I don’t remember walking back to the house in the dark. Abuela scrubbed the walls first, then the carpet; she wouldn’t let anyone help. Tater paced the living room beside her. The rest of us sat, in silence. Livia was on Rylen’s lap in grandpa’s rocker. Her head was on his shoulder and she still looked tired. All of us had red eyes and puffy cheeks from crying. Dad and Tater had bawled the hardest after we buried him.
“I moved when he told me to,” Tater muttered. “I don’t even know why. I wasn’t scared. I didn’t even try to stop, I just . . . moved.”
“I did too,” Rylen whispered. It had been strange. I’d been relieved when both of them moved, but I’d also been surprised.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Dad said hoarsely. He looked down at Abuela, who was scrubbing fiercely. “Mama, you don’t have to do that. We’re not staying.”
She sat up. “We leave? Now?”
“No. Tomorrow. Right after this damn meeting.”
Mom nodded.
“I clean.” Abuela put her elbows into it. I picked up the bucket of disgusting water and dumped it out back, then filled it again with boiled water from the pot on top of the camper stove.
“We should all get to bed,” Mom said softly. “It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”
Nobody moved for another five minutes. I think we were too tightly bonded in our tangled web of emotions. I was afraid to let any of them out of my sight.
“Keep your window closed,” Mom called to me. “And locked.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Hey.” Tater grabbed my arm and I turned to see his drooping face. He smelled like earth from digging Grandpa’s grave. I still had dirt under my nails from helping.
“Oh, Tater.” I hugged him for a long time until he let me go. It was late. We were all so exhausted.
Remy and I curled up together in my bed, and for once I didn’t mind the snuggling. I didn’t want to be alone. We fell asleep hip-to-hip with our arms linked and the sides of our heads tilted together. I woke in the morning alone and chilly. I blinked through the dimness of dawn light and saw a huge mass on Remy’s side. At first I thought it was just her balled up in all the covers, but then my eyes popped.
Remy and Tater were sleeping soundly on the other side of my queen-sized bed, twined together like a Celtic knot, blankets interwoven.
“Um . . .” My voice made them stir. Tater looked down at Remy a moment as if confused, and then gave me a goofy grin. Remy stretched, making her boobs press against him.
“Stop that.” I nudged her shoulder.
“Yeah, stop that,” Tater said. “I’m not that kind of boy.”
His tone wasn’t quite as joking as usual—there was still a heaviness about him. Remy sat up and pulled her knees in. Tater lay back with his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling.
“When did you come in?” I asked.
“Not long after y’all came to bed. You two were asleep fast.”
I guess he didn’t want to be alone. I grasped a blanket and pulled until I got enough to snuggle down on my side, facing them. “I don’t want to go to this thing today. I wish we could leave right now.”
“Me too,” Tater said.
Remy was quiet a minute. “My parents will be there.” She paused. “I guess I should probably stay with them.”
I reached out and laced our fingers together. As much as I wanted to beg her to come with, I knew she probably did need to be with her family. Who knew where us Tates and Fites would end up, and there’d be no way to let her parents know.
“That sucks,” Tater whispered.
Remy looked down at her toes. “Yeah. I don’t want you guys to go. I mean, I understand, but I’m going to miss you.”
I held her fingers tighter. The three of us lay there together until the room brightened and we heard others moving about. Obviously there was no breakfast to be had, but the Derps hadn’t touched Mom’s ceramic storage containers on the counter, so we were able to have hot tea with sugar before we left. We each packed bookbags with all of the essentials we could manage. For me it was clothes, pads, tampons, sunscreen, lip gloss, and chapstick. Mom assured me she packed our bathroom toiletries.
I was really not looking forward to camping in the wild, but at least we’d hopefully be free from the fears of the DRI. After last night, I’d never feel safe in this house again. I avoided looking down at the carpet in the living room. Abuela had done a good job, but you could still tell something dark had been there. Remembering made me nearly lose my tea. I closed my eyes and steadied myself on the back of a dining room chair.
