“Kota,” Luke said, although I couldn’t see where he was. “We all want to date her. And...”
“I know,” Kota said, a little louder, sounding exasperated. “I know that part. I was just telling her that. Gabe, put her down, please.”
“What?” Gabriel said loudly. “How in the world did you know?”
“You all aren’t that sneaky,” he said. “I’m family lead for a reason.”
“Oh,” Gabriel said and then finally put me down on my feet. He held onto my shoulders, keeping me steady as the blood rushed through my head. “So why did you walk out earlier and why is she crying now?”
“Because I knew about it, but I hadn’t ever...witnessed it. It was surprising and it was hard to see you and her...” He paused, frowning. He sighed and looked at me. “I didn’t mean to stress you out.”
“He doesn’t know about the plan, yet,” I said. “We should tell him.”
“What plan?” Kota asked.
There were more voices over ours as more people walked toward the camper area, perhaps to the latrines. They waved at us.
We forced polite smiles, waving back.
“Maybe not here,” Luke said. “But first—is she in the Academy?”
“Yeah,” Kota said. “At least for now. We’re her starter team.”
“Kota bought us more time,” I said.
“I imagine it’s for while she’s still in school, and while we’re on this job,” Kota continued. “So we’ve got until June, at least, before they might want to reevaluate.”
“Then maybe we should go home,” Gabriel said, looking over his shoulder. “I don’t want to get into the plan here. I don’t want word to get out what we’re up to, and then be questioned to death by a council.”
“What plan?” Kota asked. “Just tell me.”
“We will,” Luke said. “Somewhere private.”
“But if you’re cool with us dating her, then it might not be as bad as what you’re probably thinking,” Gabriel said. “Just trust us.”
Kota slowly nodded. “Okay. Let me take Sang to get her cleaned up. Have someone bring us a towel and some new clothes? I’ll find some empty showers somewhere. The rest of you, pack up everything. I want to leave right away.”
“Yes!” Luke said, raising a fist. His eyes lit up and he grinned. “No campground clean-up duty!”
“They’ve got enough volunteers,” Kota said. “And we were here early to set up. It should be fine as long as we’re picking up after ourselves.” He reached for my hand. “Shall we go?”
I nodded, relieved, enthusiastic and hopeful. “Yeah,” I said. We had a chance.
Maybe it would work out after all.
ALL LAID BARE
As we approached the camper latrine, we could tell by all the voices that it was full of people. The secret was out that these showers were nicer.
I didn’t want to go in anyway. I was afraid Carla and Lake or any of the others were in there, and I couldn’t face them now.
I told Kota this and he agreed to walk with me to the other latrine. He promised to scope it out and ensure I got a space to myself. We’d wait if we had to.
It took us some time to get there. Once we did, the only noise was from the girls’ side.
Kota peeked in the boys’ area and then looked back out at me. “No one’s in there,” he said. “You can clean up in here.”
He reached for my hand and led me in. Compared to the camper latrine, this one looked so much more dingy, with the paint peeling from the concrete block walls, the rusty sinks, and the spider webs up in the corners.
I could deal with that for now.
I used the toilet first and washed my hands. As I did, I looked at Kota, leaning on the sink next to mine, doing something with his phone. The door was closed. “Did you lock it?”
“It’ll be fine,” he said. “If anyone comes up, I’ll tell them...something.” He finished with his phone and slipped it into his pocket. “Someone’s bringing soap and other stuff. Do you want to...uh...” His cheeks turned red. “Hop...hop in the shower?”
I bit my lip, shaking my head. “I’ll...just wash in the sink...” I reached for the water, intending to wipe my face. I could feel the streaks of tears across my cheeks and I imagined I looked like a mess.
“Sang,” he said, with a tight smile. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’ve got sand all over, and you’re filthy. I don’t care personally, but I wouldn’t want to get sand all over North’s Jeep. He’ll complain for months if it gets everywhere and he can’t vacuum it all out. He still swears there’s sand in his bike after you all went to the beach.”
