At the end of the day, Connie paid me in cash. I wasn’t sure if this was above board in terms of taxes, but I didn’t really care. I’d worry about it later. For now, I was glad to know I could earn a little bit to keep my head above water. Maybe I could occasionally leave my room without having to draw upon the credit card my parents gave me for emergencies that they may or may not remember to pay.
All I needed was to leave college with a poor credit rating, unable to rent an apartment. I hated having to think about these things.
I left the store at eight and knew I had to stop and get those pads I’d not yet purchased. That store was another few blocks away. The temperature had dropped even further while I was working.
I grabbed my phone. I’d kept it off the entire time I as I’d not expected to be in there quite so long. In the hours I’d been gone, it had exploded with messages. All of them from my three guys and each one becoming increasingly concerned that they hadn’t heard from me. My heart fell. They would worry. I should have thought about it.
Sorry, guys. I got hired and immediately put to work. Had my phone off. Sorry to have worried you. Going to the store and then coming home.
I had a big night of studying in front of me so I could get ahead. Since I needed to work, I was going to have to be even more organized in my studying time. Especially since my classes were not going to be easy for me.
Chance came back fast. Where are you?
The old Highland Mall. On my way to the supermarket.
Banyan’s text came in next. Congratulations on the job.
Followed by Maven. What job is it?
Chance’s came almost on top of it. Are you walking? There is ice all over the ground. Don’t move. I’m coming
Banyan answered him. Right this second?
Then the replies stopped. I tugged my coat closer. At least when I was moving I didn’t have to think about the cold. A shiver ran through me, which struck me as odd because it was somehow different than the overall sense of discomfort from the weather. No, this was more like I was… creeped out. I looked around.
I swallowed, restraining the urge to back up into the bricks behind me. It wasn’t like there was anyone around. It just felt like there were eyes on me. I shuddered. It reminded me of when I would do laundry in the basement of our building in Boston. I would have the urge to run upstairs. I couldn’t explain it, but I would suddenly be overwhelmed with a sense of wrongness.
A car came to a stop in front of me, and I rushed to slide into Chance’s passenger seat.
“Hi.” I sounded breathless, and it was with shaking hands I put on my seatbelt. “You didn’t have to do this.”
He leaned over to kiss my cheek. “You know how I am about the ice. I can’t help it.”
I suddenly realized he was wearing red robes. They looked a little bit like graduation robes, except the cap didn’t have a tassel and was the same red color as the robe. There were symbols all over, including their frat letters.
I stared at him, and he looked down. “Shit.”
I cleared my throat. “One of those things I shouldn’t see or know about it.”
There were things that went on at Sigma Pi Iota that I couldn’t ask them about. Secret, brotherhood thing. “Right. One of those. I… I didn’t even think. I just kind of ran from the house. Only Banyan and Maven knew I hadn’t lost my mind. I shouldn’t have been texting. It’s…” His voice trailed off. “Anyway, I couldn’t think of you walking home.”
I hated to tell him. “Look, you need to get back, and I need to go to the grocery store. I’ll walk. It’ll really be okay.”
His face fell. “Shit. That’s right. No, you can’t walk back. Certainly not carrying bags.”
“It’s just one thing.” Should I tell him? “I need pads.”
Chance kept his face straight as he stared at the traffic in front of them. “Okay. Um. Sure. Great. Let’s go get those.” He turned into the grocery store parking lot. “I’ll pull up in front and then you don’t need to walk at all.”
“I’ll hurry.”
He nodded. “Thanks, Vonni. I… I can’t help it. I care.”
I knew he did, and even if I’d never understand everything that went on in that frat, I knew it mattered to them. So I ran, because trying to make the things that mattered to him matter to me was the least I could do. I wanted to show him that the caring went both ways.
I was the only person in the library. No one had enough work to be there the first day of school, but then again most of my fellow students weren’t as lost academically as I could be thanks to my dyslexia. I knew how to compensate, but it didn’t always work out that I made As. My parents wanted As even if they’d quit saying so and quit acknowledging me all together. They were on the other side of the world, trying to talk to people with a history of shooting poison darts.
But even before then, I’d been such an utter disappointment. My heart clenched when I let myself think about that.
I had to get ahead in math. First degree equations. I could do this. This was basic. The applications of and the literal equations. I’d done this in high school. Of course, delaying this meant it had been three years since I’d taken a look at them.
“Hey.” Maven slipped into the chair next to me. “You okay?”
I blinked. “Hi. What are you doing here?”
“I saw you come in when I was at the meeting with the deans. What job did you get?”
I looked around. We were both whispering, but it wasn’t as though there was anyone there. Even the librarians were all hanging around the front of the building since there was so little to do. “I took a job at a designer used clothing store. It’s kind of cool, actually. The owners are sort of characters.” I set down my pencil.
Maven nodded. “The one that is right off campus?”
“That’s the one.” I leaned back in my chair. “How are you? Doing okay?”
He yawned. “Sure. My classes are all senior seminars. I have a lot of papers to write, which I know makes me sick in the head, but I love it. You’re studying?”
