"Wulfgar," Andreanna demanded from between clenched teeth, "do something."
Trying valiantly to swallow a grin, Wulfgar said, "Sorry, my hands are full."
She-with-whom-Wulfgar's-hands-were-full winked and blew a kiss to Grimbold.
The barbarian king smiled and said, "Hello, young lass," but his attention was all for Andreanna.
"Sister Mary Ursula," I said, "have a seat anywhere."
"Oh dear, no," she said. "The room is One with ghosts, necromancers, wizards, and witches. No, no, I couldn't possibly sit down, no."
I wasn't sure how standing made the situation better for her, but I wasn't going to argue. I said, "I thank you for coming despite your dislike of magic."
"Well, you asked so nicely," Sister Mary Ursula said.
Score one for being polite.
I said, "Xenos, my understanding is that you made a crown for the first chieftain of Grimbold's people."
"Yes," Xenos said in his fingernails-on-blackboard voice.
"Brecc the Slayer," King Grimbold reminded us.
"And then King Cynric..." I hesitated and Queen Andreanna said emphatically, "Won," and King Grimbold corrected, "Stoled, my turtledove," and I compromised with, "got that crown from King Grimbold's father." Nobody argued, so I went on, "Then King Cynric gave the crown to a dragon who was ravaging the south, though we don't know where that dragon is now."
Sure enough Uldemar leaped in, offering, "I could find him in my scrying glass."
The process was no less disconcerting for knowing what to expect. After Uldemar cast his spell on the black glass, he announced as he had before, "The dragon is in the southern province, in a cave on a mountaintop known as the Old Hag."
Andreanna started, "How—"
And I interrupted, asking, "How far away is this mountain?"
"A week's journey," Andreanna said, obviously delighting in the bad news.
A week? When I only had this day and the next? If I was lucky. "Isn't there any shortcut?"
I looked at each of them in turn. From Deming's, "Nope. Sorry," to Andreanna's self-satisfied smirk to Kenric's gloomy shake of the head, there was no hope from my side of the table. Uldemar was checking his scrying glass again, but he, too, was shaking his head.
Xenos, however, had sunk so deep into his monk's robes that he was in danger of disappearing under the table. He looked, I thought, exactly like a kid mentally begging the teacher not to call on him.
"Xenos?" I said.
"No," he mumbled. "No shortcut." He popped a centipede into his mouth.
"Any idea how to get from here to there and back to here in, oh, let's say a day and a half?"
"Theoretically or actually?" Xenos asked.
Uldemar said, "Come to think of it, how did you get here so soon, Xenos? When I contacted you through the scrying glass, you were at least two days' journey away."
"I walk fast," Xenos said.
"He's got boots!" Sister Mary Ursula cried. "That is so like a wizard! You are so not One with the world!"
"'Boots'?" I repeated.
"Seven-league boots," Kenric interpreted for me.
"Ah!" I looked under the table. Xenos tried to cover his boots with his robe. "May I borrow those?" I asked.
"And am I supposed to go barefoot meanwhile?"
"I'm sure we can get you some nice slippers to use," I said. "And there's a boy working for us who's interested in wildlife"—I didn't explain about his being a poacher—"and if you'd like, I would put him in charge of finding all the centipedes you could possibly want the entire time I'm away."
Xenos considered for a moment. "I like spiders once in a while, too."
"Certainly."
"Chocolate covered?"
I forced myself not to shudder. "However."
Xenos took off the boots. "They work as regular boots unless you say, 'Seven leagues.' Then they'll take you one step. If you want to go another seven leagues, you have to say, 'Seven leagues' again."
"Gotcha," I said. "Thank you."
Andreanna said, "And I don't suppose you're even going to fumigate them before putting them on."
I took off my shoes and put on the boots, which were green leather and knee-high and did give off a smell like the school's locker room on a bad day. But at least they fit.
