Thomas nodded. “That day isn’t going to be today. Do you want a pill?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t need to sleep off my demons today, thanks. P, I’ll see you later. Thanks for today. Best ever.”
I smiled at him and swung my legs over the bed. “Sorry. I wasn’t trying to pry. He kept trying to tell me. I’d just decided to let him, but he didn’t say anything.”
I wasn’t sure about Thomas. This family had secrets. I’d have to be dumb to not realize they had lots to keep hidden. Yet they were doing me favor after favor. I wasn’t afraid. But how far would Thomas go to keep their mysteries hidden?
Thomas made a low noise in his throat and knelt down. “You have no reason to believe me. I am trying to keep you safe, too. The less you know about Quinn’s troubles or even my own, the better. I can’t blame you for having the reaction you did to the ship malfunctioning. It won’t do that on our trip to Mars Station. One of these asshats I call my brothers did something to it. Maybe just to be obnoxious. Not one of us would have caused you pain.”
I stood. “Thank you. I don’t want to cause you any more issues. I’ll be the easiest passenger ever on your shuttle.”
“Somehow I doubt that. Listen, I don’t want to overstep, but I have this ridiculous need to make the people around me … okay. You reacting the way you did, it makes sense. It should have been expected, even. I have someone you can talk to.”
I cleared my throat, dread forming in my stomach. “I don’t want spiritual counseling. I don’t feel better after whatever they tell me. Starvation. Whippings. Staying silent. It doesn’t work. Maybe I’m past help.”
He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. I didn’t know what to do; out of all of them I thought Thomas the least likely to touch me. His lips were warm even as his gaze remained cold. “I cannot believe all the things that were done to you. It breaks my heart. Or whatever heart I have left to break. I’m not talking about a spiritual counselor. Someone quite different. In fact, if you even suggested to Ari Bennett that he was any kind of spiritual counselor, he’d lose his lunch. He’s a doctor. After dinner I’m going to introduce you.”
Thomas stayed very close to me during the meal preparation. I decided to do a simple meatloaf with salad and potato salad. Anytime I reached for something, he handed it to me. The third time I wasn’t able to get my own spoon, I took a deep breath.
“I’m not going to fall apart. I only do that once a day.” He didn’t laugh at my joke.
“I don’t think you are. I’m helping.” He cleared his throat. “Unless I’m crowding you?”
“I think I’m done anyway.” I put the meatloaf in the oven and dressed the salad. There was nothing left to do but wait.
Thomas nodded. “How were Quinn’s widows?”
“Nosy and not sure if I was good enough for your brother.”
He snorted. “They love him, and he’s good to them.”
“I could tell.” I set about setting the table, stopping when Thomas grabbed my wrist. “What’s wrong?”
“You cooked. I’ll set the table. Sit down and wait until it’s ready.” He pointed to the stool by the counter, and I sat down on it.
Clay came into the room. “What is that smell?”
“Cooking food.” Thomas lay out the silverware. “This is what a house smells like when someone makes food in it.”
“Thank you, Paloma.” Clay leaned over and kissed my cheek. “I haven’t smelled food cooked in a kitchen so frequently since I was a kid. Our cook did it after our mother died. Still, somehow it was stale. Not warm like this.”
Thomas groaned. “Mom didn’t cook before she died. The fact that Paloma can cook is different from most of the women she grew up with. I’m not wrong, right, Paloma? You didn’t make dinner on Mars Station?”
I shook my head. “You read that situation correctly. I only learned to cook in the Sisterhood.”
“Must have been a shock.” Clay leaned over and pulled a bottle of wine out of a small fridge under the counter. “Seems like a red night.”
I touched the label and the side of the bottle. I’d never, ever had any. I was too young on Mars Station and alcohol was forbidden with the Sisters. Couldn’t feel the universe move if you were drunk …
“I screamed so hard and so loud my first two nights with the Sisters I lost my voice for a day. I was in utter terror. It was like my family had dropped me off into the care of monsters. I … I didn’t know how I was going to survive.”
