"A little bird told me," he replied. Then he grew serious and added. "When you've traveled a lot and met many different people, you get so you can tell pretty quickly who are the real people and who aren't."
I stared, unable to speak for a moment. His eyes were so strong, so sincere. He smiled and looked at the band.
"Got to get to work. See you later," Duncan told me, "if Burnsy doesn't kill me first."
I had to confess that I was surprised at how nice he was. Despite his good looks and talent, he didn't seem to be full of himself as did so many of the other boys here, yet he had a real sophisticated air about him.
I stood there for a while watching the musicians start to work out their program. Duncan was serious and professional about it. My presence didn't distract him.
After a few more minutes. I retreated to join the girls now streaming into the ballroom. So many of them were talking about Duncan. Bits and pieces fell around me. His father owned a computer
manufacturing company in Delaware. He had two older brothers, one just graduating law school. His mother was a well-known socialite who served on national charity committees and was involved in raising campaign money for important Republican senators. They had a winter home in Palm Beach. Florida, as well as a mansion in Wilmington. Delaware. His parents usually spent most of their summers in Southern France and he had attended prestigious music schools in Europe. This was his first summer in a long time to be spent in America. He was one of the few boys on campus who had his own car and permission to go just about anywhere he wanted on his free time.
When the band began to play, the dancing started. Duncan moved rapidly to the forefront and at times, the whole school paused to listen to him. I saw many of my girlfriends swooning. For some reason it annoyed me, and when I gave it some thought, I think I was annoyed because they were all so obvious.
Before long. Duncan took his first break and disappointed some of the girls who had been eagerly anticipating his attention. Instead, he headed directly for me, joining me at the food table. Without asking, he took the plate from my hand and put it on a table.
"That can wait, can't it?" he asked.
"No," I said, but he laughed, ignored me, and took me onto the dance floor. With everyone watching us so closely. I couldn't very well be unwilling. He was a good dancer, too, and with the band playing so well. I let myself get into the music, maybe too much. Out of the corners of my eyes. I could see other boys nodding to each other with admiration and lustful smiles, and same of the girls glaring with enough envy to drown the whole female population in green sop.
"I like how you move in that dress," Duncan whispered. "You're practically a work of art."
"Thank you. I guess," I said and he laughed.
"It's a compliment, trust me," he said. Then he really put himself into the dancing.
We were both sweating visibly when the song ended.
"I guess their air conditioning isn't working so well in here," he said offering me his handkerchief. I thanked him and wiped my face. When I handed it back, he dabbed his own forehead. "It's probably cooler outside. Thanks for the dance," he said and returned to the stage to continue playing.
After the band took its break and sat down to have something to eat and drink. I joined Sarah.
"You guys sound great," I said.
"Thanks. You looked so hot out there before, dancing with Duncan. Everyone was envious, the girls of you, the boys of him."
I felt myself blush and glanced over at him. He looked at me across the table as if he was stealing a forbidden peek and quickly turned back to the girls who had surrounded him. He didn't make it a point to come over to talk to me afterward either: minutes later, he and the other band members were playing again. They played until the party came to an end this time. Our chaperones informed us it was curfew and the dance began to break up.
I glanced back at Duncan, who was putting his trumpet in its case and talking to Sarah. She laughed at something he had said, and then she quickly joined me at the door to return to our room.
"Have a good time?" she asked. "It was fun,"
I kept expecting him to say goodnight to me, but he continued talking music with the other band members.
If anything, his apparent restraint made me even more curious about Duncan Fields. He had seemed so interested in me at the beginning of the dance and we did have a good time when we danced, but after that, he hardly looked my way. I knew because I was continually looking at him and expecting the same.
"Did Duncan say anything about me?" I finally asked Sarah as we headed down our corridor.
"Uh-huh, but I told him you were going hot and heavy with someone from home who was coming to see you soon."
"Oh," I said.
She stopped and tilted her head.
"You sound disappointed. Should I have kept that a secret?"
"No," I said quickly. "You did the right thing."
She laughed.
"See?" she said, "See why I don't believe in soul mates?"
"I'm not upset," I insisted.
"Spewch." she muttered and plodded down to our room ahead of me.
I felt myself fuming inside, but it was more because of my comments and reactions than hers. I realized-- that both confused and angered me. When I set my head down on my pillow a little later after we had put out the lights. I lay there with my eyes wide open. I was only sixteen. I told myself. Why should I feel so much guilt about having fun with another boy? I liked Harley. I liked him even more than I had realized, but maybe we were rushing into things. Was I absolutely a horrible person for even having these thoughts?
Tossing and turning in bed, I even groaned aloud and expected Sarah to wonder why, but she had fallen asleep quickly. I could hear her heavy, regular breathing. She had her back to me and was tightly folded under her blanket, hugging her pillow as if it were her favorite teddy bear.
Then I heard what sounded like hail hitting the window. I turned curiously. Our window looked out on the east end of the dorm. Beyond the lawn was a small wooded area. There was no moon, but the sky had cleared and offered enough starlight to throw a silvery glow on the dark campus. I stared a moment. Just as I was about to turn away and try to get to sleep. I saw his head silhouetted in the window and heard the gentle tap.
