MODERN IMPROVEMENTS AT THE PETERKINS'.
AGAMEMNON felt that it became necessary for him to choose a profession.It was important on account of the little boys. If he should make atrial of several different professions he could find out which would bethe most likely to be successful, and it would then be easy to bring upthe little boys in the right direction.
Elizabeth Eliza agreed with this. She thought the family occasionallymade mistakes, and had come near disgracing themselves. Now was theirchance to avoid this in future by giving the little boys a propereducation.
Solomon John was almost determined to become a doctor. From earliestchildhood he had practiced writing recipes on little slips of paper.Mrs. Peterkin, to be sure, was afraid of infection. She could not bearthe idea of his bringing one disease after the other into the familycircle. Solomon John, too, did not like sick people. He thought he mightmanage it if he should not have to see his patients while they weresick. If he could only visit them when they were recovering, and whenthe danger of infection was over, he would really enjoy making calls.
He should have a comfortable doctor's chaise, and take one of the littleboys to hold his horse while he went in, and he thought he could getthrough the conversational part very well, and feeling the pulse,perhaps looking at the tongue. He should take and read all thenewspapers, and so be thoroughly acquainted with the news of the day totalk of. But he should not like to be waked up at night to visit. Mr.Peterkin thought that would not be necessary. He had seen signs on doorsof "Night Doctor," and certainly it would be as convenient to have asign of "Not a Night Doctor."
Solomon John thought he might write his advice to those of his patientswho were dangerously ill, from whom there was danger of infection. Andthen Elizabeth Eliza agreed that his prescriptions would probably be sosatisfactory that they would keep his patients well,--not too well to dowithout a doctor, but needing his recipes.
Agamemnon was delayed, however, in his choice of a profession, by adesire he had to become a famous inventor. If he could only inventsomething important, and get out a patent, he would make himself knownall over the country. If he could get out a patent he would be set upfor life, or at least as long as the patent lasted, and it would be wellto be sure to arrange it to last through his natural life.
Indeed, he had gone so far as to make his invention. It had beensuggested by their trouble with a key, in their late moving to their newhouse. He had studied the matter over a great deal. He looked it up inthe Encyclopaedia, and had spent a day or two in the Public Library, inreading about Chubb's Lock and other patent locks.
But his plan was more simple. It was this: that all keys should be madealike!
He wondered it had not been thought of before; but so it was, SolomonJohn said, with all inventions, with Christopher Columbus, andeverybody. Nobody knew the invention till it was invented, and then itlooked very simple. With Agamemnon's plan you need have but one key,that should fit everything! It should be a medium-sized key, not toolarge to carry. It ought to answer for a house door, but you might opena portmanteau with it. How much less danger there would be of losingone's keys if there were only one to lose!
Mrs. Peterkin thought it would be inconvenient if their father were out,and she wanted to open the jam-closet for the little boys. But Agamemnonexplained that he did not mean there should be but one key in thefamily, or in a town,--you might have as many as you pleased, only theyshould all be alike.
Elizabeth Eliza felt it would be a great convenience,--they could keepthe front door always locked, yet she could open it with the key of herupper drawer; that she was sure to have with her. And Mrs. Peterkin feltit might be a convenience if they had one on each story, so that theyneed not go up and down for it.
Mr. Peterkin studied all the papers and advertisements, to decide aboutthe lawyer whom they should consult, and at last, one morning, they wentinto town to visit a patent-agent.
Elizabeth Eliza took the occasion to make a call upon the lady fromPhiladelphia, but she came back hurriedly to her mother.
"I have had a delightful call," she said; "but--perhaps I was wrong--Icould not help, in conversation, speaking of Agamemnon's proposedpatent. I ought not to have mentioned it, as such things are keptprofound secrets; they say women always do tell things; I suppose thatis the reason."
"But where is the harm?" asked Mrs. Peterkin. "I'm sure you can trustthe lady from Philadelphia."
Elizabeth Eliza then explained that the lady from Philadelphia hadquestioned the plan a little when it was told her, and had suggestedthat "if everybody had the same key there would be no particular use ina lock."
