CHAPTER XVI. I PROVIDE NOBLY FOR MY FAMILY
The next day when I went back, my fears were realised: the door wasrefused to me--my Lady was not at home. This I knew to be false: I hadwatched the door the whole morning from a lodging I took at a houseopposite.
'Your lady is not out,' said I: 'she has denied me, and I can't, ofcourse, force my way to her. But listen: you are an Englishman?' 'ThatI am,' said the fellow, with an air of the utmost superiority. 'Yourhonour could tell that by my HACCENT.'
I knew he was, and might therefore offer him a bribe. An Irish familyservant in rags, and though his wages were never paid him, wouldprobably fling the money in your face.
'Listen, then,' said I. 'Your lady's letters pass through your hands,don't they? A crown for every one that you bring me to read. There is awhisky-shop in the next street; bring them there when you go to drink,and call for me by the name of Dermot.'
'I recollect your honour at SPAR,' says the fellow, grinning: 'seven'sthe main, hey?' and being exceedingly proud of this reminiscence, I bademy inferior adieu.
I do not defend this practice of letter-opening in private life, exceptin cases of the most urgent necessity: when we must follow the examplesof our betters, the statesmen of all Europe, and, for the sake of agreat good, infringe a little matter of ceremony. My Lady Lyndon'sletters were none the worse for being opened, and a great dealthe better; the knowledge obtained from the perusal of some of hermultifarious epistles enabling me to become intimate with her characterin a hundred ways, and obtain a power over her by which I was not slowto profit. By the aid of the letters and of my English friend, whom Ialways regaled with the best of liquor, and satisfied with presents ofmoney still more agreeable (I used to put on a livery in order to meethim, and a red wig, in which it was impossible to know the dashing andelegant Redmond Barry), I got such an insight into the widow's movementsas astonished her. I knew beforehand to what public places she wouldgo; they were, on account of her widowhood, but few: and wherever sheappeared, at church or in the park, I was always ready to offer her herbook, or to canter on horseback by the side of her chariot.
Many of her Ladyship's letters were the most whimsical rodomontades thatever blue-stocking penned. She was a woman who took up and threw offa greater number of dear friends than any one I ever knew. To some ofthese female darlings she began presently to write about my unworthyself, and it was with a sentiment of extreme satisfaction I found atlength that the widow was growing dreadfully afraid of me; calling meher bete noire, her dark spirit, her murderous adorer, and a thousandother names indicative of her extreme disquietude and terror. It was:'The wretch has been dogging my chariot through the park,' or, 'my fatepursued me at church,' and 'my inevitable adorer handed me out ofmy chair at the mercer's,' or what not. My wish was to increase thissentiment of awe in her bosom, and to make her believe that I was aperson from whom escape was impossible.
To this end I bribed a fortune-teller, whom she consulted along with anumber of the most foolish and distinguished people of Dublin, in thosedays; and who, although she went dressed like one of her waiting-women,did not fail to recognise her real rank, and to describe as her futurehusband her persevering adorer Redmond Barry, Esquire. This incidentdisturbed her very much. She wrote about it in terms of great wonderand terror to her female correspondents. 'Can this monster,' she wrote,'indeed do as he boasts, and bend even Fate to his will?--can he makeme marry him though I cordially detest him, and bring me a slave tohis feet. The horrid look of his black serpent-like eyes fascinates andfrightens me: it seems to follow me everywhere, and even when I close myown eyes, the dreadful gaze penetrates the lids, and is still upon me.'
When a woman begins to talk of a man in this way, he is an ass whodoes not win her; and, for my part, I used to follow her about, and putmyself in an attitude opposite her, 'and fascinate her with my glance,'as she said, most assiduously. Lord George Poynings, her former admirer,was meanwhile keeping his room with his wound, and seemed determined togive up all claims to her favour; for he denied her admittance when shecalled, sent no answer to her multiplied correspondence, and contentedhimself by saying generally, that the surgeon had forbidden him toreceive visitors or to answer letters. Thus, while he went into thebackground, I came forward, and took good care that no other rivalsshould present themselves with any chance of success; for, as soon as Iheard of one, I had a quarrel fastened on him, and, in this way, pinkedtwo more, besides my first victim Lord George. I always took anotherpretext for quarrelling with them than the real one of attention toLady Lyndon, so that no scandal or hurt to her Ladyship's feelings mightarise in consequence; but she very well knew what was the meaning ofthese duels; and the young fellows of Dublin, too, by laying two and twotogether, began to perceive that there was a certain dragon in watch forthe wealthy heiress, and that the dragon must be subdued first beforethey could get at the lady. I warrant that, after the first three, notmany champions were found to address the lady; and have often laughed(in my sleeve) to see many of the young Dublin beaux riding by the sideof her carriage scamper off as soon as my bay-mare and green liveriesmade their appearance.
