When they returned to the cottage, Jack was still asleep.
“Mike, would you mind sitting with Jack?” Delores reached for her jacket on the peg by the back door. “I’d like to talk to Erin. Outside.”
Mike looked at Erin. She gave a slight nod, letting him know she was okay with being left alone with Delores.
“Sure,” Mike said.
Delores opened the door and led the way. Instead of sitting on the built-in bench that lined the deck’s edge, she strode through the freshly cut grass on the top of the bluff. Then, winding through a path cut in the flourishing brush, she made her way to a flat area at the crest of the cliff. A cement bench waited there, facing the sea and the sunset.
Erin stopped to take in the immense view. “This is beautiful.”
“The bench was Jack’s idea.” Delores took a seat with her hands in the pockets of her coat, her face to the wind. “That’s why he paid a ridiculous amount of money to have the cement poured and make sure the bench wouldn’t blow away in a winter gale. He used to spend a lot of time out here.”
Erin sat beside Delores, folding her arms and pulling her sweater close. As far as she could see to the immediate right, immediate left, and directly ahead was nothing but the sea. It was like being on the front bow of a tall ship. “I can see why my dad likes it here.”
“He hasn’t been out here in at least eight months.”
“Delores, why didn’t you tell us how bad he was doing?”
“It’s what he wanted. He was adamant about it. He didn’t want anyone to know.”
Erin felt a rise of unconventional compassion for Delores. “I can’t imagine how hard all this has been on you.”
“You’re right. You can’t imagine. He wasn’t honest with me, you know.”
Erin gave a small shiver and wished she could reach over and take Delores’s hand, but she didn’t feel that Delores was the sort of woman who wanted to be comforted.
“Jack told me a month ago he had been having small strokes for the past five years.”
“Five years?”
Turning to Erin with a slight air of superiority, Delores added, “You didn’t know that either, did you?”
“I knew he had headaches sometimes. But, no, I never heard they were related to strokes.”
“Did he ever tell you he felt as if he had been hit in the head with a sledgehammer?”
“No. I remember he said he had a migraine a few years ago when Mike and I asked him to go to the movies with us. But I thought he wasn’t interested in what we wanted to see.”
“Do you remember his getting dizzy and then sleeping it off?”
“Maybe. A few times. I’m not sure.”
Is Delores trying to get me to share the blame or responsibility for not detecting his condition sooner?
“Your father wasn’t honest with me about his condition. He should have told me these things before he asked me to marry him. I was completely honest with him about my situation. He knew what he was getting into. He gave me no indication that he had been having any problems.”
Erin wasn’t sure what to do with Delores’s impromptu confession.
“The man I married led me to believe he was strong and full of life. He promised to show me the world. Instead we got stuck here.” She sighed, and her frustration was evident. “This wasn’t our plan. You don’t know what I’ve been going through. I’m sure you can’t imagine how difficult it’s been to care for him. I can’t keep doing all that I’ve been doing for him. I just can’t do it. I think anyone would agree I have gone above and beyond.”
Erin took the opportunity to propose the solution she and Mike had come up with. “What do you think about coming back to Irvine? Mike and I have talked about it, and we think we can be of more help if you and Dad are nearby.”
Delores stood up as if their conversation was suddenly over. “I thought that would be your solution.”
“So you agree?” Erin stood, too. Her height helped her feel as if she still were able to respond to Delores as an adult and not as a child being shamed for something that wasn’t her fault.
“I don’t know how you’re going to transport him all the way down there, but I’m sure you can figure that out. Now that he has the catheter and G-tube in his stomach for the direct feeding, the doctor said he doesn’t need to be in a convalescent-care facility quite yet. All the information is in the file I’ve been compiling. It won’t take long to pack up this place. I have everything organized.”
“So you’re in agreement this is the best thing to do?”
Delores turned to her. Her face was still expressionless. “Of course.” She then turned her view back to the sea.
“Mike and I want you to know we are willing to do whatever we can to help. Mike is taking his vacation days this week so he’ll be here until next Monday.”
A strange, condescending look crossed Delores’s face. Or perhaps it was a shadow of sorrow. It was so hard to tell what Delores was thinking. “You should know one more thing. The doctor said that sometimes physically fit men like your father can live quite a few more years after a brain stem stroke, especially if their heart is strong.”
“Okay. Well, we’ll have just to take each day as it comes.”
The chill of the ocean spray rose from the cliffs below and brushed their faces with a fine misting of salty moisture.
“That’s all any of us can do at this point.” The chill in Delores’s voice matched what Erin was feeling all around her.
Without any verbal signal, the two of them turned and walked back to the cottage without exchanging words of courage or comfort. Erin thought about the conversation they had shared over a year ago in the grocery store when Delores made it clear that she would leave Jack if he had serious health problems. Apparently she had changed her mind or at least accepted the part of her wedding vows that promised “in sickness and in health.”
As they entered the warm house, Erin saw that her father was awake. She smiled at him. He stared with a glassy-eyed look as if he couldn’t make out who the two women were. When she came to his side, his left eyebrow lifted, and he started to cry again. The gut-wrenching wails seemed to rise from his soul and overtook the small space.
