It wasn’t until a different trio of people showed up in my doorway that I perked up.
“Hey, you came!”
Jenna rolled those pale gray eyes of hers, but I knew that her casual attitude was for show. She crossed to my bed and awkwardly patted my shoulder. Knowing what I did about her past, the pat was just as good as a hug.
“I hear I have you to thank for finding me,” I said.
She shrugged as Rylan came over to her side. “I’ve gotten used to you.”
I laughed, and it felt better than I remembered. “Thank you.” The sound died in my throat as Jalen came up to the other side of my bed. “Hi.”
He offered me a small smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Hi.”
After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Rylan spoke, “Have the doctors said when you’ll be released?”
“Tomorrow,” I said. “I would have preferred to be in my own bed tonight, but they want twenty-four hours of me awake and alert before they’re ready to send me home.”
“Do you want me to come pick you up?” Jenna asked. “Suzette’s planning on taking the kids out Christmas shopping tomorrow, and I can work here on my laptop as well as I can work at home.”
“I’ll take her home,” Jalen said quietly.
My heart did a quick little dance, something that the beeping heart monitor shared with everyone else in the room. I turned my head, and Jalen was there, his tall, muscular body close enough to me that my pulse skittered again. Still, I couldn’t let what I wanted, get in the way of what I knew.
“You don’t need to do that,” I said. “I can call for a car.”
Jalen’s grip on the bed’s handrail tightened until his knuckles turned white. “Have you forgotten what happened the last time you called for a car?”
No, I hadn’t forgotten, and I didn’t like the fact that he’d decided to remind me when we had a hell of a lot, more important things to discuss.
“My boyfriend paid for me at an auction run by human traffickers.”
He went completely and utterly still. “Clay.” The name came out like a curse.
“I think that’s our cue,” Rylan said to Jenna. He kissed the top of her head, then looked at me. “Whatever you need, just call, night or day.”
“I will,” I promised. I looked at Jenna. “Are you working with Agent Matthews on the case?”
She glanced at Jalen, then Rylan. “Why don’t we wait until you’re discharged to talk about that?”
I narrowed my eyes, and she raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms as she stared back. Dammit. I nodded once, and she gave me a quick smile before she and Rylan left.
“You should get some rest,” Jalen said. “You’ve been through a lot.”
His concern just pissed me off, and I pointed my finger at him. “You shouldn’t even be here.”
His eyes widened in surprise. “I saved your life.”
“Yeah, and you could’ve gotten caught and left your kid without a father.”
A muscle in his jaw jumped as he clenched it. “We don’t need to talk about this right now. You should–”
“Don’t tell me to rest,” I snapped. “I’ve been talking to you for more than a week without you actually being there. Now, I want a conversation that doesn’t come out of my own damn head.”
To my surprise, he flushed. It took a moment, and then I realized what had happened.
“We already talked once, didn’t we?” I asked, heat flooding my face. “And you asked me what you were to me.”
“You said I was everything.” Jalen’s voice was hoarse. “Rona–”
“You should be with your wife,” I said quietly.
“We both know that Elise isn’t my wife,” he countered. “Not in any way but semantics.”
“All right,” I conceded. “She might not be your wife, but she is the mother of your child.”
“I don’t know that,” he said as he reached down to take my hand. “I don’t even know if she’s pregnant, let alone if the baby’s mine.”
He had a point. I knew he did. Just like I’d known it the day I walked out of his house. It didn’t change anything.
“I don’t want to be with Elise. If the baby’s mine, I’ll be a father, but I’m done being her husband. I was done being her husband way before that drunken night.” He put his free hand on my cheek and waited until I locked eyes with him. “I don’t want her, Rona. I only want you.”
Shit. My insides warmed. “Is that why you bought me?”
He straightened, shaking his head. “You can’t really be pissed about that, can you?”
“You gave money to human traffickers,” I pointed out.
“I paid them to get you free,” he said, his voice tight. “If I hadn’t, you’d be with some fucking–” He stopped, a pained expression on his face. “I didn’t want to. Understand that, please. I wanted the cops to rescue you and everyone else there. I wanted the FBI to arrest every one of those assholes. But no one would listen to me, and I was running out of time. I’m not a cop. I’m not FBI. The only thing I have going for me is money. I’d do it again.”
“You left them there,” I said, surprised when my voice shook. “You left all those scared kids there.”
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled my head against his chest. “I tried to buy more. I swear I did. I wanted to buy them all because it was right, but also so I didn’t have to see the look on your face when you realized that you made it out, but they didn’t. They told me it was one purchase per customer. I offered them everything I had, Rona, I swear.” He kissed the top of my head. “I would’ve let them bankrupt me, but they told me I could have you and leave, or they’d kill me and sell you to someone else. I couldn’t stay.”
I pushed my face against his chest, letting his shirt absorb my tears. I believed him, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. It didn’t make me feel any less like shit, any less guilty for being here, safe. I had a feeling it would be a long while before that changed.
If it ever did.