Clay grabbed some glasses and poured three. “But you did. The other two will be down, I’m sure, as soon as they smell the food. Hope you like this one.” He took a sip of his wine. “Not bad. I bought it in town.”
“I’ve never had any before. I was too young on Mars Station and the Sisters frown on drinking.”
Thomas plopped down next to me. “Then go slow, okay? You start to feel drunk, stop. I’m really not in the mood to hold your head over the toilet.”
Clay kicked him in the shin. “I swear he’s not always an ass.”
I pushed the wine away. “He’s probably right. I wouldn’t want to do anything else to be disruptive.”
Thomas groaned loudly. “I was kidding. It was a joke.”
They bantered back and forth for a while, and I watched them. When Thomas was alone with me, he was less difficult than he was when his brothers were around. He was kind and didn’t seem to mind my presence in their life. The second one of his younger siblings came around, his back got up and I wanted to run to my room and hide.
Clay was always easy, always smooth. I wondered if he ever got rattled. He hadn’t liked it when Sister Sovereign hadn’t given in to him. I kind of thought he was used to winning—or at least getting his way. He had kind eyes, but I knew to be careful about appearances. To the outside world, Sister Sovereign had been someone to mold themselves after. She seemed so … good. I had seen the look in her eyes when she dished out punishment. I think the word was sadistic, and I hadn’t given her any consent to take that out on me.
It was hard to live with these guys and keep my guard up.
Keith bounded down the stairs and scooted in next to Thomas. “It smells like my idea of food heaven in here. Is that meatloaf?”
“You know”—Thomas laughed—“any one of you could learn how to cook. It’s not impossible. Now that Paloma’s cooking has shown us we’re all miserably hungry, you could learn.”
Keith shook his head. “Nope. I want Paloma to cook.”
“I haven’t done anything extraordinary. I can do better than meatloaf. I swear.”
Keith poured himself some wine. “Oh, Clay took out the good stuff. There must be someone special here he wants to impress.”
Clay’s cheeks tinged red. “Knock it off.”
“All right, all right.” Keith took a sip of the wine. “What are we all up to?”
Thomas kicked Keith’s chair. “My shuttle is broken. Someone screwed the code up so badly it is going to take me all day tomorrow to sort that shit out. Oh sorry, Paloma. I know better than to curse.”
I’d heard worse words, mostly from my father.
He continued speaking. “Quinn says he was busy all day with Paloma, and she’s not contradicting that. So either he’s not lying and one of you two went ahead and screwed with my shuttle. Or she’s lying. Are you lying, Paloma?”
I would never want to be really on the spot with Thomas. I hadn’t lied, and he was still making me feel like I’d done something wrong. “Not even a little bit.”
“I didn’t think so.” He pointed his finger first at Clay then at Keith. “Why did you screw with my programming?”
Clay raised his hands above his head. “Above my paygrade. I don’t know how to do that.”
Keith shook his head. “Why would I screw with your shuttle programming? Seems like a lot of hassle.”
He hadn’t really answered the question. I wasn’t going to point it out. This felt like a family thing. I wasn’t their family nor would
I ever be. Although it would be nice. Would they ever consider sharing a wife? I tried to push the thought away. The McQueens had secrets, but they were good people. They’d taken me in and helped me. They were handsome, and I’d started to adjust to the way three of them liked to touch and kiss me.
The oven dinged, and I was glad for the distraction. Thomas continued to needle the other two, and they held steady, not admitting any guilt in the mysterious reprogramming of the shuttle computers. I took the meatloaf out and started cutting it. I dished four plates and then one more when Quinn dashed through the door.
“Did I miss dinner?” Quinn grabbed the wine bottle and poured himself a glass. “I took my walk. I get to have dinner right? Like the family dog? You’ll fill my plate?”
Thomas groaned loudly. “You needed the walk. And Paloma is dishing it out. Should we sit at the actual table and try to get through a meal without killing each other?”
Clay rose. “I think it might be more likely the three of us will grow wings and a tail.”
