Oh, the joy. I jumped up off the couch, startling both Nix and Harley and yelled out, "Mom...I mean....Mother...that's great. I'm so happy. You're going to love Danny so much. And Ryan misses you a lot."
I was jumping up and down, dancing around the apartment when I stole a look at Nix. His full attention was on me and he was grinning at me from ear to ear.
My mother's laugh had cut in, and I remember her vaguely saying, "Mom is fine, Emily. I kind of like it now."
It truly had been a marvelous day. I was so happy after hanging up the phone with my mom that I threw myself into Nix's arms and practically begged him to do dirty things to me. We had an amazing afternoon in his bedroom.
All too soon, it was time to get ready to go to the fundraiser.
I had brought my Monique Lhullier cocktail dress with me and Nix borrowed one of Linc's tuxedos, which thankfully they were both the same height and build.
I have to admit...Nix would look amazing in a burlap sack. Hell, I've never seen him dressed in anything other than a t-shirt and jeans, and he'd always looked edible to me. But tonight...in a tuxedo? He looked impossibly stunning. He even styled his hair a bit so it was layered back away from his forehead and temples, showcasing the beautiful lines and angles of his face. He didn't shave, which I loved. His forever look of stubble made sure no one ever forgot that Nix Caldwell was a rough man. And that was fine by me.
He was my rough man...for now.
When I came out of the bathroom after putting the finishing touches on my makeup, Nix stood there looking very nervous, holding a bouquet of flowers.
"Are those for me?" I asked, my throat dry and my eyes threatening to fill with tears.
He nodded. "I ran down to the corner grocery while you were in the shower. It seemed like a night where flowers were in order."
I took the bouquet and held them to my nose. They didn't have much fragrance but they were lovely, and they were given to me by an incredibly closed off man. The mere fact he thought to do that for me had my heart dangerously threatening to crack wide open and suck him inside.
"They're beautiful, Nix. Let me go put them in some water."
I didn't say anymore because I could tell he was nervous and I was threatening to cry. As I went to walk by him, his arm snaked around my waist, bringing me to a stop. He put his lips against my temple and said, "I've never brought flowers to a woman before, Emily. It's a first for me."
I turned my face into his and our lips met...softly, quietly. He pulled back. "I'm having a lot of 'firsts' with you."
My heart had been hammering with excitement over those words as we drove to The Waldorf-Astoria.
Yes...it had been a practically perfect day leading up to this fundraiser.
And here I stand now...in the corridor outside of the restrooms, getting ready to go in.
And Todd Fulgram is standing here with his hand on my arm. He had appeared out of the blue, with no warning.
His move was not made with aggression, and had it not been for a slightly sad air to his whole demeanor, I would have screamed my lungs out for being trapped here. But he said quietly, "Emily...I really need to talk to you...to explain my situation."
I shouldn't trust him. I should make polite excuses and walk the other way...or run into the bathroom. But his tone is different. It's not pleading, childish, threatening or arrogant in the usual Todd Fulgram way.
It is sorrowful and scared.
My heart, damned fiend that it is, says I have no choice but to stay and listen. "Okay."
He releases my arm and pushes a hand through his hair. "First, I'm sorry for coming here. But I knew you'd be here and I had to talk to you...in person."
"I'm listening," I say carefully.
Todd leads me over to an upholstered bench set against a wall in the hallway. We both sit down, our knees angled inward. He's nervous, twining his fingers around each other.
"Emily...my father is putting an incredible amount of pressure on me to get back together with you. He wants to be tied to your father by more than just money."
I nod at him. I so get that. My mother was doing the same exact thing to me.
"He's done everything from threatening to cut me off financially if I don't seal the deal with you, to kicking me out of the family. It's why I have been so frantic for you to resume our relationship."
I almost take Todd's hand in sympathy but refrain. I don't want him to think there is any hope of something there. "I'm sorry, Todd. I know what it's like to be used for gain."