Twelve
If I’d let him, Jalen would have stayed with me all night. He could’ve charmed the nurses into not enforcing visiting hours, even if he hadn’t been the sort of donor to the hospital that allowed rules to be stretched for him. I’d asked him to go though. I’d told him that it’d be easier for me to rest if he wasn’t there, but in truth, I couldn’t come to grips with what I’d been through if he was there, filling me with all sorts of other questions and concerns.
I walked away from him that day because I needed to figure out how our lives would fit together with Elise and a baby. If they could fit together.
But I never had that chance. Before I could even move beyond shock, I’d been kidnapped. Now, I was stuck with two huge things I had to deal with, and no idea where to begin.
Finally, I had to admit to myself that I needed to talk to someone about all of this because I couldn’t figure it out on my own. Fortunately, I knew someone who had the sort of background that would make her understand where I was coming from like no one else could.
When I woke up the next morning to discuss my release, there was only one person I wanted to call.
“You still look like shit,” Jenna announced as she walked into my hospital room. “I guess that means, you’re only human after all. The way Jalen went on about you all the time, I half expected you’d end up being a superhero or something. Like mild-mannered PI reveals that she is actually an alien crime fighter.”
I laughed, rubbing the bandages where my IV had been. “I’m pretty sure this would be the worst secret identity ever.”
Jenna smiled and raised an eyebrow. “Have you gotten the all clear yet? Because I don’t know about you, but I really hate hospitals.”
I stood as a nursing aid rolled a wheelchair through the door, holding onto the bedrail for support. “I’m good to go.”
I was settled in the passenger seat of her car before she brought up the subject I knew had been on her mind from the moment I
called her. She was more patient than I’d given her credit for.
“Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room? Or, I suppose I should say, the elephant not in the room.” Jenna cut me a sideways glance as she pulled out of the hospital parking lot. “I specifically remember being told someone else was going to take you home today.”
The bright sun reflecting from the snow hurt my eyes, and I shaded them with my hand. “Did Jalen tell you about what happened the day I was kidnapped? Why I was outside waiting for a car, I mean?”
“All he said was that the two of you had been having a discussion and you needed some space.”
“I want to talk to you about everything that happened,” I said, “but there’s something you need to know first, and trust me, you’re going to need some time to process. So if you could drop me off at home, I’ll tell you what you need to know, and then I’ll come by tomorrow, and we can talk.”
Jenna agreed, then she drove the rest of the way without a word. It was nice to just listen to music without having to think about anything. It didn’t last long, because before I knew it, we were pulling up in front of my building. I hadn’t given much thought to how much it had snowed while I’d been held prisoner, but seeing the unmarked snow piled in front of my office store, it really hit me how long I’d been gone.
I knew all too well the sort of tricks time could play with a person’s head. Racing along one moment, dragging the next. In some ways, it felt like I had just been here yesterday, but in others, I felt as if I’d been gone for decades.
“Alright,” Jenna said, “what’s this big secret you think I’m going to need a whole day to process?”
I was too tired to ease her into it, so I just stated it flat out, “Elise is pregnant. She says Jalen is the father. According to Jalen, it is actually a possibility.”
Jenna’s eyes widened, and her mouth opened, but no sound came out. I had to admit, her being speechless wasn’t something I ever thought I’d see.
“Well, I definitely didn’t see that coming.” She gave me a close look. “Is this the sort of thing where the girl code requires I offer to cut off his balls? Because I don’t have a problem with castration. In fact, I can turn them into a nice keychain for you if you want.”
I gave her a thin smile. “Thank you for the offer, but he didn’t cheat on me. They hooked up before he and I ever met. What I would like is to have breakfast with you tomorrow and talk about everything that happened in the past week and a half.”
“Are we talking sounding board or serious life advice?”
I snorted a sound that was part bemused, part sad, and part sarcastic. “Right now, I’d be happy if my head didn’t feel like it was going to explode.”
“You can come by whenever you’re ready,” Jenna said. “No invitation necessary.”
I thanked her, relief flooding my body. I’d known that if anyone could understand what I needed, it would be Jenna. I got out of the car and made my way to my steps, pleasantly surprised to find them brushed clean. A long hot soak in the tub, a mug of hot cocoa, and a good book were just what the doctor ordered. Everything else could wait until tomorrow.
“It’s amazing how far a shower and a good night’s sleep goes toward making a person feel human,” I said as I followed Jenna from the doorway into the kitchen. “Are the kids with Suzette again?”
“With Zeke, actually,” she said. “After they got home last night, Diana broke down in tears because they hadn’t gotten anything for Suzette since she’d been with them. Rylan called Zeke, and now he’s taking the kids for shopping day number two. He promised them ice skating and cocoa too, so they’ll be gone a while.”
She poured us each some coffee, then glanced at me. “Do you need something a bit stronger mixed in?”
I shook my head. “I’m appreciating not having anything fucking with my head.”
