As I went to school on that beautiful Friday morning, I couldn’t stop thinking about my date with Marcus. Well, I wouldn’t call it quite a date, more like two friends getting together and hanging out. Even if I were still with James, I would still want to see and talk to Marcus. He was like my brother, and he made me happy. He always knew how to make me smile and make me laugh. He would play games with me and let me vent all of my problems and frustrations to him.
His knowledge and wisdom went way beyond his years. He was the one person I always knew I could count on.
I got to school and jumped out of the car with a beaming smile. Nobody seemed to notice, but I didn’t care. I was feeling great and nobody was going to bring me down.
I walked to my locker and saw Ariel at hers. Her locker wasn’t too far away from mine, and I knew I needed to apologize to her. I hadn’t been a great friend and yelled at her when she was only trying to help me and be there for me.
I walked over to her and gave her a giant hug.
“What’s this for?” she asked with a smile.
“I was mean to you the other day and you didn’t deserve it,” I replied. “You were trying to be a good friend and I see that now. I just want you to know I am sorry for the way I acted,”
“It’s OK! I’m not mad at you!”
“It’s just that James and I broke up and I was feeling really down on myself and I took it out on the first person to come along.”
Ariel gasped. “You two broke up? Why?”
“Because of the fight he was in. I just don’t like that and thought it was better if we took a break.”
“I get ya. If someone gets that mad you never know if they would do it to you.”
As we were talking, the bell rang.
“Are you ready for the test today?” she asked.
“Test? What test?”
“Oh yeah, you were gone. We have a history test today. I don’t think it will be too bad, though.”
Great, just great. Since I had been gone, I didn’t even know about this test and now I was going to fail it. Even when I was there I was so obsessed with James and everything that I wouldn’t have paid attention anyway.
We had history first today. Our school ran on a variable schedule. It basically meant our classes rotated and changed depending on the day. They said they did this so that people like athletes and those in clubs wouldn’t miss out as much. They also said it made us smarter somehow and that it prepared us for life.
I think it was all made up, but I didn’t mind it too much. It was better than doing the same thing at the same time every day.
We walked into Mr. Quigley’s class and grabbed our seats. Everybody was looking over their notes and worksheets as I just sat there like an idiot. I didn’t have any of these things. This was the most unprepared I had ever been for a test in my entire life.
“All right, class,” Mr. Quigley said. “Today we have an exam on the Spanish-American War. You will have the entire class period to work on it. When you are finished, please bring your exam up the front and then work quietly at your desk until it is time to leave. Good luck!”
Mr. Quigley handed out the exams individually and I sat there staring at the paper without a clue. My heart rate increased a little and my palms started sweating. Everyone made it look so easy. They were marking down their answers as if it was all common knowledge.
I started reading the questions and got lucky because I knew a few of them. I filled in answers for the rest and took my exam up to the front of the room. I was the twelfth out of twenty-two students to be done, and I felt okay about it.
I went back to my seat and took out my notebook. I had no idea if I even had other homework to work on at this point. I sat there doodling as I periodically glanced up at the clock to see how close we were to leaving. It would feel as if ten minutes would go by until I would look at the clock and see only two really had passed.
I counted down the minutes until finally the bell rang.
“Thank you everybody for your hard work,” Mr. Quigley said. I will grade the exams and hand them back to you on Monday. Have a great rest of your day and a great weekend!” I grabbed my things and walked out of the class. Next up was math, and I was very nervous. Math was a subject I couldn’t miss. If I turned my head for just one second, I might miss ten formulas that just happened to be the most important I could ever learn.
I went to my locker, got my book and started heading to math. I just knew I was in trouble. I knew my grades were going to suffer.
I went into class and sat down. I looked around and saw everybody looking over worksheets and their books.
“Oh great,” I thought to myself. “What did I miss?”
The teacher walked in and started going over the previous day’s material. I knew it. I learned this stuff last year at my old school. I felt a sigh of relief as I took out my book and started taking notes. I was saved.
The day went on and I found myself doing better and better. I was grasping material easily, and didn’t seem to have any problems with anything.
James hadn’t been at school all day. I kind of liked it. I still loved him, but knew if he were there, things would only be harder for me. I knew it would be almost impossible for me to be at one hundred percent with him standing at my locker or looking at me in class.
