I chanted silently in my head, Please finish, please leave.
Nearly ten minutes later the men came back in and gave a hand signal to the male DRI. I stood to the side, and the police man standing closest to me, angled himself toward me, shifting close. He lifted his mask enough to give me a leering grin. I sucked in a shocked breath. His face was fuller now, but I immediately recognized the man who’d come to the door asking for food.
He quickly pulled his mask back down and filed in with the other three men. My eyes darted around the room, but the others had all been distracted and hadn’t noticed. A disgusted chill slithered through me. How had that sleezeball been hired?
“All clear,” the DRI man said with a smile, and the four police guys marched out. “Just one last thing. We’ll need to see into the garage and the room above it.”
Shit. My attention completely switched from the creepy guy to the situation at hand.
Without hesitation, Dad said, “Of course.” He pulled his keys from his pocked with complete poise and handed it to the man. “This is to the storage room upstairs. You’ll find that my father has been in crisis-savings-mode for years.” He chuckled. The DRI looked toward Grandpa with amusement, but he only glowered from his rocker.
Dad put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. The male DRI headed outside while the woman stayed with us, her hands clasped in front of her skirt. A pleasant expression remained on her face while sounds of scuffling came from the adjacent wall above the garage. Grandpa stopped rocking.
“I hope everything has gone well today,” Dad said.
The woman gave a tight smile. “Things have been . . . expedient.”
“That’s good,” Dad said.
Oh, God. With each passing second I thought I’d be sick. A bump sounded against the wall and we all looked up as if we’d be able to see something. I tried to place where the sound had come from. The bed area? But the hidden gun cabinet was right beside the bed. Oh, God!
“I hope you find them all,” Dad said. He looked intently at the woman, trying to garner all of her attention. “And if the DRI or government need me, I am happy to help in any way.”
“That’s right, Top,” she said, shocking us all by using his Army nickname. “I take it you haven’t been able to work since this all began.”
“No,” he said, crossing his arms. “And it’s driving me crazy.”
“I’ll bet.” Still with that smile. “Thankfully we’ve had no shortage of volunteers, so you’d do best right here with your family for now.”
He looked prepared to argue, but the front door opened and the DRI man came back in. My stomach flipped. The two of them met eyes and he slowly raised his hands, giving her a signal. She nodded tightly then turned to my father.
“We are finished here. Thank you for your cooperation.”
I felt Mom’s entire body shiver next to mine. I tried to let out my tight breath as quietly as possible.
“One thing,” the man said, stepping forward. “That’s an awful lot of food you have up there. Did it occur to you to bring more to the donation last night?”
Dad cocked his head innocently. “The paper said for each family to bring two items. We did that.”
The man laughed. “Well, yes, but . . .” His smile disappeared. “There are many people in your county who are in far worse need than you. So I’m sure you’ll understand if we don’t reward your compliance today with a box of reserves.”
Dad gave a curt nod. “Of course. I understand.”
“Good. Remain indoors until tomorrow morning unless notified otherwise.”
They turned and walked out. On a whim, I ran past my gaping parents and called out the DRI woman on the porch. She needed to know.
I whispered to her, watching as the men walked away. “I just think you should know that the last man there,” I nodded toward them, “tried to force his way into our house last week.”
She looked toward the men and gave a solemn nod. “Mm, yes. Starvation makes people act in deplorable ways. But I can assure you he passed all of our measures.” I opened my mouth to say I didn’t think hunger was his only driving force, but she cut me off in a curt voice, saying, “Remain inside until the morning.” And she walked away. My hands clenched.
I went back inside and Dad locked the door behind me.
“What was that all about?” he asked.
I weighed whether or not to tell them. The thought of Dad freaking out and causing a scene made me decide to lie. “I was just asking her about the clinic. Making sure I wasn’t needed today.” Acid churned inside of me. The way the guy had looked at me had been a power play. He’d obviously remembered me, and he hadn’t been at all worried about repercussions for his actions. Dad patted my shoulder and gave me a proud smile. I tried to put the man from my mind.
“We did it!” Grandpa whispered. His straight face turned to the hugest crap-eating grin I’d ever seen. He looked like the freaking Joker. I had to slap a hand over my mouth. Mom pressed her lips together and leaned back, bringing her knees to her chest in glee. Dad shook his head, also grinning.
After a minute passed and the DRI were far down the street, Abuela said, “I no like them.”
And we all burst into laughter.
I was starting to get used to the complete darkness at night. It sort of signaled bedtime to everyone, whereas before we would have stayed up past dark to watch television. Now we preferred to save candles and propane and just go to bed. And if it weren’t for the battery-operated kitchen clock, none of us would even know we were going to bed so early. My body certainly wasn’t complaining about the rest.
I was nearly asleep when I heard a pop, pop, pop in the distance. Gunshots? I flung off my blanket and slipped my feet into sandals. Dad and Mom came out into the hall at the same time as me. I recognized their silhouettes in the sliver of moonlight shining through the windows.
Dad whispered, “I think it came from out back, maybe Coyote Springs.”
