Erin swallowed. “No, I’m not. I’m still in Moss Cove, Sharlene.”
The other end of the phone was silent.
Erin tried to explain about the transporting and moving details Mike was working on and the long weekend she had spent giving her dad twenty-four-hour care. The topper was the trip to see the doctor that morning. Her stomach was in knots as she said, “I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen. I have a feeling I’m going to be here for a while.” She almost said “for a long time,” but Erin didn’t want to say it aloud.
Sharlene kindly asked how Erin’s dad was doing now, and Erin updated her on his stable condition and the hospital bed that would be delivered for him that week.
After another pause Sharlene said, “How about if we set a time to talk tomorrow morning? Would eight o’clock be too early for you?”
“No. That would be fine.”
“I’ll call you at eight.”
Erin hung up and sat on the edge of the bed, looking out the window at the sunlight on the pine trees’ boughs. Her knotted gut told her she was about to lose her business and her closest friend.
All night, as Erin cared for her father through his bouts of deep coughing, she wondered how she had become so enmeshed there. She didn’t have to be her father’s caregiver. She could arrange for him to be moved to a nursing facility at any time and she could go home—back to her life, business, and husband. When her mother asked her and Mike to look after Jack, she certainly didn’t mean this sort of full-time care.
This is crazy. He hardly even knows I’m here. What am I trying to prove?
By eight o’clock the next morning Erin was emotionally and physically exhausted. She waited for Sharlene’s call, and finally, at ten minutes after eight, she dialed Sharlene’s number. It rolled to voice mail, and Erin left a short message just as the delivery truck pulled up with the new hospital bed.
The delivery crew set it up in the living room facing the large front windows. The men also delivered a shower chair the doctor had recommended so that Jack could be wheeled to the bathroom and lifted into the chair to take a real shower. Marge wanted to get him in the shower right away. The steam would help to clear his lungs.
Erin returned upstairs to try Sharlene again and heard the bumping-around sounds as Marge coaxed Jack to “hold on to this” and “move your strong leg over the other way.” Apparently the process was a success and didn’t require Erin’s assistance because rising up to the dormer was the strange guttural sound of her father’s voice drawn out in long notes. He was singing in the shower.
For one moment Erin closed her eyes and let this single sweetness count as a small victory. Another “treasures in the darkness” sort of moment.
She stretched out on the bed with her face in the corner where the sun was coming through the window. In the luxury of that narrow strip of warmth, she let her weary body float off to sleep, knowing that Sharlene’s phone call would awaken her. However, it was a call from Mike that roused her less than half an hour into her slumber.
Erin kept her voice low as she said, “I need to come home. I hate to do this, but we need to put him in a care facility up here somewhere until we can get everything in place to move him down to Irvine. I need to go back to work. I need some sleep. I need to be there, not here.”
“You’re sure that’s what you want to do?”
“Yes. I’m worn out. I can’t stay here, Mike. Can you help me to find a place for him here?”
“He already has pre-registration papers in place for a facility in Florence. All the forms are in the file there. Delores set it up.”
Erin bristled at the thought that Delores assumed Erin would bail on her father the same way she had. Yet for a moment Erin understood how someone like Delores could make a decision to pick up and leave. Staying was really hard.
“Okay. Well, I’ll pull out the papers and start working on that. Do you think this is the right thing to do?”
“I don’t know. I thought I’d have everything ready here by now.”
A long pause stretched between them. Finally Mike said, “Let’s both pray about it and then talk again in a few hours.”
“Okay.”
Erin went downstairs feeling the knot in her stomach clenching tighter. She found her dad all cleaned up, freshly shaven, and sitting up in the new hospital bed with his left arm clutching the lift-up bar. She couldn’t imagine he had heard any of her conversation since she had kept her voice so low. But she had a hard time looking him in the eye and felt like a traitor.
“We should have ordered this equipment right away,” Marge said when Erin joined her in the kitchen. “He’s like a new man. Look at him.”
A hint of the old Jack O’Riley showed on his face as he methodically pulled on the bar. After a lifetime of regular calisthenics, Jack seemed happy to be back to his familiar routine. He looked more comfortable. The brand-new white sheets on the bed gave the room a freshness that was much needed. Marge had all the windows open. Sunshine poured in through the window in the kitchen, and the little cottage seemed to breathe once again.
It was a beautiful new day.
Erin unwrapped one of the instrumental praise music CDs from her big shopping trip on Saturday. She dusted off the old stereo in the corner and put in the CD. It took her a few attempts at pressing buttons and turning dials before sound came out of what her sons would call “vintage speakers.”
For the first time since Sierra and Jordan had plugged in their iPod at the cookout, music enlivened the surroundings. And, oh, what a difference it made.
“Do you like that, Dad?” Erin turned the music low the way she knew he preferred and looked to him for a response even though it had been days since he had responded to her about anything.
A half smile curved up the left side of his face.
“How about the bed? Are you liking that, too?”
“Yaaaa.”