Erin looked at Mike and gave him a nod, indicating that she had had the important discussion with Delores. Taking her father’s hand, she said, “Dad, we’ve been talking about what would be the best thing to do, and we would like to take you back to California.”
“No!” The word jumped from Jack’s mouth so forcefully it seemed to surprise even him. He looked at Erin, blinking. She looked at Mike, not sure what to do or say next.
Delores, who had hung back in the kitchen, spoke up. “I didn’t say he would go to California willingly.”
Erin watched as her father raised his agile left arm. He pointed his finger down with three staccato movements. Clearly he was indicating this was the place he wanted to be. He wanted to stay put.
“Well, then,” Mike said, keeping his focus on Jack. “We’ll have to continue discussing this and see what works out best for everyone.”
Jack let out a heavy sigh. He seemed to be trying very hard to concoct a sentence or even just another word. All that came from his sluggish lips was gibberish. The expression on his face changed to one of discouragement or despondency. It was impossible to distinguish the difference. He closed his eyes as if dismissing all of them and slipped back into a place of numbing sleep.
The first thing Mike did was convince Delores to hire a day nurse to care for Jack. Mike also rearranged all the furniture in the living room so that it was easier to get the wheelchair around. It was clear, though, that Jack wasn’t able to lift himself into the wheelchair. Lifting and moving him was an arduous task, which is why they both smiled when Marge, a sturdy fortress of a woman, showed up from the nursing agency the next day. With Delores running out of steam, Marge was the sort of assistant they had hoped for.
On Wednesday morning Delores left, saying she n
eeded to go into town. Erin thought she might be doing some shopping or taking a much-needed break now that she had reinforcements in place. When Delores returned six hours later, she looked red in the face and windblown, as if she had been driving around with all the windows of her car open.
“How are you doing?” Erin asked cautiously.
Delores was in the kitchen, opening a can of chicken and rice soup. “I’ve been better.” She placed three saltine crackers on a plate and poured the soup into a mug.
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
Delores looked surprised at Erin’s offer. “There’s nothing to be done beyond what you’re already doing.” She sat in a chair next to Jack, eating the crackers first and then slowly drinking the soup. When she finished, she calmly thanked Erin and Mike for being there. Then she went to her room and closed the door.
Erin was beginning to understand the ways that different personalities deal with stress. Delores seemed to be coping by removing herself emotionally as well as physically from the hub of it all. Mike clicked into planning mode. He made calls, bought groceries, and fixed the broken garden hose on the side of the cottage. He was determined to have everything ready to move Jack and Delores to California as soon as possible, in spite of Jack’s resistance to the idea.
Erin tried to take each hour as it came and not to let her emotions dictate anything she said or did. She felt steady if she continued to process things only moment by moment.
Late Thursday night she told Mike that she felt like a fish caught in a net. If she tried to flap around and break free of the situation, it made her only tired and discouraged. If she relaxed and went with the flow, she felt okay. But she still knew she was caught.
Mike finished brushing his teeth and stood in the bathroom in his new navy sweatpants and green fleece with a Paddy’s Crab Shack logo. They had stopped at a souvenir shop on their way back to the Shamrock that night because Erin said she was tired of feeling so cold. They bought matching outfits, which was something they had never done before. Erin was already under the covers and wearing her fleece zip-up jacket and sweats. For the first time since they had arrived, she felt toasty warm.
“Speaking of fish, does your sweatshirt have a fishy smell?” Erin asked.
Mike sniffed his forearm. A string of dental floss hung from his mouth. “No. Does yours?”
“A little. Or maybe it’s just me. I still smell the clam chowder we had for dinner.”
“That was pretty good chowder. What did you think of it?”
Erin shrugged. “It was okay.”
Mike kept his focus on his reflection in the small bathroom mirror as he meticulously wove the dental floss between his teeth. Erin couldn’t remember the last time she had flossed. Yet Mike did every night. She leaned back and watched him, deciding this was one of the many tiny reasons she loved him so much. Mike took care of things. Even little things like his teeth. He was consistent and practical. And he loved her.
Erin suddenly realized how rare and wonderful it was to have someone so dependable and patient to walk with through life.
“Mike?”
He turned toward her.
“I love you.”
A slow smile came to his closed lips. He tossed the dental floss into the trash can, turned out the bathroom light, and came to bed with her. “So, what got you interested? Is it the new sweatshirt?”
She leaned into him and cuddled up. “No. It’s just you. You’re wonderful. I love you.”
Mike kissed the top of her head. “I love you, too.”
They drew close, sharing a lingering kiss and then curling into each other’s embrace. This was familiar. This was good. In the midst of everything else that was challenging and unsteady, settling into Mike’s strong arms felt true.
“I wish I didn’t have to go back home without you,” Mike said.
“I know. Me too.”
Erin knew that Mike had been working hard to make arrangements to set up a place for Jack and Delores in California. The details were as numerous as the obstacles, and Mike had to get back to work on Monday. Delores had quietly gone along with all their suggestions, and it was agreed that Erin would stay on another week while Mike prepared everything in Irvine.