Now that he said so, I could feel the sand in creases, the dirt in my hair.
“Turn around?” I croaked as the panic rose in my throat. “Maybe you should stay by the door?” My goal was to shoo him out, wash very well in the sinks, and fake it until we got home.
“Don’t worry about someone coming in,” he said. “I locked it. That should be good enough. I’ll answer it when someone comes with soap and clothes.” His cheeks reddened again. “Oh, do you mean…I’m not going to look. I swear.”
I had to agree. It wasn’t about him possibly seeing me naked.
He faced the door and waited. “Maybe…should I stay outside? But the showers are around the corner. I can hand you soap and a towel without looking.”
He still assumed I was taking a shower. “I can wait for soap,” I said. I turned, and he appeared to be heading for the door. I kicked off the boots and stepped out of my jeans first, then pulled the sweater over my head. I left the clothes in a heap on the floor, hoping spiders didn’t crawl into them. I was still in a modest bra and underwear, more material than some bikinis.
I squirmed as I padded my way to the sink. Touching the cold concrete floor with my feet, compared to the clean white tiles of the other bathroom, made me feel even more dirty. Like bugs could crawl up my legs at any moment. I imagined the showers were horrible, too.
I turned on the faucet; I had to at least rinse off most of the packed-on dirt until I could get proper soap. Once I was undressed, I realized just how dirty I was, parts of me caked with sand even some bits of grass in places. I glanced in the mirror at my hair, which looked stringy and dull. I really needed a full bath.
Kota turned slightly the moment the water started running, keeping his eyes on the wall, but clearly able to see what I was doing in his peripheral vision. “Sorry, I thought…” He paused and then looked up again in surprise. “That’s not going to work,” he said. “Go get in the shower.”
“This will be fine,” I said, although I squeaked it out.
“The showers aren’t that bad,” he said and then started to look my way but stopped himself, his body going rigid. “Can I turn around?”
“I guess,” I said. He’d seen me in a bathing suit, skimpier underwear than what I was wearing now, and a towel.
He turned, looking once at me before he walked past me, toward the shower area. “Yeah, you need this,” he said. He disappeared beyond the wall. “I’ll warm it up for you. Come back here.”
I froze at the sink. “I don’t need to,” I squeaked out. He’s going to make me take a shower! I had to tell him. My heart was in my throat. “Kota...”
He came back around, and headed toward me, gesturing me toward him. “Trust me,” he said with a smile. “There’s no spiders, either. I can stay nearby and squish any if you’re worried about it.”
Spiders were not the problem right now. The sound of the shower running full blast now made me freeze. I shook where I stood, terrified. My throat closed up, I couldn’t speak. I could barely focus on breathing.
The water seemed to get louder until it was all I could hear, besides the blood rushing through my ears.
I didn’t even hear Kota until he was right next to me.
“Don’t be such a scaredy cat,” he said. “I said there’s no spiders. And it’s not that bad. Come see.”
Before I could move, he scooped me up
, carrying me toward the showers.
Panic washed over me, and I clung to him. “No!” I squeaked out, but it was so light. I tried to hold tight to him, but my body wasn’t working. I couldn’t grip. I tried to squeak out more words, but they caught in my throat as the shower got even louder the closer we got.
“Sang, calm down. North would have a fit if you got into his Jeep so dirty. I’ll go in with you if you’re so afraid a spider will get in there. Nothing to be afraid of. I’m here.”
I tried to get him to drop me to stand, but he was strong. I couldn’t get the words out past my throat, my breathless whispers falling on deaf ears.
Once Kota passed the wall into the actual shower area, my eyes darted everywhere. The rusty shower heads. Several poking out of the wall.
Like the showers at school.
The paint was peeling from the walls here, too. The concrete slab floor had a simple drain in two spots where water was already running into it.
Kota put me down on my feet but my legs were boneless and I sunk down, crouching with my face on my knees. I wrapped my arms around my body, making myself into a ball.