Andreanna curled her Up at me. "All those hideous boots are going to do is get you there and then—once you see how truly terrible the dragon is—get you out of there quickly. That's if you're lucky enough to see the dragon before it sees you. Of course, if we're lucky, you'll get up such a momentum of seven-leaguing, you'll walk right by us and get lost in the wilds of the north."
Grimbold patted her arm and said, "Now, my precious, you should na be speaking so harshly to the princess. She be doing her best."
I smiled to show I appreciated the thought. "Does anyone have any dragon-slaying ideas?"
Orielle said, "I could give you a potion that would poison him, if you can get close enough to him."
Xenos started chortling, but before he could go too far, I asked, "What other kinds of potions do you have?" I knew, but not in this lifetime.
"I have one that will increase a person's strength and stamina—giving him, or her, the ability to fight as two, or to work for twice as long."
"Any drawbacks?" I asked before Xenos could get a word in.
"It lasts only one hour."
"That's not so bad," I said, which made her admit, reluctantly, "And ... after it wears off, the person will be so weak, he won't even be able to stand up. That stage lasts two hours."
"Very useful," Xenos taunted.
Before Orielle had a chance to turn on him, I pretended his words had been meant earnestly. "Yes, it might be, if I time thing? perfectly. Please mix me up a batch, Orielle, just in case. What's the price?"
Orielle paused to consider. "The hand of Wulfgar in marriage."
"What?" Andreanna screeched.
"Just the hand?" Xenos asked innocently.
Wulfgar, I saw, did not look displeased. "Wulfgar?" I asked.
He didn't need long to think it over. "Yes," he said.
So, "Agreed," I told Orielle.
"You..." Andreanna sputtered, "you ... you..."
Grimbold patted her hand again. "They be making a mostest attractive couple," he said trying to calm her. He nudged her and winked. "Just like us."
Andreanna leaped to her feet to get away from him. "How dare you give away my son?" she shouted at me.
"She asked," I explained, "he agreed."
Grimbold tugged on her arm. "Sit down, sweetest, before you be hurting yourself," he advised.
Andreanna sat down because there really was nothing she could do.
Sister Mary Ursula clapped her hands in glee. "Oh, I love weddings: two people becoming One. And it gives all of us the chance to wear our best clothes."
In her case, I could only imagine.
Still, none of it really helped. Was I supposed to take Xenos's boots to get to Old Hag Mountain, then use Orielle's potion to make me strong enough to fight the dragon? I wasn't a fighter, and I couldn't imagine how I could succeed in killing the dragon when trained knights had failed. I was sure—or, at least, I was hoping—this situation called for thinking, not brute strength. I asked, "What weaknesses does this dragon have?"
"None," Andreanna snapped. "It's big, and it's fierce, and it's ruthless. Only my husband stood between it and destruction of our entire kingdom when it began raiding the towns and villages eight years ago. It would have killed us all if Cynric hadn't faced it down, then convinced it to take the crown and leave." She turned on her sons. "Perhaps you were too young to remember when it came to our very walls and we were within one dragon's breath of dying."
"I remember," Wulfgar said.
"And now you, you foolish little would-be king, you want to take that crown back?"
Well, I thought, maybe I wasn't supposed to get the crown. I asked Grimbold, "You have to have that particular crown back?"
br />
"Yes," he said.
"You wouldn't accept anything else?"
"No," he said.
I looked at Wulfgar and Orielle. I looked at Grimbold and Andreanna. I said to Grimbold, "Like, perhaps, the hand of—"
Queen Andreanna interrupted, "Don't you dare even suggest that."
"Tempting as the offer is being," Grimbold told me, "I have been telling my people I would be returning our crown to us." He kissed Andreanna's hand. "Forgive me, my pumpkin."
She wiped her hand on her gown as though removing something very foul and very sticky.
I could give him the ring and compel him to accept Andreanna in trade for the crown. But I had the feeling that solution would cause more problems than it solved.
I was going to have to face the dragon.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Preparations for a Journey
I declared the meeting at an end. "I will leave as soon as Orielle provides me with the strength potion," I announced.
