He begins to the fill the empty jug at the tap. The water in the container is cloudy from the milk residue.
“Danny,” Nancy says softly, “is something wrong?”
“Don’t worry about it,” he says, without taking his eyes off the milk jug.
“You’re not dealing again, are you?”
She regrets the words as soon as they come out. Danny’s head jerks toward her, and he fixes her with bloodshot eyes.
“No, I’m not dealing again, goddamn it!”
He slams the jug down on the counter, and milky water sloshes out of it.
“If I was dealing again, would we have to live in this crappy little house?” he shouts. “Would we have a dishwasher that leaks all over the goddamn place?”
“I’m sorry. I just don’t want you doing anything …” she says, trailing off.
“Anything what?” Danny growls. “Anything stupid?”
Nancy steps back. “I didn’t say that.”
“No, but that’s what you were thinking,” Danny says, leaning over her. “You think I’m stupid?”
She cowers against the countertop between the stove and the dishwasher. He raises his hand to slap her but holds back.
“You should be thankful for what I do for you,” he says.
Nancy feels a burst of courage, and she stands up straight and glares at Danny with tear-filled eyes.
“Don’t you love me anymore?” she says.
This snaps him from his trance. He lowers his raised hand, looking at it as if he doesn’t know how it got there. He takes a few steps back and leans against the counter, his shoulders slumped.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m just really stressed out right now.”
Nancy takes a deep breath, steadying her voice. “Let’s go to bed,” she says. “You look exhausted.”
“I just need a little space right now,” he says, grabbing the milk jug and putting the lid back on. “I’ve got an errand to run.”
He heads to the door, and Nancy stares at the empty space he left behind. She has the feeling of being watched. She turns to see Benji standing at the threshold of the kitchen, wearing striped pajamas. His chin quivers as he tries to stop himself from crying.
Nancy kneels and embraces him. His tiny body trembles in her arms.
“It’s going to be okay,” she whispers into his ear. “It’s going to be okay.”
She hopes her son believes her more than she believes herself.
CHAPTER 15
AFTER PUTTING BENJI to bed, Nancy walks through the house to make sure the doors are locked. She peeks into the garage and sees that the weird box Danny built is gone. She feels a twinge of relief and isn’t sure why.
She pours herself a glass of wine and goes to her bedroom. She pulls off her jeans and blouse, and she puts on one of Danny’s T-shirts she uses as a nightgown. The shirt is big on her, hanging halfway down her thighs. The shirt smells of him, and the odor gives her mixed feelings. She loves him, but she knows he’s not good for her.
She stands at the window and looks down onto the street. Part of her wants Danny’s van to pull into the driveway. At least that way she would know he’s safe. But another part of her doesn’t want that. In fact, part of her hopes he never comes home again.
She crawls into bed and grabs the telephone from her bedside stand. She dials her friend Julie’s number. Nancy takes a long drink of wine while she waits for Julie to answer.
“Are you okay?” Julie says right away.
Nancy opens her mouth to say yes, but she can’t let the lie out.
“No,” she says, and she starts to cry. “It’s Danny.”
“What did that bastard do to you? Did he hit you?”
“No. Nothing like that.” Nancy pictures Danny raising his hand to strike her, but she doesn’t tell Julie how close he came. “He’s just acting really weird. He’s up to something