I nodded.
"Go have a shower and try to relax," he said. "You're going to need your energy, and I'm going to need my cocaptain."
I was in the Tillsons' bathroom, still dressed, starting the shower, when I heard a faint click, and I wheeled to see Rafe coming in, holding a card he'd used to pop the lock. His free hand covered his eyes.
"Excuse--" I began.
"Oh, sorry. Didn't know you were in here," he said, his hand still over his eyes as he frantically motioned, apparently trying to stop me from stating the obvious--that he'd broken in and knew full well I was here.
I pulled his hand from his eyes, and mouthed, "What the hell?"
"Play along," he mouthed back. "Please."
There was no teasing glimmer in his eyes. They pleaded with me so desperately that I felt a chill in my gut.
I went to turn off the water. He grabbed my arm and shook his head. Then he moved me closer to the shower, leaned in and whispered, "Ask me to join you."
"What?"
He clapped a hand over my mouth and whispered, "Trust me. Please."
I remembered Sam saying she'd stayed behind to make sure her phone call didn't bring someone running. What if it had? What if they'd come while we were gone and cut a deal with her? Or snuck in and planted bugs, and were just waiting for the right time to nab us?
I cleared my throat. "Better not stick around or I might ask you to join me."
Rafe chuckled. "If I thought you were serious, I'd take you up on that. I was just coming in to do a better job washing up. There wasn't any water at your place and my cuts and scrapes are filthy. Guess it'll have to wait."
He waved for me to continue. When I arched my brows, he motioned to us, then to the shower. He wanted us in the shower, where no one could hear our conversation. Which was a little extreme. And extremely awkward. He'd given me a lead-in, though, so I used it.
"No, you really should get them cleaned," I said. "And I should take a look at them. I suppose we can accomplish both if you keep your shorts on ... and keep your hands to yourself."
He grinned. "Fine by me."
I turned my back and took off my jeans and socks. When I'd finished, he was climbing into the shower. While the view was very nice, my gaze went to his shoulder, to the paw-print birthmark there, a mirror image of the one on my hip.
I hadn't told him about my first shift to cat form. Now, suddenly, I wanted to. Really wanted to. I wanted to share that with him, see his reaction, tease him about beating him to it and hear his laugh--
He turned and waved me into the shower with him. He backed up to give me room, but it was a shower stall--not much room to be had. The hot water beat down, soaking through my shirt. I leaned back into it, forgetting Rafe as I luxuriated in the feeling of hot, clean water.
When I opened my eyes, he was watching me. Really watching me. I looked at the water pounding off his lean chest, trickling down to his soaked boxers, and ... and I wasn't thinking it'd be nice to lean over and give him a chaste kiss. Really wasn't.
I was sure this would be a scene I'd lock away to replay when I was alone, but for now, I couldn't cross that space between us. He'd brought me here to tell me something, and even if he hadn't, I wouldn't cross it, because that would lead to places I wasn't ready to go.
You don't make out half naked in a shower with a guy if you aren't planning on going somewhere with it. Actually, you shouldn't be half naked in a shower with a guy if you aren't planning on going somewhere with it. But under the current circumstances, normal rules didn't apply.
I eased forward and leaned up to his ear. "Is this what you wanted?"
He chuckled. "Mmm, I'd better not answer that." His gaze traveled down me, then zipped back to my face. "Sorry."
"Focus, Rafe."
"I am. Just on the wrong thing." He leaned in to kiss me, but pulled back sharply, his face twisted in a look of pain, like he'd just been jabbed in the back.
"Are you okay?"
"No. Not really." His look then was so wistful I felt that chill again. Then he leaned down to my ear and whispered. "It's a trap."
"Sam?" I whispered. "You think they came while we were--"
"No. Not Sam."
"Then..."
I looked up into his face and saw the pain there, his eyes dark. Then I looked out the shower door at his clothing, dropped in the far corner of the bathroom.
If he'd just wanted to talk to me in private, he could have gotten me aside easily. Just let me come with them to look at houses. Talk to me in one of them. Or in the forest. But he'd been the one who'd wanted me to stay behind. Who'd suggested I take a shower.
