In the heavy silence, I cross the room.
“Was it something I said?” She asks.
I ignore her as I slip out onto the balcony. Cool air swoops into my lungs, the side effects of her slowly leaking from my pores as numbness prepares to settle in.
“Caleb? Your friend isn’t back yet. You’re going to leave without him?” Cassia saunters out onto the balcony behind me as I pull myself up onto the thick, stone railing.
“Drew’s a big boy. I’m sure he can handle himself.” I say as I slip my legs over the railing and let them hang.
It’s quiet in her yard, so quiet the silence is deafening in my ears.
Her one hundred and fifty foot backyard is empty. No hammocks. No trees. Not even a damn barbeque. Either her parents haven’t had the time to go and buy an outdoor setting from the store or they don’t care for outdoor activities. I assume it’s the latter.
The first half of the yard, the chunk closest to the house, is lit up by spotlights that are bolted to the roof. The other half of the sparse field is shrouded in darkness, hiding the small, brown fence I climbed in order to get into her yard. The fence separates her house from the small forest on the other side. The street adjacent to that is where I parked my car. I didn’t want to risk anyone seeing me—which Drew thought was hilarious. I admit I play on the edge consorting with girls from church, but getting caught is something I hope never comes to fruition…for my father’s sake, not mine.
“If I offended you—”
I laugh over my shoulder. “Cassia, relax. All right? I’m not your problem.”
“Funny.” She deadpans, a slight glare thinning her lids. “I’d say you are my only problem.”
I grimace. I guess she has a point. Still, I’m not stripping myself bare for her or anybody. Gripping the railing, I turn around and lower myself, holding my entire body weight with my arms. My biceps burn immediately. Fuck. How long has it been since I worked out?
I glance over my shoulder. I’m two feet away from the roof of a small garden shed. I swear the gap seemed smaller on the way up.
“Please don’t break your neck.”
I glance up at Cassia who leans over the railing, a playful, smug grin on her lips. Breaking my neck doesn’t sound half bad. I won’t have to man the church while Dad sits in the confession box tomorrow if I do.
“Do I get a kiss for the road?” I ask, pulling my body up in order to get closer to her.
She leans on her elbows. “You’re teasing me.”
I nod. “A little.”
Cassia bites back a smile she can’t stop as she stretches over the railing, craning her neck to meet me. She torments me with the briefest kiss. One that doesn’t leave tingles lingering on my lips.
“What, no tongue?”
“Can’t have you passing out and falling to your death.”
“You talk a big game, Cass.” I tell her, dropping myself onto the shed roof with a loud crash. It shakes momentarily, then stills. I breathe a sigh of relief. “Next time I see you, you better put your money where your mouth is.”
“My money?” She snorts. “You missed the perfect opportunity for a dirty pun. I’m disappointed in you, Caleb Andrews.”
Ha.
Since it’s not intimidatingly high, I jump off the tin roof of the garden shed and manage to land safely on my two feet without snapping an ankle. I exhale, flattening the palms of my hands down the front of my shirt.
“I didn’t miss the opportunity. I chose not to take it.” I look up at her, smirking. “I’m more than an incredible face with a good sense of humor, you know.”
Light hits her from behind, cloaking her face in darkness. “Right. You are also an honest, reliable, and selfless man who dedicates most of his time to the church and its people. You bend your knees in prayer every day, you never stray from the righteous path, and you enjoy giving to those in need whenever you can.”
I roll my eyes. Sarcastic ass. Wouldn’t that be nice? If the person I pretend to be at church is the exact person I am on the inside? Would I be happy if that were the case?
“You’re forgetting a few things.” I point out, stepping forward.
Cassia tips her head to the side. I wish I could see her face.
“And what are they?”
“I also cook, play the guitar, and enjoy long walks on the beach at sunset.”
Her giggle swirls through the night air as she leans forward on her elbows. “You play the guitar?”
“No.” I snort. “I’m being sarcastic.”
“Well, sarcasm aside, what do you like to do?”
I flick my tongue over my teeth. She’s good, I’ll give her that. The way she asks things in passing, playing them off as basic conversation. I don’t play the get to know you game…because, sooner or later, my hollowness will be exposed and I don’t want it to ruin the chemistry we have. That’s when I go from being Caleb, the mess of a Father’s son to Caleb, that poor, misunderstood guy.
A pity fuck instead of an epic one.
At the end of the day, I’d rather people hate me than have them feel sorry for me.
