And over on the bureau, that little ivory figurine! Gemmie had always admired that. But she did not know that Carter had bought it for her in a curio shop the day they went together to New York.
Oh! She could not bear these memories! She must not! She would give way and weep. And weeping was not for her today! She must keep a mask of happiness on her face. She must not let anyone suspect that her life was shattered by that wedding as it had come out last night. They must think it was all planned or at least that a definite and friendly change was made before the ceremony. She could not go around and explain the whole thing as it had happened. Even if she were willing on her own part, she could not explain what involved others’ secrets. No, she must play her part through to the end and keep a brave, cheerful, even merry face. How was she to do it?
Then suddenly she could not bear the sight of those things on her wall, and she sprang up and dashed the bunch of grasses down, sweeping them into the fireplace where Gemmie had carefully laid a fire.
The vase was only a plain little thing from the five-and-ten-cent store, but it seemed to understand what was expected of it, and as Sherrill lifted the grasses swiftly from it, it toppled and rolled slowly, deliberately down upon the hearth and smashed into a thousand pieces.
Sherrill stood for an instant looking at it regretfully, almost as if it had a personality. Poor fragile thing! Too bad for it to lose its existence through no fault of its own. It had been part of a lovely bit of beauty, but at least now she would not have it around to remind her of the grasses and the day that they were picked!
She stooped and swept the pieces quickly with her little hearth broom into a newspaper, and wrapped them carefully, putting them into the wastebasket. Now they were gone. Even Gemmie wouldn’t be reminded to ask where the grasses were.
Then she touched a match to the fire, and it swept up and licked the grasses out of existence in one flash.
Sherrill turned to the room again. She mounted a chair and pulled down the pennant, stuffing it fiercely into the wastebasket. She snatched the bow of ribbon from the picture frame and dropped it into the fire. She caught up the bronze paperweight. That wouldn’t burn! Nor the ivory figurine! What could she do with them? Give them away? They might somehow come back to face her someday, and she wanted to be utterly rid of them. Ah! There was one place where she would never be likely to see them again. She might send them to Carter’s office. But no, that would be only to bring back to his mind the days they had had together, and that she did not want. She wanted only to sever all connection with him, to wipe out from both his memory and hers, insofar as was possible, all thought of one another. Then only would she be able to lift up her head and breathe freely again.
She unlocked a little secret drawer in her desk to put the bronze and ivory out of sight, and came on a packet of notes and brief letters from Carter. There hadn’t been many because he had been right there to see her every day. She had almost forgotten these letters and some programs and clippings. She seized them now and flung them into the middle of the fire, closing her eyes quickly that she might not see the flames licking around her name in that handwriting that had been so beloved, turning her back lest she should repent and snatch them out to read them over again. She must not! No, it would unnerve her! It would make her heart turn back and lash her for what she had done in giving her bridegroom over to another girl. She must not because he never had been hers! He was not worth the great love she had given him.
And now she remembered how unworthy she herself had felt to marry him, and how she had prayed and wondered. Was this awful thing that had happened in some mysterious way an answer to her prayer? Oh, it was all a mystery! Life itself was a mystery. Joy one minute and awful sorrow and desolation the next! Sorrow! Sorrow! Sorrow!
Suddenly from the next room through the closed door there came a burst of wild sweet song:
“When I have sorrow in my heart,
What can take it away?
Only Jesus in-ah my heart
Can take that sorrow away.”
It was Lutie, the fresh-cheeked young girl who came in certain days in the week to help with the cleaning. Lutie had the windows of the guest room open and was beginning her weekly cleaning. Sherrill’s windows were open, too, and that was why the words came so distinctly. But how strange that such words should come to her just now when she was so filled with sorrow!
Lutie was banging things around, drawing the bed out, and the bureau, setting chairs out of the way and running the vacuum cleaner over the floor. Sherrill could hear the thump as the cleaner hit the baseboards now and then. And Lutie’s voice rang out clear again in the next verse:
“When I have fear in-ah my heart, What can take it away? Only Jesus in-ah my heart Can take that fear away.”