He was all over the place tonight. I put my hand on his arm, and he smiled at me. “You said it yourself I’m always in the library.”
That was always going to be a moment between us. When he’d called me library. Heat colored his cheeks, and I wondered if there was anyone else in the world who got to see Maven Stone vulnerable in a sweet memory. “Well, I know it’s someplace I might find you.”
“You had a meeting with the deans?”
He leaned forward, taking my hand in his and kissing it. “I can’t seem to stop wanting to touch you all the time. Yes, I had a meeting. Standard meeting. They’re pretty mad at the dean of students right now. He’s written a memo to the upper level staff that he doesn’t think it was that homeless man who set fire to the buildings.”
I nodded. “I don’t either.”
“If that’s true, then who the fuck was it?”
I shook my head. “No idea. But I hope they get that right. I really didn’t like having to run for my life like that.”
Maven’s gaze held my own, seriousness evident in the hardness of his jaw. “So are you sleeping in my house or am I coming to your dorm?”
I blinked. What? “I don’t think we had plans for that, did we?”
“You almost died, and I would never have known you.”
He was talking about the fire? “Maven that may be overstating it. Don’t get me wrong, I ran for my life, but no one almost died.”
He nodded, but the sudden tap-tap-tap he did with his foot negated the calm look he presented. “My building caught on fire when I was a kid. We had to exit. I get how scary it is. And maybe I’ve made it worse in my memory. All I know is that you were in that building and you could have died. They don’t have the perp. I don’t want you far from me.”
Chance with ice. Maven with fire. I squeezed his hands in mine. “You have to be there with your brothers. You took on this role. It isn’t that I don’t wan
t to be with you, but I have to study, and you have things going on in that house I can’t be a part of.” Didn’t want to be, truthfully. “I’m going to be okay. I have to study. I’m working now. I need to be really organized with my time, and we both know I’m not that smart at school.”
“Hey.” He shook his head. “That’s not you talking. That’s your insecurity. That’s years of crap from your parents. Don’t do that. It doesn’t do you any good to repeat their nonsense.”
He was so cute, I had to lean over and kiss him. So I did. He tasted like coffee. “Are you sure you want to be a lawyer and not a psychologist?”
His smile was fast. “Can you imagine me listening to people’s problems all day long?”
“Yes, actually.” I laughed. “What do you think lawyers do?”
He shook his head. “Crazy that my mother the lawyer manages so well at her job when she doesn’t care about anyone but herself. Are you hungry?”
I was. “I have to do this.”
“After you eat.” He rose and offered me his hand. “You’ll be productive when you’re not battling your basic need to eat. I know there will be days we don’t see each other. But does it have to be today?”
He was right. “No, I can go eat. Maybe you can drill me in basic math facts. Two plus two equals four.”
Maven put his arm around me. “We’ll get you through it, sweetheart. I took that class freshman year. I might even have my tests.”
“Sweet of you to offer but that would be cheating.”
“I’m going to disagree. If the teacher is so lazy she can’t make new test questions every year maybe she deserves to have her tests looked at.”
Was he for real? “Maybe that’s called a violation of the honor code.”
“Eh.” He laughed as we walked out of the library. “Maybe that’s a gray area.”
“It’s not, it’s…”
My voice trailed off as I was suddenly unable to think about anything except the fire in front of us. The garbage can outside the library was ablaze, but it wasn’t the only one. In the distance, in front of the student union, the garbage can there was lit, too. Maven whirled around, counting in a low voice. Were there more? I got on my tiptoes. As far as my eyes could see every garbage can situated outside of major buildings were on fire.
The cold night air made my breath visible. It was a strange thought to fixate on but there it was. My breath danced through the night before disappearing into nothingness. Sirens sounded, and Maven clutched my hand in his, tugging me closer to him.
“I don’t know what’s going up next.”
Did it follow automatically that something else had to burn? “Maybe nothing else.”
“Do you think this is going to stop?” His voice was so low.
I squeezed his fingers. “Tell me it’s a fraternity prank.”
“Frat pranks are underwear going up the flagpole. Streaking through a football game. Making the pledges spend the whole day barking instead of talking.” I blinked. They did that? “They aren’t this. If any frat did something like this I’d happily help campus security escort them off campus.”
I digested that piece of information, feeling it sink into my gut. “And it’s not the homeless?”
“Can you see the local homeless population coming down here to rig garbage cans to catch on fire all at the same time?”
No, I really couldn’t.
A thought dawned on me. “Maven, will they close down school?”
“That was the fight the deans were having until they realized the fraternity and sorority presidents were there. How do they do that? People like me would be screwed. They count on the statistics of their outgoing classes getting into graduate school to sell the cost of this place to the incoming freshman. If we don’t graduate, we all lose our entrances into graduate schools. Man, that would be bad. And how many of us graduate in four years is a stat, too. No, they can’t close school.”
