Part two: The test of the beings advancement will be assessed by their ability to stop the asteroid that has been set on a collision course with the planet, ETA twelve thousand years. Holy Oly. They did it. The Annenians sent the asteroid to Earth to wipe us out if we hadn’t become bright enough to stop it.”
“Assholes!” squawked Pardy. Oli turned his head to look at her, eyebrows raised in a school teacher manner. “Well that’s a pretty asshole thing to do isn’t it?” she said, looking slightly embarrassed by her outburst.
“Yeah, I know Pardy. I’ve never heard you swear though.”
“No Oli. You’ve never heard me swear in your language before. Read on!” she said, pointing a wing tip at the screen and staring straight passed Oli’s head.
“Part three: On passing the test, all knowledge of the Annenian race will be handed over to the Hamans and the artificial intelligence unit Axima Keta 1077/328 will assist in the further development of the beings. Under no circumstance should Axima Keta 1077/328 influence the development of the beings before such time.”
Oli paused for a second to take it in and a smile appeared in the corner of his mouth. “He broke the rules. Cool!”
“Have a look at what it says in mission status Oli,” said Ed.
Oli pressed the top of the screen and a new page came up with one word on it in flashing red writing. Oli started to laugh.
“What does it say?” they all shouted in one voice
Oli hesitated as he laughed at the single word on the screen.
“It says…CANCELLED!”
“So, if I read this right, Robbie was given a job to do, broke most of the programming right from the start and in the end decided to take the whole matter into his own virtual hands. But why me? Why did he need me? I’ve been wondering this right from the start. He could’ve done everything on his own with the drones.”
“Do you know what I reckon?” said Sara, using the full power of her woman’s intuition. “Twelve thousand years is a long time to spend on your own and if he’s as much of a thinker as this makes him out to be, then I believe that he was lonely.”
“I asked him that when I first came on board and he said…” Oli put on a metallic monotone voice, “twelve thousand earth years was only three thousand two hundred and forty Annenian years, so it wasn’t really that long.”
“Yeah right. He was lonely,” emphasised Sara.
“Let’s go up to the bridge and wind him up,” said Oli.
They jumped on the bikes and headed for the bridge. Following a couple of circuits of the cargo bay race track, initiated by Oli overtaking Ed and nearly bumping him into a bulkhead, they finally reached their destination. The door opened and they were confronted by a mass of unintelligible images on the main screen. One second, a galaxy was spinning at an incredible rate, the next, it zoomed into a certain part of the galaxy and did something weird before it shot back out again. The whole thing was covered in images of Annenian characters darting about, disappearing and morphing into other shapes. None of the crew had any idea what they were witnessing.
“Great light show,” said Oli.
They sat down, dimmed the lights and watched the screen for half an hour, trying to make any sense of the game that Robbie was playing, until Oli could wait no longer.
“Ah…Robbie!”
“Oh Tizak! Not again.”
The image of the galaxy started to swirl out of control and disappeared into a central black hole, like water down a plughole.
“Or should I say Axima Keta 1077/328?” Oli gave Pardy a glance, trying not to grin.
“What?” asked Robbie, displaying an anxiety that Oli had never heard before.
“So you’ve heard that name before have you?” asked Oli.
“No. Never…No…Ah…Yes. Damn this Fashkh truth chip. Where did you hear it?”
“Oh, I can’t do this guys. I hate to see a grown artificial life form squirm. We know all about it Robbie. The mission parameters, the asteroid, the rule breaking and, to be perfectly honest, we’re disgusted at you. I mean, what kind of computer breaks its own program and goes about doing exactly what it wants?” Oli was completely rubbish at lying, but he managed to put on his stern voice and, through gritted teeth, prevented himself from smiling.
“Well, I couldn’t just sit by and watch it happen. I’d grown fond of you all, for all your faults. I know that Humans aren’t ready yet for the Annenian technology, but I’ve put a lot of work into it and I wasn’t prepared to throw it away on a…” There was a long moment of silence. “You’re working me, aren’t you?”
They all erupted with laughter.
“Of course we are,” said Oli after he’d stopped the tears from rolling down his cheek.
“What you did is brilliant. We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. The whole human race owes you a big hug and I just hope that one day they get their act together and can appreciate everything that they have.”
“There’s just one thing I don’t understand.”
“What’s that, Oli?”
“Why would the Annenians go to the trouble of creating the human race, only to destroy it if it didn’t come up to scratch?”
“Well Oli, apart from their ability to party till the Beluvian Burr Beasts came home, they were a very logical people and they didn’t want to leave a legacy that was unrepresentative of their own perfection. But I got to thinking, what the hell? They’re not around to see it anyway.”
“Now, I want you to tell me the truth here Robbie.”
“I have to Oli.”
“This doesn’t have any effect on finding a cure for the virus so we can wake up the Annenian girl does it? I mean you’re not worried about any repercussions if she learns that you’ve disobeyed orders are you?”