"Good riddance," Andreanna said, which I gathered was the closest she would come to wishing me luck. She stalked out of the Great Hall in a huff.
Grimbold, poor lovesick puppy, followed.
Orielle needed to gather some herbs from the garden; and Wulfgar—another lovesick puppy—went with her.
Aoas said, "Past time for my aerobics."
And Xenos announced he was going to look for those slippers I'd promised him, and then he was going to find that centipede-catching boy.
"I'll help you," Deming said. "As for you," he told me, "now that King Grimbold is gone, let me be more free in my advice."
"Yes. Please. Thank you," I said.
"You'll never succeed in killing the dragon," Deming said. "Kill Grimbold instead, then have our army take on the barbarian army."
"But I promised. And he's our guest. And that's just so ... so ... dishonorable and underhanded."
"Hey," Deming said, "you pay me for my advice. Take it or leave it." He followed Xenos.
"Sister Mary Ursula?" I asked. "What do you think?"
She pinched the bridge of her nose and hummed. "I think I will check if my blue dress with the pieces of rose quartz sewn around the neckline and the shedded-yak-hair cuffs is clean enough to wear. It's a bit warm for summer but very slimming."
That left just Kenric and Uldemar. Uldemar, I saw, had Men asleep.
"Any advice?" I asked Kenric.
"You have advisers for that," he told me.
Yeah, except neither of them had any useful advice.
Except, I suddenly remembered, except I did have three advisers.
"I think," I said, "I'll see what ex-Counselor Rawdon has to say."
Kenric and I found him sitting on the wooden fence of the pigpen, tossing vegetables that were past their prime to the pigs.
"Princess Janine"—he jumped off the fence to kneel at my feet—"thank you for sparing my life."
"Everyone makes mistakes, Rawdon," I said, "and mistakes need to be paid for. But if I ordered your death, that would be my mistake. Do well here, and eventually you may once again work your way up to your old position." Minus the treasury key, I mentally added.
He bowed to indicate he accepted my words.
"Rawdon," I said, quite loudly because the pigs were making complaining noises that their feeding had stopped, "as the late king's official adviser, you might have information that would help the kingdom."
"What would you like to know?" he asked.
That was the problem: I didn't know what I needed to know. At least he hadn't answered, "Fat chance I'd do anything for you."
I said, "Do you know anything about the dragon to whom King Cynric gave the crown from the barbarian king?"
Rawdon nodded. "After threatening to wipe out the entire castle eight years ago, it was ... let's say turned back by King Cynric, and it swore never to visit these lands again. It resides in the south, somewhere. I'm not sure exactly where."
Kenric said, "Uldemar says it's at Old Hag Mountain."
Rawdon nodded. "Then what's the question?"
I told him, "Xenos gave me seven-league boots to get there, and Orielle is mixing up a potion to make me stronger. Do you think that's the best way, trying to physically overpower the dragon?"
One of the catacomb ghosts tossed a head of lettuce into the pigpen, bouncing it off the head of one of the pigs, but the pigs didn't seem to mind the manner in which the food was delivered.
Rawdon said, "You are aware that this dragon is something on the order often times as tall as you? And that it breathes fire? And that it will not readily give up one iota of gold? Dragons love gold."
"Yeah," I said.
"I'm glad it's not me," Rawdon said. '
"I'm glad it's not me," Kenric echoed.
I'd known better than to even ask him.
"What do you suggest?" I asked Rawdon.
"You said Xenos is here?"
I nodded.
"You know that he puts magic into items, such as those seven-league boots."
It suddenly occurred to me where Cynric had gotten that ring I currently had tucked beneath my tunic.
"Xenos has other such items," Rawdon told me. "I'm guessing he probably has something that would be useful to you in this situation. It's just that he doesn't like to part with them, so you may have to twist his arm a bit."
"Thank you," I said. "That was very helpful. I'm going to recommend an immediate promotion for you." I asked Kenric, "What's one step up from tending pigs?"
"Tending chickens?" Kenric suggested.