Coyote Springs was the small neighborhood that our property backed up to. It was an older neighborhood. The development was surrounded by a wooden fence, but in the past five years the place seemed to be falling into disrepair. Some of the older residents had sold their homes or passed away, and the market for the older homes was down. Drugs and crime had become a problem.
We looked around for government people before jogging through our acre of low-cut lawn toward the fence, where smoke rose in the distance. Voices yelled from the streets. It was hard to see through the overlapping slats of the fence, so Dad grasped my waist from behind and lifted me up to look. I hoisted myself to the top of the fence until my elbows locked, putting all my weight on my arms while my legs dangled. Dad held my calves. I had a good view of a row of unkempt backyards and backs of small houses.
Flames and smoke rose from the next street over, sending a billowing cloud of gray up into the dark blue sky. “One of the houses is on fire.”
Between the houses I could see to the street. Everything was hazy but my eyes adjusted to the small bit of light from stars and the moon. Shadowed figures darted in the street.
“People are running . . .” I whispered down to them. I had to squint to make everything out. Except the fire rising even higher. That was clear.
My eyes widened at the sound of simultaneous stomping feet. Dark-dressed men were running down the street—it took a second to realize they were police—like the creepy man and other ones who’d searched our house earlier. And then a loud voice rang out through the screech of a megaphone.
“A mandatory curfew is in effect. Return to your homes at once.”
People in the streets were shouting back. It sounded like they were refusing. Rebelling. And then, to my horror, the police opened fire. Screams sliced the air. Bodies fell. People ran. Oh, my God! My arms gave out and I fell back into Dad’s embrace.
“What’s going on?” came Rylen’s voice behind us.
Dad nearly dropped me as he spun, and I got
my footing.
“Jesus, Ry,” Dad said. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“They’re killing people!” My voice trembled.
“What?” Mom grabbed my hand.
“We have to get inside!” I kept hold of her hand and pulled her as we ran back to our house. Rylen was just ahead of me and I squinted as I made out something long slung over his shoulder.
“Do you have a gun?” I hissed. He didn’t answer until we wrenched open the sliding glass door, slipped inside, and locked it behind us. Mom lit a single candle as Dad closed all the shutters.
I gawked at Rylen and his hunting rifle. “You didn’t hand it over?”
Rylen gave a shrug. “My dad’s been hiding things from the cops for years.”
“You can’t run around outside with it, Ry!” I whisper-yelled, feeling panicked. “They’ll kill you! They’re shooting people for being outside during the curfew!” My whole body trembled, and Dad pulled me to him.
“Sh, honey, we’re all safe. Rylen won’t do anything stupid.” I pulled back in time to see Dad sending his you better not look to Ry, who gave a nod.
“How’d it go at your house?” Dad asked him.
“We gave over two of our four guns. When I told them I was reporting to base tomorrow, they told me not to bother. That the base was shut down. Can you believe that?”
Dad’s face scrunched. “I haven’t been able to get ahold of Tater’s base in days.”
“Yeah, they said the bases are dispersing so that individuals can help their communities locally.” Rylen shook his head. “She said only the elite were being used for war efforts. I guess the bombers?”
“That makes no sense,” I said. “They should be utilizing the military.”
Dad crossed his arms and seemed to be having dark thoughts. Another series of gunshots rang out from a distance and I jumped.
Dad eyed me. “What exactly did you see in Coyote Springs, Amber?”
I circled my arms around my torso. “They’re shooting people who are out of their houses.”
“Who are?” Mom asked. “The DRI?”
“No. The cops like the ones who checked our house for weapons today.”
“Damn,” Rylen whispered. “They’re calling them the DRP. Disaster Relief Police. Were the people trying to attack them? Did they have guns?”
“No!” I shook as I remembered. “They were unarmed as far as I could see. They were just standing in the road and in their yards, yelling stuff.” I wish I could have heard.
Mom looked as horrified as I felt. “What on earth is happening?”
“Well,” Dad said gravely. “They made it clear they were assuming everyone to be guilty until proven innocent.”
I recalled that comment at the town meeting. But God . . . were they just going to literally kill anyone on the spot, even for protesting or whatever they were doing in Coyote Springs?
Rylen rubbed his hair. “After they told me the base closed, I asked about joining on to the police force to help, but they told me they had enough.”
“Same here,” Dad said.
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “One of the police guys at our house tonight was the same man who came to our house for food and tried to push his way in.”
Their angry faces turned on me. I told them how he’d lifted his mask enough to show me his face and give me a creepy smile. Dad and Rylen both wore deadly expressions like they would strangle him without hesitation if he were in the room right now.
“Why are they hiring men like that,” Mom asked, “and turning away men like the two of you?”
None of us had the answer to that, though.
Dad shook his head, exasperated. “None of it makes a damn bit of sense.”
I walked to the sliding glass door and pulled the curtain aside enough to peer out. Smoke and flames still rose, but no more gunshots. All was quiet. Rylen sidled up to me and put his cheek close to mine to peer out. His sudden nearness and the scent of him sent a burst of need streaking through me. On instinct, I dropped the curtain and stepped away. His gaze honed in on me, inspecting.
