Jase handed her a glass and she took a hearty swallow, having forgotten that while she enjoyed a bourbon from time to time, she wasn’t built for gulping it. Coughing into her hand, she tried to wave Jase off when he rubbed at her back and let out another low laugh.
“Slow down, slugger. It’s not Gatorade.”
She shook her head. “I know. Nervous, I guess.”
The hand at her back stilled, and then it was gone and Jase was putting another couple of inches between them. “Maybe this was a mistake. Em, I can go.”
“No, you’re here,” she assured him. “Stay.”
It was better to get this out of the way.
Jase seemed to be trying to read her face, but then he nodded. “I’m sorry about the other night at the party. I haven’t really been myself since we split up. It’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have been all over you like that.”
“I might have overreacted. I just wasn’t expecting to see you there.”
“I should have warned you, done something so you would be prepared. I shouldn’t have been so pushy… If you can believe it, I actually started out with closure in mind.”
“Closure?” She laughed. “Wow, that’s quite a wrong turn.”
Jase smiled. “Tell me about it. And then it was just this eruption of words. The stench of desperation.” He rubbed a palm across his jaw, the amusement leaving his eyes. “The acute awareness that letting you go was killing me.”
Not trusting her own emotions, she closed her eyes. “Jase.”
“I know. I did this. We’re where we are because of me. Because I wasn’t man enough to take the risk that mattered most. And worse than that, I couldn’t even see what I was doing or what it was going to cost me. I was wrong.” She looked back to him then, the pain in his eyes making her ache almost as much as the words themselves. “But what you said, Em, you were wrong too.”
Wrong to let herself get in too deep? “To fall in love with you?”
It had never been part of the plan.
And knowing what she did about Jase, it had been a reckless gamble she never should have taken.
“No. Christ, not that. Never that.”
“Then what?”
“I’m talking about what you said the other night—about falling in love with a lie,” he answered gruffly. “I swear to you, what we had wasn’t a lie. We were real. So right that I didn’t know how to handle it. The only lie was the one I told myself.”
Breath held, she waited for him to explain.
No more risks. No more exposing her hopes and vulnerabilities.
“I let myself hold on to the idea that you’d been unfaithful because it meant I didn’t have to trust you completely. Because it gave me an excuse to hold back just that much. So if in the end, somehow, you turned out to be like my mom, I could pretend it wouldn’t be the world-shattering devastation it most definitely would be. So I could say I’d known what I was getting into and maybe not feel like such a fool.”
There was her answer.
Heartbreaking as it was, now she understood.
Only what good did it do her—or either of them—now? There wasn’t any solace in knowing she’d never had a chance. That the woman who’d created this amazing man had damaged him in such a significant way, he was incapable of trust.
Emily sat back. Maybe she wanted that drink after all.
After another sip, one that didn’t leave her breathing fire, and then another after that, she closed her eyes, wishing so much that things could have been different between them. At any stage along the way.
“That’s…very sad, Jase,” she whispered.
“It’s going to change. I’m through letting a bunch of twenty-year-old bullshit dictate my life.” He turned so he was facing her, one knee on the floor as he took her hands in his. He looked up at her, determination burning in his eyes. “I love you, Emily. And I’m going to fight for you. I’m going to fight for us.”
She shook her head, tears filling her eyes.
Because she knew better. She was through with destructive relationships.
“It’s too late, Jase.”
The muscle in his jaw flexed but he didn’t look away.
“It might be,” he answered, the words sounding pained. “I’m the one who keeps screwing up. I’m the one who keeps making mistakes, and the worst of them was making you feel like there wasn’t any room for you to make a few along the way. So if I can’t change your mind, I’ll understand. But I have to try, Em.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Jase,” she whispered, meaning it with all her heart. There’d been too much pain between them already.
“And I don’t want to be the kind of man who lets the best thing that ever happened to him go, because he wasn’t willing to take a risk.”
She didn’t know if she had it in her. One more risk. Putting her heart on the line for the one man with the power to break it.
“What do you want?”
“A chance, Em.” He swallowed. “Just a chance to show you I’m the kind of man you deserve.”
Just a chance. It sounded like such a small thing.
“And if I say no?”
Jase closed his eyes and shook his head as if bracing himself for the words to come. “Then I’ll kiss your cheek at the next wedding. I’ll make you laugh and smile while we have our dance. And when it’s over, I’ll walk you back to your date. But in the interest of full disclosure, I’m going to iron-hand him and threaten his life if he doesn’t treat you the way I wish I’d been able to.”
A small laugh broke through the tears that had started to fall.
Jase brushed her cheeks with his thumbs, and when she looked into his face so close to hers…her world shook just a little.
Slowly, he put the space back between them.
“In short, I’ll respect your decision. Because more than anything I want you to be happy.”
God, she could barely remember what it had been like. Except she knew that before all this, she had been. She’d been happier with Jase than she’d been in her whole life. Right up until—
“Romeo.” She was afraid to ask. “What have you been telling Romeo?”