My heart stopped and started. I looked at Sarah, but she didn't budge an inch. He tapped again. and I rose out of my bed and went to the window, squatting down to open it.
"Hi," Duncan Fields said.
"What are you doing here?"
"Couldn't sleep so I thought I'd pay you a visit. Sarah awake?"
I looked back at her. She was still very quiet, unmoving except for her regular breathing.
"No."
"Good," he whispered. "I really enjoyed dancing with you. I didn't want to make a pig of myself and ask you again."
"That wouldn't have been making a pig of yourself," I said.
"Yeah, well, you know how gossip gets started in places like this. and I know you have a serious relationship. Sarah told me."
"I'm not engaged or anything," I said so quickly I surprised myself.
"Oh. That's good. You mean I still might have a chance?"
"For what?"
"To win your heart." he said, his eyes glittering,
"It's not some kind of prize," I replied and he laughed.
"I like you," he said. "I hope you like me."
"I don't know you well enough to like or dislike you," I said.
"Well, I'll have to rectify that. if I can," he said. "Why don't you come out? We'll go for a walk or something and talk some more.
"What? You mean, crawl out the window?"
"That's what I did.'
"No, that's..."
"Against the rules. I know, We don't have to get caught and it wouldn't be that long. C'mon," he urged. "It's beautiful out here."
"No," I said, but my heart began to pound with the thought of it.
"Aw, c'mon. You're a lot more sophis
ticated than most of these other girls. I can tell." he said. "You're not going to let some silly rule keep you locked up in there. It's not even midnight. If you and I were home, we'd probably be up on a weekend night like this, wouldn't we?"
"Yes. I suppose so," I admitted.
"So? C'mon. Just for a few minutes. I was willing to risk my musical career for you. You could at least reciprocate." he added.
"Your musical career? Hardly," I said. He stepped back and held out his hand.
I looked at Sarah again. She still hadn't moved. Could I do this? Should I? At the moment it seemed to be the most exciting thing I had ever contemplated.
"Wait a minute," I said and tiptoed to the closet to get my robe to put over my nightie. Then I slipped on my sandals and returned to the window. My heart was thumping so hard. I didn't think I had the strength to crawl out the window. I moved it farther up slowly, carefully, and then I hesitated.
"Where are we going?"
"For a walk. What's the big deal?"
I felt like I did have a good angel on my left shoulder and a bad angel on my right, both whispering frantically in my ears. My good angel said. "Don't do it. Why is this so important? If you want to see him, see him tomorrow. Why risk getting in serious trouble for a walk?" My bad angel said. "You're such a goody- goody. The worse thing you've ever done is watch MTV after two in the morning when your parents thought you were asleep. Grow up. You're sixteen. Stop acting like a child. Live a little and have some fun."
I took a breath and climbed out. He helped me by holding my waist and guiding me down to the grass. For a moment we both stood there in the shadows, his hands still on my waist, his face so close to mine. I could feel his breath on my lips and cheeks. I stepped back.
"There, you did it," he said. "and you're still alive."
"I don't want to stay out too long."
"Me neither," he said. "I've got a dream that starts in about an hour, and it's a prize winner."
I started to laugh and he put his hand over my mouth. "Shh," he said. "You want to get me into serious trouble?"
He looked back and then he guided me away from the dormitory and down the pathway that fanned out toward the main building.
"Where are we going?" I asked in a loud whisper.
"Where well be safe," he said. "My car."
It was like a small bird had woken suddenly in its nest and started to raise its wings to fly out just as a large, dark hand came down over it.
That's what my stomach felt like inside.
But I kept walking, excited and thrilled and yet so afraid and nervous. I didn't feel my legs taking me deeper and deeper into the shadows,
6
Deep into the Shadows
.
"Why are we going to your car?" I asked him. "It's just down here in the parking lot reserved
for guests," he replied as an answer, "I got it just before I came here so I didn't have much chance to show it off and besides," he said looking back and then around us. "it's better than taking a chance walking around here. I've got this great CD player in it with Bose speakers. Wait until you hear the great sound!"
"We'll attract more attention playing music, won't we?"
"Not if we play it low," he said. "You have your own car yet?"
"Just keep asking to use your parents' cars and soon enough you'll get your own," he advised.
"Is that how you got them to buy you yours?"
"Sorts,"
"Sorts`? What's that mean?"
He stopped and looked at me.
"Your father's not a lawyer, is he?"
"No, why?"
"Every girl I meet these days has a lawyer for a father," he replied.
"What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing's wrong with it." he said. "except sometimes they sound like lawyers the way they question every little thing I say or suggest and do."
"Oh." What a strange complaint, I thought.
"So, what does your father do?" he asked and started walking again.
"He owns and operates a chain of health clubs as well as a physical therapy business."
"No kidding. I figured you were in good shape for a reason." he said laughing. "Most of the girls here look like they're still growing out of puppy fat."