I looked at his clothes again and whispered, "They're bugged."
He didn't reply, but I saw the answer in his eyes. I backed toward the door. He caught me and slapped his hand over my mouth, then leaned down to my ear. Water trickled from his hair onto my shoulder.
"I won't let them take you, Maya," he whispered. "I swear I won't. I'd never do that."
He pulled me back under the spray and spoke against my ear. "They grabbed me when I got to town. It's the St. Clouds. They have Annie. Either I help them or they won't help her. I ... I had to, Maya."
His eyes pleaded with me to believe him. I did. Annie meant everything to him. If they had her, he'd go along with any plan to save her. But that didn't mean I didn't feel like I'd been betrayed. By someone I'd finally trusted.
"I know this means it's over," he whispered. "I got a second chance, and I blew it, and I..." He swallowed and turned his head, his expression hidden behind the curtain of water. "I'd give anything not to do that. I would, Maya. I know you don't believe me, but it's true."
When I pushed past the pain of betrayal, I did believe him. Because he'd let go of my hand as we dangled from that helicopter. Because he'd been ready to die to save me. And because even if he wasn't looking me in the face, I could hear the pain in his voice.
"It's going to be okay," he said. "I wouldn't let anything happen to you. I have a plan and you'll be safe."
"And the others?"
"Them, too." He looked at me again, still close enough to whisper through the pounding water, close enough for me to feel the heat of his breath. "I know that's just as important to you, and I swear everyone will be okay. For now, though, you need to go along with the plan. It's the only way we'll get out of this place. And you can't tell the others."
"What?"
He gripped my arms and pulled me even closer, gaze locked on mine. "They need to act like everything's okay, so you can't tell them. Not even Daniel."
I backed up, freeing myself.
"That's the deal-breaker, isn't it?" he murmured. "Daniel."
"I trust--"
"I know you do. But I don't, and not because I think he's untrustworthy, but because I don't know him well enough to be sure he won't screw up. The only person I trust is you."
Then trust me when I say you can trust him. But that was asking too much, because if the situation was reversed, I'd say it was unfair. I trusted him. But would I put my family's life at risk if he gave his word that someone else could also be trusted? No.
"If things go wrong, I have to tell him," I said. "If he's in danger, I have to warn him."
Rafe hesitated, then nodded.
"There's no woman in Vancouver is there?" I said as I pushed back my wet hair. The water was cooling now. "No contacts your mom gave you."
"No, that's a story they fed me. But we're going to follow it, because getting you guys to Vancouver is the best chance you have."
You guys. Not us. Best chance you have. Not we.
"When we get to Vancouver, you'll pretend to suddenly realize it's a trap," he said. "You'll turn on me and you'll run, and leave me behind."
"But they'll--"
"They'll catch me. I know. It's the only way. They'll think I did my best, so Annie will be safe. I wish--" He looked away, then leaned toward my ear again so I couldn't see his face. "There's no other way. Annie needs me. And
you ... you don't. Not like that. You can look after yourself and..." He straightened and gave me a crooked smile. "By then you'll be happy to be rid of me, I'm sure."
I leaned forward and whispered, "No, I won't."
Then I kissed him. Just a kiss, my hands still at my sides. When I pulled back, he looked stunned. Then he rubbed his mouth and said, "I know that just means you understand. At least, I hope you do."
"I do."
I understand that you had an impossible choice to make. I understand that I couldn't be that choice. It had to be both of us--Annie and me--safe, and what you wanted didn't matter. Just like when you let go of my hands in the helicopter.
I said the same words he'd said to me before he'd let go.
"It's okay."
A twisted smile. "No, not really. But it'll be okay soon. Or as close as it can get."
THIRTY-ONE
RAFE LEFT THEN. GOT out, dried off, dressed, and slipped away before anyone caught him. I washed in the now-cool water. Or I think I did. I couldn't remember doing it, though the walls were flecked with suds when I got out.
I'd forgiven Rafe for what he'd done. I suppose that surprised me a little. But he really didn't have a choice. I couldn't hold that against him.
