I simply had to make that final choice, which meant I had to work on my resolve and conviction. They doubted; I had to believe.
“I wish we could tell you more,” Kota said to me. “Unfortunately…”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Please, don’t worry. You said it should be fun and we should make it fun.”
“She’s right,” Dr. Green said. “It’s uncomfortable because we don’t know what will happen. She wants to stay. We want her to stay. How could they tell us no?”
“We shouldn’t worry,” Mr. Blackbourne said. “Perhaps someone should take her home. We can finish up here.”
“I’ll take her back,” Victor said. “Or can I take her to lunch?”
“Take her somewhere random and low-key,” Mr. Blackbourne said, turning his attention to Dr. Green and Kota. “We have other things to talk about.”
This was one of the reasons I needed to belong to the Academy. There were certain things I had to leave for because they had secrets and I couldn’t be involved. As much as I was curious, I had to respect that boundary. For now.
The others talked about upcoming Christmas decorations and eventually Victor and I started saying goodbye as I prepared to go with him. Dr. Green and Mr. Blackbourne shifted boxes and gifts to other parts of the living room. Mr. Blackbourne took over my spot and said he’d help with the wrapping process to get it done.
Victor guided me toward the door.
SECRET GIFTS
I didn’t really begin to breathe normally until we were out in the fresh air, realizing I’d desperately needed that break from the conversation.
At least I was aware of what I needed to do, even if I didn’t know how to do it. For the next several weeks, I’d go over what I would say at the end of it all. I might not know what would happen between now and then, but I thought it would be like preparing for a speech in class. I want to stay with my group. I want to join and be part of their group. I appreciate suggestions, but I prefer to stay with my group.
The words repeated in my head as I followed Victor. Next to Dr. Green’s car was Victor’s BMW. Victor opened the passenger door for me. There was a chill in the air, although the sun was out and warmed the inside of the car.
I buckled in as Victor got behind the wheel.
“I hope you’re not too nervous, now,” Victor said as he pulled the car out of the drive and onto the road. “I know I was when I first went for an introduction.”
“Did they not tell you about it, either?” I asked.
Victor tightened his hands on the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white. “Normally, you wouldn’t even be aware it was happening. Us telling you about it is an exception, because of what we just talked about. I’m not sure how much I’m supposed to tell you about the process at all. But they’re all nice. All of them. I don’t want you to stress out about that.”
I sighed, lowering my head, absently looking at my shoes against the gray of the carpet of the bottom of the car. I fiddled with the zipper of my jacket, watching the light from the window spark against the silver. “Tell me what you can? I don’t want you to get into trouble, but the more I know, the better I’ll be prepared.”
He waited until he turned onto the highway, headed west toward Summerville. He leaned back in his seat as he turned on the cruise control.
“Sang,” he said, glancing over at me for a moment. “Our setup was different. We had Mr. Blackbourne and Dr. Green, who had already graduated by the time they found us. So our entire introduction and entry into the Academy might be different than what you’ll go through. We were in a lot of danger. Not myself as much, but the others were in a whole lot of trouble with their parents. Nathan especially, since he was so young and his dad was home more because his mom had just left. Then there was Gabriel. Kota...”
“Kota?” I asked quietly.
He pressed his lips together, looking out at the road with a low but steady fire in his eyes. “Nathan and Kota got along so well when they were little because they dealt with the same issues.”
Nathan’s father had been very abusive. Nathan had watched his father beat his mother, but then when his mother escaped, his father turned to Nathan, beating him instead.
Kota’s father wasn’t around now. I had a hard time picturing the scene with his mother and sister.
But could this be what had happened? Kota’s story was still in shadow. Would it do any good to bring up his past now? I sensed Victor didn’t feel comfortable talking about it, so I filed my questions away.
“Not that your parents treated you much better,” he said. “Your situation is more complicated, though.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, clutching the zipper in my fingers. “If mine ends up being different, that’s okay. You all are my team. That’s what matters.”
Victor smiled at this and flicked his eyes to me for a moment before refocusing on the road. “Just keep thinking that, Princess. It won’t be easy, but being determined to stand your ground is a good attitude going in. They’ll ask you dozens of questions, but if you keep that in the center of your mind, and really believe in it, then they won’t be able to dissuade you.”
I hoped that was the case. I was tired of thinking about it. I needed to prepare, but not right now. “Where did you want to go for lunch?” I asked.
This brightened his face even more and he pressed down on the gas pedal to disengage the cruise control.
♥♥♥
Later, we were sitting facing each other in a red booth in a small salad buffet restaurant that Victor had said he wanted to try. It was after the lunch rush; only a handful of the dining tables were occupied, and some of the staff were looking a little sleepy.
There was a long silver buffet filled with not just lettuces and vegetables, but also potato, tuna, and broccoli salads with creamy sauces, as well as a baked potato bar, various fresh breads, soups, and chili.
We’d filled our plates with heaping salads before returning to the table. I also had a baked potato and a buttery biscuit, and he had chili and cornbread.
I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I could smell the butter and potato, as well as the sweet French dressing on my salad.
