Dr. Griffith is about twice as big as Dr. Moravia and I've always thought Dr. Moravia is pretty big himself. Dr. Griffith looks like a giant. I don't see how he fits through doorways, he's so tall. I didn't move. I just sat there on my twirl-around stool and looked at him.
"Come on, Deenie. I'm not going to hurt you."
"What are you going to do?"
"Just have a look," Dr. Griffith said.
"Really?" I asked, glancing at Miss Vernon. I couldn't tell anything from her expression. She was busy checking her fingernails.
"I promise," Dr. Griffith said.
I stood up and walked over to him. His hands looked big enough to squash a person right in half. He turned me away from him and untied my paper robe. Then he put his hands on my back. They were freezing cold. I tried to think of other things. I asked him, "Were you ever a football player?"
"A long time ago," Dr. Griffith said, pressing on my back. "When I was in high school."
"I thought so. You're in that picture aren't you?" I asked him, pointing to the wall.
"Yes. Third row, seventh from the left. Would you put your hand down at your side please?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," I told him.
"That's better."
"Were you a good football player?"
"I was fair," he said. "Are you interested in football?"
"I'm not sure. I don't know much about it yet. I wanted to be a cheerleader, but I didn't make the squad."
He didn't say anything about that. I thought he would. I thought he'd say, "Well, you can try again next year" or something like that. Instead he said, "Bend over and touch your toes with your hands, Deenie."
"Why does everybody keep asking me to do that?"
"It's a good way for us to see if your hips are even," Dr. Griffith said.
"Suppose they're not?"
"If one is higher than the other it might indicate the problem."
"Oh," I said, wondering what that meant. Dr. Griffith pushed at my side. Then he told me to sit down on the turn-around stool and he looked me over from every angle.
"Now Deenie, lie down on the table please," Dr. Griffith said.
I climbed up onto the examining table. Miss Vernon stood next to me and smiled.
"Legs out straight please," Dr. Griffith said.
"Are you going to hurt me?" I asked. "I'm not I scared but I'd rather know in advance."
"I'm just going to measure you," Dr. Griffith said. I didn't believe him so I was really surprised when he i held a tape measure to my right hip and measured me from there to my ankle. Then he went around to my other side and did the same thing.
"Do I measure okay?" I asked.
"Um … " Dr. Griffith said, as he jotted something down in his folder. "Now, one more thing, Deenie. Come down off the table and stand up straight."
I jumped down from the table and stood as straight as I could. That's when Dr. Griffith did the craziest thing—he came from behind, put his hands on the sides of my face and lifted me right off the floor. "Put me down!" I said. "I don't like that!"
"Sorry," Dr. Griffith told me, "but it's important." He lowered me to the floor and moved me from side to side.
When he was done Miss Vernon asked, "That wasn't so bad, was it, Deenie?"
I knew then that Dr. Griffith must be through examining me.
"Okay," Miss Vernon said. "Follow me and I'll show you to the X-ray room."
She led me down the hall until we came to a room marked X-ray. Another nurse was waiting for me there. She said, "Hello Deenie, I'm Mrs. Hall, the X-ray technician, and I'm going to take some pictures of you. You won't feel a thing, so just relax."
Mrs. Hall arranged me into certain positions and she was right, I didn't feel anything. It was just like having a regular picture taken. First she took X-rays of me standing up and then lying down on the table and bending to the side. Each time she got me ready she left the room to stand behind a door with a glass window in it and she'd say, "Take a deep breath now … and hold it until I tell you to breathe again."
All I heard was a little buzzer noise and then she'd say, "Okay … relax."
When she was done with me I got dressed and Miss Vernon came back to take me into an office with a nice orange rug. Daddy and Ma joined me there.
"How'd it go, Deenie?" Daddy asked.
"It didn't hurt," I told him.
Dr. Griffith opened the door and told us to make ourselves comfortable. He was carrying the same folder and when he sat down at his desk he spread it out in front of him. Finally he said, "Well now … Dr. Moravia was right. Deenie has adolescent idiopathic scoliosis."