My last period of the day was gym. I went into the locker room, got changed and came out to hear Mr. Callahan speaking.
“Today we have a free gym day!” he said to the applause of the students.
“You can walk the track, play basketball, volleyball, or anything you’d like. Just try to stay active and don’t stand around,” he added.
I went over to Ariel, Greg and Taylor as we started walking the track. Many of the other students decided to casually walk the track so they could talk with their friends. It was basically a giant social hour as far as we were all concerned. I saw Cara playing volleyball off in the distance, but I wasn’t really worried about her.
“Are you guys going to the track finals?” Greg asked.
“We made the finals?” asked Taylor.
“Yeah, it was just found out this morning,” Greg said. “They are having them next Saturday night. I guess it is a huge deal or something.”
“Yeah, I’ll go,” said Taylor. “Do you guys want to come with me?” she asked while looking at Ariel and me.
“I’d love to go,” I replied. “It would be nice to get out of the house and do something to support the school and our friends.”
“You can count on us being there,” Ariel said, smiling.
“Where has James been?” Taylor asked while looking at me.
“Let’s not talk about him,” Ariel replied while signaling Taylor to be quiet.
“No, Ariel, it’s fine. We broke up and I’m not really sure where he is,” I said.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Taylor said.
“It’s quite all right. You didn’t know,” I said, smiling at her.
We continued to walk the track until class was over. The bell rang and everybody ran to the locker room to try to get changed as fast as they could. You could’ve let a bunch of rabid dogs loose and they wouldn’t do as much damage as a bunch of teenagers trying to get dressed as fast as they could.
I walked out of school feeling good. I wasn’t broken anymore; I was starting to fix myself. I also couldn’t wait to see Marcus. I knew he would brighten my day.
I got into the car and we proceeded to drive home. The sun was shining down through my window as if a sign from the heavens. I looked up and smiled.
I arrived home and ran upstairs to see if Marcus was online. I wasn’t sure why I was so excited to talk to him, but I was. I wanted to see what we were doing tomorrow and whether he wanted to go do anything fun. I still needed to explore this city some more.
I opened my computer and got online. He was on! I smiled and proceeded to message him.
“Hey!” I said enthusiastically.
“Hey you,”
he replied back with a smiley face.
“I was wondering when you wanted to hang out tomorrow.”
“Would two work for you?”
“Yeah. What do you want to do?” I asked.
“Just hang out and talk.”
“You don’t want to go anywhere or do anything?”
“I thought we could just hang and talk about everything. I hope that’s okay.”
It was okay, but it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to go do something, not sit on the smelly pier watching the boats go by. I thought it was a little weird, but I just wanted to see him. In the end, it really didn’t matter where we hung out as long as we were hanging out together.
“Yeah that’s okay,” I said. “Maybe next time we can go somewhere?” I replied with a smiley face.
“Yeah, that sounds good,” he replied back with a smiley face.
“Juliet, can you come down here please?” I heard my mother yell.
“Yeah, one minute!” I yelled back.
“I have to get going,” I told Marcus. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”
I logged off and went downstairs to see what my mother wanted.
“Your father and I are going to Cheshire tomorrow for the day. Do you want to go with us?” my mother asked.
This was perfect. If they leave, I can sneak out and be back before they even get home. I will get to see Marcus easier, and won’t have to worry about them.
“No, I have a lot of homework to do this weekend. You two go on ahead and have a date. It will be fun!” I said with a smile.
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel left out.”
“Mom, I’m sure. You guys never spend time with each other anyway. It will be nice if you go out and just have a day to spend together. I’ll be fine.”
“Well, okay then. We’re leaving at noon and most probably won’t be home until seven. I will make you lunch and dinner and leave it in the fridge.”
“Okay, that sounds great,” I said, smiling.
Things just kept looking up for me. It wasn’t that my parents were so strict they wouldn’t let me hang out with anyone, but with all of the attacks and robberies and everything going on, they were overprotective. They didn’t want anything to happen to me and for good reason. I was their only daughter.
“I have some good news,” I said.
“What is that, dear?”
“Our school made finals for track. We are having it next Saturday.”
“Oh, that is great! Are you going to go?”
“Yeah. I am going with a few friends to support the school and the team.”