At that, Jase gave her hands a small squeeze and set them back in her lap.
“I told him to go talk to his wife.” Jase stood. “That if he kept listening to me, he’d end up alone and miserable with years of regret that he’d never be able to get back.”
Using the sleeve of her robe, Emily wiped at her last tear. Standing with Jase, she nodded. “Okay. You’ve got your chance.”
* * *
When Emily agreed, she didn’t really know what a chance entailed. As it turned out, it started with Jase giving her a smile to melt her heart and a quick, firm kiss on the cheek, followed by the promise he’d be in touch.
The next afternoon, Emily was pushing through the revolving door to her office building after lunch with Lena, a hopeful flutter in her chest and belly.
“There’s that smile we’ve been missing,” exclaimed Julia, the first-floor security guard.
Emily cocked her head and beamed. “And you’re all smiles yourself.”
“Hard not to be with all the flowers coming through here this last hour. I’ve even got a vase for my desk.”
Emily’s steps slowed as she caught sight of the bouquet of oriental lilies and spray roses prominently displayed on the front desk.
“Those are gorgeous,” she agreed, wistfully remembering the flowers Jase had brought her on their first date—the arrangement was almost identical.
Riding the elevator up to her floor, she heard a couple of girls from her office rattling on about the load after load of bouquets that had been delivered.
To her floor?
The elevator opened and she gaped. There were flowers everywhere. All the same arrangements.
/> Inside the glass doors, she stopped beside Avi, who could barely contain herself.
“They all came during lunch. Can you believe this? There are flowers for every woman in the office. I already put yours on your desk.”
Emily looked closer at the rolling cart still laden with vases. “They have cards?”
“Just with the names, but the message inside is all the same, ‘Have a beautiful day.’”
“Do you know who sent them?” Emily asked, already walking toward her office, Avi taking extra steps to keep up.
They couldn’t be from Jase.
No way.
“Probably a client.” She held up a hand and whispered loudly, “But I’m guessing it isn’t Basker Bourbon.”
No, probably not. Emily had barely been holding on to them after the Charlie Teller incident. She quickened her pace.
When she reached her office, she closed her door and turned to the bouquet positioned on top of her filing cabinet. It was exactly the same as all the others, except for the note.
Because I know the best way to get you to smile is to make sure all the people you care about have a reason to smile too.
Have a beautiful day.
~J
Emily’s phone pinged with a text. Jase? she thought, fumbling for the phone in her bag.
No, Lena. Gushing about the flower delivery to her office.
Oh, he’d gotten her. Good.
Smiling like she hadn’t in weeks, Emily checked her phone again. No message from Jase. And when she just happened to walk through the lobby again…no Jase there either.
She wasn’t disappointed. Pulling out her phone, she thumbed a reply far too simple for the way she was feeling: Thank you for the beautiful day.
What he’d done was perfect.
Almost as perfect as the surprise Emily got four days after that, when Charlie Teller’s assistant phoned her office that he’d give her a meeting. The minute she hung up the phone, she texted Jase, asking if he knew anything about it.
The reply…
Because I know how much you love your job, and everyone just needs a chance sometimes. Good luck.
They talked that night, like they’d talked the two nights before. And it was so good, so easy, so right that a part of her just wanted to give in. To beg Jase to come over and hold her the way he used to. But deep down she knew she wasn’t ready. She was still apprehensive about whether she was making another mistake.
To Jase’s credit, he hadn’t asked to see her.
For now, talking and texting were enough.
Chapter 26
August
“So what’s the deal with you and Jase?” Sally asked, bouncing gently from foot to foot while Gloria dozed against her shoulder.
Emily opened one cabinet and then another, finally hitting the jackpot on the third. “Pita chips!” she whispered triumphantly, holding up her bounty. She probably should have grabbed some breakfast, but when Sally had called inviting her to come over while Romeo hit the gym, she’d just pulled on a pair of leggings and a hoodie that had seen better days, whipped her hair into a ponytail, and headed over for some baby love.
Sally nodded from the living room. “Told you I had some. But back to Jase. So it’s been three weeks now of taking it slow, huh?”
Three weeks. Of talking every night. Of Jase finding one way after another to show her that he knew her. That he cared about her priorities. And that he was willing to wait as long as it took for her to feel confident about where they were going.
Three weeks of being almost there.
Of feeling her toes wrapped around the edge of the diving board, but no matter how badly she wanted to swim, being too afraid to take that last step and jump.
“Yeah. But slow has been working for us. How about you guys?” Romeo had moved back in, and they’d started marriage counseling two weeks ago.
Sally’s voice firmed. “Good. But about the slow thing. Aren’t you starting to itch just a little to speed things up?”
Okay, so Sally wanted answers. Real ones.
No more dodging.
Emily folded herself into the wingback chair and looked up at her friend. “The slow thing is going good. Really good, I think. I mean, we still haven’t actually seen each other since that night we agreed to give things another chance. But the talking… God, Sally, I missed talking to him.”