All I understood of that was adolescent and something that sounded like idiotic.
"What does that mean?" Daddy asked.
"It means she has a structural curvature of the spine which has a strong tendency to progress rapidly during the adolescent growth spurt. Let me show you something," Dr. Griffith said, taking an X-ray out of the folder. He stuck it up on some kind of screen on the wall and when he turned a switch it all lit up and the X-ray looked like a skeleton. He tapped a pencil to the X-ray. "You see here … " he said. "This is Deenie's spine. It demonstrates the curve and confirms my clinical diagnosis."
"I don't understand," Ma said. "Why Deenie … of all people?"
"I can't answer that, Mrs. Fenner. But there is a strong familial tendency."
Ma shook her head. "No one in my family has ever had anything like this. My family's always been very healthy."
"I can't think of anyone either," Daddy said.
"The important thing now is Deenie," Dr. Griffith said. "Not who's to blame for her condition."
"Am I going to die?" I asked.
"Deenie!" Ma said.
But I didn't care that she didn't like my question. So I asked it again. "Well, am I?"
"Eventually we're all going to die," Dr. Griffith said. "But not of scoliosis. I can promise you that."
"Then what's the difference if I have it?"
"We have to correct the curve," Dr. Griffith said.
Daddy asked, "What do you suggest, Doctor?"
"I suggest you see a scoliosis specialist," Dr. Griffith told him. "I can recommend a good man to you."
"Another doctor?" I asked.
"Yes."
"But I don't want to see another doctor! Can't you just fix it up yourself?"
"No," Dr. Griffith said. "I don't handle scoliosis cases."
"What can be done for her?" Daddy asked.
"There are two choices," Dr. Griffith told him. "Surgery or a brace."
I stood up. "Suppose I don't want either one," I said in a very loud voice.
"We have to correct the curve," Dr. Griffith said again.
I was tired of listening to the same old line. So I asked him, "Who says we have to correct it? Why not just leave it alone?"
"It has to be corrected for cosmetic reasons," Dr. Griffith told me.
"Cosmetic?" Ma said, before I had a chance to ask about it. "What do you mean?"
"If the curve isn't corrected it will result in a spinal deformity," Dr. Griffith said.
"You're not telling us that Deenie's going to be deformed, are you?" Daddy asked, while Ma started whispering "Oh my God," over and over again.
"I'm saying her condition has to be corrected in order to prevent such a deformity," Dr. Griffith said. "The sooner the better."
In the car, on the way home, Ma told Daddy, "Your cousin Belle had something wrong with her back … remember?"
"That was different," Daddy said. "She had a slipped disc."
"But I'll bet that's where this came from."
"I don't think so," Daddy said.
"Because you don't want to think so!" Ma told him.
I wanted them to stop acting like babies and start helping me. I expected Daddy to explain everything on the way home—all that stuff Dr. Griffith had been talking about—that I didn't understand. Instead, he and Ma argued about whose fault it was that I have something wron
g with my spine until we pulled mto our driveway. It was almost as if they'd forgotten I was there.
Eight
As soon as Daddy unlocked the front door I ran upstairs."Deenie … " Ma called. "Where are you going?"
"To my room."
"Come have a snack with us."
"I'm not hungry." I closed my bedroom door and took the S volume of my encyclopedia down from the shelf. If Daddy wasn't going to explain anything to me then I'd have to find out about it myself.
I looked up scoliosis. It said: Skoh lih OH sihs, means a side-to-side curve or bend of the normally straight spine or backbone. Scoliosis may occur in any part of the spine. It may be single (curved like a C) or double (curved like an S). Scoliosis starts in childhood or the teens. It has a strong familial tendency. Treatment includes exercises, braces or surgery.