He gives me a small smile of understanding. "Your mother wants the same thing for you. You understand the importance of appearances."
I nod but I'm not sure where he's going. I thought he was on the verge of apologizing, but now I'm not so sure.
Todd is silent. He has more to say, I know it. He looks around and the hallway is quite busy. He stands and pulls me up, leading me over to a corner bordered by plants and a large four foot vase with flowers. It offers a little bit of privacy. My back is to the wall and he's facing me. He looks left and right to make sure we're alone.
"That's not the worst of it, Em. I'm really desperate here and I need your help..."
Something is obviously wrong, but Todd doesn't come off threatening. He looks frightened and overwhelmed. I'm starting to feel scared for him now. "What is it, Todd? You can tell me."
He takes a deep breath, looks up at the ceiling, then down at me. His breath comes out in a whoosh. "I can't tell you everything, but I really need to have the appearance that we are together. My father cannot know I've failed at this."
"What? You want me to have a pretend relationship with you?" The idea is preposterous.
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Look, people do it all the time. I know you don't feel anything for me, and I know you're with that other guy. If we could just act like we're together, I don't care what you do on the side."
Okay, now Todd has gone overboard and is verging on complete idiocy. "Todd...that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And the answer is no. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back."
I move to the left to walk past Todd but he reaches his arm out, grabbing mine. He pulls me to a halt and his grip is biting. "Emily...please listen to me. This is serious."
I laugh at him. "Nothing is so serious, Todd, that we would have a farce of a relationship. I'm sorry...find someone else to play your games."
I try to jerk out of his hold but it remains tight. And then I realize I've made a mistake by even giving Todd the time of day. I try to pull my arm out one more time, but I can't break free. I decide to go with a threat instead. "If you don't release me, Todd, I'm going to scream the house down."
That seems to work and his hold eases. "Emily," he says with overt desperation, but he lowers his voice to a harsh whisper so no one can hear. "I'm gay and I'm in big trouble if it comes out."
What. The. Hell?
I can't help it but I know the look on my face is probably a mix of horror, sadness, sympathy and anger all at once. However, before I can even say anything, movement over Todd's shoulder catches my eye and I gasp.
Nix is walking toward us...his eyes focused on Todd. His fists are clenched and pure savagery has taken his face hostage. The first thing that pops into my mind is the fact that Nix has suffered in the past from rage issues. He has wanted to rain violence down when he gets that way.
And I'm suddenly very frightened for Todd right now. I can tell by the furious mask on Nix's face that he's witnessed the entire exchange between Todd and I. Oh, he wasn't close enough to hear what was said, but I'm sure he saw me struggling to get out of Todd's grasp.
I immediately pull my arm away and step around Todd, walking to intercept Nix. I'm scared of him...by the look on his face. He wants to kill Todd...or at the very least do severe bodily harm to him. And there is a good chance that his wrath may be inadvertently misdirected at me.
I meet Nix five paces from where Todd and I were standing. I lay my hands on his c
hest and quickly say, "Nix...I'm okay. He wasn't hurting me. In fact, it's not what you think at all."
Nix doesn't even look at me but continues stalking toward Todd. I, of course, have no choice but to keep my hands on his chest and now I'm walking backward to keep myself in between the two men.
Without ever taking his eyes off Todd, he says to me, "You need to get out of my way, Emily, before you get hurt. I don't have much control right now." His words are harsh and blazing with madness.
I'm terrified and I tell him. In a small voice that quavers, I say, "Nix, please. You're really scaring me."
Nix's gait falters and then he stops in his tracks. He looks down at me and at first, there is no comprehension in his gaze. His green eyes are dark, his pupils wide. His teeth are clenched and his face is full of anger. And then...it's like my words penetrate fully, or maybe it's the look of fear on my face, because I watch amazed as the heat leaves his eyes. His forehead smoothes out and his eyes soften. I tentatively reach my hand up and lay it on his cheek.
Nix blows a deep breath out of his mouth and pulls me tight into his body. "I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't mean to scare you. I would never hurt you, Emily. I swear."