I couldn’t move. I could barely breathe. The echo of the shower was deafening. I didn’t even hear Kota getting undressed. I didn’t notice anything until he picked me up again, in his arms.
“Come on,” he said. “No spiders, I swear. There’s no one else here. We’ll go in together. I know it’s a lot of rust and looks dirty. Two minutes and we’re done. I promise. I know after I’ve had a stressful day, a shower always perks me up. Don’t let the rust scare you.”
He was using such a soothing voice. He thought I was just tired and overwrought. He didn’t understand.
I couldn’t speak, but inside, I was screaming.
I can’t go. Please, don’t make me.
I gripped his shoulder and pressed my face into his shoulder. I was too weak to hold stronger, and my throat closed up.
“No spiders,” he said, his voice rising. “Sang, stop panicking. What’s wrong with you? It’s just a shower.”
There was something terribly wrong with me.
Water splashed down onto my face as Kota held me.
Blackness swallowed me up.
♥♥♥
“Princess,” Victor’s voice sounded far away.
It felt like he’d woken me from a deep sleep and I struggled to remember why I’d been so tired.
Hands were on my shoulders, but I was lying on something cold and hard. I was wet, and confused, wondering why I was so cold.
The hands gently shook my shoulders. “Sang,” Victor called again, sounding closer this time. “Wake up.”
I couldn’t for some reason. Maybe I was dreaming. My return from sleep took so much effort, and I was using that effort to breathe, and I couldn’t breathe enough for my lungs to feel full, and to give me the energy to wake further.
“I don’t understand,” Kota’s voice echoed, but it was strange. High pitched. “I thought she was overtired and worried about maybe being alone after today and didn’t like the dirty shower, or was worried about spiders.”
“Spiders? Sang?” Victor scoffed, his voice getting louder. “Didn’t she tell you no?”
“Yeah,” Kota said, the power gone from his voice. “But I thought if I went in with her, she'd see it was okay.”
“When does she ever tell you no?” Victor asked, his voice firm. “Ever? You should have listened to her.” My body was shaken again. “Sang. Come on. Wake up.”
I moaned, too cold to move. My lip trembled. I was awake, but my body was stiff. I couldn’t lift my own arms.
A towel was wrapped around my body. Victor pulled me to sit up. I could smell the moss and berries.
“We should get a doctor,” Kota said. “Maybe it’s her blood pressure. The hot water...”
“It’s not the temperature,” Victor bit out. I’d never heard him so angry, so loud. “She can’t take showers.”
“What are you talking about?”
Victor held me, held my cheek, warming me a little with the towel wrapped around me. “Don’t cry,” he said softly. “I’ll take you home.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until then. I sniffed and tried to whisper. “I was trying to wash up,” I said. “North...so North’s Jeep wouldn’t get dirty.”
If they’d give me a minute, I could wash. I’d do anything they wanted. Just not the shower.
Victor kissed my forehead. “No, Princess. You can ride home with me. We’ll go to my house.” He picked me up, holding me close. “I’ve got that big tub, remember? You can stay in there all day. I don't care if my car gets dirty.”
“Wait,” Kota said, and I sensed him moving closer, blocking Victor. “I don’t understand. What happened to her? Why can’t she take a shower? What’s this about?”
“How would you feel if your mother tied you up in the shower, with the water running over your face for hours and hours and left you there, not caring if you died?” Victor said, his voice firm, but not as loud as before. “How do you think you’d feel about showers then?”
“But...she...never said...”
“She was embarrassed,” Victor said. “But she told me. At the time, we were dealing with Volto, and she said she didn’t want to bother anyone with it.”
“Then you should have told us.”
“It wasn’t life and death at the time, and she wanted to tell you herself,” Victor explained and I was so grateful that he could speak for me. “She can take baths, and it wasn’t interfering with her health, so I let her take her time with it. She’s had enough to deal with. What she doesn’t need is you not listening to her when she says no to something. Now get out of my way.”