“That is wonderful, dear.”
My mother always had these great replies. It was really as if everything in the world was great and nothing could go wrong. I could tell her I dropped out of school and joined a band of traveling gypsies and she would think it was wonderful. Sometimes I wondered if she was really listening or if she just programmed herself to give these answers. Maybe my mother was really a robot.
I went back to my room to try to decide what to wear for tomorrow. I liked to make good first impressions and I wanted him to have a really great one. I saw some clothes in the corner of my closet and picked them up to see what they were. They were the clothes I wore to James’s house when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I put them up to my face and inhaled; I could smell him on them. His scent laced every inch of my shirt and I breathed the aroma deep into my nostrils. I held the shirt to my chest as I closed my eyes and remembered that night. It was one of the most magical nights of my life.
I didn’t want to get rid of the memory of that night or James’s scent. I folded the shirt up and placed it inside the top drawer of my dresser. I wanted something to remember him by, and his scent was the best thing I had.
I stopped and reflected for a moment before resuming what I was doing. I couldn’t get too caught up thinking about him again. I was going to see Marcus not too long from now and I wanted to be my best for him. Even though I wasn’t sure anything romantic would happen between us, I didn’t want to be sad around him. We had both waited a long time for this moment and I didn’t want to spoil anything. I at least owed him that much.
I picked out a cute outfit but decided not to wear it or show it to my parents so they didn’t get suspicious. If they saw me all dressed up tomorrow, they might catch on to what I was doing and not leave for the day. Then I would lose out on this opportunity and I couldn’t risk that. If it took this long to even hang out, who knows how long it would take if I had to bail.
I hung up my outfit in my closet and closed it so nothing would be visible. I was so close to meeting my best friend. My excitement was unbearable.
The next morning I woke up and jumped out of bed. Today was the big day! I wanted to dance around and yell, but I knew I couldn’t. I had to stay safe.
I went downstairs and tried to act disinterested around my parents. If I acted too happy or suspicious, I knew they would catch on. After all, my father interrogated people for a living. He could tell a lie from a mile away.
I sat down for breakfast and started small talk with my parents.
“So, what are you two going to do today?” I asked.
“I have some business to attend to for a few minutes,” my father said, “but after that we are going to check out the town. They have really nice shops and restaurants up there. Are you sure you don’t want to go? There is still time.”
“No, I shouldn’t.” I shook my head. “I have a lot of homework to do. I have a test next week and I want to make sure I’m prepared. Midterms will be here before you know it. Besides, you two need some time alone,” I added, trying to take his attention away.
“Well, I’m proud of you for taking your schoolwork seriously to put it before having fun. It shows a lot of maturity and responsibility,” he said.
If only he knew what I was really doing. I felt a little bad for lying right to their faces, but I knew I had to. I didn’t want my father to meet Marcus and ask him dozens of questions before I even had a chance to talk with him.
My parents got up from the table and started gathering their things to leave.
“Honey,” my mother said. “I made you lunch and dinner and they’re in the fridge. If there is an emergency I put numbers on the fridge. We will be back around seven or so. I love you!”
“OK, thank you! I love you too.”
I closed the door behind them and waved as they drove away. Once they were out of sight, I ran upstairs and started gathering my things for the day. It was already eleven and I knew it would take me two hours to get ready and half an hour to even get there. I rushed to get ready and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked hot. I tried to keep it conservative and nice while also making sure he thought I looked pretty.
I looked out all the windows casually to make sure there wasn’t anybody out there. I could see my dad having someone out there make sure I didn’t leave. I inspected every inch outside and didn’t see anyone at all. I snuck out the back door and started to make my way to the pier. This was it. There was no turning back now.
I arrived at the pier fifteen minutes early. It smelled like old, dead fish, but I didn’t mind it too much. I sat on an old, worn bench and looked around to see if I saw him anywhere. I had a slight knowledge of what he looked like from the video chat we had done. The minutes grew closer and closer to two, but I didn’t see anybody anywhere. Other than the fishermen and workers on the boats, there was nobody.
I waited. Two o’clock came and went and nobody appeared. No texts either. Finally, at 2:20, I began to worry that he was standing me up. But I couldn’t believe he would do that to me. Had I been naive to think he would actually show up? Maybe after it took so long to even see his face, I should’ve known.
