“Uh ... is this a trick question? ... We’re in the Green Forest.”
“Yeah, I know that. But where is the Green Forest? Like what country?”
“You mean on one of the human maps?”
“Yeah.”
“France.”
“I knew it!”
“How’d you know it?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Travel times. Computer.” I’d used the computer room at the compound several times when Tony and I were separated. At some point I’d seen a website identifying my computer’s IP address as being in France or Europe.
“So where in France are we exactly?”
“Ardennes.”
“Is that like a town or something?”
“No. It’s a department. A region.”
“Oh.” I wished I’d paid better attention in geography class. I’m sure a review of France had been in there somewhere. Maybe back in sixth grade. Then it struck me how similar that name sounded to our mysterious and fearless leader’s.
“Sounds like Dardennes. Is that a coincidence?”
“No. Dardennes means ‘from Ardennes’. The ‘D’ used to have an apostrophe after it. It’s French. Lots of us are actually from Ardennes, but we don’t usually bother with last names like the humans do. Most of us anyway.”
I looked up through the trees, trying to gauge what time it was by the position of the sun. I gave up, since I pretty much suck at any type of navigation.
“We are totally screwed. What am I going to do about Chase?” I was trying not to stress too much, but I was losing the battle. I felt the tears of frustration start to prick my eyes.
“Shh!” whispered Tim in my ear, suddenly grabbing a handful of my hair.
“Ouch. What?” I whispered back.
“Quick! Hide!”
I didn’t question him; I just followed his order. I ran behind the big tree, to the side opposite of where we were.
“What is it?” I asked as quietly as I could.
“Shhh,” was his only response. I could feel his tiny body trembling on my shoulder. I felt him move sideways to get deeper into my hair.
Sounds of movement through the underbrush deeper in the trees caught my attention. I strained my eyes to see what it was, but it was too dark where the sound was coming from. I found out soon enough, though, that I didn’t need to see who was coming. I could smell them – it was like the stench of rotten meat and smelly feet all mixed together.
A group of four orcs walked up to the spot near the tree where we’d just been standing.
Chapter 16
I tried not to make a sound, reaching out with my mind to tap into The Green. Whatever was going to happen, I wanted that safety net there for Tim and me. I reached down slowly and pulled Blackie out of its sheath at my leg. It could make even the biggest orc sizzle with dragonfire if need be. Holy shit, how I hoped it wouldn’t come to that. Four against one – my odds were not good at all.
This was one of those times I wished I had telepathy like the green elves do. I’d be telepathying my ass off to everyone I knew right now. Help me! Save my ass before it gets eaten! But for now, all I had was my Earth power and my dragon tooth. I didn’t know if pixeying worked on orcs, but I was afraid that – one – I’d accidentally get pixied and that would suck more than being molested by an orc in the long run, and – two – that a dancing, singing orc was so fundamentally wrong it would somehow throw off the balance of the Earth’s rotation and end the world as we know it. So I decided not to consider Tim’s help as a possible solution. I hoped he had followed the same path of reason that I did so he wouldn’t take it upon himself to jump out and ‘help’ me. Maybe, hopefully, his impetuous pixelation of Chase had taught him it was a bad idea to pixie in the presence of friends.
The orcs were grunting to one another, moving closer to where I was hiding. One of them was sniffing the air like a hunting dog. As they got nearer, I took a tentative step to the side, thinking if I could just keep the tree between them and me, they’d never see me and we’d be safe. Unfortunately, I stepped on a dry twig that snapped loud enough to sound unnatural and catch their attention.
Four ugly, black, lumpy heads turned simultaneously in my direction. The chorus of roars and grunts told me, even though I didn’t speak a word of orcan, that I’d been discovered. I quickly ran around the tree, trying to get back to the more open space where I’d had the conversation with Goose last night. I needed room to maneuver.
These orcs were faster than the ones I’d dealt with last time during my changeling test. I had just enough time to get in place with my legs spread wide in fighting stance before they rushed me.