I turn away from her and start walking. It’s damn near impossible to do, especially now I have the taste of her flesh in my mouth. Her nipples were so freaking perfect.
“Thank you for the phone.” She calls out. “I’ll text you, but only if you promise to keep the dick pics to a minimum.”
“Damn.” I swing around, walking backwards. “You’re no fun, Cassia Claire.”
With a chuckle, she waves and I dip my head in response. After that, I’m facing the fence again and stalking toward it. I keep moving, forcing one foot in front of the other. Just my luck. The one night she’s alone at home without her parents breathing down her neck and I can’t even dip it in. I can’t relax or revel in her company because I’m afraid of her asking the wrong question. I’m afraid that she’ll tear down the barricade I’ve built for myself. The walls I built to hold in the demons of my past and I don’t know what the fuck will happen if they’re ever let out. I sure as hell ain’t game enough to find out.
* * * *
The woods aren’t quiet…
It’s not a raccoon, a squirrel, or an owl that’s making the racket either—not unless they suddenly sound like a moaning woman.
I follow the trail of spilled popcorn, weaving around trees and dipping under low hanging branches. Twigs crunch underneath my boots as I make my way through the thicket toward my car. Unfortunately for me, it seems like my car is in the same direction as the noise. I cringe, staying vigilant. The last thing I want is to be blinded by Drew’s white ass and swinging testicles.
“And you wonder why I forgot your name, you pussy.” A female growls out, a cry of pleasure following the insult.
I spit out a laugh, shaking my head. Fiona is insane. I knew it the second I saw her. It’s the gleam in her eyes and the curve of her glossed lips. Beside Cassia, Fiona looks like the worst kind of trouble—the kind of trouble I’d dive into if it were under different circumstances. Her rack is nice and her waist is slim, but I’m on a blonde binge at the moment. Blonde hair, blue eyes, has the mouth of a sailor, and nipples that are rationed perfectly to her breast size.
You see, Fiona is the kind of girl you go for when all you want is to bang one out with no commitments. Cassia is the kind of girl you have to risk blue balls for. It may take a while, but when it happens, it’s like riding a fucking unicorn.
And I’m due for a unicorn.
Ahead, I see the clearing Drew and I walked through on the way to Cassia’s house. In the center of it, an old Chevy rusts away.
“Oh,” I stop walking. “What the fu…”
I see the white expanse of an ass first, peeping out of the grass. It’s a male ass, judging by the way shadows pool in the muscular dimples on the sides. The full moon is bright, lighting up the clearing like it’s the middle of the day.
Groaning, I lean up against the tall, thick tree to my left, bending my leg at the
knee. Drew has my fucking car keys. He better not have lost them in the throes of fucking. He’s as naked as he was the day he was born.
I close my eyes as pleased moans bounce off the trees followed by sounds of whipping and squealing. I peer around the edge of the smooth, tree bark and over to Drew and Fiona.
“Whip me again, asshole!” Fiona demands.
Drew cocks his arm back and I squint to get a better look at what he has in his hand. It’s a damn stick—a thin, bendy stick with a single leaf at the base.
Natural BDSM for the organic mistress.
I chuckle to myself as I pull my own cell from my pocket. Cassia has to see this. I hit the camera tab and zoom in as best I can without blurring the image. I click my contact list and scroll until I see Cassia’s name—something I added after I set up her phone—and hit it. It ponders my connection before the little sent tick pops up. I smile to myself and lean up against the tree again. It doesn’t take long for me to get a response.
And here I was thinking the worst you could do was send me a picture of your penis…WHY?
C.
My lips curl as I read it, her expression forming perfectly in my head. I bet she’s staring at it, disgusted and confused. Or maybe I’m smiling because she actually texted me back. I respond to her message.
Ha. I can zoom in more if you want. Maybe get a ball shot?
An instant response. She’s a quick texter. I like that shit.
No. Dear God, no. Are you still watching?!
C.
I peer around the tree again and watch as they switch positions. Fiona climbs on top, her hoodie pulled up to expose her bare breasts. They’re nice.
I watch for a little while—until she does something to make Drew scream out in pain. Laughing under my breath, I glance down at my phone.
What else am I supposed to do? He has the keys. Also, you do know you don’t have to sign your texts with your initial, right? I already know it’s you.
Another quick reply lights up my phone.
Turn around. Gosh, give them some privacy & I know I don’t have to, but I like to. The letter ‘C’ is such a cute consonant.