"Did you explain to her," said Mrs. Peterkin, "that we were not allto have the same keys?"
"I couldn't quite understand her," said Elizabeth Eliza, "but she seemedto think that burglars and other people might come in if the keys werethe same."
"Agamemnon would not sell his patent to burglars!" said Mrs. Peterkin,indignantly.
"But about other people," said Elizabeth Eliza; "there is my upperdrawer; the little boys might open it at Christmas-time,--and theirpresents in it!"
"And I am not sure that I could trust Amanda," said Mrs. Peterkin,considering.
Both she and Elizabeth Eliza felt that Mr. Peterkin ought to know whatthe lady from Philadelphia had suggested. Elizabeth Eliza then proposedgoing into town, but it would take so long she might not reach them intime. A telegram would be better, and she ventured to suggest using theTelegraph Alarm.
For, on moving into their new house, they had discovered it was providedwith all the modern improvements. This had been a disappointment to Mrs.Peterkin, for she was afraid of them, since their experience the lastwinter, when their water-pipes were frozen up. She had been originallyattracted to the house by an old pump at the side, which had led herto believe there were no modern improvements. It had pleased the littleboys, too. They liked to pump the handle up and down, and agreed to pumpall the water needed, and bring it into the house.
There was an old well, with a picturesque well-sweep, in a corner by thebarn.
Mrs. Peterkin was frightened by this at first. She was afraid the littleboys would be falling in every day. And they showed great fondness forpulling the bucket up and down. It proved, however, that the well wasdry. There was no water in it; so she had some moss thrown down, and anold feather-bed, for safety, and the old well was a favorite place ofamusement.
The house, it had proved, was well furnished with bath-rooms, and "set-waters" everywhere. Water-pipes and gas-pipes all over the house; and ahack-, telegraph-, and fire-alarm, with a little knob for each.
Mrs. Peterkin was very anxious. She feared the little boys would besummoning somebody all the time, and it was decided to conceal fromthem the use of the knobs, and the card of directions at the side wasdestroyed. Agamemnon had made one of his first inventions to help this.He had arranged a number of similar knobs to be put in rows in differentparts of the house, to appear as if they were intended for ornament, andhad added some to the original knobs. Mrs.
Peterkin felt more secure, and Agamemnon thought of taking out a patentfor this invention.
It was, therefore, with some doubt that Elizabeth Eliza proposed sendinga telegram to her father. Mrs. Peterkin, however, was pleased with theidea.
Solomon John was out, and the little boys were at school, and sheherself would touch the knob, while Elizabeth Eliza should write thetelegram.
"I think it is the fourth knob from the beginning," she said, looking atone of the rows of knobs.
Elizabeth Eliza was sure of this. Agamemnon, she believed, had put threeextra knobs at each end.
"But which is the end, and which is the beginning,--the top or thebottom?" Mrs.
Peterkin asked hopelessly.
Still she bravely selected a knob, and Elizabeth Eliza hastened with herto look out for the messenger. How soon should they see the telegraphboy?
They seemed to have scarcely reached the window, when a terriblenoise was heard, and do
wn the shady street the white horses of thefire-brigade were seen rushing at a fatal speed!
It was a terrific moment!
"I have touched the fire-alarm," Mrs. Peterkin exclaimed.
Both rushed to open the front door in agony. By this time thefire-engines were approaching.
"Do not be alarmed," said the chief engineer; "the furniture shall becarefully covered, and we will move all that is necessary."
"Move again!" exclaimed Mrs. Peterkin, in agony.
Elizabeth Eliza strove to explain that she was only sending a telegramto her father, who was in Boston.
"It is not important," said the head engineer; "the fire will all beout before it could reach him."
And he ran upstairs, for the engines were beginning to play upon theroof.
Mrs. Peterkin rushed to the knobs again hurriedly; there was morenecessity for summoning Mr. Peterkin home.
"Write a telegram to your father," she said to Elizabeth Eliza, "to'come home directly.'"
"That will take but three words," said Elizabeth Eliza, with presence ofmind, "and we need ten. I was just trying to make them out."