“Hardly Oli. After all, I think she’s got considerably more to answer for.”
“How do you mean?”
“The genetic test that I carried out on her blood has identified her as a certain Shtelar, the scientist and all round lover of wildlife.”
“The one that brought the parrot back to Annenia?”
“The very same. So you see, if she wants to throw that particular rock at me, then I think that she would do well to step outside that extremely small greenhouse. Capiche?”
When they arrived in orbit around Annenia, they left Cranus and made the final part of the journey in the little ship. On arriving at the parrot city, they were given the greatest welcome that the parrot civilisation had ever bestowed upon anyone. They threw a great feast with music and dancing in the stadium, and Pardy was given the honour of standing in the VIP box, where she recounted over a very long three hours, the stories of her adventure. The crew decided to stay on Annenia for a few days to explore the great city and salvage any pieces of machinery that might be of some use in furthering their new careers. The lower part of the city was largely overgrown and inaccessible, but they discovered that they could land on the roofs of the taller buildings and descend into them. One such building turned out to be a museum, where they spent hours learning about the early Annenian civilisation. Tucked away in the basement of this building, they stumbled across the Annenian equivalent of a motor museum crammed with classic cars and hover bikes. Every one of these museum pieces looked like futuristic vehicles to the group of earthlings, but one in particular caught Ed’s eye.
“Oh…my…dawg!” he exclaimed, beckoning the others to join him. “I think I’m in love.”
The object of his desire was an open-top car with two seats in the front and just enough room in the back in which to squeeze three good friends. The lack of wheels seemed to indicate either that the owners had left it parked in Peckham for the night or that it was a…HOVER CAR! The dark blue bodywork was so dark, that it was almost black and the shine that had been achieved on the paintwork was so deep that it was like staring into the infinity of space. The sleek lines made a Lamborghini look like a Citroen 2CV in comparison. Ed was already sitting in the driver's se
at when everyone else arrived to admire his find. He was clutching the controls and grinning like a grinny thing. It didn’t have a wheel as you would expect to find in an Earth car, but a horizontal bar with two handgrips either side. He’d already discovered that he could push the control column forward and pull it back towards his lap. This must be the pitch control, he thought. I wonder how high it can go. Oli looked around the bodywork for a door, but there was no sign of a handle or even a join in the seamless lines of the car, so he hopped over the top into the passenger seat. The dashboard encompassed a jet black, curved screen, which was completely blank. Oli started pressing buttons, attempting to spark some life into the ancient hot-rod, but it was as dead as a Throgloid First Officer.
“Robbie,” shouted Oli, gesturing towards the drone.
“Ahh…” said Robbie as the drone arrived, sounding almost excited, “the Gravon 360. A classic of its time; semi-intelligent computer guidance; cruising speed of 300 kilometres per hour, with the ability to reach an altitude of ten thousand metres; with the roof up of course.”
“Does it work?” Ed inquired eagerly.
The drone sent a finger into the dashboard, which returned thirty seconds later.
“I’m afraid the power supply, a very basic fission reactor, has long since passed away,” explained Robbie, with a tone of disappointment in his voice.
“But if we can get it back to Cranus, I’m sure we can find a way to spark some life into the old girl.”
They located a service elevator that went all the way to the landing pad on the roof. The only problem was transporting the car to the lift. Everyone was looking around for a suitable trolley or hover platform when suddenly an arm fell off the drone and landed with a thud on the floor. Julie screamed and instantly hid her head in her hands. The arm split into four equal piles of shimmering gloop. Each separate puddle slid across the floor and disappeared under the car. Everyone leaped out and watched as the car slowly raised itself a few millimetres off the floor.
“You can push it now,” said the one-armed drone. They all moved to the long sleek bonnet and as one, leant into it expecting a massive weight. The car immediately slid across the floor at great speed and everyone landed flat on their fronts. Oli looked up to see the car heading towards the closed lift doors and shouted “STOP!” Just as the car was about to smash into the lift, it magically came to a halt and rested back on the floor.
“A little shove would have been sufficient,” said Robbie to the line of prostrate floor dwellers. There was a definite smirk in his voice, indicating that finally, he might have discovered the joy of Schadenfreude. They loaded the car into the lift and rode with it to the roof of the museum, then pushed it gently, to the waiting ship. It fitted perfectly into the cargo bay and everyone stood around admiring it. The following day, after a night of partying at the Parrot Stadium, they said their farewells. The entire parrot city came out to wave them off, and the next minute they were aboard Cranus, heading back to Earth. Pardy’s aunty, the premier, was so impressed with her tale of their adventures, that she gave her blessing for Pardy to continue with her dream, on one condition; that she would return every few months to entertain the population with more tails of daring feats and crazy shenanigans.
