* * *
We are brought fresh running clothes before the meeting. I step out while Chris and Justin change, then they step out for me. I pull the pouch out of my pocket and hold it in my hands for a moment, appreciating the diamond’s weight and heat. Without putting it down, I change my clothing and place the invaluable treasure in the front pocket of my clean jacket and zip the pocket shut.
I stand alone in the cubicle, thinking about my parents and the fact I didn’t get to say goodbye. I haven’t even spoken with them since I left home. I guess once I learned Maetha had manipulated their minds, I haven’t been concerned that they will worry about me. It would have been wonderful to hear their voices one more time, though. I think about Suz and how much I miss her, too. I think about myself, only to realize my fear and sadness is for everyone else, not for myself.
I recall once in my English class we debated whether or not it would be good to know when you were going to die. The class had been pretty much divided equally. Half argued that if you were aware of the exact date and time, you could say your goodbyes and have all your affairs in order. The others argued that if you knew exactly when you were going to die, you wouldn’t be able to live and enjoy life. You’d be focused on your impending death. I remember I sided on the “I don’t want to know when I’m going to die” side. But, look at me now. I know I’m about to die, yet I don’t get to put things in order and say goodbye. I got the bad end of the deal all the way around.
I think foolishly, not for the first time, now would be a good time to wake up. However, I know this is not a dream. This situation is very real. For a moment, I wonder what would have happened if I’d decided to call my parents and have them come pick me up at the compound. Who would have carried the diamond then? Would they have had the guts to do what is necessary to save my friends and companions?
Chapter 13 - Sacrifice