"They do not," I said. Suddenly he sounded so arrogant.
"There she is," he said, nodding at a spanking brand-new vehicle. I was surprised to see that it was a van. He reached into his pocket and produced a remote key.
"Watch this," he said and pushed a button on it.
The van's back door slid open and the lights went on.
"Hurry," he said, taking my arm and rushing me along. "before one of the corrections officers sees us."
"They're not that bad," I said, but he practically shoved me into the vehicle. Then he jumped in beside me. A moment later, the lights went off and the van door closed and locked in place.
"Safe," he declared and let out a sigh of relief, "Mr. Dickens, the dorm Nazi, can't see us from the dorm anyway. He goes around sniffing like a hound dog, hoping to catch the scent of smoke or something worse. Something better, I mean," Duncan quipped. "Did you want a cigarette? There's a pack in the glove compartment."
"No thanks. I don't smoke."
"That's right. Daddy's a health guru. I forgot."
"I wouldn't smoke anyway," I said.
"Even a joint?"
"Especially not a joint," I said. He raised his eyebrows skeptically.
"Right,"
"I mean it," I said firmly.
"Good. I wouldn't want to get involved with a bad girl." he added. laughing.
"You can tease me all you want."
"Hey. I'm just having a little fun. That's why we're here, isn't it?"
I glanced at him and then looked toward the administration building ,
"I don't want to stay here long," I said. "We're sure to be seen."
"Relax." He leaned back on his seat and closed his eyes. "Watch this."
He pushed a button on the door and the back of his seat started to level out until he was nearly prone.
"I sleep here sometimes," he told me. Then he hit another button on his remote and the music started.
"Isn't that Ravel's Bolero?"
"Uh-huh. You ever see the movie 10?"
"I don't think so."
"Oh it's in that movie and its just great, perfect for the scene."
The Bolero began to build slowly, getting louder and louder. I gazed back toward the dorms. I wasn't feeling comfortable or titillated anymore. Duncan continued to lie there with his eyes closed.
"I thought we were just going for a short walk." I said.
"Relax. You're too uptight about everything." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"You don't want to get into trouble, do you?"
"Whatever," he said. "I didn't want to come here this summer. My parents twisted my arm. Actually," he said lifting his head and turning to me. "I made them buy this van to bribe me. That's the sorta thing you tried to pin me down on before,"
"Why was it so important to them for you to come here?"
"They like me to be occupied while they're off living it up in Europe." he said.
"So, why couldn't you go someplace else, maybe in Europe where you'd be closer to them? You did go there before. right?"
"The rumor mill grinds on," he muttered.
"Is that true or false?"
"See what I mean? You sound like a lawyer."
"I'm just confused. That's all. I don't mean to sound like I'm cross-examining you."
He laughed.
"Yes, yes, all right. I'll confess. I went to music school in France last summer." he replied, "but I didn't want to go back to the same place."
"Actually. I was not invited back," he admitted.
"What? Why not? You're so good."
"There was a misunderstanding about something, and I didn't want to put in all the energy it would take to straighten it out."
"Wh
y not?"
"Forget about it," he said a bit more roughly than I expected.
"I'm here now and with you," he added, sitting up as if he just realized it himself. "And there's no place else I'd rather be. I'm glad you came out with me. How do you like the van?"
"It's very nice," I said. "but I'm surprised. I thought you'd have..."
"Something more flashy? Other guys want those low to the road, high-performance sports cars. Not me. A car is a second home for me, and there's nothing shoddy about this. These are real leather seats. As you can see, the rear is great. roomy. I can get the whole jazz ensemble in here and perform on the road,' he bragged and I laughed.
"Well, I said I was surprised, but I'm not saying it was a foolish choice."
"Right. I knew you'd think that. I could tell right away that you were smarter than the other girls here."
"I am not," I said, not sure what he meant anyway. Smarter about what?
"Hey. you know what I have here? A video player and a small television set."
"Really?"
"Yes. Let me show you." he said,
"I really should get back. Duncan. Sarah will wake up and wonder where I am."
"She's out of it. exhausted. Don't worry about it. We'll go back in a minute.'"
He leaned forward to turn on his video deck and television, which were housed between the front two seats. I saw the glow of light.
"Relax, let your seat back a little," he urged.
Before I could react, he leaned over and pushed the button that lowered the back of my seat.
Something told me not to remain in the rear of the van, but instead to open the door and start back.
"Isn't this terrific? I mean, it's like a small apartment, my own apartment."
"It's great," I said.
"Try it. Lay back," he said.
"No. I'd rather..."
"Aw c'mon. Look at this," he said reaching behind his seat and producing a pillow. He put it on my side.
The music was getting louder. In the glow of the small television screen. I could see his wry smile. His eyes had turned into tiny bulbs.
"I want to go back.," I said and reached for the door handle, but it didn't move. "Unlock it," I said.
"What's the rush? C'mon, relax." he insisted and reached around my waist to pull me toward him. He did it so roughly, I fell against him and he embraced me tighter and kissed me before I realized what was happening.