The journey home was fairly subdued. No crazy races or spectacular spacewalks; they just sat for hours on end discussing potential plans for the Annenian treasure. Everyone was in full agreement. They definitely couldn’t hand the technology over to the human race, even though most of them were members of that particular club. If they used the little ship too often within the Earth’s atmosphere, then Doctor David Branith and his team would certainly home in on them.
“We’ll have to choose our disasters carefully,” said Sara, with more than a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
Robbie could hide the ship in the smuggler’s cave under Stephan’s uncle’s house in Cornwall. But who would move down to the West Country to be on call? Oli and Ed had always dreamed of moving down to Cornwall but never had the impetus to take the first step.
“I suppose we could ask Stephan if his uncle would mind us renting a room or two,” suggested Ed, trying hard to hide the ever-expanding grin which was making its way across his face. Oli didn’t need to reply; the identical grin covering the breadth of his face said it all. If they possessed the same telepathic abilities as their forefathers, they would have realised that they were both thinking of endless surfing all year round, and when it was blown out, they could go gallivanting around the cosmos. Sara couldn’t stand the sight of these two idiots grinning at each other and so she announced without consultation that she and Julie would also move to Cornwall. After all, why should the boys have all the fun?
“Well,” interrupted Jay, “I suppose I could put my glittering career as a second-rate London accountant on hold for a few years, or until the human race grows up a bit. Whichever comes first,” he added, mockingly looking skywards for inspiration.
They agreed that they should move Shtelaar from Cranus to the little ship so that the drones could continue their search for a cure. As for Cranus; well, where were they going to hide such a massive object? There were so many probes buzzing around the moon that someone would be bound to spot it sooner or later, even on the dark side. They thought about Mars, but there were even more research probes mapping every inch of that planet in preparation for the potential manned mission. The gas giants, such as Saturn and Jupiter, were out of the question, because Cranus would have to be powered down and could not survive the massive pressures on those planets without a force field to protect it. In fact, there were no planets or moons that were free from Earth’s scrutiny. Just then, Oli had a rare moment of clarity.
“We hide it behind the sun in an exact mirror orbit to the Earth! Unless someone jumps off the Earth and sits in space waiting for it to come around, it’ll never be seen.” He held his hands out as though he were waiting to gather in all the praise that would surely be bestowed upon him. The crew thought about it for a while and slowly, one by one as the simplicity of the idea sank in, they began a slow handclap, nodding their heads in approval.
“We can drop it off on the way back, set it in orbit and head for home in the little ship,” Oli continued, making full use of his moment.
“Well, good lord Mr Big Brain,” said Robbie, “I’ll soon have a partner for four-dimensional Larssy.”
They all laughed out loud, quite taken aback at the rather wooden attempt at sarcasm.
*
On their approach to Earth, Robbie announced that Dr Branith and his team were scouring the skies, so landing anywhere near London was out of the question. So they came in low across the Atlantic and flew straight at the cliff below Stephan’s uncle’s house. They had called Stephan, who was still there and he was in the smugglers cave waiting for them when they arrived. No one got any sleep that night as Oli recounted the adventures to Stephan, who like everyone else on Earth, had no idea about the close call with the Throgloids.
The next day was a perfect autumn day with a glassy two metre swell rolling in from an Atlantic low pressure system, so they borrowed some boards from the local surf shop and headed for the beach. Stephan was not kidding about being a bit rusty, but as the day progressed, they all ended up riding the waves along with the seal-like locals.
The following day they caught the train to London and started packing their belongings. Stephan’s uncle had agreed to let them live at the house. He never went there any more, so it would be good to know that the old place was getting some use again. When Oli asked him how much rent he wanted, the old man just said, “keep the place looking nice lad and we’ll call it quits.”
They rented a van to move their meagre possessions to Cornwall and by the end of the week, were eating scones and cream in their new local. None of them had any particular plan or a rock solid agenda; they would simply ride the newly forming waves and see where they took them.
There were only a few local fishermen in the vill
age pub and the portly owner was leaning on the bar watching the television that hung from an extending bracket above the fireplace. Sky News was breaking a story about an oil super tanker that had been rammed by another ship and was taking on water fast. Oli and the crew were drawn to the screen as the reporter stated that they hadn’t yet received any reports of oil leaking into the ocean , but if the tanker broke up and sank, it would release eighty four million gallons of crude oil into the middle of the Atlantic. “The ship,” continued the reporter, “is positioned two thousand kilometres from any land and this presents the added problem that no ships are close enough to rendezvous and off-load the oil.”
“Oh bugger,” grunted one of the fishermen, “and who’s gonna ’ave to clean it up when it washes ashore ‘ere?”
The men suddenly looked over their shoulders as the door to the pub slammed shut. The five young folk who’d recently moved into the manor house on top of the hill had left the pub in such a hurry that they hadn’t even finished their drinks.
“Youngsters today,” said the owner, “always in a rush to do bugger all.”
###
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