She could float along in this big fish net for another week. She had to.
“I feel as if our roles in life are reversing,” Erin said. “My dad is now the child, and I’m the adult telling him what he has to do. It’s so awkward with Delores being detached the way she is. I think she has shut down even more than when we arrived.”
Mike agreed. “She’s not doing well, is she? This has been hard on her. It will be good for both of them to get back to Irvine.”
Erin tried to imagine what her life was going to be like with her dad and Delores living nearby. Nothing would be the same again.
She pressed in closer to her warm husband. She kissed him once and then kissed him again. Life was going by too fast. Tonight she needed to feel alive—vibrant and youthful and very much alive. Mike had no problem making that happen.
10
These things I warmly wish for you:
Someone to love,
Some work to do,
A bit o’ sun,
A bit o’ cheer,
And a guardian angel
Always near.
On Friday morning, Erin’s cell phone rang before she was awake. Mike was in the shower of their room at the Shamrock and for a moment she had forgotten where she was. She reached for her phone and saw that the call was from Sharlene.
“Sorry to call you so early,” Sharlene said. “I have back-to-back appointments this morning, and I needed to hear from you on a couple of details that have to be decided today. Did you see my e-mail?”
“No, I didn’t see it yet. I’m sorry, Sharlene. Are there some things we can figure out now over the phone?”
For the next few minutes Sharlene ran down a list of office details that required their mutual agreement. They were able to settle the pressing details, and Erin apologized again for not checking in sooner. She had talked to Sharlene only once since the wedding a week ago.
“I really appreciate your carrying all this, Sharlene.”
“Well, you’ve been carrying a lot yourself the past few weeks. We’ll get on track Monday when you’re back in the office.”
Erin squeezed her eyes shut and wished she had let Sharlene know yesterday about the decision she and Mike had made for her to stay on another week. Telling her friend now made it seem as if she didn’t take her responsibilities at The Happiest Day seriously.
“Listen, Sharlene. Mike and I had to make a tough decision yesterday. He’s flying home this weekend, but I’m staying on another week. We don’t have the details in place yet to get my dad and Delores set up in Irvine. Mike is working on it.”
There was a pause before Sharlene said, “When you called earlier this week I thought you said that you had found a day-care nurse for your dad.”
“We did.”
“So why do you need to stay?”
Erin didn’t have an immediate answer.
“I don’t mean to sound callous,” Sharlene said. “I know this is really difficult for all of you. I just didn’t expect you to stay up there another week. We have a lot happening right now. I thought you were going to be back on Monday so I scheduled appointments for you.”
Erin’s still-groggy mind spun.
Sharlene stepped back into the conversation and said, “But listen, I understand the stress you guys are going through. I can work out the appointments for next week. It’ll be okay. You just do what you need to do and come back as soon as you can. I hope I didn’t add more stress to you by calling, especially so early.”
“No, it’s okay. I should have called you yesterday.”
Erin and Sharlene talked for a few more minutes, and Erin got a better picture of how much her friend had been carrying of the business load over the past several weeks while Erin was wrapped up in Jordan’s
wedding and now her father’s needs.
Sharlene emphasized again before she hung up that she was going to work things out for another week and Erin should stick with her plan to stay at Moss Cove.
Erin hung up and still felt awful for leaving Sharlene with the full burden of the business. She also knew she would feel awful if she left her dad and Delores right now before things were in place for the move to California. This net she was caught in had many layers to it.
All day long, Erin struggled with her decision to stay. Marge was doing a fine job taking care of Jack. Delores was gone for most of the day, doing who knows what. Mike spent hours on the phone while Erin went through all her e-mails and tried to catch up on the things she could do to help Sharlene with work. It turned into an exhausting day. Both Erin and Mike fell into bed as soon as they returned to the Shamrock and slept deeply.
On Saturday morning, Erin’s phone rang at seven thirty. This time it was Jordan.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hi! How are you guys?” Erin pulled herself up in bed and tried to collect her thoughts.
“We’re both doing great. Sierra’s right here. I have the phone on speaker.”
“Hi,” Sierra chimed in.
“Is everything okay?” Erin wasn’t sure she could handle one more crisis right now. Why else would they be calling?
“Yes. Everything is fine. We’re doing great. But listen, we got Dad’s message about Grandpa, and we decided we want to see you guys and Grandpa.”
“But you’re on your honeymoon.”
Erin could hear both of them laughing.
“Yes, we noticed that,” Jordan said. “Here’s the thing. We’re in Portland right now, and we were able to arrange a layover. We’ll rent a car and come see you and then fly back to Santa Barbara tomorrow.”
“Are you sure you want to do that?”
“Yes. So don’t try to talk us out of it.”
With a breath of resolve Erin said, “Okay. I’ll tell your dad.”
Deep inside, Erin was delighted they were coming. She saw this as a horrible way to end their honeymoon but an honorable way to begin their marriage as part of the extended family.