There was no resistance from Kota and Victor walked toward the door.
Silas was there, holding the door open, looking in.
I was wrapped well in a towel, and then another one, so I was covered, but knowing Silas was nearby, and probably the others, too, I buried my head into Victor’s shoulder, ashamed to look at any of them. Afraid to see even more strangers’ faces who would wonder why Victor had to carry me in a towel.
He walked endlessly, and I kept my eyes firmly closed and just held on, breathing in his calming scent.
When he slowed, I opened my eyes to find Silas had run ahead of us, and now was holding Victor’s front passenger door open.
Victor placed me inside, tightening the towel around my body.
“Princess,” he said, and he put a warm hand on my forehead, focusing on my face. The fire of his eyes had risen to an inferno. “You’ll be okay. I’m taking you to my house. Are you okay with that?”
I nodded.
He looked over his shoulder, to somewhere I couldn’t see, and then back at me. “The others are going to follow us. They are going to stay nearby. Are you fine with that?”
I nodded again. They all had to know now that I was messed up. More than they could have imagined.
He leaned in, kissed my lips softly and then strapped me in with the seatbelt. “Hang in there,” he said. “We’re leaving.”
I settled back into the seat, my eyes closing. I didn’t want to see any more.
♥♥♥
It took a while before Victor returned. Kota and Gabriel got into the back seat. Victor started the car and backed up out of the camp site.
I was the worst camper ever.
The drive was quiet the whole way. I stared ahead at the road, the towel wrapped around my body like a blanket. The wetness of the bra and underwear was chilly, but I eventually warmed. It was a little uncomfortable, but I was unable to move to get them off. Victor held the wheel tightly, his knuckles nearly white, as he sped along. I could only guess how many miles an hour he was over the speed limit, but it felt like a lot.
I couldn’t look at Kota and Gabriel. Staring ahead was all I could do.
It felt like eons before we were finally rolling through downtown Charleston streets. I covered myself more, thinking strangers c
ould look in and see that I was basically naked.
When we were finally at Victor’s large yellow house, the entrance gates opened for us. Victor parked the car as close to the house as he could, one of the front wheels in the yard. He threw the car into park and jumped out immediately, leaving his door open. The car dinged to remind him the keys were still in the ignition.
Before Kota or Gabriel could even move, Victor had yanked open my door, had my seatbelt off and was already pulling me out of the car.
“I’ll take her,” Gabriel said in a small voice.
“Go run ahead of us,” Victor commanded, a tone as strong as the one Kota usually used. “Go fill the tub. I’ll bring her up.” He lifted me carefully out, so he could scoop me up, an arm under my knees and another at my back.
Gabriel ran off, disappearing into the house.
“I can help,” Kota said, somewhere out of view. “Let me carry her.”
“You’ve done enough,” Victor spat back at him. “Hasn’t she been through enough this week? Then you had to go and force her into the shower.”
“I didn’t know,” Kota said, sounding helpless. “She should have trusted me enough to tell me she was afraid...”
Victor stopped on his path toward the door to face Kota full on. “You should have listened,” he barked. He held me tighter to his body. “She told you no. She has never, ever, told you no, even when she’s not sure of what she wants. This girl would rather suffer in silence, would rather go through hell than disappoint you. We told her to go with the girls, and she did, even though it killed her to do it. We ask her to go into danger with Mr. Hendricks all the time, and she does. Now the one time she’s telling you not to make her do something, you don’t listen to her? How is she supposed to trust you when you do something like that?”
I loved Victor for defending me. I did. I loved Kota, too. I wanted to tell him so. He’d made a mistake. I wasn’t as upset as Victor was. It also wasn’t totally his fault, as I put myself in such a position.
Kota said nothing. He bowed his head, looking at the ground.
Victor readjusted me in his arms. He was strong, but he couldn’t hold on to me forever. “I can’t even talk to you right now. I’ve got to get her upstairs.”