In the instant before they reached me, I thought how totally bogus it is that in the movies whenever the group of bad guys is attacking, they do it one at a time, giving the attackee time to kick each of their asses, one at a time. These orcs obviously didn’t go to any bad guy school of etiquette or the movies much, because they were all on me at once in two seconds, like flies on shit – me being the shit, of course.
I swung Blackie out in a wide arc, zero finesse to the move and absolute desperation as my guide. I heard and smelled the sizzle of their black skin as it made contact and burned them with a surge of dragonfire. I’m pretty sure I learned the orcan word for sonofabitch right then. And then something that passed between them that sounded like: ‘(Roar!) Fargar garnah! (more roars!) Garnah bartor! (more roars!) Loosely translated, I’m pretty sure it meant “Sonofabitch! That bitch has a weapon!”
They fell back, cursing in orcan and looking down in surprise at their injuries that were now oozing tarry, black orc blood.
“Jayne, run!” yelled Tim.
I didn’t wait around to see what else they were going to do; instead, I took Tim’s wise advice, running a wide circle around them and then hauling ass back to the meadow.
Please don’t be following me, please don’t be following me, please don’t be following me, I chanted as I ran. It didn’t take long before I was out of breath. Mental note: add daily aerobics to training regimen.
Then I remembered Tim’s blood in the box I’d stuffed in my tunic belt. “Double fuck!” I yelled out into the air around me.
“Do I even want to know what that’s for?” asked Tim in a trembling voice.
“You’re still there? Good.”
“Yeah, I’m still here ... hanging on for dear life. I have never missed my wings so much in all my pixie years.”
“I hear ya. I think we lost ‘em – but I need to go back.”
“What?! Are you nuts? No way. Just leave me here.”
“In the meadow? Where a groundhog could eat you? No, not a good idea.”
“Better a groundhog than an orc. Do you know what orcs do to pixies?”
“Shove a stick down their throats and out their assholes and hang ‘em over a fire?” I’d actually seen this done to a dwarf by orcs, so I wasn’t being sarcastic for once in my life.
“Yeah, if you’re lucky. Otherwise, they pick your appendages off one at a time and eat them while you watch.”
I shivered in revulsion. Orcs were some nastyass shit.
“But I have to get this blood to Goose. Chase is going to be a mental case forever if I don’t. I can’t let that happen. Even if I have to kiss an orc on his slimey lips, this needs to get done.”
Tim was silent for a few seconds. I turned to go back as he began speaking again.
“Fine. But don’t just go walking in there. Sneak back in.”
“Yeah, okay, sure. But I’m not the best sneaker in the world.”
“Don’t I know it,” said Tim under his breath.
“I heard that. Just tell me what to do or shut up. Either one is fine with me.” I picked my way across the meadow. I knew I needed to hurry up but I couldn’t bring myself to run back towards the orcs. It just seemed all kinds of wrong – must have been my natural instincts kicking in.
“Okay, see that tree on the right? Go there and stand behi
nd it and wait a couple seconds ... listen for orc sounds.”
“Or smells.”
“Yeah, that too.”
I did as I was told, hearing and smelling nothing.
“Now go to that one over on the left ... the one with the low branch hanging down. Do the same thing.”
And so we carried on like this for the next fifteen minutes, Tim giving me sneaking instructions and me trying not to sound like an elephant thundering through the trees. I don’t know why I tried so hard – it’s not like the orcs weren’t loud and obvious themselves. The only reason they’d caught me before is because one of them got a whiff of me and got close enough to hear me being stupid. Probably it was Tim they’d smelled. He did have that gas problem after all.
We eventually reached the scene of my orc ass whoopin’ but they were gone, just a few puddles of smoking black ooze on the ground marking the scene of the crime.
It felt like it had to be closer to lunchtime by now. I looked around nervously for Goose. As if answering my prayers, I heard his voice come out of the Gray.
“Hello, Jayne. I’m glad to see you here. You’re early.”