Sherrill began slowly, languidly to dress, listening to the song. Fear in the heart. She considered herself. Did she have fear in her heart? Yes, she recognized a kind of dread of the days that were before her. Not fear of anything tangible, perhaps, but fear of gossip, criticism, prying eyes. Fear of having to face all that would come in the wake of that wedding that was hers and yet was not. Fear of a drab future, a long lonely way ahead, no home of her own. She could never have a home of her own now, nor anyone to care for her and enjoy life with her. For she would never dare trust a man again, even if she ever found one whom she could love.
“When I have sin in-ah my heart—”
piped up Lutie joyously,
“What can take it away?
Only Jesus in-ah my heart
Can take that sin away.”
Sherrill was not especially interested in sin. She had never considered herself to be much of a sinner, and her thoughts wandered idly, considering her own case more than the song as she listened to the lilt of Lutie’s voice in the closing verse:
“When I have Jesus in-ah my heart,
What can take Him away?
Once take Jesus into my heart
And He has come to stay!”
There was a pause in the singing and the sound of voices in the hall. Thomas, the house servant, had come up to get the rugs to give them a good cleaning in the backyard. Lutie was demurring, but finally tapped hesitantly at Sherrill’s door.
Sherrill in her negligee opened the door.
“Miss Sherrill, Thomas was wanting to get your rug for cleaning, but I guess you aren’t ready yet, are you? I wasn’t sure whether you were in your room or not.”
“That’s all right, Lutie,” said Sherrill, stepping through into the next room where the girl was at work. “Tell him to go in and take it. I can finish without a rug.”
Sherrill went to the guest room bureau and began to arrange her hair, and Lutie came back after helping the man roll up the rug.
“That’s a curious song you were singing, Lutie,” said Sherrill pleasantly. “Where in the world did you get it? It sounds like a spiritual.”
“I don’t guess it is, Miss Sherrill,” said the girl, pausing in her dusting. “I got it down to our Bible class. It is pretty words, isn’t it? I like that part about Jesus taking your sorrow away. I sing it a lot.”
“But you’ve never had any sorrow, Lutie,” said Sherrill wistfully, eyeing the girl’s round rosy cheeks and happy eyes.
“Oh, Miss Sherrill, you don’t know,” said Lutie, sobering suddenly. “I’ve had just a lot! First my mother got awful sick for two whole years, and then when she got better my sister just older’n I died. And my little brother has hurt his hip, and they don’t think he’ll ever walk again.”
“Oh, Lutie,” cried Sherrill in dismay, “that is a lot of trouble!”
“Oh, but that’s not all,” said the girl, drawing a deep sigh. “My dad got some steel filings in his eye about nine months ago, and they think he’s going blind, and now they’ve laid him off the job, so my brother Sam and I are the only ones working, except Mother now and then when she can get a washing to do. And our house is all mortgaged up, and the bank closed last week where we h
ad our money saved to pay the interest, and now we’ll maybe lose the house; and Mother needs an operation, only she can’t stop working to go to the hospital. And”—the girl caught her lip between her little white teeth to hold it from trembling, and Sherrill could see that there were tears in her eyes—“and—then—my boyfriend got mad and started going with another girl because I wouldn’t run off and get married and leave the family in all that mess!”
The big tears rolled out now, and down her round cheek, and Lutie caught a corner of her apron and brushed them hastily away.
“Excuse me, Miss Sherrill,” she said huskily. “It just sometimes gets me—”
“You poor dear child!” said Sherrill, putting down her hairbrush and coming over toward her. “Why, you poor kid, you! I never dreamed you could have all that to bear! And yet you could sing a song like that!” She regarded the girl earnestly. “You certainly are brave! But Lutie, you know a boyfriend that would do a thing like that isn’t worth crying after.” Sherrill said it and suddenly knew she was speaking out of her own experience.