I wanted to impress her with some great and awful instance of my power,and to this end had determined to confer a great benefit upon my honestcousin Ulick, and carry off for him the fair object of his affections,Miss Kiljoy, under the very eyes of her guardian and friend, LadyLyndon; and in the teeth of the squires, the young lady's brothers, whopassed the season at Dublin, and made as much swagger and to-do abouttheir sister's L10,000 Irish, as if she had had a plum to her fortune.The girl was by no means averse to Mr. Brady; and it only shows howfaint-spirited some men are, and how a superior genius can instantlyovercome difficulties which to common minds seem insuperable, that henever had thought of running off with her: as I at once and boldly did.Miss Kiljoy had been a ward in Chancery until she attained her majority(before which period it would have been a dangerous matter for me toput in execution the scheme I meditated concerning her); but, though nowfree to marry whom she liked, she was a young lady of timid disposition,and as much under fear of her brothers and relatives as though she hadnot been independent of them. They had some friend of their own in viewfor the young lady, and had scornfully rejected the proposal of UlickBrady, the ruined gentleman; who was quite unworthy, as these rusticbucks thought, of the hand of such a prodigiously wealthy heiress astheir sister.
Finding herself lonely in her great house in Dublin, the Countess ofLyndon invited her friend Miss Amelia to pass the season with her atDublin; and, in a fit of maternal fondness, also sent for her son thelittle Bullingdon, and my old acquaintance his governor, to come tothe capital and bear her company. A family coach brought the boy, theheiress, and the tutor from Castle Lyndon; and I determined to take thefirst opportunity of putting my plan in execution.
For this chance I had not very long to wait. I have said, in a formerchapter of my biography, that the kingdom of Ireland was at thisperiod ravaged by various parties of banditti; who, under the nameof Whiteboys, Oakboys, Steelboys, with captains at their head, killedproctors, fired stacks, houghed and maimed cattle, and took the law intotheir own hands. One of these bands, or several of them for what I know,was commanded by a mysterious personage called Captain Thunder; whosebusiness seemed to be that of marrying people with or without their ownconsent, or that of their parents. The Dublin Gazettes and Mercuriesof that period (the year 1772) teem with proclamations from the LordLieutenant, offering rewards for the apprehension of this dreadfulCaptain Thunder and his gang, and describing at length various exploitsof the savage aide-de-camp of Hymen. I determined to make use, if notof the services, at any rate of the name of Captain Thunder, and put mycousin Ulick in possession of his lady and her ten thousand pounds. Shewas no great beauty, and, I presume, it was the money he loved ratherthan the owner of it.
On account of her widowhood, Lady Lyndon could not as yet frequent theballs and routs which the hospitable nobility of Dublin were in thecustom of giving; but her f
riend Miss Kiljoy had no such cause forretirement, and was glad to attend any parties to which she might beinvited. I made Ulick Brady a present of a couple of handsome suits ofvelvet, and by my influence procured him an invitation to many of themost elegant of these assemblies. But he had not had my advantages orexperience of the manners of Court; was as shy with ladies as a youngcolt, and could no more dance a minuet than a donkey. He made verylittle way in the polite world or in his mistress's heart: in fact, Icould see that she preferred several other young gentlemen to him, whowere more at home in the ball-room than poor Ulick; he had made hisfirst impression upon the heiress, and felt his first flame for her, inher father's house of Ballykiljoy, where he used to hunt and get drunkwith the old gentleman.
'I could do THIM two well enough, anyhow,' Ulick would say, heavinga sigh; 'and if it's drinking or riding across country would do it,there's no man in Ireland would have a better chance with Amalia.'
'Never fear, Ulick,' was my reply; 'you shall have your Amalia, or myname is not Redmond Barry.'