I didn’t believe it would be that cut and dry. Safety had to play a role. Of course it depended on the president of the school, and even though my parents had loved the academics here, they’d called the current president a jackass. I rubbed my eyes. Who knew what would happen? They all knew each other. Academia was such a small world.
The sirens grew closer, fire trucks would be here soon. “If you can sneak out and want to sleep in my bed that would be fine, Maven. Better than fine. Nice, even. But not if it’s going to cause any trouble for you.”
His phone rang. He grabbed it out of his pocket before turning to me. “It’ll be no trouble. My bed is bigger, though.” He answered his phone without saying hello. “She’s with me.” That response meant it was either Banyan or Chance. I grabbed my own device. No one had texted me, which at least meant I hadn’t, once again, made them worry. “It’s burning by the library. What about the house? Okay. Listen. We need some kind of patrol. I’m going to call a fraternity president meeting.” He listened to something. “Meet me at her dorm. We’ll trade places and bring her some dinner.”
He hung up his phone. “Let’s walk.”
“Maven, I’m hardly a target. This person seems to want to destroy stuff, not me.”
He was beautiful in the moonlight. His blond hair seemed to glow silver. I’d never noticed that before. “In all of my years... No, that’s not how I want to put it. Look, we care about you. Get used to it.”
“All right.” We took a long route away from the burning garbage can. “Well, if you put it like that.”
He laughed, which was just what I wanted.
Molly must have been back to the room and left again. Her stuff was strewn all over her bed. Her jeans were half on the floor, and I picked them up. Moving them dislodged something and a lighter fell out onto the floor. It was silver with the initials RJ on them. I rolled my eyes. Why was she carrying around his stuff?
Maven was texting, not looking up, and I took the silver lighter and put it on the dresser. There was enough fire to last me the rest of my life. I almost wanted to put the thing out the window and be done with it. But it wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t going to act crazy.
Or crazier.
A knock sounded and Maven opened the door for Banyan. He grinned at me. “Hey, baby.” That was a new one, but Banyan liked to change names for me. He handed me a bag, and a quick glance showed a sandwich and a small salad inside. “What should we do tonight while the campus burns?”
“I have to learn math.”
He scrunched up his face. “Really?”
“Really.” Why was this so surprising to everyone? I hardly hid my academic issues. Not like I could if I wanted to. I took a bite of the sandwich, which was really delicious ham. Where had he gotten this? I chewed and swallowed.
He held up a pad of paper. “All right. You study. I draw. That works.” He nudged Maven. “Go if you’re going. I’m not volunteering to do some kind of neighborhood watch.”
Maven smirked. “Oh, you’ll be the first one signing up. I can’t wait to get you out there leading the charge to keep us all safe.”
“Asshat.” Banyan practically shoved him out the door and Maven cracked up in response. There were aspects to the male relationship I’d never really understand. I finished my sandwich and started on the salad. I must have been really hungry.
Banyan plopped down on my bed then looked up at me. “Do you study on the bed, the floor, the desk?”
“Usually the library, but since I’m staying in tonight, I guess the desk.”
He nodded. “Cool.”
Banyan opened the sketchbook and seemed to immediately get lost in what he was doing. I had to pull my eyes away from where they wanted to stay glued on him. Math was calling. I ate half my salad and put it aside. The thought of the math tightened my stomach, and I was suddenly full. Math might be my least favorite thing in the world, but it stood between me and a college degree and that meant I had to get it done.
Life was just like that.
Chapter 5
The siren
s seemed to be never ending. The college message boards suggested there were some people calling in fake reports and the fire department had to respond to all of them given the situation. Banyan didn’t act like he noticed, so intent on what he was doing. I couldn’t seem to stop jumping.
I’d get into the rhythm of some equation and—boom—the sirens would go off again. I had a crick in my neck from straining my jaw, and I’d bitten my nails down. Life was trying to give me a lesson in anxiety management, and I was failing. Of course, my period was probably playing a role in this, too. I didn’t function all that well when the hormones raged.
Banyan looked up from where he sketched. “You okay?”
“No.” I slammed my notebook closed. “I hate math. I hate. Hate. Hate it.”
He winced. “Glad I’m not that notebook. Come lie down.”
It was late. Past eleven, which was late for me at school, even if I’d picked up some of their habits of staying up all night in New York City. “I have my period.”
He smirked. “Does that stop you from lying down?”
I got up. “No, but it will stop me from having sex.”
Banyan scooted over closer to the wall. “Hey, turn the light off before you lie down. Let’s just relax in the dark. Please. And it doesn’t necessarily preclude sex.”
“It does. For me.” I shut off the light and lay down next to him. “Okay.” I rolled over until I was backed against his stomach. He breathed against my neck. It was warm and solid. I wasn’t alone. That surprised me how much it mattered. “What were you drawing?”
He paused before he answered. “Your hands and my own.”
“Ha. Ha.” I rolled my eyes.
He squeezed me tighter. “Not kidding.”
“Why are you drawing that? Is there something weird about my hands?” I held them up. The small light from my computer let me see the outline of my hands but that was about it.