I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze him as if my life depended on it. "I know. I was afraid you'd hurt Todd and he doesn't deserve that."
Nix stiffens slightly but he still holds me tenderly. "What does he want?"
"Apparently, he wants a sham relationship...he says he's gay. He was just telling me about it." My voice sounds as bewildered as I feel over the concept that Todd is gay.
Nix looks over at Todd with skepticism on his face. He then looks back to me, placing his hand around my throat, his thumb stroking the front of my neck with sweet care. "Are you sure you're okay? He didn't hurt you or say anything to upset you? I saw the look on your face, Emily. You were wigged out about something."
I shake my head and lean up to kiss him softly. "Just shocked more than anything. Let me have a few minutes to talk to him some more and I'll come and find you."
"Try again. I'm not leaving you alone with him."
"We're just going to talk," I say with exasperation.
"I don't give a flying fuck. The man had his hands on you. He's been stalking you. You're lucky I'm not tearing him apart right now. Talk if you must, but I'll be in the same room with you." He punctuates his statement by crossing his arms in front of his chest, daring me to call his bluff.
I sigh. There's going to be no talking Nix out of this. "Fine. You're such a bully, though, you know?"
He gives me a mischievous smile. "I'm a lot of rotten things, Emily. Bully is just one of many."
I huff but turn around to tell Todd that we can continue our talk. Before I can utter a word, Nix has my wrist in his hand, pulling my attention back to him. "I really am sorry, Em. I didn't mean to scare you."
I place my fingers over his lips to silence his apology. "Don't be sorry. I wasn't afraid you'd do something to me. I was afraid you'd do something to Todd and that you would lose yourself."
He closes his eyes briefly and lets my words sink in. He just nods his head in acceptance of what I've said.
The rest of the evening is spent listening to Todd spill his guts to me, all the while Nix is glaring at him. It had to have been hard on poor Todd. I came away with a clearer understanding of his motivations. In fact, when the full implications of what Todd was telling me sank in, it made me relieved in a way. His being gay explained a lot of things to me. Like why I always seemed to be the one to initiate any sort of intimacy with him, or why he fumbled so much when we were intimate. Heck, it even explained why he never really wanted to pleasure me.
It also made me understand that he was living a lie most of his life, just to avoid confrontation. The pressure and stress, I'm sure, had a lot to do with how craptastic he was all of the time. I offered my support to Todd if he wanted to come out, but that's all he would get from me.
Nix had the final say-so with Todd. Let's just say he left with a very clear understanding from Nix that he was never to approach me again. While I felt sorry for his situation, I am relieved that he finally got the message that we were over for good.
CHAPTER 25
Nix
That stupid fundraiser is over and we are heading back to Emily's apartment in a cab. She's pressed tight to my side with her head resting on my shoulder. It's amazing to me how I've become so used to the feel of her body. How much I like the feel of it against mine.
I lay my head back against my seat and think about the evening. I had thought going in that the worst part would be meeting Emily's parents.
Another first for me.
Plus, I only had a little bit of information by which I could pre-judge her parents. I knew that Emily was not close to them. Not the way I was with my Pop. I knew that Emily was struggling to get control over her life, and that many things had been dictated for her.
And I know that Emily's mother had called her today with a sincere apology. The look on Emily's face was priceless. The way she jumped up and danced around Linc's living room touched at my heart. It gives credence to how powerful a simple apology can be and that is something I would do well to remember myself.
Emily's parents were actually pretty cool to me. I know I was stiff and edgy when Emily dragged me up to meet them. I kept a firm grip on Emily's hand, ready to pull her out of there if they said anything to hurt her.
Instead, they both gave her warm hugs and they were both very gracious and kind to me. When Congressman Burnham learned I was in the Marine Corps, we spent twenty minutes talking about the war...in general terms. He said he'd love to get my personal perspective on more of it later if I could have lunch with him one day. I agreed, although I really didn't want to do it. I guess I'm just assuming that my relationship with Emily will never progress to the point where I'll be "lunching" with her father. So I said I'd be happy to just so we could move forward in our discussion.