“Yeah, well, not early enough. I got this blood over an hour ago and the guy at the clinic told me it was only good for an hour.”
Goose’s faint image began to appear before me, eventually becoming whole and no longer see-through. “We will do what we can with what you have brought.” He held out his hand.
I reached into my tunic belt and pulled out the box with the pipette of blood in it. “There’s this glass tubey thing in here with the pixie’s blood in it. I can’t even see it. I hope you have some of those fish-eye magnifier glasses that our guy had.”
“Do not concern yourself; we have everything we need. I do not know if this will work for our treatment, since as you said the blood is no longer fresh, but we will do what we can. Thank you. I will see you back here in a week then?”
“Yeah. And by the way, if you could not send an orc welcoming party next time, that would be great.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, a quizzical look on his face.
“The orcs? The smelly, black, lumpy, evil fuckers?”
“Sorry, I do not follow.” He cocked his head, examining me as if trying to decide if I was nuts.
“You seriously don’t know?”
“No, I am truly sorry. Perhaps it is the stress of your friend being injured that has caused you some ... disorientation.”
“Never mind. Just watch your back. There are orcs in this forest.”
He laughed in a patient way. “That is not possible.”
“Uh, yeah it is.”
“The orc are from the Underworld, not the Here and Now.”
“Underworld, smunderworld. They’re here; I burned ‘em, now they’re gone. Look at the blood.” I pointed to the ground where there were now just a few scorched areas. Shit. I forgot that their blood was like acid and did eventually burn off.
Goose raised an eyebrow at me. “Yes. Well. One week.” And then he faded into nothingness again.
Damn Gray walkers. “Come on, Tim. Let’s go eat lunch.”
“I’ve lost my appetite.”
“Well, then, you can just watch me eat.”
“That’ll just make it worse.”
I broke into a jog, just to piss him off. He held onto my hair extra tight, so I wasn’t sure who was torturing who at that point, but we got to the compound in record time. We met Becky and Scrum at the lunch buffet as they were lining up to get their food. I noticed Scrum already had a pile of wiggly meat on his plate. It must be a daemon thing to eat that disgusting crap. I preferred my meat to be good and dead when I ate it.
“So, what happened? Everything go okay?” asked Becky.
“You had trouble, didn’t you?” asked Scrum quietly.
“Yeah, you could say that.”
“I knew it. I could feel it. I should have gone with you. If something had happened to you when I was supposed to be keeping an eye on you ... I don’t know what they’d do to me.” He was sweating bullets.
“Don’t worry. I’m taking you next time. Trust me ... I don’t want to be orc food.”
Becky’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “Orcs? You saw orcs out there?”
“Shhh! We don’t need the entire council on my ass, Beck.”
“Oh, yeah,” she whispered. “Sorry.”
We went and sat at our table. “So, to answer your question, yes – there were four orcs there. They just stumbled across me. Tim’s gas problems gave us away.”
“Hey! No way are you putting this one on me!” he yelled from my shoulder.
“Tim has gas problems?” asked Scrum, confused.
“Yep. Farts aaaaall the time,” I said, smiling.
I should have known what Tim’s response was going to be.
“That’s it punk!” I said disgustedly, “You’re on my shoe for the rest of the day. I warned you.”
“What did he do?” asked Becky, innocently.
I just stared at her and then rolled my eyes.
“Oh. Geez. I’m really glad I can’t hear him.”
“Tell me about it.”
Tim ignored me, climbing down my arm to get to my plate where a nice, fat grape waited for him. I especially liked it when he ate one of those. He was hilarious, trying to break through the skin while also trying not to get soaked with juice. It was nice, relaxing here like this with my friends and being entertained by a dipshit pixie. Way better than fighting creatures out in our forest who belonged in the Underworld.
Tony showed up then, entering the room behind Gregale. He had a huge grin on his face. He nodded at us before grabbing a plate at the end of the buffet line and filling it up. When he was done, he joined us at the table. Spike sauntered through the door that came from the direction of the dorm rooms and joined us too, skipping the buffet entirely. He looked terrible. His face was pale and drawn and he had dark circles under his eyes.