My Lord Charlemont--who was one of the most elegant and accomplishednoblemen in Ireland in those days, a fine scholar and wit, a gentlemanwho had travelled much abroad, where I had the honour of knowinghim--gave a magnificent masquerade at his house of Marino, somefew miles from Dublin, on the Dunleary road. And it was at thisentertainment that I was determined that Ulick should be made happy forlife. Miss Kiljoy was invited to the masquerade, and the little LordBullingdon, who longed to witness such a scene; and it was agreed thathe was to go under the guardianship of his governor, my old friend theReverend Mr. Runt. I learned what was the equipage in which the partywere to be conveyed to the ball, and took my measures accordingly.
Ulick Brady was not present: his fortune and quality were not sufficientto procure him an invitation to so distinguished a place, and I hadit given out three days previous that he had been arrested for debt: arumour which surprised nobody who knew him.
I appeared that night in a character with which I was very familiar,that of a private soldier in the King of Prussia's guard. I had agrotesque mask made, with an immense nose and moustaches, talkeda jumble of broken English and German, in which the latter greatlypredominated; and had crowds round me laughing at my droll accent, andwhose curiosity was increased by a knowledge of my previous history.Miss Kiljoy was attired as an antique princess, with little Bullingdonas a page of the times of chivalry; his hair was in powder, his doubletrose-colour, and pea-green and silver, and he looked very handsome andsaucy as he strutted about with my sword by his side. As for Mr. Runt,he walked about very demurely in a domino, and perpetually paid hisrespects to the buffet, and ate enough cold chicken and drank enoughpunch and champagne to satisfy a company of grenadiers.
The Lord Lieutenant came and went in state-the ball was magnificent.Miss Kiljoy had partners in plenty, among whom was myself, who walkeda minuet with her (if the clumsy waddling of the Irish heiress may becalled by such a name); and I took occasion to plead my passion for LadyLyndon in the most pathetic terms, and to beg her friend's interferencein my favour.
It was three hours past midnight when the party for Lyndon House wentaway. Little Bullingdon had long since been asleep in one of LadyCharlemont's china closets. Mr. Runt was exceedingly husky in talk, andunsteady in gait. A young lady of the present day would be alarmed tosee a gentleman in such a condition; but it was a common sight in thosejolly old times, when a gentleman was thought a milksop unless he wasoccasionally tipsy. I saw Miss Kiljoy to her carriage, with severalother gentlemen: and, peering through the crowd of ragged linkboys,drivers, beggars, drunken men and women, who used invariably to waitround great men's doors when festivities were going on, saw the carriagedrive off, with a hurrah from the mob; then came back presently to thesupper-room, where I talked German, favoured the three or four topersstill there with a High-Dutch chorus, and attacked the dishes and winewith great resolution.
'How can you drink aisy with that big nose on?' said one gentleman.
'Go an be hangt!' said I, in the true accent, applying myself againto the wine; with which the others laughed, and I pursued my supper insilence.
There was a gentleman present who had seen the Lyndon party go off, withwhom I had made a bet, which I lost; and the next morning I called uponhim and paid it him. All which particulars the reader will be surprisedat hearing enumerated; but the fact is, that it was not I who went backto the party, but my late German valet, who was of my size, and,dressed in my mask, could perfectly pass for me. We changed clothes ina hackney-coach that stood near Lady Lyndon's chariot, and driving afterit, speedily overtook it.
The fated vehicle which bore the lovely object of Ulick Brady'saffections had not advanced very far, when, in the midst of a deep rutin the road, it came suddenly to with a jolt; the footman, springing offthe back, cried 'Stop!' to the coachman, warning him that a wheelwas off, and that it would be dangerous to proceed with only three.Wheel-caps had not been invented in those days, as they have since beenby the ingenious builders of Long Acre. And how the linch-pin of thewheel had come out I do not pretend to say; but it possibly may havebeen extracted by some rogues among the crowd before Lord Charlemont'sgate.
Miss Kiljoy thrust her head out of the window, screaming as ladiesdo; Mr. Runt the chaplain woke up from his boozy slumbers; and littleBullingdon, starting up and drawing his little sword, said, 'Don't beafraid, Miss Amelia: if it's footpads, I am armed.' The young rascal hadthe spirit of a lion, that's the truth; as I must acknowledge, in spiteof all my after quarrels with him.