“North would be proud of us,” I said to Victor after I’d had a few bites of lettuce.
“I might recommend this place to him,” Victor said. He had a hand in his lap while he ate his chili gracefully with a spoon. “I wasn’t sure if you’d like it. You seem to like pancakes.”
“I like different things,” I said.
“Apparently you like salad,” he said, looking at my heaped plate. “That’s something I didn’t know.”
“I used to join the salad line at my old school for lunch. It was usually the least crowded. They usually had more variety, and not the same chicken nugget or pizza options.”
Victor’s gaze held mine for a long moment. I often saw the fire in his eyes, but now that I was looking at him, I realized the color of his irises was brown, something I often overlooked.
Then I realized I was staring and dropped my eyes back down to my plate as I picked at my food. “I’ll try most things,” I said.
“There’s a lot to try,” he said softly. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see he was leaning in, trying to get my attention. I looked up and he caught my eye, holding my gaze. “How was it at Dr. Green’s before we arrived? Did you get a lot done?”
I was still getting used to them wanting me to look them in the eyes while we talked, but this was a little harder to do. How was I supposed to eat if I was constantly looking up?
“There’s a lot of gifts,” I said. “I don’t even remember what most of them are.” Not to mention Gabriel helped with buying a lot of them. I was very grateful he did so I wouldn’t run the risk of forgetting anything. I fiddled with my fork. “I still need to think of what to get Mr. Blackbourne for Christmas. I meant to work that out with Dr. Green, but then we got busy with wrapping.”
“Mr. Blackbourne is the hardest to
buy for,” Victor said. He looked down briefly to take a bite of his salad and then looked back at me. “So you finished shopping? What did you get for me?”
I grinned. “I can’t tell you.” I honestly had a hard time remembering. There were lots of gifts, and a few were for him, and in the chaos of wrapping, I couldn’t remember which one was from me—and technically Luke and Gabriel—and which were from the others. “I almost wish I could have gone shopping alone. That way everyone would be surprised. Kota and Dr. Green, Luke and Gabriel already know what they’re getting from me.”
Victor lifted an eyebrow. “You’d want to surprise them?”
I shrugged and then picked at my salad some more. “Just seems to ruin the fun when they know what they’re getting.”
He was quiet for a long moment, poking his fork at a slice of cucumber. “Do you...want to surprise them?” he asked.
“Gabriel has the cash I had leftover right now,” I said. “Although I’m not very sure how much is left or if it’s even enough. I mean I have a little more at home from this week, but it’s not a lot.”
Victor placed his fork down on his plate and then leaned toward me, the fire in his eyes igniting. “Don’t worry about that,” he said. “Wait here for a minute. Let me go grab something from the car.”
As he slid off his seat, my heart froze in my chest, nervous to be left alone, but as I watched Victor leave, I could see the car from where I was. I turned back toward my plate, taking the opportunity to eat what I could while he was gone. As I chewed, I kept an eye on him as he opened the trunk of the BMW and pulled something out.
When he returned, he was carrying a small iPad. “There’s no reason why I can’t give you this,” he said, and placed it in front of me, next to my plate. “Turn it on.”
Is this an early gift? It wasn’t wrapped, and the device looked to be used. It was still very nice, though. I took some napkins from the dispenser and wiped at a section of table in front of myself to make sure it was clean and dry so I could move the tablet closer. I looked at the darkened surface, found the power button and turned it on, curious as to what he wanted me to do.
The screen lit up, asking for a numerical code to unlock it.
I looked up at him, and he flashed four digits with his fingers. I entered the code and got beyond the splash screen to the front page. “Now what?” I asked.
“Use it to shop,” he said.
I raised an eyebrow, angling the tablet his way. “Victor...”
“If you’re going to start with Luke and Gabriel, then you might want art supplies for Gabriel, or get them all a game they can play with you.”
“But I can’t pay in cash,” I said. It was a nice idea. My family had never bought items over the Internet, so it hadn’t occurred to me. I realized online shopping was a normal thing and I suddenly felt silly I hadn’t thought of it. “I don’t have a credit card.”
“Here,” he said, pushing his plates of food away and reaching for the iPad. “Let me show you how to get it to work.”
He placed the iPad between us, facing me, and used it upside down to show me different websites. Some were his favorites to shop at, and others were ones he often used to buy things for Gabriel, Luke, and the others.
Then he went to a bookmarked page: a retail department online.
“I’ll show you how to use the credit card autofill app,” he said.
“Victor,” I said. I’d been leaning forward to look at him, and then reached out to stop his hand before he could touch the screen again. “I shouldn’t use your card.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Victor said. “They all use it when they need something.”
I’d not seen anyone use a credit card that was like Victor’s. Most of them had their own debit cards or carried cash. “I can...give you the money I’ve got so far from the diner this week,” I said. “To help pay for it. And I can get more...”
“Sang,” he said, his eyes brightening. “Just say thank you.”
I sighed. It was normal for them to share what they could without asking for anything in return, like when they had taken me clothes shopping. I settled back into the seat. “Thank you, Victor,” I said quietly.