“Juliet?” I heard.
I looked around and didn’t see anybody.
“In here,” I heard the voice say again.
I looked and saw somebody standing in an old subway stairwell.
&nbs
p; “It’s me,” he said.
It was Marcus. He was standing in the stairwell opening trying to hide himself.
“Come here,” I said.
“I can’t. You’ll be scared,” he said.
“No, I won’t. Why would I be scared of you? You’re my best friend.”
“You’ll be scared because I don’t look like you. I don’t look normal.”
“Marcus, don’t be stupid. Just come here.”
“Promise you won’t scream?” he asked.
“I promise,” I said.
He walked out of the shadows slowly. I instantly saw what he meant. He was different from me. He was an androidian.
I was shocked but also confused. I didn’t scream or shout or even yell. I didn’t even flinch. I really didn’t know what to make of the situation.
“This is me,” he said with his head down.
I walked over to him and hugged him.
“Why are you hugging me?” he asked confusedly.
“Because you are my friend and I love you.”
He hugged me back as I felt part of his cold, metallic arm press against my skin.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.
“I didn’t think you’d talk to me again if you knew the truth. Most people are frightened by someone like me,” he said with sadness in his voice.
I stepped back and looked at him from head to toe. He wasn’t entirely mechanical. He had metal plating on his arms, sort of like armor. He had a cybernetic eye and metal plating on his left hand and fingers.
“How long have you been like this?” I asked.
“Since birth,” he said. “If I had a choice, I never would have wanted to look like this. I hate it.”
“Well, it doesn’t change how I feel about you and what I think. You’re an amazing friend and person. I care about you deeply.”
He looked at me and smiled. I could tell it meant a lot to him. He was suffering, but I knew I was helping to brighten his mood.
“Would you like to sit down and talk?” he asked.
“Yeah, where should we go?” I asked.
“We can go down here,” he said as he pointed down the stairwell. “Nobody ever comes down here and the subway doesn’t run over here anymore so we’ll be safe. I’m just afraid of going outside and having someone spot me.”
“I understand. Yeah, let’s go,” I said as I wrapped my arm in his playfully.
We walked down the stairwell into an old subway tunnel. It looked like it hadn’t been used in decades. The smell of soot and fish filled the air. It burnt my eyes as I went down, but slowly subsided the longer I was there.
We sat on the edge of the subway platform. Some rats scurried by a few feet below us looking for scraps.
“Were you able to get here okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, it wasn’t too bad. Do you live close to here?” I asked.
“Yeah, not too far away.”
“Do you live with your parents?”
“No, I live with friends. There are a few of us that are like me. People that never wanted or asked for this. We kind of just stick together.”
“You know you don’t look bad.”
“Thanks, but I think I do. I can’t just go out and talk to people or go to the store. It’s impossible without being arrested.”
“Is there any way to get rid of it? You know, like reverse everything?”
“We’re still looking into that. As of now, there is no way to take everything out and be okay. There are implants in our brains, which makes it impossible to just take out. The metal parts on me are also fused with my bones, which makes it difficult without a doctor and hospital. I can’t just go walk into those places either, or else they will report me.”
“Have you tried to go to the government and tell them your story? Tell them you were made like this when you were a baby and you never wanted it and you want to lose it all. Maybe their doctors and scientists could figure a way to—“
“No, it isn’t that easy. They’ll imprison us for the way we are, they won’t care about the way we want to be. Unless we find a way to do this ourselves someday, this is it. This is my entire life,” he said with his head drooped down.
“You will find a way someday,” I said as I put my hand on his shoulder.
“Enough of that subject,” he said. “How’s school going?”
“It’s okay. It’s different from my last school. I only go there because of my father. If he wasn’t who he was, I would be in just a regular school. I’m not smart or talented enough to go there on my own,” I said.
“Sure you are.” He smiled at me. “You’re a very smart, beautiful girl. I bet you would’ve gotten in there all on your own.”
“Come on, let’s go for a walk,” I said as I got up and grabbed his arm.
He got up and we started walking down the subway tunnel. It was so amazing being in there and seeing it up close. I’d ridden a subway many times and passed by walls like these, but it was spectacular taking the time to really stop and look at them. Human ingenuity at its best.