The hackney-coach which had been following Lady Lyndon's chariot by thistime came up, and the coachman seeing the disaster, stepped down fromhis box, and politely requested her Ladyship's honour to enter hisvehicle; which was as clean and elegant as any person of tiptop qualitymight desire. This invitation was, after a minute or two, accepted bythe passengers of the chariot: the hackney-coachman promising to drivethem to Dublin 'in a hurry.' Thady, the valet, proposed to accompanyhis young master and the young lady; and the coachman, who had a friendseemingly drunk by his side on the box, with a grin told Thady to getup behind. However, as the footboard there was covered with spikes, asa defence against the street-boys, who love a ride gratis, Thady'sfidelity would not induce him to brave these; and he was persuadedto remain by the wounded chariot, for which he and the coachmanmanufactured a linch-pin out of a neighbouring hedge.
Meanwhile, although the hackney-coachman drove on rapidly, yet the partywithin seemed to consider it was a long distance from Dublin; and whatwas Miss Kiljoy's astonishment, on looking out of the window at length,to see around her a lonely heath, with no signs of buildings or city.She began forthwith to scream out to the coachman to stop; but the manonly whipped the horses the faster for her noise, and bade her Ladyship'hould on--'twas a short cut he was taking.'
Miss Kiljoy continued screaming, the coachman flogging, the horsesgalloping, until two or three men appeared suddenly from a hedge, towhom the fair one cried for assistance; and the young Bullingdon openingthe coach-door, jumped valiantly out, toppling over head and heels ashe fell; but jumping up in an instant, he drew his little sword, and,running towards the carriage, exclaimed, 'This way, gentlemen! stop therascal!'
'Stop!' cried the men; at which the coachman pulled up withextraordinary obedience. Runt all the while lay tipsy in the carriage,having only a dreamy half-consciousness of all that was going on.
The newly arrived champions of female distress now held a consultation,in which they looked at the young lord and laughed considerably.
'Do not be alarmed,' said the leader, coming up to the door; 'one of mypeople shall mount the box by the side of that treacherous rascal, and,with your Ladyship's leave, I and my companions will get in and see youhome. We are well armed, and can defend you in case of danger.'
With this, and without more ado, he jumped into the carriage, hiscompanion following him.
'Know your place, fellow!' cried out little Bullingdon indignantly: 'andgive place
to the Lord Viscount Bullingdon!' and put himself before thehuge person of the new-comer, who was about to enter the hackney-coach.
'Get out of that, my Lord,' said the man, in a broad brogue, and shovinghim aside. On which the boy, crying 'Thieves! thieves!' drew out hislittle hanger, and ran at the man, and would have wounded him (for asmall sword will wound as well as a great one); but his opponent, whowas armed with a long stick, struck the weapon luckily out of the lad'shands: it went flying over his head, and left him aghast and mortifiedat his discomfiture.
He then pulled off his hat, making his Lordship a low bow, and enteredthe carriage; the door of which was shut upon him by his confederate,who was to mount the box. Miss Kiljoy might have screamed; but I presumeher shrieks were stopped by the sight of an enormous horse-pistol whichone of her champions produced, who said, 'No harm is intended you,ma'am, but if you cry out, we must gag you;' on which she suddenlybecame as mute as a fish.
All these events took place in an exceedingly short space of time; andwhen the three invaders had taken possession of the carriage, the poorlittle Bullingdon being left bewildered and astonished on the heath, oneof them putting his head out of the window, said,--
'My Lord, a word with you.'
'What is it?' said the boy, beginning to whimper: he was but elevenyears old, and his courage had been excellent hitherto.
'You are only two miles from Marino. Walk back till you come to a bigstone, there turn to the right, and keep on straight till you get to thehigh-road, when you will easily find your way back. And when you see herLadyship your mamma, give CAPTAIN THUNDER'S compliments, and say MissAmelia Kiljoy is going to be married.'
'O heavens!' sighed out that young lady.
The carriage drove swiftly on, and the poor little nobleman was leftalone on the heath, just as the morning began to break. He was fairlyfrightened; and no wonder. He thought of running after the coach; buthis courage and his little legs failed him: so he sat down upon a stoneand cried for vexation.