Keith walked over to me. “Need help?”
I shook my head. “I got this.”
The energy in the room was really positive. Thomas had his shuttle messed with, but he didn’t seem particularly worked up about it. He’d been angrier the night before when I’d mistaken his comment for an insult. Wasn’t he going to get really mad about the shuttle? My family always yelled. Loudly. Or my father did, at me. At my mother. At my little sister. At the world.
Thomas sipped his wine with a smile on his face. I served dinner. Conversation was easy. No one yelled at one another. Quinn seemed more at ease than he’d been earlier.
I still hadn’t touched my wine and wasn’t going to. I didn’t want to be drunk, not when my future was so unsure. I made bad enough choices with my head clear.
There was so much male beauty in the room I might forget my promise to my future husband and myself. After earlier, I was pretty sure Quinn wouldn’t say no. Heck, Clay and Keith wouldn’t either. And Thomas would yell at us all.
“What are you thinking about?” Clay pointed his fork at me before placing it down. “Your head. It’s somewhere else entirely.”
Quinn’s face fell. “You’re not reliving it again, are you?” He looked down at his plate. “I …”
“No,” I interrupted fast. I wasn’t sure why he apologized when it came to my nearly being blown up, but I knew what would happen. He’d start. Thomas would cut him off. It would get awkward again. If no answers were coming, I didn’t need a repeat of the whole thing again.
“Then what’s wrong?” Keith chimed in.
“I was just contemplating life. It’s nothing. Anyone want more?”
Quinn and Keith both raised their hands, and Clay called out, “Me.”
“Don’t move,” Thomas instructed. “I’ll get it.”
He dished out seconds, and I enjoyed watching them like my food. This was what I wanted. The small dream I had that would likely never happen, where I owned a restaurant and people came to enjoy my food.
“So.” Thomas sat back down. “We can’t leave tomorrow because someone here messed with my computer. You’re stuck here with us another day.”
“There’s nothing stuck about it. I-I’ve never been with people like the four of you. My family was not like this one. You yell; you get over it. You seem to forgive each other without apologies. You clearly love each other. I’ve enjoyed the time. Thank you for it. I won’t forget it when I’m elsewhere. That there are people who live like you do.”
I hadn’t even known I felt that way until I vocalized it.
Quinn took my hand in his. “P, listen …”
I stood. “I’ll clear the table. You guys go do whatever you’d do after dinner.”
All four of them jumped to their feet and, before I could touch a dish, had the table cleared. A loud wind blew outside. I’d come to actually like the sound. Life blew by in a whirlwind of pain, and at least mother nature played along.
“Stay here a second, Paloma. I’m going to get Ari on the screen. Wait with her guys; don’t leave her alone.”
Keith put his arm around me. “Wasn’t planning on it.”
Clay raised an eyebrow. “Why’d you screw with his computer, Keith?”
“Who said I did?”
I squeezed his side and whispered to him. “You keep answering without answering.”
He answered as quietly. “Don’t point out the obvious to them. We need twenty-four more hours here. Trust me. I’m really, really smart. I’m a theoretical physicist. Not that my career really amounts to anything. But I wanted you to know. I’ve ended up in this situation with Quinn. Arguably, I’m just as smart as he is.”
What was I supposed to say? And what did a theoretical physicist do? “I—”
Quinn interrupted before I could finish. “You’ll like Ari. He’s funny. Very real. Not like some other people Tommy has thought I ought to speak to over the years. If you tell him to mind his own business, he actually will. See? I’m the damaged one. They like to get me help.”
Clay threw a dish towel at him. “Like anyone could ever really help you.”
Then in a blink of an eye, the two of them were wrestling on the ground. Like puppies. Clay got an elbow into Quinn’s chest, and they were hooting like the whole semi-violent exchange was actually really fun. Next to me, Keith laughed.
“Animals,” he called out yet didn’t try to stop them.