I copied all of that down in my notebook. I didn't understand the whole thing but I got the general idea. The next thing I looked up was spine. There was half a column, none of it very interesting. But under related articles it said hunchback. So I slammed the book closed and reached for H. I copied down everything: Hunchback is a severe rounded or sharp prominence of the upper part of the back. Because this part of the back sticks out like a big hump, the condition is sometimes called humpback. Hunchback is caused by any condition that deforms the bones of the upper part of the spine. Hunchback involves the portion of the spine to which the ribs are connected. The hump results when the front part of the spinal bones collapses, spreading the back part.
The last part didn't make much sense but the rest of it was a good description of Old Lady Murray!
That night, when I was ready for bed, I read over what I'd written a few times before I made up my mind. I would have an operation! I'd let the doctors fix me up. So what if I missed a few weeks of school. It would still be better than wearing a brace or winding up like Old Lady Murray.
I ran downstairs to tell Daddy and Ma about my decision, but the kitchen door was closed and I could hear them talking. I stood next to the door and listened.
Ma said, "No one's cutting Deenie open!"
"Thelma," Daddy told her, "he didn't say they'd have to operate."
"I don't care what they say," Ma answered. "Nobody's cutting Deenie open. Doctors make mistakes all the time."
"Stop fooling yourself!" Daddy said. "The doctors are right about Deenie."
"Even if they are I'm not letting them operate. Suppose they make a mistake while she's on the table? They could cut the wrong thing and she'll wind up a cripple. Is that what you want?"
"They probably won't have to operate. We'll see what Dr. Kliner says. After all, he's a specialist."
Ma started crying. "My beautiful baby … my beautiful, beautiful baby."
"Carrying on like this isn't going to help Deenie," Daddy said.
"Oh Frank! I had such plans for her," Ma said. "I can't believe this is really happening."
I turned away from the kitchen door and ran back to my room. As soon as I got into bed I started touching myself. I have this special place and when I rub it I get a very nice feeling. I don't know what it's called or if anyone else has it but when I have trouble falling asleep, touching my special place helps a lot.
The next day, in the cafeteria, I told Janet and Midge, "I'm going to have an operation."
"What?" Janet spit out a piece of ham. "I don't believe it!"
"Is that why you went to the orthopedist?" Midge asked.
I looked around to make sure no one else could hear, especially Buddy Brader, who was at the next table. Midge and Janet put their heads near mine and I talked very softly. "I wouldn't want this to get around," I said.
"Don't worry."
"Our lips are sealed."
"Well … "I looked around one more time but Buddy wasn't listening. He was fooling around with his friends. "I have a crooked spine," I whispered. "And they have to operate to straighten it out."
"No kidding!" Janet said.
"So it wasn't your posture?" Midge asked.
"No."
"When are you going to the hospital?" Janet said. "I don't know yet. I have to see one more doctor but I think it will be soon."
"Which hospital?" Midge asked. "General?"
"I don't know that either."
"I hope we can visit you," Janet said.
"You better!"
"But you have to be fourteen to visit patients," Midge said.
"So? We can look fourteen," Janet said. "I'll just fix my hair like this … " She pulled all her hair up on top of her head. "And I'll make an old-looking face like this … " Janet looked so silly me and Midge couldn't help laughing at her.
"Listen … "I told them, giving Midge a friendly punch in the arm, "I like pink roses best!"
That night Janet called. "Can you come downtown with me and Midge tomorrow?"
"To shop?"
"No … for lunch and a movie."
"Hang on … I have to ask." I put the phone down and went into the kitchen. Ma was finishing up the dishes. She said yes, I could go downtown with my friends.
We took the bus at ten-thirty so we'd have enough time to go exploring in Woolworth's before lunch, but at the last minute Janet and Midge decided to get off in front of Drummond's Department Store instead.
"Why are we getting off here?" I asked.
"To go shopping … " Midge said.
"But you said we weren't going to shop. I only brought $3.50 with me."
"Don't worry," Midge said.