“Don’t feel awkward,” he said. “I agree with you that they should get some surprises this Christmas. They’ve gone too long always knowing what they’re going to get. It’s hard to surprise them anymore. It’ll be good for you to give them a surprise, especially if they think they’ve wrapped everything already.”
“How can I get the gifts and make sure they’re wrapped and at the house?” I asked. “I can’t just get them sent to Nathan’s house. Any one of them might open a box that comes in. Or at the least, they’ll know I’ve gotten more stuff. It’ll ruin the surprise.”
Victor drummed his fingers on the table, his fingers tapping like he was playing a tune at his piano. He did this quietly for a moment and then nodded. “You’ll send it to my house,” he said. “I’ll make sure they are wrapped and will bring them on Christmas. I’ll hide them under the tree when I’m sure everyone’s asleep.”
I got more excited about the idea, liking that the others would really be surprised. “You’ll know what I got you.”
“Maybe the shop you buy from will have a gift wrap option,” he said. “But you’ll just have to trust me this year if we’re going to surprise the others. Maybe next year you can surprise me.”
I smoothed my fingers over the surface of the now dimmed tablet, bringing it to life again. I might not be able to collect all the boxes without the others noticing, but maybe I could get one sent to Nathan’s house. Nathan would understand, and wouldn’t give away my secret. I’d pretend I only did it for Victor, and then Nathan would still be surprised at his own.
I asked Victor for ideas of what to get for Mr. Blackbourne as we lingered over dessert.
“What do you know he likes?” Victor asked as he spooned out some chocolate swirl ice cream.
I went over what I knew about Mr. Blackbourne. “He likes music,” I said. “Both violin and piano. And I kind of know what types of songs he likes.”
“He composes sometimes,” Victor said. “You could buy him sheet music.”
I made a face. It wasn’t exactly the kind of gift I wanted to give.
He laughed at my expression. “What else?”
I thought some more. I tapped at the little iPad as if staring at it would give me some ideas.
When we were done, and after he paid and left a tip on the table, we walked out together, me still holding onto the tablet. Items filtered through my brain, but I dismissed them all. He had ties and that was a boring gift anyway. He already had a violin, and that would have been way too expensive, even if he didn’t.
Once we were in the car, I was ready to give up. “Victor,” I said, placing the tablet on my lap as I buckled in. “What would you get for Mr. Blackbourne?”
“I’m the one that usually gets him new music sheets,” he said. He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, heading back to Sunnyvale Court. “And I usually buy him new bowstrings for his birthday.”
I sat up straight, staring out the windshield but not really focusing. “His birthday? When is it?”
“On the twenty-second,” he said. “I try to get something sent to his house, so he gets it on the day. Sometimes I won’t see him that week until Christmas, and I don’t want the gift to blend in with the others.”
“Shouldn’t we do something?” I asked in a rush. I’d missed a few birthdays, and had barely been prepared for Gabriel’s. This time, I had a chance to prepare and do things better. That was important to me, especially for Mr. Blackbourne, who had done so much for me since I’d met him.
“Maybe we should do a little dinner. Or...” I wasn’t sure what else to do for him. Take him to a concert? Would he like that?
Victor pressed his lips together, remaining quiet for a few minutes as he drove. His eyes darted to the mirrors. “Princess, I’ve known him many years, and I
have no idea what he does on his birthday. He usually disappears for the day and tells us all he’s busy with Academy business or something else.”
“Do you not believe him?”
“I don’t think he really enjoys his birthday,” he said. “I’ve never figured out why. Maybe it draws a lot of bad memories. It’s the only time he ever really withdraws from the rest of us. I’ve asked Dr. Green about it, and he says that for now, we should just let him be. Just send him birthday wishes and gifts—from a distance.”
I settled into the seat, staring off at the line of trees whizzing by. I was curious, wondering what happens to Mr. Blackbourne on his birthday.
If Dr. Green said to leave him alone except to send a gift, it made me determined to pick one that would be perfect.
♥♥♥
For the rest of the day, I curled up in a couch or in bed, looking at the iPad. I kept a novel ready on a reading app, so when Nathan or someone came close, I’d tap on it to bring it up, claiming to be caught up in a new book.
In secret, I carefully went over gift options from every store I could find. One by one, I picked out different gifts for all of them. I had them sent to Victor’s house, and then I’d send him a text message or call him, letting him know which items were for who, so he could label them correctly.
He approved of my choices. “You should shop with me for gifts next year,” he said. “We’ll work with two iPads and drink coffee by a fire while we pick out what to give. We should do that for birthdays, too.”
I adored his idea. I told him I wanted to do that next year.
I’d still go out with Gabriel and Luke if they wanted, but I’d save special gifts for shopping with Victor.
THE SOUND OF SNOWFALL
School whirled by in the couple weeks that were left. No Volto. No Mr. Hendricks. I saw the inside of Music Room B and we cleaned the room and worked on homework as a group. We did homework that would last us several months through the next year, so when we returned, we could focus fully on the task at hand there. Everyone was busy with mid-terms and closing up school for the holidays anyway, so nothing eventful happened.