They managed to roll the whole space of the kitchen before Thomas came out of his office. He stood with his hands on his hips and stared at them a whole five seconds before he addressed me. “Don’t trip on them coming over here. I’ve got Ari all set to talk to you.”
I knew very little about Ari, and my inability to ask questions, thanks to the years at the hands of the Sisters, didn’t help this situation. I had to leave Keith’s warm embrace, which didn’t seem to bother him since he immediately crashed down onto the floor, jumping on both Clay and Quinn. They both oomphed and started wrestling him instead. I maneuvered around the group until I got to Thomas. He took my hand and helped me to not trip when they all rushed toward me in a spin.
“Is this typical?”
He nodded. “Yep. Until one of them really slams the others. Then they’ll all be pissed and retreat to separate corners for an hour. Could be worse. Trust me.”
Thomas sat me down in a chair in what had to be his office. Papers were everywhere, strewn left and right. One even seemed to have somehow attached itself to the ceiling, where it swung back and forth from the breeze of the fan. How did he function?
His computer screen was big, and on the other end a man I’d put close to Thomas’ age ate an apple and tapped his feet against his desk. That must be Ari.
“Hiya,” he said, setting down his apple. “You must be the Paloma I’m hearing about. I’m Ari.” He waved. “Weird to not be meeting in person first, but we can hook up when you get back here. I live on Mars Station. Must have just missed each other, sort of. I’ve been here four years.”
I cleared my throat and sat up straight. This felt like an interview, even though he was casual. “I’ve been gone five.”
“I’ll leave you two to talk.” Thomas nodded to Ari. “How you doing, man?”
“Well, better now you’ve given me Paloma to talk to. Get out.”
Thomas rolled his eyes but exited quickly, shutting the door behind him. I took a better look at Ari. He was very blond, of the bleached variety. He had a tan, and since he lived on Mars Station, that meant he spent some time in the swimming pool usually reserved for the guards on staff. They could train there. That was the only place on station with enough unnatural sunlight to bring on a tan.
He wore a white t-shirt, and since he had his feet up, I could see he was in a pair of khaki shorts. Mars Station had been a relatively cool place when I’d lived there. Did he not need to be dressed warmer?
“Listen, I’m going to start right out. I’m a doctor. A psychiatrist. But you’re n
ot my patient, not officially. You can’t be unless we sign some documents I don’t want to sign with you. Why not? Because that starts questions from boards who monitor me. It’s not me I’m worried about. It’s you. You’re living with the McQueens. That means things have to be handled differently. Tommy trusts me to do that, and I don’t let him down. We’ve known each other since we were kids. I’m going to handle you like I handle Quinn. Or Keith and Clay for that matter. Like you’re family. That means if anyone asks you if you’ve seen a doctor, you don’t name me. Is that fine?”
“I guess so. They’re not my family, and neither are you.”
He nodded. “Smart girl. Listen, I can help you. You can trust me. Nothing you tell me goes any further than us. I hear you’ve had a really hard time. I get that. You had a reaction to some noises earlier today. I want you to tell me what that was. There are some medicines I can get you hooked up with through Tommy’s med machine. They’ll help. But I want to talk to you first. Most importantly, if you get nothing else from this convo, you need to know what happened to you happened because of shit you went through. And no, I don’t say shit to most patients. It’s not your fault. And, yeah, we can stop it.”
He was the strangest doctor I’d ever encountered, but I liked him very much. He might even be called handsome—except I could only see McQueens’ blue eyes. All other colors seemed to fade into nothingness.
“Tell me about what happened.”
I cleared my throat. I really could have done with some water. “Well, first there was this large boom …”
He held up his hand, and I quit talking. “Before that, babe. How did a hottie like you end up with the Sisters from Hell?”
I snorted and then covered my mouth from the unladylike noise. I’d never heard that good a description of the Sister before. “Do you call all your patients babe and hottie?”
“No, just the ones I’m probably going to watch walk down the aisle towards my best friend.”
I shook my head. “Oh, no. Thomas doesn’t have those feelings for me. He’s very adamant I have to go.”