It was in this way that Ulick Brady made what I call a Sabine marriage.When he halted with his two groomsmen at the cottage where the ceremonywas to be performed, Mr. Runt, the chaplain, at first declined toperform it. But a pistol was held at the head of that unfortunatepreceptor, and he was told, with dreadful oaths, that his miserablebrains would be blown out; when he consented to read the service. Thelovely Amelia had, very likely, a similar inducement held out to her,but of that I know nothing; for I drove back to town with the coachmanas soon as we had set the bridal party down, and had the satisfactionof finding Fritz, my German, arrived before me: he had come back in mycarriage in my dress, having left the masquerade undiscovered, and doneeverything there according to my orders.
Poor Runt came back the next day in a piteous plight, keeping silence asto his share in the occurrences of the evening, and with a dismal storyof having been drunk, of having been waylaid and bound, of having beenleft on the road and picked up by a Wicklow cart, which was coming inwith provisions to Dublin, and found him helpless on the road. There wasno possible means of fixing any share of the conspiracy upon him. LittleBullingdon, who, too, found his way home, was unable in any way toidentify me. But Lady Lyndon knew that I was concerned in the plot, forI met her hurrying the next day to the Castle; all the town being upabout the enlevement. And I saluted her with a smile so diabolical,that I knew she was aware that I had been concerned in the daring andingenious scheme.
Thus it was that I repaid Ulick Brady's kindness to me in early days;and had the satisfaction of restoring the fallen fortunes of a deservingbranch of my family. He took his bride into Wicklow, where he livedwith her in the strictest seclusion until the affair was blown over; theKiljoys striving everywhere in vain to discover his retreat. They didnot for a while even know who was the lucky man who had carried offthe heiress; nor was it until she wrote a letter some weeks afterwards,signed Amelia Brady, and expressing perfect happiness in her newcondition, and stating that she had been married by Lady Lyndon'schaplain Mr. Runt, that the truth was known, and my worthy friendconfessed his share of the transaction. As his good-natured mistressdid not dismiss him from his post in consequence, everybody persisted insupposing that poor Lady Lyndon was privy to the plot; and the story ofher Ladyship's passionate attachment for me gained more and more credit.
I was not slow, you may be sure, in profiting by these rumours. Everyone thought I had a share in the Brady marriage; though no one couldprove it. Every one thought I was well with the widowed Countess; thoughno one could show that I said so. But there is a way of proving a thingeven while you contradict it, and I used to laugh and joke so aproposthat all men began to wish me joy of my great fortune, and look up tome as the affianced husband of the greatest heiress in the kingdom.The papers took up the matter; the female friends of Lady Lyndonremonstrated with her and cried 'Fie!' Even the English journals andmagazines, which in those days were very scandalous, talked of thematter; and whispered that a beautiful and accomplished widow, witha title and the largest possessions in the two kingdoms, was about tobestow her hand upon a young gentleman of high birth and fashion, whohad distinguished himself in the service of His M-----y the K--- ofPr----. I won't say who was the author of these paragraphs; or howtwo pictures, one representing myself under the title of 'The PrussianIrishman,' and the other Lady Lyndon as 'The Countess of Ephesus,'actually appeared in the Town and Country Magazine, published at London,and containing the fashionable tittle-tattle of the day.
Lady Lyndon was so perplexed and terrified by this continual hold uponher, that she determined to leave the country. Well, she did; andwho was the first to receive her on landing at Holyhead? Your humbleservant, Redmond Barry, Esquire. And, to crown all, the Dublin Mercury,which announced her Ladyship's departure, announced mine THE DAY BEFORE.There was not a soul but thought she had followed me to England; whereasshe was only flying me. Vain hope!--a man of my resolution was not thusto be balked in pursuit. Had she fled to the antipodes, I would havebeen there: ay, and would have followed her as far as Orpheus didEurydice!
Her Ladyship had a house in Berkeley Square, London, more splendid thanthat which she possessed in Dublin; and, knowing that she would comethither, I preceded her to the English capital, and took handsomeapartments in Hill Street, hard by. I had the same intelligence in herLondon house which I had procured in Dublin. The same faithful porterwas there to give me all the information I required. I promised totreble his wages as soon as a certain event should happen. I won overLady Lyndon's companion by a present of a hundred guineas down, and apromise of two thousand when I should be married, and gained thefavours of her favourite lady's-maid by a bribe of similar magnitude. Myreputation had so far preceded me in London that, on my arrival, numbersof the genteel were eager to receive me at their routs. We have no ideain this humdrum age what a gay and splendid place London was then: whata passion for play there was among young and old, male and female; whatthousands were lost and won in a night; what beauties there were--howbrilliant, gay, and dashing! Everybody was delightfully wicked: theRoyal Dukes of Gloucester and Cumberland set the example; the noblesfollowed close behind. Running away was the fashion. Ah! it was apleasant time; and lucky was he who had fire, and youth, and money, andcould live in it! I had all these; and the old frequenters of 'White's,''Wattier's,' and 'Goosetree's' could tell stories of the gallantry,spirit, and high fashion of Captain Barry.