"What has come now?" exclaimed Mrs. Peterkin, and they hurriedagain to the window, to see a row of carriages coming down the street.
"I must have touched the carriage-knob," cried Mrs. Peterkin, "and Ipushed it half-a-dozen times I felt so anxious!"
Six hacks stood before the door. All the village boys were assembling.Even their own little boys had returned from school, and were showingthe firemen the way to the well.
Again Mrs. Peterkin rushed to the knobs, and a fearful sound arose. Shehad touched the burglar-alarm!
The former owner of the house, who had a great fear of burglars, hadinvented a machine of his own, which he had connected with a knob. Awire attached to the knob moved a spring that could put in motion anumber of watchmen's rattles, hidden under the eaves of the piazza.
All these were now set a-going, and their terrible din roused those ofthe neighborhood who had not before assembled around the house. At thismoment Elizabeth Eliza met the chief engineer.
"You need not send for more help," he said; "we have all the enginesin town here, and have stirred up all the towns in the neighborhood;there's no use in springing any more alarms. I can't find the fire yet,but we have water pouring all over the house."
Elizabeth Eliza waved her telegram in the air.
"We are only trying to send a telegram to my father and brother, who arein town," she endeavored to explain.
"If it is necessary," said the chief engineer, "you might send it downin one of the hackney carriages. I see a number standing before thedoor. We'd better begin to move the heavier furniture, and some of youwomen might fill the carriages with smaller things."
Mrs. Peterkin was ready to fall into hysterics. She controlled herselfwith a supreme power, and hastened to touch another knob.
Elizabeth Eliza corrected her telegram, and decided to take the adviceof the chief engineer and went to the door to give her message to one ofthe hackmen, when she saw a telegraph boy appear. Her mother had touchedthe right knob. It was the fourth from the beginning; but the beginningwas at the other end!
She went out to meet the boy, when, to her joy, she saw behind him herfather and Agamemnon. She clutched her telegram, and hurried towardthem.
Mr. Peterkin was bewildered. Was the house on fire? If so, where werethe flames?
He saw the row of carriages. Was there a funeral, or a wedding? Who wasdead?
Who was to be married?
He seized the telegram that Elizabeth Eliza reached to him, and read italoud.
"Come to us directly--the house is NOT on fire!"
The chief engineer was standing on the steps.
"The house not on fire!" he exclaimed. "What are we all summoned for?"
"It is a mistake," cried Elizabeth Eliza, wringing her hands. "Wetouched the wrong knob; we wanted the telegraph boy!"
"We touched all the wrong knobs," exclaimed Mrs. Peterkin, from thehouse.
The chief engineer turned directly to give counter-directions, with afew exclamations of disgust, as the bells of distant fire-engines wereheard approaching.
Solomon John appeared at this moment, and proposed taking one of thecarriages, and going for a doctor for his mother, for she was now nearlyready to fall into hysterics, and Agamemnon thought to send a telegramdown by the boy, for the evening papers, to announce that the Peterkins'house had not been on fire.
The crisis of the commotion had reached its height. The beds of flowers,bordered with dark-colored leaves, were trodden down by the feet of thecrowd that had assembled.
The chief engineer grew more and more indignant, as he sent his men toorder back the fire-engines from the neighboring towns. The collectionof boys followed the procession as it went away. The fire-brigadehastily removed covers from some of the furniture, restored the rest totheir places, and took away their ladders. Many neighbors remained, butMr. Peterkin hastened into the house to attend to Mrs. Peterkin.
Elizabeth Eliza took an opportunity to question her father, before hewent in, as to the success of their visit to town.
"We saw all the patent-agents," answered Mr. Peterkin, in a hollowwhisper. "Not one of them will touch the patent, or have anything to dowith it."
Elizabeth Eliza looked at Agamemnon, as he walked silently into thehouse. She would not now speak to him of the patent; but she recalledsome words of Solomon John. When they were discussing the patent hehad said that many an inventor had grown gray before his discovery wasacknowledged by the public. Others might reap the harvest, but it came,perhaps, only when he was going to his grave.
Elizabeth Eliza looked at Agamemnon reverently, and followed himsilently into the house.