Back when he'd told me why he'd come to Salmon Creek, I hadn't forgiven him nearly as quickly. There had to be a better way to find the other skin-walker, I reasoned, one that didn't hurt the feelings of every girl in town. But a lot had changed since then. A lot had changed in me, and even if I still thought I'd have found another way, I understood that he'd done his best, that he regretted any hurt he'd caused. This time, I wasn't even sure there was another way.
That didn't mean I was okay with it. Okay with his decision, yes, as painful as it was. What I wasn't okay with was the overall situation. We were sitting in a trap. The St. Clouds--and maybe even the Nasts by now--were out there, watching us and listening. And there wasn't a damned thing I could do about it because Rafe was right--we needed to get to Vancouver, where we could lose ourselves in a metropolis. Until then, we had to act like nothing was wrong. No, I had to act like nothing was wrong. The others couldn't know.
But Daniel... Daniel wasn't just "the others." Not telling him felt like a betrayal. It was a betrayal. I'd told Rafe that I wouldn't, but the more I thought about it, the less certain I was I could keep that promise.
We gathered food and supplies from the other houses. As for money, I'd cleared out the emergency stash my parents had forgotten, and even if I knew they'd want me to have it, it still kind of felt like stealing. The others did the same, taking money from anyplace they knew their parents hid it. We all had bank cards, too--all except Rafe. We agreed to take out the maximum just before we got on the ferry.
Would our accounts be blocked? We didn't know. If not, would the banks alert our families? Would our parents think some ghoul had taken the cards from the crash wreckage? Or would they realize how unlikely that would be--not only finding our cards but our PINs--and would that make them consider the possibility we were still alive? I hoped so. God, I hoped so.
We decided to stay at Principal Barnes's house. He had a ten-year-old son and a daughter in the grade below us, so there were three bedrooms, plus a sofa bed. Daniel wanted the sofa bed, so he could sleep on the main level, in case anyone broke in. I'd get Kenjii to stay with him, as backup.
Sam and I took the kids' rooms. Both had just single beds, and I'd suggested Sam and I could share the master room instead, but Rafe said no. Give that to Corey and he'd use the futon in the covered back patio and guard the back door.
Did he need to sneak out and report in? Maybe. We'd barely spoken since the shower. Or, I guess, I'd barely spoken to him. I couldn't stop thinking about his clothes being bugged.
I was heading to bed when Daniel appeared. "Is everything okay?" he whispered when we were inside my room with the door closed.
"Sure."
His look called me a liar. "You and Rafe. Something's up."
I hesitated and the urge to tell him everything was so strong, I had to clamp my jaw shut.
"No," I said quickly. "Everything's fine. I just... It's a little much right now. I thought he was dead, and he isn't, and... I'm feeling a lot of things." Which was the truth.
"Okay. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't a problem."
There is. There's a huge problem. And I should tell you. If anything goes wrong and you get hurt, I'll never forgive myself.
"No problem," I said. "I'm just confused and exhausted and worried about my parents, and really hoping we'll get somewhere tomorrow."
"We will."
I lay in bed and stared at the wall. Rafe had put me in an impossible position. If I didn't tell Daniel, what did that make me? The kind of girl who fell head-over-heels for a guy and forgot her friends? Who'd put her new boyfriend ahead of those who'd been in her life for years?
Where did my loyalty lie? Part of me wanted to say "with Rafe." He'd been willing to die for me. Now he was giving up his freedom for me.
But where did my loyalty really lie? There was no question. With the guy who'd been by my side since I was five. Who'd watched my back since I was five. Who'd suffered with me through Serena's death and Rafe's supposed death and everything else. The guy whose own loyalty I never questioned.
I had to tell Daniel.
I waited until everyone was asleep, then crept downstairs. Through the living room doorway, I could see Daniel on the sofa bed, Kenjii lying across his feet. She lifted her head, but I put out my hand, telling her to stay, and she lowered it again.
I walked to the covered porch. Rafe was on the futon, still dressed, no blankets or pillow, sleeping with his head on his arm. It was chilly, with the cold night air seeming to blast through the window glass. I found a blanket folded by the wood-burning stove.