Emily's mother was a little different. She shook my hand and her words were warm. But I could still see a little bit of a mother's appraisal going on, wondering if I was good enough for her daughter. I wanted to just blurt out, "Look lady, we have an understanding. We're just fucking each other." I can only imagine what the look on her face would be if I had actually said that to her.
The rest of the evening, up until the "Todd" incident, wasn't so bad. The food was great and I actually danced a few times with Emily, and that was heaven. It made up for all of the boring, stuffy people she had to introduce me to and the fact I was stuck in a penguin suit.
I actually shudder slightly thinking about the nuclear rage that coursed through me when I saw Todd grab hold of Emily. My mind went numb when I saw her try to pull away and his refusal to release her. I had no clue what he was saying, but the look on Emily's face was such a bevy of tumultuous emotions that I had no control over the splinter of rabidity that shot through me. All I know was that he upset Emily and therefore, I must hurt him.
I honestly don't even remember Emily stepping in front of me. I don't remember her soft hands on my chest, or the words that tumbled from her mouth. None of it mattered. I didn't try to picture Harley's warm, brown eyes or Dr. Antoniak's teachings...breathe deep, breathe deep.
I only pictured my hands wrapped around Todd's neck and squeezing the ever-fucking life out of him.
And then...somehow words finally penetrated the fog...Nix...please...you're scaring me. It was Emily's sweet voice that touched me and all of my anger simply vanished. Todd was not what was important. Emily...and the fact that she was scared of me...that was what was important.
I had looked down at her face and there was fear brimming in her eyes. The amber color had darkened and her brows were scrunched tight with worry. Her fingertips were digging slightly into my chest.
And awareness of what I had been about to do came sweeping back into my body. I almost gasped at the sickening realization that I had been so mad that I had almost blacked out f
rom cognizance of my situation.
I had an overwhelming need for Harley right then...to sink my fingers into his fur, and have him nuzzle up against me. But he wasn't there and I needed to get control on my own.
After pulling Emily into my arms, I felt a slight settling overcome me. Like a light blanket of peace. I credit that strictly to Emily, because I felt it the moment our arms wrapped around each other.
Emily is such a kind soul, that she feels really bad for Todd. Me? Not so much. He's still a douchebag in my opinion.
I'll give the guy a tiny bit of credit. He sat there and spilled, what he believed, to be a terrible secret to her. That he was gay and had known pretty much since high school. He also reiterated what I had already figured out, that his family would not be accepting of him at all. He's been living a lie his entire life and he's been taking it to extreme measures so he will not be outed.
I get that he is in a terrible situation. I would hate to be in his situation...to not be accepted by your family for who you are. But his troubles in no way justify the torment he visited upon Emily. I hope he takes my warning to heed because I won't hesitate to see my threat through to fruition. With that being said, I truly hope the guy can find some peace in his life, because everyone deserves it. Except maybe me.
Regardless of my feelings on the matter, Emily has chosen to forgive him and I will accept that. She feels bad that he is stuck in the same situation she was in herself not too long ago...bending to the will of her parents. She believes, and I trust her, that the situation with Todd is resolved. She has encouraged him to be true to himself and hopefully he will take her advice.
Because if he doesn't, and decides to continue this futile pursuit, I will hurt him.
***
Fil is asleep when we get home and Emily leads me into her bedroom. I know she's tired and probably wants to curl up and go to sleep.
But as soon as she closes the bedroom door, she starts taking her clothes off. And not just disrobing to get her pajamas on. She's slowly and seductively removing her dress, watching me with stormy eyes.
What. The. Hell?
I mean, I thought she'd want to talk some more about what happened at the fundraiser. That's what women want, right? And although I've never felt compelled to give that before, I had completely set my mind on giving that to Emily if that is what she wanted. But apparently she didn't.