“Now all we need is to be armed,” I heard Tater say.
“Your wish is our command,” Dad told him.
“Whatchu got, Dad?” Tater asked with excitement.
“Pop’s hideaway cabinet was loaded. They’re all packed in the back of the car underneath stuff now. I’ll show you everything when we get to the mountains tonight. They took all our spare gasoline from the garage, but I’ve got a small one in the back of each car. Let’s head out now. Ry and Liv, you can ride with us. It’s probably best if your truck is left at your property and not the school.” Rylen nodded. We’d agreed to only take two cars and to leave his truck behind since it was kind of old and loud. Dad had a newer 4x4 SUV, and Mom had a quiet sedan.
“Another thing,” Dad said. “Act normal today. Don’t give them any reason to suspect that we’re upset or preparing to run.” We all nodded.
Tater and Remy rode with me. My heart ached as we left behind our childhood home. I had so many great memories there, but the newer memories would forever taint the good ones. Tater stared over his shoulder.
“Man . . . ten more seconds and we would have had the key. That’s all they had to wait.”
“It stopped being about the key as soon as Grandpa defied him,” I said.
Remy remained quiet.
“A seventy-two year old man,” Tater raged. “He wasn’t a threat to anyone! Old dudes run their mouths, that’s what they do. There was no fucking reason to kill him. I swear to God, if I see that fucker who pulled the trigger—”
“Jacob!” I yelled. “If you see him, you better not say a damn word!” I glared at him hard, but he had that stubborn look of Tate anger on his face. “I’m not kidding. I will personally throat chop you so hard if you so much as side-eye that guy.” I was nearly in tears, just thinking about Tater being shot down.
“Please don’t do anything,” Remy whispered.
“Relax,” he said to us.
I gripped the steering wheel hard enough to rip it off. Tater rubbed his tanned palms down his jeans. His dark eyes were bright, but his mouth was tight.
“I’m not gonna do anything,” he said. “Seriously, stop popping a blood vessel. I want to do something, but I won’t. Someday, maybe, but not yet.”
I exhaled my frustration and relaxed my hold on the wheel.
We got to the school and there were only about half the cars as there were for the last meeting.
“Where is everyone?” Remy asked.
“Well, let’s see,” Tater snapped. “Some are dead. Some had to walk ‘cause they got no gas.” He pointed to a line of bicycles next to the building. “See. But I’d say most are dead.”
“Tater stop,” I begged. He got out and slammed the door. Remy’s eyes started watering.
“He’s just upset,” I told her.
I left my stuff in the car, but made sure to have my ID since they always asked for it. We got in the long line, and I was glad it wasn’t hot or cold because it felt like we stood out there forever.
Inside, once the gym filled up, it was only half full, unlike the last meeting when the room was bursting at the seams. I hated the feeling of despair in the air. When I looked around at the sunken faces and crying children, I was glad they’d be getting food vouchers. It wasn’t something that my grandfather should have been killed over, but I did see the importance of feeding the masses.
At
every entrance and exit, and scattered throughout the room, were armed Disaster Relief Police—Derps. I didn’t recognize any of them, nor did I see the one who shot Grandpa. They stared around like they were in a prison camp, and we were going to start revolting or attacking at any moment. I hated how they held their guns, all of them at the ready to shoot. I could not relax.
Many of the people in the gymnasium were friends and acquaintances, local business owners. Remy spotted her parents and I hugged her good-bye. When she started to walk away, Tater grabbed her and hugged her too, whispering, “Sorry I was an ass,” before letting her go.
Abuela got a seat. Tater, Rylen, Livia, and I stood against the back wall and watched as Mom said hello to people she knew from her dance studio. Dad stood silently at her side. I wondered if they were telling people what happened. Probably not.