As we walked, we saw abandoned areas where people had once lived.
“Do other people live down here?” I asked.
“Nope, not over here anyway. These areas are all really old. Probably a couple decades at least.”
Some rats and spiders crossed our path as we continued on. It was amazing being down here. I felt so alone and at peace. It felt like a place where nobody would find you or bother you: somewhere to hide.
“How long have you been on your own?” I asked.
“Probably about ten years.”
“Wow, that long?”
“Yeah, it has been tough,” he said. “Some of my friends are a few years older though, so everyone looks out for one another. It’s really hard being like this. We never asked for it. We were normal humans at one point, but were changed against our will.”
“I don’t see you for what you are, I see you for who you are.”
Marcus looked at me and smiled. He had a really nice smile. He had straight, white teeth that contrasted perfectly with his dark skin.
“How do you find your way around this place?” I asked. “It’s so dark and endless. Don’t you ever get lost?”
“It was hard at first, but I have mapping functions in my eye. Even if you dropped me off blindfolded I would be able to find my way back. That’s something that is actually useful about being like this,” he said while chuckling.
“I wish I was different. I’m just the same as everyone else. Average.”
Marcus stopped me and grabbed my hands.
“Juliet,” he said. “You are far from average. You are so special and amazing. You would make any guy so happy if you only smiled at him. There are guys out there that would treat you amazingly.”
After he said this, he stared into my eyes. I hadn’t kissed many guys, but I knew from how he was looking at me that he wanted to kiss me. It wasn’t that I didn’t think Marcus was attractive, but I didn’t think I was ready for that. I loved spending time with Marcus, but I rushed with James and I didn’t want just to rush into anything anymore. I wanted to play things safe and make sure somebody was worth it before giving them my heart.
I grabbed his hand and started walking again. We needed to start heading back to the stairwell so I could head home. I wanted to make sure I got home well before my parents.
“We should head back,” I said. “I have to get home before my parents and I don’t want them to know I’m gone.”
“Oh, okay,” he said with hesitation. “We can head back.”
We started walking back in awkward silence. Did he know I realized that he wanted to kiss me? Could I just play it off like I was clueless to spare his feelings? I didn’t know the answer, but I knew if I didn’t bring it up I wouldn’t risk anything.
We finally made it back to the stairwell and headed up to the outside. The sun was getting close to setting, and I definitely wanted to walk home while it was still light
out.
“Well, here we are,” he said.
“I really had fun with you today,” I said. “I hope you’ll hang out with me again.”
“Of course,” he said. “I really had a lot of fun today too.”
I went in to give him a hug. Even though his mechanical parts were cold, his hugs were very warm. Underneath the metal and mechanical parts was a human man who had a lot of love to give anybody who would accept it.
As we pulled away from the hug slowly, something happened. Marcus kissed me. I was shocked, but I didn’t pull away. I didn’t slap him or yell at him. I closed my eyes and kissed him back.
The kiss didn’t last very long, but it had a huge impact. He didn’t say anything after he kissed me. He looked a little embarrassed, but he just walked back down the stairwell, looking back at me before he went into the shadows.
I stood there in shock before starting to walk home. As I walked home, I kept thinking of that single kiss. What did it mean? Was it a mistake? Should I have treated it differently?
I didn’t mind the kiss, though. It wasn’t gross or disgusting. Marcus was a good kisser, but he had bad timing.
What if James found out about this? Even though he and I weren’t together, I still had thoughts that maybe someday we could work things out. I didn’t want to get Marcus in trouble.
I got home an hour before my parents. I went upstairs and changed so they would think I had been home all day studying. I went downstairs and sat on the couch trying to figure out what I wanted.
I wanted James, but now I was starting to have feelings about Marcus. His kiss wasn’t anything likes James’s, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t good. I felt like I was in the middle of an incredibly strange love triangle.
I kissed both a vampire and an androidian, and I liked them both. I had only kissed a couple human boys and none of them compared to either James or Marcus. This was something from straight out of a movie. These things didn’t usually happen to people in real life, but it made perfect sense that they would happen to me.
“Honey, we’re home,” my mother yelled from the back door.
I walked into the kitchen and welcomed them home. I just wished I could have asked them for advice on what to do.
“How was your trip?” I asked.