Janet grabbed my arm. "Come on Deenie!" She pulled me through the revolving door and into the store. Then Midge took my other arm and both of them led me to the elevator. "Fourth floor, please," Midge told the operator.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"You'll see in a minute," Janet said.
I tried to think of what could be on the fourth floor. "Shoes?" I asked.
"Nope," Janet said, starting to laugh.
The elevator door opened and we stepped out.
"Tell me what's happening!" I said.
"Soon … soon … "
We walked across the floor to a small department called junior lingerie. There was a salesgirl behind the counter and Janet told her, "We'd like to see something beautiful in a nightgown."
"What size?" the salesgirl asked.
"For her," Midge said, pointing at me.
I opened my mouth but before I could say anything Midge said, "It's for the hospital … after your operation … "
"So you look pretty when we come to visit," Janet added.
"I … I mean I … I don't … " I began.
"Don't say a word," Janet said. "That's what friends are for." She turned to the salesgirl. "She's having an operation … not that you'd know it to look at her, but she is."
"Oh, I'm sorry," the salesgirl said.
"She's going to be fine when it's over," Janet told her.
"I'm sure she will," the salesgirl said. "What color do you like?" she asked me.
"Ummm … pink," I said. "Either that or lavender."
We looked through a pile of nighties before we found one made of two layers of the softest nylon. The top layer was pink and the underneath was purple so when you moved it around it had a sort of lavender look to it.
"That's perfect!" Janet said, holding it up to me.
"What do you think, Deenie?" Midge asked.
"It's beautiful!" I said. "But it's $11.95."
"Never mind about that," Midge told me. "We're charging it. As long as it's what you really want we don't care what it costs."
"I love it!" I said, thinking that maybe Buddy Brader would visit me too.
"We'll take it," Janet said. "And we'd like it gift-wrapped because it's a present."
When we were outside again I hugged Janet and Midge and told them, "No girl could have better friends!"
Next we went to lunch but they wouldn't let me pay for anything even though I kept saying, "But I have $3.50."
"Save it," Midge said.
"Everything's on us."
"You're the guest of honor," Janet said. "And guess what movie we're taking you to see?"
"I don't know."
"The one at the Rialto … it's X-rated."
I started to laugh. "But how can we get in? You have to be eighteen, at least."
"We can pass for that with no trouble," Janet told me. "Just concentrate on looking old."
But besides looking old you also had to prove you were at least eighteen and since we couldn't the lady in the booth wouldn't sell us tickets so we settled for the movie down the street which was called Massachusetts General and from the pictures outside the theater we knew it was about a hospital.
There were two cartoons before the main picture and by that time we needed more popcorn so Midge went out to the lobby to buy it. When she came back she whispered, "I just saw Buddy Brader and Steve Hildrick."
"Where are they sitting?" I asked.
"I don't know. I saw them buying candy."
"Did they see you?" Janet said.
"Sure," Midge told her. "I said hello to them."
"Did they ask who you were with?" I said.
"No. They didn't say anything." I turned around in my seat but I couldn't find them anywhere.
"Are they by themselves or with a whole bunch of guys?" Janet asked.
"I don't know!" Midge said. "What's the difference anyway?"
"None," Janet told her.
I turned around again. Were they sitting near by? Could they see us? I should have worn a clean sweater.
The picture started. The first scene was of this young doctor making out with a nurse. You knew it was a nurse because she still had on her white hat.
Naturally we all laughed. The next scene showed a gory operation. I could still hear Ma saying, "Nobody's going to cut Deenie open."
Midge leaned across Janet and said, "Maybe you shouldn't watch this part, Deenie."
"It's all right," I told her. "My operation's not going to be like that."
"They're not going to mess with Deenie's guts," Janet whispered. "Just her spine … isn't that right?"
"That's right," I said.
Somebody sat down in the seat next to me then. I glanced over because Ma's told me a million times never to let a strange man sit next to me in the movies. If one does I'm supposed to get up and change seats and if the man should follow me I'm supposed to call the usher and report him.