, say around your tummy or lower?” the nurse asked.
Too upset to speak, Natalie just shook her head vigorously. The nurse nodded, widening her eyes behind her glasses frames. “I can’t be sure of this yet, Mrs. Worthy, but I think your daughter may have just had her first period.”
Suella closed her eyes and shook her head. “What?”
“Her first period,” the nurse repeated. “Her first menses. The consistency of the blood, the absence of any injury. It’s all that’s left.”
“But that’s impossible! She isn’t even nine years old yet!” Suella wailed.
“Mommy, am I sick?” Natalie asked. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Have you discussed this with her?” the nurse asked Suella.
“No. I didn’t think I needed to yet! She’s not even nine years old.”
The nurse sighed. “Well, we’re going to have to tell her now.”
She reached over to pat Natalie tenderly on her head. “No, Natalie. You’re not sick. And you’re not hurt, either. “ She paused for a moment, her eyes darting about the room, as she was probably thinking of the best way to broach this delicate subject. “As you grow up and get bigger, as you become a bigger girl, certain things change, certain things happen. Your body changes so that when you get older, you’ll be able to have a baby.” As the nurse went on, discussing the phenomenon of menses in simple language, Suella held Natalie’s hand, looked down at her and nodded a lot.
When the two women finished speaking, Natalie said “So I’m going to be okay? I’m not sick?”
“You’ll be fine,” the nurse said. “Your mother will be there to help you each month. Everything will be fine.” She turned toward Suella and as an aside asked “How old were you when it happened?”
“When what happened?”
“Your period.”
“Oh,” Suella replied, feeling her temples and cheekbones heat up. “I was thir…I mean fourteen.”
The nurse nodded. “Well, Natalie is going to have lots of questions. Be there for her.”
Suella wondered who was going to answer her questions. There was nothing Dr. Allende could probably tell her as they sat in a ski lounge, yet Natalie’s annual appointment would occur in less than two months. This time Suella would bowl them over with questions. Natalie quietly drank her hot chocolate. Suella thought she must be trying to wrap her head around what the nurse had said. “I’m so glad you weren’t hurt,” Suella kept saying, over and over. It was the only thing she could think of to distract Natalie. When Nathan sat with their daughter for awhile, Suella retreated to another part of the lounge to call Dr. Allende.
Each time she called the office, though, she reached only the office girls. “I’ve already left her a message to call you back, Mrs. Worthy.”
Suella decided that Dr. Allende must have been on a skiing trip, also. After the nurse at the lodge was satisfied that Natalie was not hurt internally and that she’d calmed down, she gave them the green light to go. “I think we’ve all had a tough day,” Nathan said. ‘Let’s go home. We’ll beat all of the sundown crowd.”
They’d used Suella’s Mazda that day. Nathan ground the ignition twice before the switches plunged and the magnets swirled. “Maybe you ought to have them check that out, hun,” he said as he backed out of the parking lot. “Those things cost a fortune to replace.”
As they began the long descent down to the valley, Natalie, who’d changed back into her jeans and winter jacket, curled up on the back seat and quickly went to sleep. As Suella tried to make light small talk about the cute chalet style houses they passed and whether any famous people frequented Big Bear, she realized that Natalie wasn’t responding to her. “The kid’s had a tough day,” Nathan said, trying to keep his voice down. “Let her sleep.”
Suella glanced into the back seat, awestruck again by how beautiful and innocent her sleeping daughter looked. Speaking just above a whisper, she spoke to Nathan about her attempts to reach Dr. Allende.
He chuckled, watching the winding road ahead very closely. “What the hell do you think she’s going to tell you. ‘Congratulations! Maybe she’ll go into menopause earlier?’”
“That’s not funny, Nathan.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just that this would have been a whole lot easier for her had you done what I said and had ‘The Talk’ with her already.”
“What’s done is done, babe.” She tried to think of a way to deftly change the subject, but knew that being so obvious about it would make him mad. Instead she just watched fir trees rush past on the roadside.
“You know, Toni said that this might happen.”
The mention of her name surprised Suella. They only saw her about once a month now, the last time being Christmas. “What did Toni say would happen?”
Nathan’s voice was a monotonous drone, like a boring science teacher. “She did some reading and talked to some science people. They said that the reason cloning isn’t more widespread is that they haven’t figured out a way to keep the clones from aging too quickly.”
His words hit her like a slap across the face. “That’s not what’s happening to Natalie.” Just to reassure herself she turned and took a long look at her daughter. Her skin was fair and smooth, her hair lustrous. Since she was so active, she was thin and lean. She looked like a healthy, beautiful nine-year-old girl.
“I didn’t say that’s what’s happening to Natalie, hon. Those tests they run on her once a year, that’s probably what they’re about.”
“But Natalie’s so healthy. She hardly ever gets colds, or the flu.”
Less than two months later, the time arrived for Natalie’s yearly visit to the center. She would have to miss a couple of day’s worth of soccer practice, which annoyed her. “Mom, can’t we get another doctor closer to here?” she asked. “When my friends go to the doctor, it only takes an hour. I always have to go for a whole day. And none of my friends gets that many shots or gets all those wires taped on. That’s so weird. Why do they do that?”
Suella knew this time would come. Countless nights she’d lain awake in bed many nights thinking of answers to all the questions she might ask. “It’s because we love you, dear. We want to make sure you grow up strong and healthy.”
That response quieted Nat
alie for a bit as she helped her mother clean the countertops and dishes. “I still wish I didn’t have to go.”