“What is wrong with you, Pepper?” he asked. “Why does it feel like you’re mad at me all the time?”
“I’m not mad. I’m just . . .” Emotion filled my throat and I had to swallow. I wished I could tell him to keep his distance and not touch me. He was making it so much harder on me, but I couldn’t tell him that. How could this man who knew me so well, not know how I felt when it came to him? It pissed me off. And it made me angry with myself that I couldn’t get these feelings under control.
Mom, who’d been glancing over from the dining room entrance, came in and sidled up next to me. “I think we’re all just a bit overwhelmed.”
I felt his eyes on me. “I need to go to bed,” I said.
“That’s a good idea.” Mom patted my lower back.
I brushed past a frowning Rylen, past my dad, down the dark hall and into my pitch-black room.
I had just settled into my bed and cleared my mind of Rylen thoughts when my door shot open. I sat up abruptly as Rylen shut my door hard, and his boots stomped to my bedside. He sat heavily on the edge of the bed and took me by the shoulders, squeezing.
“Why are you mad at me, Pepper? Why?”
“Stop it, Ry.” I tried to shrug away. He was too close. “I told you, I’m not—”
“Yes, you are.” He held me tighter. “You don’t think I can tell? Every time I think we’re okay, you start acting weird again. I hate it when you’re mad at me. I fucking lay awake at night worrying about it.”
My breath caught, and my sinuses burned. “It’s not anything you need to worry about.”
“Just tell me what the fuck I did.” He held me tighter.
“Please, Ry,” I growled, on the verge of a mental breaking point.
He let go of my shoulders and grasped my face in his hot hands, pulling me closer. “Tell me.”
“You shouldn’t be in my room like this,” I said. “You’re married.”
He went completely still, as if he’d stopped breathing. He dropped my face.
“We’re not allowed to be friends?”
My jaw clenched and released. “If you were my husband, I wouldn’t want you in some other girl’s room.”
“Liv knows we’re not like that.” His voice was raised, so mine rose to match.
“Liv knows that we’re a man and a woman who are very close, and we are not siblings!”
“Is this really about Liv and what she thinks?” he asked. “Or does the fact that I’m married, in general, make you uncomfortable?”
“The fact that you’re married, Rylen, makes me sad.” My stomach dropped.
I thought it would feel good to say it out loud, but all I felt was sick. Those were homewrecker words. I’d had so many years to be truthful with him and I’d not been brave enough. My true anger was at myself. I didn’t take the chance when I had it. It was my own fault.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just . . . I’m not good with change. And I’m selfish when it comes to the people I care about.”
“I never meant to make you sad.” His voice was thick. In my small, stuffy room, his scent overwhelmed me, made me wish for things to be different. I wanted to drink in his emotions. He was right here. I could so easily reach out and put my hands on him.
I needed him gone.
“Everything is fine,” I said. “With us. It’s fine. I promise. I just need to go to sleep now.” I had to make an effort to be nicer to him from now on. Not to flinch away when he got near. To act sisterly. It wasn’t fair to punish him because of my broken heart.
Rylen let out a deep sigh. “I’ve . . . missed you. I mean, Tater, too. Your whole family. But you . . . your letters . . . you don’t know how much it meant to me. You’re the only person who kept in constant contact with me over the years. I knew wherever I went your letters would find me, and there were times when I felt really lost. But yo
u always found me. And I looked forward to it. I got excited every time I saw your handwriting. God, I know I sound like a pathetic fool, but I read them over and over. I . . .” He stopped and I found I was holding my breath. I couldn’t see his face, only shadows, but his words, his breathing, every sound was heightened in my ears. I heard his mouth open, and he wet his lips.
“When I met Livia, she reminded me of you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and hot tears slid down my cheeks. I wrenched my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. The silent tears kept rolling.
“I just, I love you, Pepper. And if it had been you who showed up with a husband . . .” He gave a chuffed laugh. “I would have been sad too. Because I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
I swallowed hard. Once. Twice. Three times.
He loved me like a sister. And his words were the sweetest things I’d ever heard. His love for me might not be the same as mine, but it was real. We had a bond. It wasn’t the relationship I’d wanted, but I was glad to know I’d helped him in some small way. That would have to be enough.
“I love you too, Ry. And your letters were special to me too.”
“Please don’t cry,” he whispered. I’d been so careful not to even sniffle, but he must have heard it in my voice. I quickly wiped my cheeks on my T-shirt sleeve. I took a deep, cleansing breath and felt my tear ducts finally tighten and begin to dry.
Rylen reached out and found my wrist, running his fingers down to my hand, which he opened from its grasp. He enveloped my hand in both of his large, warm ones. Those hands. Those strong palms and able fingers. Oh, God, Rylen’s hands felt so good. How many times had I imagined those hands taking my face, those fingers trailing along my skin and cupping me, feeling me everywhere he dared. I prayed for the day when his touch would not elicit those thoughts. When holding my hand wouldn’t make me hot all over. I wanted to love him the way he loved me. This was too hard.