A couple people greeted Tater, welcoming him home, old classmates and parents of classmates who recognized him. They shook Rylen’s hand too. But not an ounce of cheer was in anyone’s voice. When people asked me how things were going in the medical world, I forced a smile and said, “Just fine.” We were all faking it. The older people complained about their aches and pains, but that was nothing new. The younger generations, though . . . we all seemed to be pretending to be fine. Like everyone was scared to criticize the current situation. And that freaked me out more than anything. It was like our freedom of speech had silently been revoked among our other lost rights.
The same DRI woman as last time took the podium and tapped the mic, making that awful feedback screech through the room again. I cringed until it was over.
“Good morning. Thank you for coming.”
“Like we had a choice,” Tater muttered from the side of his mouth.
“Shut up,” I hissed. Without moving, I shuffled my eyes back and forth to make sure none of the Derps had looked our way.
The DRI woman began droning on and on about how they were working to ensure that each family would have equal and substantial amounts of food, and how they’d made outstanding progress sorting possible enemies from innocent citizens. Everything in me clenched in anger at that comment, since clearly they could not discern criminals from harmless, unarmed grandfathers. The entire room was fraught with taut tension.
My eyes wandered around the room and halted on a Derp staring straight at me. It took a moment for me to recognize the man across the room in a DRP uniform.
Julian!
A tiny smile graced his lips and he gestured to the side with his head. Seconds later, he slipped out through a side door of the gym. I looked up just as the DRI woman said, “I’m sure some of you have questions, and I can answer a few . . .” At least fifty hands shot up. This could take a while.
“You guys,” I whispered to Tater and Rylen. “My friend Julian is here. He’s a DRP! I’m going to talk to him real quick.”
“Not without me,” Tater whispered back.
Rylen motioned for Livia to go sit with our parents and he followed us. I glanced back as we walked toward the doors and saw Livia watching with pursed lips.
A huge, bald Derp stepped right in front of the door, gun across his back.
“Where are you going?”
“Uh . . . to the restroom,” I said.
“All three of you?” The guys nodded and the Derp frowned. “You can’t go without an escort.”
I held my breath, waiting for Tater to say something like, “What are we, five-year-olds?” But thankfully he kept his mouth shut.
“I’ll take them,” said Julian, rounding the corner. He kept a straight face, bored even. It was so weird to see him in that uniform. What was he doing here?
The bald Derp moved aside. Another set of footsteps came rushing toward us and a sweet voice said, “Oh, can I please go too, sir? I’ll be quick.”
Remy! I held back a smile.
The Derp let out an annoyed huff and waved the four of us out the door of the gym. We followed Julian around the corner to the hall with the bathrooms, and we all looked around to be sure we were alone. Julian opened his mouth to talk, but Tater shook his head and pointed to a side door at the end of the hall. We followed him quickly through the door, which led to a back hallway where I’d never been.
Once we were in the back hall, Tater said, “This is the athletic storage wing. We used to sneak back here to skip class.”
I looked at Julian. “You’re a DRP?”
“Yup. They closed down the elementary school clinic when they ran out of resources. I talked them into giving me this job so I could get my parents some food, but they wouldn’t let me work in my own city. I recognized the name of your town on the job list and requested it. I was hoping I’d see you today. Things are fucked up, Tate.” His eyes were rounded like they’d get when we pulled up at a bad scene.
“What’s going on?” Rylen asked.
“You guys need to get out of here. Slip out a back door or something.”
My heart pumped. “Why?”
“They’re not letting anyone go home. They’re bussing everyone to some supposed safe shelter area.”
“What?” Remy’s round face turned a shade of porcelain white.
“The DRI say the whole town is under investigation and it’s not safe for people.”
“They’re not shipping us anywhere,” Tater said. He looked at me. “Come on, let’s get Mom and Dad and Abuela and get the fuck out of here.”
Julian grabbed his arm as he turned. “You can’t get them out. Once you go back in there, you’re stuck, man.”
“I have to get Livia.” Rylen’s stricken face made my chest ache.