Erin went to his side. He had stopped the self-directed exercises and was resting his wrist on the bar. “I heard you singing in the shower.”
His grin stayed firmly in place.
“You’re looking pretty handsome this morning. Marge did a good job on that shave.” Erin smoothed the backs of her fingers across his warm cheek. She wasn’t usually this compassionate as she cared for him and hoped he wouldn’t suspect that she was about to leave him, too.
Her dad opened his mouth further, the way he did when it was time for suctioning.
“Do you need me to use the machine?”
“Naaaah.”
“He’s showing you his teeth,” Marge said. “I finally got him to let me do a proper brushing with the electric toothbrush.”
“Oh, let me see. Look at those pearly whites. Very nice.”
Jack lowered his arm and pointed his finger at her.
“What? Do you think I need to brush my teeth?”
“Naaaah.” He pointed at her mouth again.
“Something about my teeth?”
“Yaaaa.”
She smiled broadly for him, just as she had many times during her junior high years when he wanted to examine the progress of her orthodontia. Erin had had such crooked teeth that she had required three years of braces complete with headgear and retainers until she was in college. The results had been well worth it. She had a beautiful smile, and her father delighted in reminding her of that over the years.
“Are you checking to make sure my teeth are still straight after all those years of braces?”
He grinned. “Yaaaa.”
“Your huge investment is still holding its value.” Erin gave him an extrawide smile.
Then she remembered something her mother had confided in her years ago. The reason her dad teased her about her smile being his biggest investment in her future was because his insurance plan didn’t cover orthodontics. To pay for the expense, her father had worked a second job three nights a week selling tools in the basement of a Sears department store in downtown Santa Ana.
&nb
sp; When Erin was a teenager, her father having an extra job meant nothing to her. The ongoing orthodontics meant only pain, embarrassment, and aggravation. But when she was old enough to understand and appreciate the gift, her mother told her about the long and steady sacrifice her father had made so that Erin wouldn’t have to go through life with a mouth full of jagged teeth.
Erin didn’t think she had ever thanked her father for his silent act of giving.
Leaning closer and smiling, she said, “Thank you, Daddy, for all the years you worked the extra job at Sears.”
He looked surprised.
“Mom told me. I’m sorry I never said thank you until now. I think I would be a different person if I hadn’t had my teeth fixed. Thank you for investing in me and giving me my smile.”
His eyes teared up. He reached for her face and cupped his warm hand under her chin. He struggled with much effort to form a blessing in a single word. “Buuufooo.”
The word went deep. As a daughter she had waited her whole life to hear him say it. With all his gruffness, he never had. Until today. Her father pronounced her “beautiful.”
Blinking quickly so her tears wouldn’t overtake the moment, Erin smiled at her daddy, eye to eye, heart to heart.
And then she knew.
She couldn’t leave. It was her turn. This was her Sears department store basement. In the same way her father had given sacrificially all those years ago to improve her quality of life, now her turn had come to give selflessly to her father. She couldn’t send him to the nursing facility in Florence. Not when she had it in her power to stay on a little longer and give back to him in this way while he was nearing the end of his days. She would not leave him the way Delores had.
14
May the lilt of Irish laughter
Lighten every load.
May the mist of Irish magic
Shorten every road.
May you taste the sweetest pleasures
That fortune e’er bestowed.
And may all your friends remember
All the favors you are owed.
As soon as Erin decided she was going to stay on with her father at Hidden Cottage, the knot in her stomach loosened. She kept thinking that if she were in the same situation as her father, she would want someone who loved her to care for her as long as possible.
Erin slipped outside after her dad fell into a restful sleep while listening to the soft music. She took her phone and called Mike to tell him of her change of heart.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes. I want to give it a try. What do you think, Mike? Are you okay with my staying a little longer?”
“How much longer? A few weeks? A few months? What are you thinking?”
“I don’t know. Probably a few weeks. Maybe a month. There’s no way of knowing. He could have another stroke tomorrow, and that could be it.”
“Yes, or he could live another ten years like this. He’s a strong man.”
“He doesn’t want to go to Irvine or to a nursing facility. He wants to stay here. I can make that happen. At least for a little longer.”
Erin didn’t want to argue with Mike. She also didn’t want to toss in a report about her gut feelings on this. Mike didn’t always respond to her intuitive indicators, especially if he knew she was tired or emotional. At the moment she was both, but she still knew that staying with her father was the right thing for her to do.
“I don’t know, Erin,” Mike said after a heavy breath. “An hour ago you said you needed to come home. Now you’re saying you need to stay there. I don’t know what to think anymore.”
Erin knew that if she could see Mike right now he would give her the same look he gave her when she said she wanted to invite her dad, Delores, and Tony and his family for Thanksgiving. It was the “why would you want to do this to yourself?” look.
Neither Mike nor Erin said anything for a moment.
Finally Mike said, “You need to be prepared to put him in the full-time care facility as soon as there’s any indication at all that he needs more medical attention than you can give him.”
“Okay. I agree.”