“Oh, it was wonderful!” my mother exclaimed. “We visited this small little shop in the middle of town. They had so many neat little things. We even got you this,” my mother said as she handed me a braided bracelet.
The bracelet was very pretty and old. It fit perfectly on my wrist and actually looked vintage.
“Thank you,” I said. “I really like it.”
“You are very welcome, dear,” my mother said, smiling.
I could tell that me liking the bracelet made her happy. Sometimes it was the little things like saying thank you that could brighten somebody’s day.
“What smells in here?” my father asked. “It smells like dead fish in here.”
What he smelled was the beautiful pier subway tunnel. My father smelled the scent of dead fish and dust that covered my skin and hair.
“I’m not sure,” I said. “I’ve been smelling it all day. Maybe the neighbors are doing something.”
“Yeah, must be,” he said.
I told my mother thank you again and went upstairs. I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling. There was this blue dot on the ceiling that reminded me of Marcus’s cybernetic eye. The dim blue hue contrasted against the white ceiling the same way his pupil contrasted against the white of his eye. It was beautiful.
I looked at my phone to see I had no new messages. I wanted to just straight up ask Marcus why he kissed me. I wanted to know what I did that would make him want to. Most of all, I wanted to know why I sort of liked it.
All I could think about was his quivering lips pressing against mine. The way he walked away afterwards as if it was nothing at all. Not even so much as an explanation.
I focused on the blue dot as I started drifting off to sleep. It kept blurring and getting bigger and bigger as my eyelids slowly dropped down.
Almost instantly, I was in a dream. Or more like a nightmare.
Marcus and James faced each other in a narrow alley between tall brick buildings.
“Marcus! Don’t hurt him!” I yelled. I tried to step towards them but couldn’t. It was like I was frozen.
“He can’t hurt me,” said James.
“Would you like to test that and see?” yelled Marcus.
James lunged at Marcus with great speed. Marcus fired a few shots from his plasma cannon but missed each time. James was too fast for him. Even with his cybernetic eye and implants, he couldn’t target somebody as fast as James while he was moving.
I watched in horror as James got up close to Marcus and punched him. The punch barely fazed Marcus. His body armor protected him against the blows James was delivering. James punched Marcus in his fleshy side, making him stumble back a few steps.
James chuckled as he found Marcus’s weak spot.
“Looks like you aren’t as tough as you think,” said James.
“Come get some,” snarled Marcus.
I yelled again for them to stop but they didn’t even look at me.
James jumped at Marcus as he raised his cannon and shot James point-blank. James flew back twenty feet and slammed into the asphalt. Smoke seeped out of Marcus’s cannon as he laughed.
“Looks like you aren’t as tough as you think, fang boy,” Marcus yelled.
As James got up, his eyes turned beet red and he started panting heavily. His fangs came down and he let out a giant roar before lunging at Marcus.
His speed was awe-inspiring. He ran up the buildings and nearly everywhere with a foothold before tackling Marcus to the ground. Their arms trembled as they each tried to pin the other’s arms.
My heart was racing as I watched them. I could see sparks coming from Marcus’s cannon. It was breaking at the seams. James saw the sparks and smiled. He knew it was soon going to be over.
James’s head started moving in closer to Marcus’s neck. He was going to bite him. Marcus was an androidian, but he was also still a human.
As James was moving in, an incredibly bright light flashed directly in his face. He yelled and jumped back, covering his eyes. Marcus’s cybernetic eye shot out a blinding beam of light.
As James was tending to his eyes, Marcus rested against the building, holding his arm. He was hurt, but he looked determined to keep going. I watched as he aimed his cannon at James and went to fire. His cannon made a few sputtering noises and spewed out some smoke. It wasn’t working.
He pressed some buttons on his arm and a small rocket came out from underneath his cannon. He aimed it at James carefully, as if this was his last shot. Likely he knew he couldn’t beat James without his cannon. He must know that he was powerless against him without it, but that if he got him now, he might have a chance.
He hit a button and the rocket took off towards James. James looked up and saw the rocket a few feet away from him. He crossed his arms in front of his chest as the rocket hit him.