The progress of a love-story is tedious to all those who are notconcerned, and I leave such themes to the hack novel-writers, and theyoung boarding-school misses for whom they write. It is not my intentionto follow, step by step, the incidents of my courtship, or to narrateall the difficulties I had to contend with, and my triumphant manner ofsurmounting them. Suffice it to say, I DID overcome these difficulties.I am of opinion, with my friend the late ingenious Mr. Wilkes, that suchimpediments are nothing in the way of a man of spirit; and that he canconvert indifference and aversion into love, if he have perseverance andcleverness sufficient. By the time the
Countess's widowhood was expired,I had found means to be received into her house; I had her womenperpetually talking in my favour, vaunting my powers, expatiatingupon my reputation, and boasting of my success and popularity in thefashionable world.
Also, the best friends I had in the prosecution of my tender suit werethe Countess's noble relatives; who were far from knowing the servicethat they did me, and to whom I beg leave to tender my heartfelt thanksfor the abuse with which they then loaded me! and to whom I flingmy utter contempt for the calumny and hatred with which they havesubsequently pursued me.
The chief of these amiable persons was the Marchioness of Tiptoff,mother of the young gentleman whose audacity I had punished at Dublin.This old harridan, on the Countess's first arrival in London,waited upon her, and favoured her with such a storm of abuse for herencouragement of me, that I do believe she advanced my cause more thansix months' courtship could have done, or the pinking of a half-dozenof rivals. It was in vain that poor Lady Lyndon pleaded her entireinnocence and vowed she had never encouraged me. 'Never encouraged him!'screamed out the old fury; 'didn't you encourage the wretch at Spa,during Sir Charles's own life? Didn't you marry a dependant of yours toone of this profligate's bankrupt cousins? When he set off for England,didn't you follow him like a mad woman the very next day? Didn't hetake lodgings at your very door almost--and do you call this noencouragement? For shame, madam, shame! You might have married myson--my dear and noble George; but that he did not choose to interferewith your shameful passion for the beggarly upstart whom you caused toassassinate him; and the only counsel I have to give your Ladyshipis this, to legitimatise the ties which you have contracted with thisshameless adventurer; to make that connection legal which, real as it isnow, is against both decency and religion; and to spare your family andyour son the shame of your present line of life.'
With this the old fury of a marchioness left the room, and Lady Lyndonin tears: I had the whole particulars of the conversation from herLadyship's companion, and augured the best result from it in my favour.
Thus, by the sage influence of my Lady Tiptoff, the Countess of Lyndon'snatural friends and family were kept from her society. Even when LadyLyndon went to Court the most august lady in the realm received her withsuch marked coldness, that the unfortunate widow came home and took toher bed with vexation. And thus I may say that Royalty itself becamean agent in advancing my suit, and helping the plans of the poor Irishsoldier of fortune. So it is that Fate works with agents, great andsmall; and by means over which they have no control the destinies of menand women are accomplished.
I shall always consider the conduct of Mrs. Bridget (Lady Lyndon'sfavourite maid at this juncture) as a masterpiece of ingenuity: and,indeed, had such an opinion of her diplomatic skill, that the veryinstant I became master of the Lyndon estates, and paid her the promisedsum--I am a man of honour, and rather than not keep my word with thewoman, I raised the money of the Jews, at an exorbitant interest--assoon, I say, as I achieved my triumph, I took Mrs. Bridget by the hand,and said, "Madam, you have shown such unexampled fidelity in my servicethat I am glad to reward you, according to my promise; but you havegiven proofs of such extraordinary cleverness and dissimulation, thatI must decline keeping you in Lady Lyndon's establishment, and begyou will leave it this very day:" which she did, and went over to theTiptoff faction, and has abused me ever since.