Her friend bit her lip, blinking fast. She got it.
How could she not after what had happened with the man she loved?
“It’s like he knows me better than anyone. Like we could talk forever.”
And sometimes they almost did, not saying good-bye until late into the night or even early the next morning. It felt like he was her best friend.
“But…you still haven’t seen each other.” Sally shifted Gloria to the other shoulder. “Why?”
The question Emily had been asking herself a hundred times a day…and answering the same each time.
“Because I’m afraid. What we’re doing now? It’s safe.” Like there was still a way out if she wanted it. “But if I see him…if I let him put his arms around me and hold me the way I’ve been aching for, I’m afraid there’ll be no turning back. Sally, when I’m with him, I forget about protecting myself. I lose track of all the reasons to keep a few solid defenses in place.”
“You love him.”
Emily had been avoiding saying it, trying not to even think it. But just hearing the words was enough to make her heart thump in that slow, heavy, over-full way.
“I love him,” she answered helplessly.
Walking over to the counter where Gloria’s little SnugRide was parked, Sally carefully tucked her in it. Glancing over her shoulder, she asked, “So Jase hasn’t pushed at all to actually get together?”
“No. He said he would give me space, so he hasn’t pushed at all.”
Tucking a blanket over Gloria, Sally said something in that quiet, singsong voice reserved for private conversations with her daughter. Only it sounded a lot like “Well, maybe someone should.”
The door buzzer sounded and Emily frowned. “Sally?”
Sally spun around, hands clutched under her chin, a half-guilty, half-delighted look on her face. “Romeo made me do it!”
Then dashing to the intercom she pressed the access button. “He just can’t stand seeing Jase like this. The guy is lost without you.”
Emily was out of her chair in a blink, standing in the middle of Sally’s living room, looking from the door to her friend and back again as panic spread through her like wildfire. “Wait, why do you have your jacket? You aren’t leaving?”
Picking up the portable car carrier, Sally gave her the doe eyes Emily would never trust again. “Lena and I agreed it was probably best.”
“Sally!”
Sally turned back at the door and frowned a little. “You have some pita-chip crumbs down your hoodie. And”—she dabbed at her lips—“maybe add a little makeup or something?”
Emily’s eyes bugged. “You didn’t think to mention that before Jase was on his way up?”
“I didn’t want to tip you off,” Sally said with an apologetic shrug. A knock sounded at the door, and she quickly shook her head. “Never mind. You look fine.”
Sally swung open the door and there he was. Jase, filling the frame with that big, strong body overriding the earth’s gravitational force—because with that one glimpse, Emily already felt the pull.
“Hey there, big eyes,” he crooned, crouching in front of the carrier to stroke a knuckle over Gloria’s plump little cheek. “Your favorite babysitter is here, princess. And I wore the T-shirt you like to hurk on.”
He hadn’t seen Emily yet. Didn’t know she was there.
Looking up at Sally, he grinned. “What’s with the car seat? You girls just getting back?”
> “So…it turns out,” Sally said meekly, “I don’t need a babysitter this morning after all.”
And that’s when it happened. He stood, a confused look on his face as his gaze shifted from Sally, tracking across the living room until—bam!
Eye contact.
“Emily…” he started, but then whatever he’d thought to say was gone, and he just stared like he couldn’t look away.
“You were supposed to babysit?” she asked, only half registering that Sally had just let herself out. Why did she suddenly feel so uncertain about what to say to the man she’d barely been able to force herself to hang up the phone with at three that morning?
“Romeo called an hour ago and asked if I was free.”
That made sense. “About when Sally was calling me to hang out.”
Maybe that onset of shyness was because the only words that seemed to come to mind were the ones she wasn’t quite ready to voice. Words like “I miss you” and “I need you” and “God, I love you, but I’m terrified and all I want is for you to hold me and tell me this is going to be okay.”
His shoulders hunched forward as he shoved his hands deep into his jeans pockets, pushing them low on his hips. “So we’ve been set up. You mind?”
In those first seconds after Sally sprang it on her, she’d thought she did. But then she’d seen him, and just knowing he was that close… It was like all those little broken pieces inside her were falling back into place. Like this soul-deep bruise inside her was finally fading.
“I don’t mind if you don’t.”
“Me?” he asked, taking a step toward her, an incorrigible smile stretched across his face. “Hell, no. I’ve been going out of my mind not seeing you, but I was afraid if I did, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from doing something stupid like…” His eyes dipped to her mouth and lingered just long enough for her to almost be able to feel what he was thinking. “It doesn’t matter. Check me out.” Pulling his hands from his pockets, he pantomimed ripping his T-shirt open, Superman-style. “Man of steely restraint, here.”
Yeah. She saw.
“Because you care more about me being sure than you do about getting my mouth under yours?” she asked, giving in to that pull she couldn’t resist and taking the first step toward him.