"Would you prefer that?" I asked Rawdon. When he nodded, I promised, "I'll see to it."
As we left, he once again sat on the rail and began tossing produce to the pigs.
KENRIC AND I found Xenos in the barracks, describing to the poacher boy the attributes of prime centipedes.
I waved the boy away.
"Are you stall here?" Xenos demanded.
"As you see. I understand that your specialty is magical artifacts?"
"I already gave you the boots," he complained.
"Yes, and I'm very grateful. But I was just thinking: If I'm wearing them when the dragon steps on me or eats me, you won't get them back."
"You could take them off," he suggested. "Before you go into the dragon's lair."
"But I'll be alone," I pointed out, "since obviously nobody would be able to keep up with me while I'm wearing them. So there won't be anyone around to return them to you."
Xenos pouted.
"Do you have anything else I could use that would help me survive my encounter with the dragon, so I could come back here and return your boots to you?"
"You're trying to trick me." Xenos folded his arms across his chest. "You're a tricky talker, just like your father."
I needed a moment to remember he was talking about Cynric and not Dexter the peat cutter or my own dad back in Rochester, New York.
"I'm not trying to be tricky," I assured him. "If, for example, you have a second pair of seven-league boots and you want to come with me so that you could bring the first pair back..."
"No," Xenos admitted sullenly.
"Or something else to help me defeat the dragon?"
"No," he repeated, but I didn't believe him.
"OK, then. Well, thanks for the boots." I held one foot up admiringly. "Maybe, somehow, they'll get back to you. Come on, Kenric, let's see if Orielle's potion is ready."
"All right, all right," Xenos said. "I know of something that may be able to help you. But I don't have it. I was telling the truth when I said I didn't have anything to help you. My father has it."
His father? When he'd been around to make the crown for the first barbarian king? How old could this fa- ther be?
"What is it?" I asked.
"A hat."
"What kind of hat?"
"A hat that lets you slip between the moments of time."
Kenric and I exchanged a puzzled glance.
"Excuse me?" I said. r />
Xenos explained, "You can keep on moving, but all around you everyone and everything else stays at the moment when you first put the hat on."
"It stops time?" I asked incredulously.
"Obviously, you don't understand the concept at all," Xenos scoffed. "It only feels as though you've stopped time. You're slipping through the time stream." He shook his head and muttered in disgust, "Amateurs."
"This sounds like it would be very helpful," I said.
"I should think so," Xenos sneered.
"And all I need to do is go to your father and ask him for the hat, and he'll give it to me?"
"Yes."
Somehow I doubted it would be that simple. Somehow I suspected that Xenos knew something—in fact, probably a lot of somethings—I didn't.
While I was worrying about that, I had a sudden inspiration. I said, "That crown you made: Is that magical, too?"
"Maybe," Xenos said.
"Do you want me to shake him a bit?" Kenric offered, sounding for a moment like his brother Abas.
"It grants the Midas touch," Xenos said.
"You mean whoever wears it can turn things to gold?"
"Thing," Xenos corrected. "It only works one time for each owner. The barbarian kings have slowly been building their wealth. King Cynric, of course, thought big. King Cynric used it on the tallest tree in the forest."
I finished, "But once he'd used up his 'once,' he gave it to the dragon."
Kenric said, "The fact that the dragon was about to make dinner out of all of us would have helped in that decision."
So much for Andreanna's claim that Cynric had scared off the dragon—he'd bribed it. This also explained why Grimbold wasn't willing to accept Andreanna in exchange for the crown.
"Do we know what the dragon used the crown on?" I asked. "Or if) in fact, he's used it yet?"
"Don't know and don't know," Xenos said. "But even if he's used it, he still won't be willing to give it up. Dragons love gold."
"So I've been told," I said
ORIELLE MET us back in the Great Hall, where she handed me an earthenware vial about as big as a medium-priced bottle of perfume. "It isn't my best-tasting potion," she apologized.
Naturally.
She said, "But I added mint to make it more palatable."