“I know it!” gulped Lutie. “I know he ain’t, but sometimes it all just comes over me. You see, I was right fond of him.”
Then she flashed a smile like a rainbow through her tears and brightened.
“But I don’t feel like that much now since I got Jesus in my heart like the song says. He really drives the sorrow away, and I’m mostly glad just to let Him have His way with me. If it wasn’t fer Him, I couldn’t stand it. He really does take the sorrow away, you know. I guess you likely know that yourself, Miss Sherrill, don’t you? But you see, I haven’t known Jesus so long, so I just have to talk about Him and sing about Him most all the time to keep myself reminded what a wonderful Savior I’ve got.”
Sherrill turned a searching, hungry look upon the little serving maid.
“Where did you get all that, Lutie?”
“Down at our Bible class, Miss Sherrill. I been going there about a year now. We got a wonderful teacher down there. We study the Bible, and it’s just wonderful what he makes us see in it. I just wish you’d come down sometime and visit, Miss Sherrill, and see what it’s like.”
“Maybe I will—sometime,” said Sherrill slowly, still studying the girl as if there were some strange mystery about her.
“It ain’t a very grand place,” said Lutie apologetically. “Maybe you might not like it. It’s just a plain board floor, and the walls are cracked and the seats are hard. It ain’t like your church. The windows are painted white because they look into an alley. Maybe you wouldn’t think it was good enough for you. But I’d like you to come once and see. The singing’s just heavenly, and the teacher’s grand! Everybody loves it so, they just can’t bear to go home.”
“Why, I wouldn’t mind things like that!” said Sherrill earnestly. “Indeed I wouldn’t. I’ll come sometime; I really will. I’d like to see what it’s like. When do you meet?”
“Monday evenings!” said Lutie with dancing eyes. “Oh, Miss Sherrill, if you’d come I’d be that proud!”
“Why, of course I’ll come!” said Sherrill heartily, relieved that she could do anything to make Lutie’s eyes shine like that, half curious, too, to see what it was that had made this simple girl happy in the face of such terrible troubles.
Sherrill carried the memory of the girl’s face with her as she went back to her room to finish her dressing. What a light had come into her eyes when she said what a wonderful Savior she had! Savior! Savior from what? Her sorrow? Her fear? Her sin? Lutie couldn’t be such a great sinner. It was probably just a lot of phrases she had picked up in some evangelistic meeting, poor thing, but if she thought she was comforted by it, there must be some good in it. Anyway, Sherrill decided she would go and find out. If there was any cure for sorrow, surely she herself needed it. And she drew a heavy sigh and went downstairs to face the morning after her own wedding day without a bridegroom.
She tried as she walked down the broad front stairs to forget how that other bride had looked, smiling and proud, holding her head high. And how Carter had looked, haughty, handsome, carrying it all off just as if it had been planned that way.
Carter! What had he thought? How had he taken it? Strange that he had not shown a sign, nor spoken a word to her. Did she fancy it, or had there been a furtive look of fear in his eyes? Anyhow, it was plain enough that he had avoided looking straight at her. Not once had he looked her in the eyes. Not once attempted to draw her aside and speak to her. She did not know from his looks whether he was very angry or only relieved to have had things work out this way.
Her heart was very heavy as she thought of this. It seemed to blot out the happy days of the past, to make Carter into an utter stranger. Yet of course it was better so. That was what she wanted; only somehow the awfulness of his attitude overcame her anew as she came down to the setting of the last act of that tragedy that had ended her high hopes. How was she going to bear the future?
And then, suddenly, just at the foot of the stairs she remembered the emeralds! The emeralds and the stranger! And down upon her like some gigantic bird of prey swept her fear of the night before!
Chapter 10
Miss Catherwood was already at the breakfast table looking as fresh and chipper as if she had gone to bed at nine o’clock the night before. She was opening her mail, and there was a smile of satisfaction on her face. She gave Sherrill a keen look as she came into the room.