I went back to Rafe, unfolded the blanket, and crawled in beside him.
He woke as I was pulling the blanket up over us.
"Maya?"
I put my fingers to my lips and lay down. When I opened my mouth, he put his hand over it and waved at himself, reminding me that he was still wired. Then he leaned to my ear again, his voice so low I'd never have heard it without skin-walker hearing.
"I have to sleep with my clothes on. But I know why you're here. Daniel."
"I--"
He covered my mouth again and whispered in my ear. "You need to tell him. I was hoping you wouldn't..."
He trailed off, but stayed by my ear, so I couldn't see his expression. I knew what I'd see if I did, though. Disappointment. Hurt.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered.
He hugged me. A tight hug. Fierce. Then his lips went to my ear again. "Don't be."
I tried to look away, but he caught my chin and kissed me and it was such a sweet kiss, and I felt so guilty, like I'd betrayed him, and my throat seized up and tears trickled down my cheeks, onto his.
He pulled back and looked surprised, then wiped the tears away with his thumbs, holding my face in his hand.
"It's all good, Maya," he whispered. "I mean that. I see how you and Daniel are, and I want you to trust me that much, but I know I have to earn it and I've done a crappy job so far. Still you trusted me enough to tell me first. That's a start. A big start."
He bent down and his kiss was so full of longing that tears pricked my eyes again. When another one rolled down my cheek, he wiped it away.
"No more of that," he said.
"I'm just--"
"I know." His lips moved to my ear. "So am I."
I put my arms around his neck and hugged him, face buried in his neck, and he hugged me back, making no move to kiss me again, just holding me. Then he put his lips against my ear and whispered, "I'll find a way to get back to you, Maya. I promise." I knew he couldn't promise, neither of us could promise, but in that moment, I let myself believe it, and I curled up against him, closed my eyes, and fell into the first deep and dreamless sleep I'd had in a week.
Rafe woke me
in the morning.
"Sorry," he whispered. "But I can hear Kenjii moving around, and if Daniel comes in and finds you here, it won't matter that we're both fully dressed. I'll get my ass kicked."
I shook my head. "He wouldn't. What I do with you is my business."
"Mmm, still pretty sure there'd be ass-kicking if he found you in my bed."
I snuck out. Time to talk to Daniel. Except he wasn't on the couch. I stood in the doorway, staring at the empty spot.
"Hey, you're up," Daniel said behind me.
I turned to see him in the kitchen doorway, a box of cereal in his hand.
"No milk, but they do have Froot Loops. I know you love Froot Loops."
"Thanks." I took a step toward him. "But first I need to--"
Corey came bounding down the stairs. "Did I hear the breakfast bell?"
"Food's all gone," Sam called from the kitchen.
Daniel backed up, disappearing from view. I hesitated.
"What's up?" Corey said.
"Nothing. Just ... the Froot Loops are mine."
"Not if I get them first."
After breakfast, Rafe distracted the others while I led Daniel into the garage.
"It's about Rafe, isn't it?" he said as we settled on the garage steps.
I nodded. "I have to talk to you and you're not going to like it."
He exhaled. "Yeah, I already know what it's about."
"You do?"
"I'm being a jerk to him. He tried to talk to me about wrestling at breakfast, and I blew him off. We all keep complaining that we don't know him, but when he tries to get to know us, we shut him down. I'm sorry."
"That's not--"
"I have nothing against the guy. I don't know why I keep..." He rolled his shoulders and rubbed the back of one as he made a face.
"Bad sleep?"
"Yeah. But we're all stressed and worried and tired, and that's no excuse for being a jerk to Rafe."
I stretched my legs, then took a deep breath and said, "Actually, I might know what's setting you off with Rafe. That's what I wanted to talk about."
He didn't answer, and when I glanced over, he looked shocked. Shocked and ... something else. Before I could get a better look, he turned away.
"I don't have a problem with Rafe, Maya."
"Well, I do," Sam said as she opened the door.
Daniel clambered to his feet.
"You do have a problem with Rafe, Daniel," Sam said. "We all do."