“And we have to come up with some sort of limits. Either I need to go up there for a weekend soon, or you need to come down here and hire Marge to stay through the weekend.”
“Okay.”
“I have to get back to work. Let’s talk about this more tonight.”
“Thanks for understanding, Mike.”
“I do understand. I know how it was when I lost my brother. Once they’re gone you can’t go back and make decisions like this. But I’m concerned about you. This is a lot to take on.”
“I’m okay,” Erin said. “Better now, actually, than before I called you.”
“I love you.”
“I know. And I love you, too.”
Erin hung up and decided to call Sharlene again. This wasn’t going to be an easy call; she didn’t want to put it off. They would have to come up with a way for Erin to carry more of the business responsibilities during the next few weeks. She wasn’t sure she could handle much more, but she knew Sharlene had to be close to hitting overload.
Sharlene picked up the call on the first ring and in her usual breathless voice said, “Erin, I have to call you back. Sorry. I’m just about to leave an appointment, and I’ll call you in about ten minutes.”
Erin went inside and made a cup of Irish breakfast tea. She added a splash of milk and a dash of sugar. With the first sip, she thought of her mother. And when she did, she remembered her mother’s words about how there were no shortcuts in relationships and how to experience the fullness of love, she must go the distance.
Only the strongest and bravest stay on the path. And you, my darling girl, have been given everything you need to be among the strongest and bravest.
Erin sipped her tea seated in a straight-backed wooden chair in the kitchen nook by the window. She hoped her mother’s blessing was still true in her life. She didn’t know how any of this was going to work out. All she knew was that the knots in her stomach had untangled the moment she decided to stay.
Sharlene’s call came through, and Erin went outside to talk in private. She sat on the front deck with her back to the wind and said, “Busy day?”
“Yes. It’s been full. How are you?”
“I’m okay. I have some . . .”
“Good. I was . . . Oh, sorry. Go ahead,” Sharlene said.
“No, that’s okay. You go first. Tell me your update.”
“Okay. Well, I met with our CPA today.”
Erin drew back. She thought they had been doing just fine financially. She didn’t expect this sort of update. “What did Jan say?”
“I asked her to help me . . . to help us . . . to come up with an estimated buyout figure.” Sharlene paused.
“Buyout figure?”
“I wanted to be prepared in the event that you would consider selling me your half of the company.”
The air around Erin felt still, as if she had slipped into the eye of a hurricane, and from this position of stunned silence she could see everything in her life caught up in a massive swirl. The vortex moment sucked all the air from her lungs and all the words from her lips.
“Jan was able to come up with what I think is a reasonable price. I’ll e-mail it to you, and we can talk some more. I don’t know if this is what you want to do, but it’s something we need to talk about.”
Erin still had no words.
“I know you’re in a really tough spot right now, and I thought it might help to relieve some of the pressure if you didn’t have the business to worry about. Because as soon as you finally do get your dad down here, if he’s living with you as you said, your days will be pretty well dictated by his needs. I thought the money might help you and Mike with the additional expenses you’ll have.”
If this plan was coming from anyone other than Sharlene, Erin would be certain that she was being undercut in some sort of slick deal. But this
was Sharlene. Her trusted friend. Certainly she was sincere when she said she was trying to help relieve the stress for Erin. But this was Erin’s business, her dream, as much as it was Sharlene’s. She didn’t want to sell her half of the business.
“Sharlene, I just need a little more time here with my dad. We haven’t been able to work out the details to get him down to Irvine, and I don’t want to put him in a nursing facility here. I need to stay on with him at Hidden Cottage.”
“How long?”
“I don’t know. As long as I need to.” Erin felt a pounding headache coming on. Her words weren’t forming the way she wanted.
“Erin, I don’t know what to say. Here I thought I might be offending you by offering to buy your half of the business. But it sounds like you’ve already decided to leave.”
“No, I don’t want to leave,” Erin said quickly. “And I definitely don’t want to sell my half of the business. But for now, I need to stay here. I was hoping you and I could work out some sort of agreement to cover the time I’m away.”
“What did Mike say about all this?”
“He’s not thrilled. But he understands because he remembers what he went through when he lost his brother.”
Sharlene cleared her throat. “Erin, I’m all for you doing what you need to do. I support you and your loyalty, and if I were in your dad’s position, I guarantee you that you are the person I would want to be there every day, caring for me. But here’s the problem. For a month now I’ve been working seventy-hour weeks. I’ve been doing the work of two people and training an assistant. I simply can’t continue to do this indefinitely.”
“How is Ashley working out?”
“She’s fine.” Sharlene sounded irritated that Erin had asked about Ashley, as if she were trying to change the conversation’s direction. “She’s doing a good job. But I posted the position as part-time, and that’s all she can give me right now. She’s barely able to come twenty hours a week. It’s not enough. I don’t want to lose what you and I worked so hard to build. And I have to tell you, it feels like we could lose it all.”
“I feel awful that I’ve put you in this position, Sharlene.”