30 (b)
Departure
sniffs a little and wipes his eyes.
''You're a little weasel,'' says Truss, ''And you're going to get what you deserve.'' He gestures for Yo-yo to move under the window of William Peckitt. ''All those lies, all that deceit. Hospitals, reformatories, nicking stuff and thieving… it's time you were called to account...''
''I don't have the ring,'' sobs Yo-yo.
''Fair enough.'' Truss shrugs, swivels and pulls the trigger.
Rue gives a sort of soft yelp and crumples to the floor. Yo-yo cries out.
''She betrayed you,'' says Truss, ''She betrayed me, she betrayed everyone.'' He pockets the gun. ''You'll never be free with Rue roaming at large. Your uncle and Katze, they warned you. She gets inside your head, twists your mind. It's the only way to set us both free.'' He removes the fur hat and reveals a hideous, crumbling, half-rotting death-mask of a face. ''Behold the woman. See her as she really was.''
Yo-yo fights the urge to vomit. He has just kissed those withered lips and played tonsil-hockey with those …. Urghhh… maggots. He recoils, but the horror is only just beginning. Those withered lips purse and pout, break into a teeth-baring grin, the grey-green chaps tightening, the arms lifting, the back straightening…. Truss and Yo-yo yell as Rue the Zombie lurches to her feet. Truss fires again, once, twice, three times. The bullets merely pass through the undead woman with a wet, slapping suck and clatter spent to the flagstones beneath.
''Bloody Hell, Truss, what have you done?'' They scoot into the graveyard and slam the door shut. On the other side, Rue the Zombie can be heard gurgling and scratching the wood with her vicious fingernails.
''Run!'' yells Truss. ''I'll keep her occupied.'' Rue's fist smashes through the planks.
''I can't abandon you.''
Rue the Zombie's grinning face appears in a jagged hole torn in the door. She waves a plastic straw, licks her lips and points at Yo-yo's skull.
''She'll suck out your brain!'' Truss says unnecessarily. Then Zombie Rue's Zombie hands burst through the door and grip him by the shoulders. He utters a blood-curdling scream. The plastic straw enters his ear. Zombie Rue's skeleton face grins. Truss' limp body, drained of his brain, is tossed aside. Yo-yo seizes a garden fork and backs into the corner under a tree. Rotting flesh falls away from Zombie Rue and transforms into dust in the air. She opens her mouth very wide, like a tunnel, and laughs a shuddering, horrible, hollow O O O. She points a bony finger at Yo-yo, then beckons slowly, invitingly.
''COME LIVE ME AND BE MY LOVE,'' she slurs, blood and spittle gushing over the front of her matted fur coat. ''BE MY NAUGHTY LITTLE SEX-SLAVE.''
She steps over the grave-slabs, raising her arms, the fur of the sleeves folding away to reveal the maggoty blue-black flesh and patches of white, glistening bone. Yo-yo is backed into a corner under a tree. There is no way out. Shit. Fancy dying at the hands of a transvestite zombie bride. What a way to go. He shakes his head, steadies himself and grips the fork-shaft more firmly.
''See you at Christmas!'' he yells. Raising the fork, he leaps at the zombie.
THE ('NORF-AND-SARF') END