“Spike, you look like shit.”
“Thank you, Jayne.” He put his head down in his arms on the table. All we could see was the back of his head.
“What’s wrong you, Spike?” asked Becky, face full of concern.
“Hungry.”
“Go get some food.”
“Not hungry for food,” he mumbled.
Becky looked at me, pulling her lips back in a grimace. Then she looked back at him. “Oh. Sorry.” She put her eyes down and focused on eating her food.
I made my decision and spoke up before I could chicken out and change my mind. “Spike, after lunch, you and me, my room.” I looked over at Scrum. “You too, Scabs.”
Scrum smiled. “It’s Scrum, not Scabs. And okay. I can supervise.”
“Sounds kinda kinky,” said Becky, smiling devilishly.
Spike mumbled from his arms. “Never mind, Jayne. I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity. I want to do it. I’m curious, remember?”
Spike lifted his head to look at me. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
A big grin broke out across his formerly pitiful but now slightly rejuvenated face. “Well, aaaall riiiight.”
Tony ducked his head and smiled.
“What’re you grinnin’ at?” I asked, nudging him.
“Nothin’.”
“What’d you do today, Tony?” asked Becky. “Did you find out what race you are?”
“Yep. I’m a wrathe for sure.”
“That’s cool!” said Scrum enthusiastically. “What can you do? I’ve never heard of a wrathe. I mean, not even before becoming a changeling. I’ve heard of elves and pixies and stuff, but wrathes? No. Not once.”
“Would you shut up and give him a chance to talk?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He motioned zipping his lips shut, but I knew it wasn’t going to last.
“Gregale’s cool. Smart too. He showed me how to get into and out of the Gray. We went all over the place.”
“What did he think of your vibing stuff?”
Tony smiled, shrugging his shoulders, “He might have been a little jealous and impressed.”
“Vibed his ass, didn’t you?” I was so proud of him, giving old Gregale a run for his money.
“Yep. He was surprised. None of the other fae in the compound are empaths.”
“What’s an empath?” asked Becky.
“Someone who can sense other people’s emotions. Kind of like having empathy for them, but at a much deeper level.”
“Wow. So can you feel me now?”
“If I focus on it. I used to be able to do this a little before I was made a changeling. Now I can do it with more people and at longer distances. The trick is going to be learning how to focus in on which person I want to read. Sometimes when I’m in a place with lots of people it gets all jumbled up.”
“That would get me all discombobulated, I think,” said Scrum. “Like, how do you know it’s not your feelings you’re feeling, you know?”
“It’s not the same as my own feelings. My feelings are attached to my mind and my heart or something. Everyone’s feelings have their own signature. I can tell Jayne’s from a mile away.”
Spike lifted his chin a little higher, cocking his head to the side and fixing Tony with a red-eyed stare. “What’s she feeling now?”
Tony smiled, his face blushing a rosy pink. “I’ll let you figure that out.”
I smacked Tony on the arm. “That’s enough of that talk. I’m hungry; shut up and eat.”
Spike winked at me before getting up to leave. “See you in your room Jayne. I’m going to go lay down and wait for you.”
I nodded, saying nothing, trying to ignore Becky kicking me under the table and giggling.
“Sorry, Becky,” said Spike as he stood. “I’d tell you to come along too, but I wouldn’t want Finn to get jealous.”
She looked up at him and then me, panic in her eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I started snickering around the forkful of food I’d just stuffed in my mouth.
“What are you laughing at?”
“Oh, nothing,” I said with feigned innocence. She thought she was so cool, but her crush on our green elf friend was totally obvious. I think the only one who didn’t notice it was Finn himself. I put that down not to lack of interest, but to the fact that he was a redneck and Becky probably didn’t know how to perform the redneck mating ritual. I’m pretty sure it was something like taking a sexy swig from a beer bottle or something ... or maybe shooting an animal in the forest with a single shot from a crossbow.