“We should go back in there,” Remy said in a shaking voice. “If the town’s not safe—”
“It’s bullshit, Remy,” Tater said. “The only thing wrong with this town is that it’s overrun with those assholes.”
Remy covered her mouth, trembling all over, her eyes darting to the door. I took her hand and she looked at me with unfocused eyes.
“We can’t let ourselves be taken anywhere by them,” I said. “I don’t trust them. Not after last night.”
Her eyes squeezed shut and two tears streaked down. “But what if they’re right? What if the bad guys are here? What if they’re trying to keep us safe?”
“Rem, what if they are the bad guys? And what if they’re trying to take us to some camp like the freaking Nazis?” I asked more harshly than I’d meant, causing her face to scrunch.
“What else can you tell us?” Rylen asked Julian. “How much time do we have?” I could see Rylen’s eyes calculating, trying to figure out how he could get our loved ones safely out of that room.
“To be honest, they don’t give us information until right before something happens, and even then we don’t get the details of why. Just orders. We’re told to assume everyone is the enemy. That every person we encounter is one step away from igniting a bomb. Anyone who questions us is not to be trusted.” Through the wall were the sounds of bus engines and the hissing sputters of brakes next to the school building. “And as far as how much time? None.”
My insides lurched and panic set in.
“Julian, please,” I begged. “Can you go in there and try to get our family out?”
He pressed his lips together, but nodded. “I can try.”
Remy grasped his arm and quickly gave her parents’ names and where they were sitting, along with their descriptions. Julian’s face was pinched with worry when he put his hand on the doorknob. He stared down at it as he jostled the unmoving knob.
“Shit!” Tater exclaimed. “I forgot this door locks from the inside!”
“Tater!” I hissed.
“What? It’s been years! We used to put paper in the jamb to keep it from locking.” He grasped the top of his head with his hands and began to pace.
Rylen pointed down the narrow hall. “That door exits the side of the school.” He looked at Julian. “Can you run around and go back in through the front?”
We all went sti
ll as voices sounded outside the door.
“We all need to get out,” Julian whispered. “They’ll check the entire school, and the bald one knows four people left for the bathroom. I’ll go back in, but I have to try to avoid him.”
I went up on my toes and gave Julian a quick hug. “Thank you. Please be safe.”
“Yes, thank you,” Remy said.
The five of us rushed down the hall. Julian carefully pushed the door open a crack and peered out into the sunshine, then opened it enough to stick his head out. “It’s clear. You guys hide in that field.” He pointed to the deadened cornstalks then took off. Julian ran toward the front of the building while the rest of us sprinted into the dry field. When we got deep enough in to be hidden, we all crouched.
“I’m gonna see what’s going on,” Tater whispered. He deftly moved, weaving seamlessly to avoid moving the stalks.
Remy gave a minute whimper, and I put a hand on her shoulder. “We’re doing the right thing, Rem.” She swallowed and nodded.
I looked at Rylen, whose jaw was set tightly. He looked primed and edgy, ready to run and fight at a moment’s notice. I thought about Julian trying to sneak six people out of there, and my hope wavered. How could he possibly pull it off?
My guts felt like I was on a Tilt-A-Whirl, spinning and dropping as my heart raced. I generally tried to stay positive, especially when I was trying to keep someone else calm, but I felt an overwhelming need to make a Plan B. “What if he can’t get them out?” I whispered. “What if they’re taken away?”
“Then we’ll follow them and get them back,” Rylen said matter-of-factly. From the frozen, deadly look on his face, I knew he meant it. His confidence gave me a moment of peace. Even Remy was looking at him as if everything would be okay.
My peace was short-lived.
Voices carried to us from the front of the building where a long line of busses idled. Armed Derps were shouting orders. Feet shuffled along the sidewalks. From inside the building was a muffled, reverberating crack, followed by another. Remy gasped. My eyes shot up to Rylen, who had frozen.