But I must tell you what she did which was so clever. Why, it was thesimplest thing in the world, as all master-strokes are. When LadyLyndon lamented her fate and my--as she was pleased to call it--shamefultreatment of her, Mrs. Bridget said, 'Why should not your Ladyship writethis young gentleman word of the evil which he is causing you? Appeal tohis feelings (which, I have heard say, are very good indeed--the wholetown is ringing with accounts of his spirit and generosity), and beg himto desist from a pursuit which causes the best of ladies so much pain?Do, my Lady, write: I know your style is so elegant that I, for my part,have many a time burst into tears in reading your charming letters, andI have no doubt Mr. Barry will sacrifice anything rather than hurt yourfeelings.' And, of course, the abigail swore to the fact.
'Do you think so, Bridget?' said her Ladyship. And my mistress forthwithpenned me a letter, in her most fascinating and winning manner:--'Why,sir,' wrote she, 'will you pursue me? why environ me in a web ofintrigue so frightful that my spirit sinks under it, seeing escape ishopeless from your frightful, your diabolical art? They say you aregenerous to others--be so to me. I know your bravery but too well:exercise it on men who can meet your sword, not on a poor feeble woman,who cannot resist you. Remember the friendship you once professedfor me. And now, I beseech you, I implore you, to give a proof of it.Contradict the calumnies which you have spread against me, and repair,if you can, and if you have a spark of honour left, the miseries whichyou have caused to the heart-broken
'H. LYNDON.'
What was this letter meant for but that I should answer it in person? Myexcellent ally told me where I should meet Lady Lyndon, and accordinglyI followed, and found her at the Pantheon. I repeated the scene atDublin over again; showed her how prodigious my power was, humble asI was, and that my energy was still untired. 'But,' I added, 'I am asgreat in good as I am in evil; as fond and faithful as a friend as I amterrible as an enemy. I will do everything,' I said, 'which you ask ofme, except when you bid me not to love you. That is beyond my power; andwhile my heart has a pulse I must follow you. It is MY fate; your fate.Cease to battle against it, and be mine. Loveliest of your sex! withlife alone can end my passion for you; and, indeed, it is only by dyingat your command that I can be brought to obey you. Do you wish me todie?'
She said, laughing (for she was a woman of a lively, humorous turn),that she did not wish me to commit self-murder; and I felt from thatmoment that she was mine.
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A year from that day, on the 15th of May, in the year 1773, I had thehonour and happiness to lead to the altar Honoria, Countess of Lyndon,widow of the late Right Honourable Sir Charles Lyndon, K.B. The ceremonywas performed at St. George's, Hanover Square, by the Reverend SamuelRunt, her Ladyship's chaplain. A magnificent supper and ball was givenat our house in Berkeley Square, and the next morning I had a duke, fourearls, three generals, and a crowd of the most distinguished peoplein London at my LEVEE. Walpole made a lampoon about the marriage, andSelwyn cut jokes at the 'Cocoa-Tree.' Old Lady Tiptoff, although she hadrecommended it, was ready to bite off her fingers with vexation; and asfor young Bullingdon, who was grown a tall lad of fourteen, when calledupon by the Countess to embrace his papa, he shook his fist in my faceand said, 'HE my father! I would as soon call one of your Ladyship'sfootmen Papa!'
But I could afford to laugh at the rage of the boy and the old woman,and at the jokes of the wits of St. James's. I sent off a flamingaccount of our nuptials to my mother and my uncle the good Chevalier;and now, arrived at the pitch of prosperity, and having, at thirty yearsof age, by my own merits and energy, raised myself to one of the highestsocial positions that any man in England could occupy, I determined toenjoy myself as became a man of quality for the remainder of my life.
After we had received the congratulations of our friends in London--forin those days people were not ashamed of being married, as they seemto be now--I and Honoria (who was all complacency, and a most handsome,sprightly, and agreeable companion) set off to visit our estates in theWest of England, where I had never as yet set foot. We left London inthree chariots, each with four horses; and my uncle would have beenpleased could he have seen painted on their panels the Irish crown andthe ancient coat of the Barrys beside the Countess's coronet and thenoble cognisance of the noble family of Lyndon.
Before quitting London, I procured His Majesty's gracious permission toadd the name of my lovely lady to my own; and henceforward assumedthe style and title of BARRY LYNDON, as I have written it in thisautobiography.