“Well, I’m glad to see you’re still a good sport!” she said with her funny twisted grin. “But you didn’t sleep very well, did you? There are dark circles under your eyes. Sit down and eat a good breakfast. Oh, I know you think you don’t want a thing but a cup of coffee, but that’s not the way to act. You’ve got a few hard days before you, and you’ve got to keep your looks through them or people will say you are mourning after that sap-head, and you don’t want that. Come, set to work. We’ve got to get at sending back those presents. You’ll feel better when they are out of the house.”
Sherrill gave a little moan and dropped her face into her hands.
“Oh!” she groaned. “How impossible it all seems! But if I could only find the necklace, I wouldn’t mind any of the rest!”
Aunt Pat flung a wise glance at Sherrill’s bowed head.
“That’ll turn up all right,” she said. “Come, child, perk up. I’ve been wondering. Can you think back and be sure when you last had it?”
Sherrill shook her head.
“No. I’ve been trying, but I can’t be sure. If I only could, it would take a big load from my mind.”
“Well, I can!” said Aunt Pat. “You had the necklace on when you sat in the dining room eating your supper after you came in from outside. I know, for I sat and watched the lights in those stones, and I remember thinking how well they became you, and how they brought out the color in your cheeks and the gold in your hair.”
Sherrill’s head came up suddenly with a light of hope in her eyes and a soft flush on her cheeks.
“Are you sure you saw them on me at the table, Aunt Pat? Perfectly sure?”
“Perfectly sure,” said Aunt Pat steadily, studying the girl quietly.
“Well, that’s something!” said Sherrill with a sigh of relief. “At least I didn’t lose it—in the garden!”
“No, you didn’t lose it in the garden,” said Aunt Pat with a wicked little grin. “Now don’t think anything more about it. Let’s get at those presents. First you sit down and work out a little model note sweet and gracious that will fit all the presents and not tell a thing you don’t want known.”
Sherrill presently brought it to her aunt for her approval.
My dear—
The sudden change in our plans for the wedding has left me in an embarrassing situation, having in my possession a lot of lovely gifts that do not by right belong either to me or to Mrs. McArthur. I am therefore of course returning all the gifts and apologizing for having been the unintentional cause of so much trouble to the donors.
> But I do want to add just a little word of my appreciation for your beautiful gift, and to thank you for your delightful intention for my pleasure. It is so wonderful to see such gracious evidence of friendship.
Very sincerely,
Sherrill Cameron
“I think that is quite a nice bit of English!” said Aunt Pat with satisfaction when she had read it. “It says all that needs to be said and tells nothing. It ought to be published. It would be so helpful to other girls caught in like predicaments.”
Sherrill broke into hysterical laughter.
“Oh, Aunt Pat! You’re a scream! As if there were ever another girl caught in such a predicament!” she said.
“I don’t know,” said the old lady dryly. “You can’t tell how many girls have had a situation like yours; only most of them likely didn’t have the nerve to handle it the way you did yours. There must have been some girls who were too great cowards to back down from a church full of wedding guests, and the wedding march just on the tiptoe to begin. They probably paid afterward, and paid double, too. Surely, Sherrill, you aren’t the only one who ever found at the last minute that her lover was made of coarse clay. Don’t ever fancy, no matter how hard a thing you have to go through, that your experience is unique. This old world has been going on a good many hundred years, and there are precious few situations that haven’t happened over and over again. Cheer up, child; that’s a model letter, and you’re a good little sport!”
Miss Catherwood handled the return of the presents in a masterly manner. Her secretary and Sherrill wrote the notes while Gemmie and the butler under her supervision repacked the gifts. It was amazing how quickly the things were marshaled from the tables into their neat original packages, each with its dainty note attached. Sherrill grew so interested in seeing how much she could accomplish that she almost forgot her anxiety about the emeralds.