I woke abruptly, in a cold sweat, panting heavily while looking all around me. It had been a dream. It wasn’t real. Why was this happening to me? Why would I have a dream about them fighting? I hadn’t even talked to James in days. But what I just experienced was far too real to be just a dream. It was more than that: it was a symbol.
I went downstairs to get some water. I needed something refreshing to try to calm me down. As I was standing in the kitchen, I looked out the window. It was dark and ominous outside. Fog gently flowed above the grass as if something big was blowing it away.
As I looked at the dim neighborhood lights, I saw a shadow in the distance. It was moving, and it was moving fast. I wasn’t sure what or who it was. It didn’t seem to have a purpose or direction. Just moving about from rooftop to rooftop. I closed the blinds and went back upstairs. I hoped that whatever it was it hadn’t seen me.
I
opened my computer silently and hoped Marcus would be online. I wasn’t supposed to be on the computer this late, but I needed to talk to him. I needed an answer for his actions. But he wasn’t online. I sighed and closed my computer. I guess I would have to wait a little longer before finding out his intentions.
On Monday, I considered talking to Mr. Garret. He wasn’t the best counselor in the world, but he was all I had. If I went to a professional, my parents would find out and then I would get questioned and have to tell them why I was going to a therapist. If I went to Mr. Garret, I would get someone not as qualified but nobody would find out. I decided to not have anybody find out.
I got to school early and went to see if he was in his office.
“What can I help you with?” his secretary asked.
“I was wondering if Mr. Garret is available. I would like to talk with him.”
“Have a seat. I will let him know you’re here.”
I went and took a seat on a hard chair as I waited for Mr. Garret to show up. I sat there for ten minutes before anybody acknowledged I was even there.
“Ms. LaVoe,” Mr. Garret said. “I’m ready for you now.”
I walked back to his office with him and sat on his couch, trying to prepare myself for what was coming next.
“What can I help you with?” Mr. Garret asked.
“I’m having a problem and was hoping you could help me with it.”
“I can sure try my best. Why don’t you tell me a bit about what’s troubling you?”
“Well,” I said. “I like two guys. One is my ex-boyfriend, and the other is a good friend who has always been there for me. Recently my friend kissed me unexpectedly when we hung out. I had a dream the other night they were fighting. The fight was very strong and intense, and I didn’t know how to feel. I sort of rooted for both of them.”
“How did the dream end?”
“Well, I woke up as one was about to go down.”
“Which one was about to go down?”
“My ex-boyfriend.”
“Well,” he said. “That could signify that you are done with your ex-boyfriend. Your mind was battling itself to figure out who you wanted, and in the end your friend won. Maybe you don’t want to be put through whatever your ex-boyfriend put you through, and this new guy beat him for your heart.”
“I’m just not sure. I had thought of the possibility of dating my friend, but that was a long time ago. I like him and all, but I am not sure I would like him as a boyfriend. I was very much in love with my ex-boyfriend though, and would most likely get back together with him if he wanted to.”
“You need to look deep within yourself and find out what you truly want,” Mr. Garrett said. “Who can give you the most safety and security? Your friend might be a better option because he might not hurt you the way your ex-boyfriend will. Your ex is your ex for a reason.”
“I understand, but I also don’t want to lose my friendship with my friend. If I date him and it doesn’t feel right, I might lose him as a friend. Either that or I won’t be as close to him anymore. Is it worth it to risk that?”
“Sometimes in life you need to take risks. What if you date your friend and it happens to be the best relationship you will ever have? What if you get married, have children and grow old together? What if you lost that opportunity by turning him away?”
I had never thought about it that way. I always thought of the friendship, and not the great potential a relationship could have.
“I’ve never thought about that.”
“Most people never do. They just focus on the little things and don’t take into account the big picture.”
The first bell rang, signaling ten minutes until school started.
“Well, it looks as if our session is over,” Mr. Garret said. “If you ever want to come in again I would love to help you more. I think you have a lot of things to think over. I am always here to help,” he added, smiling.
“Thank you. I’ll consider everything you’ve said,” I said while getting up.
I grabbed my bags and walked out of his office and down the hallway. He really knew a lot more than he let on. I really had to detach myself from the friendship view of things and really think about my feelings for each person. I owed it to both of them to pick someone. If I waited too long I might lose them both. I couldn’t live with myself if I lost them both.
Chapter Nine
Finals