A dark shadow crossed Jenna’s face, and I knew I didn’t have to explain what I meant. She understood. Then her eyes darted from one arm to the other, and I realized that anyone could’ve guessed at my meaning, thanks to the marks Serge had left. She couldn’t see them now thanks to my sleeves, but she’d seen them in the hospital.
“I’m surprised Jalen walked out of there without killing those bastards.” She set a mug down in front of me, then put the other in front of where she sat. “I can’t imagine how hard it was for him.”
“For him?” I tried not to sound as annoyed as I felt. I was supposed to be here to talk to my friend about what I’d been through, not listen to how difficult it had been for my boyfriend… or whatever Jalen was now.
Her expression was serious. “I don’t doubt you went through hell, but you didn’t see him. When he realized you were gone…I’ve never seen anyone look so completely terrified and pissed off at the same time. In my defense, when I said it had to have been hard for him, I was actually talking about how much restraint it must’ve taken for him to walk out without beating the shit out of every one of those men.”
I supposed I could give him that. Still, it wasn’t the only thing about the series of events that I needed to talk about.
“How could you let him go undercover? He told you, right? What he was planning?”
“He didn’t have to,” she said easily. “I was the one who found where the auction was and told him about it. When no one would help us, we talked about what needed to happen, and we made a plan.”
“Shit, Jenna. What were the two of you thinking?”
She raised an eyebrow. “We were thinking that you were about to be sold to some pervert who was going to make you his sex slave, and we wanted you back.”
I sighed. “There were so many ways that could have gone wrong, you know.”
“But it didn’t.”
I ran my finger around the rim of my mug. “There were dozens of girls there. Guys too. Did Jalen tell you that?”
“He did.” Her voice was flat. “And it killed us both to leave them behind, but it was the only choice to make.” Her eyes met mine, and I was surprised by the affection that accompanied the steel. “I’d do it again.”
“Give me one more day, and I’ll be ready to help you find them,” I said.
Jenna nodded, pushing back ebony hair from her face. “I knew you would.” She took a long drink from her mug. “Now, how about you tell me what the hell is going on with Jalen and that psycho ex of his.”
After listening to me talk for nearly ninety minutes, Jenna still seemed to be more stunned by the revelation about Jalen and Elise’s pregnancy-resulting tryst than she was about anything else. I supposed after everything in her past, hearing about a couple bastards drugging and holding a woman captive so they could sell her to the highest bidder wasn’t as shocking as it was to me.
“You’ve had a hell of a couple weeks,” she said finally. “But please tell me you’re going to work things out with Jalen.”
“I want to,” I admitted. “I love him, Jenna, but he’s going to be a father.”
“Maybe,” she reminded me. “From what I know about Elise, there’s no guarantee that the baby is his. Or if she’s even pregnant.”
“That’s true,” I said. “I don’t know for sure, but I can’t spend nine months waiting to find out, so I can know how to respond. I can’t spend all that time building something only to have it ripped out from underneath me.”
“You think Jalen is going to dump you if he finds out the baby’s his?”
I glared at her knowing smirk. “When you put it that way… no, I don’t.”
“I don’t either,” she said. “Look, I’ve known Jalen for a couple years, and I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.”
I flushed and looked down at my hands. “I don’t know about that.”
“I do,” she said quietly. “Trust me, Rona. If he loses you, it’ll destroy him.”
Before I could come up with a response to that startling statement, the doorbell rang, and Jenna excused herself.
Lo
sing me would destroy him? He risked his life going undercover to rescue me. He paid a lot of money – I hadn’t decided if I wanted to know how much – to get me out. He told me that he loved me, and I had no reason to doubt him.
But a child changed things, even if neither of us wanted to believe it.
People could lose those they loved. It happened all the time. I’d lost both of my parents, even if my father was still technically alive. I’d lost Anton. Friends and family members died. Lovers and spouses died. Couples split up, sometimes even when they were still in love.
And life went on. People survived their losses.
If walking away from me was the only way Jalen could be the father his child needed him to be, then I would let him go, and he would survive it.
“Rona.”
I looked up to see Jalen standing in the doorway.
He would make it if we split up.
I wasn’t as sure about my own survival.
Thirteen
“How’d you know I was at Jenna’s?” We’d been riding next to each other in silence for at least ten minutes before I finally asked the question. “Did she call you?”
He cut me a sharp glance. “No. Jenna would never do that.”
“Then how?” I pressed.
A bit of color crept into his cheeks. “Rylan. But in his defense, I’m very persuasive, and he probably didn’t even think that you might not want me to know.”
“It’s not that,” I protested. “I mean, it wasn’t that I cared that you knew, I just…” I shook my head. “Shit. A week and a half talking to myself and various hallucinations and I completely lose my ability to carry on a normal conversation.”
Jalen laughed, and the awkward tension between us eased a bit. After a few more seconds of silence, he spoke again.
“I know you’ve been through a lot, and maybe I should have waited until you came to me, but I…” He glanced at me again. “I missed you, Rona. Yes, I was terrified when you were gone, but once you were safe, it hit me how much I missed seeing you, talking to you.”