C.
I smile. Why am I smiling? Because she called the letter ‘C’ cute? Fucking hell. What is wrong with me?
I’m not turning around. I’m having too much fun. Btw, your friend is into some pretty freaky shit.
It takes her a little longer to reply this time around.
…like what?
C.
If only you saw what I saw…she made Drew whip her with a stick and I’m pretty sure I just heard him beg her to stop twisting his nipples.
Another untimely response. I wonder what’s going through her—vvvvvvt. My phone vibrates in my palm and I can’t hit the open button quick enough.
Well…that’s something I can’t unread. Thanks for that.
C.
I grin.
Perhaps I should change the subject. Did you slip into something a little more comfortable after I left?
I add a bikini emoji for good measure, you know, since the makers refuse to get their shit together and add a thong one, despite how many times I’ve emailed them. The thong emoji isn’t the most important one on my list either. We don’t need a million different hearts, we need tacos, a fruit and/or vegetable that looks like a vagina, and a damn batman emoji. Where’s the priority? Where’s the justice?
Cassia responds quickly, the message timid and so fucking like her.
Caleb…are you trying to sext me?
She doesn’t sign her text off with her ridiculously cute little “C” and, believe it or not, it slightly disappoints me.
A giggle pulls my attention from my screen. Fiona and Drew scramble for their clothes.
Finally.
I tap the empty type box at the bottom of my screen and my keyboard pops up. Grinning, I push off the tree and saunter into the clearing.
“Caleb?” Drew calls out. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Before I acknowledge him, I tap the eggplant emoji a few times and send it to her.
Bitches love eggplant emojis.
I love having a phone again. It’s liberating, like an eroded stone in the wall of my windowless prison. I’m not kidding. Absence of technology will do that shit to you.
I have to hand it to Caleb. He went above and beyond just to stay in contact with me. I mean, it’s brand new and it’s on a monthly plan and everything. There’s a slight nag at the back of my head that warns me of Caleb’s intentions and what he’d want in exchange for this kind of communication, but let’s face it, it’s nothing I wouldn’t have given him anyway. Besides, I’ll pay for what he’s given me as soon as I make a little trip to the bank.
“Do you have your Bible?” Dad asks, his eyes flicking from the road.
“Oh.” I glance down at my lap and shift, peering over my knees and onto the floor. “No. I must’ve forgotten it.”
“Do you want me to turn around?”
I ponder it, then change my mind. I don’t want to be late for a second time. “No. I’m sure Caleb will have a spare.”
I thread my fingers together and rest them against my thighs, nervously twiddling my thumbs. I swear the drive to the church is the longest drive in history. I dread every question Dad asks me, loathe every dip in the asphalt in fear of losing my stomach, and detest every butterfly that breaks out from its chrysalis deep in my belly.
Before long, Dad rolls the car to a stop outside the church and I hesitate before reaching for my seatbelt.
“About Sunday dinner last week…” Dad murmurs and I pause, glancing at him from over my shoulder. “I shouldn’t have attacked you like that…and I’m sorry.”
Discomfort sweeps up the back of my neck. This is new. “It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not.” He folds his arms over his chest, resting them on his belly. “I realize we’ve been hard on you even though you’re trying hard to right yourself in the eyes of God…it’s just…” He clears his throat. “We don’t want you to make the same mistake twice.”
I swallow hard. “I get it.”
I unclip my seatbelt and open my door. Before I close it, I thank him for his apology.
An apology from my father for the way he’s been treating me is the last thing I expected on this trip. I anticipated snarky remarks and relentless attitude about being stuck in a room with Caleb, but I got none of that. He even told me to have fun as I slid from the car.
Have fun…at Bible study…which is hosted by a human of the opposite sex. While he was apologizing, I narrowed the reasons for it down to two. He’s either trying to guilt me into doing the ceremony or he’s dying. There’s no way he realized he’s been an ass on his own.
I wrap my arms around my body as I walk along a path that leads to the building behind the church. Cool wind blows, arousing goosebumps over the surface of my skin, and uneasiness dances with excitement in my stomach. What is waiting for me upstairs and why am I so damn nervous to see Caleb? I semi wish my period held out for a day longer now then I wouldn’t be feeling so indecent.
Although he climbed down from my balcony only last night, it feels like an eternity has passed since I saw him. From the moment he left he has been a permanent obsession, a thought provoking parasite eating, consuming everything until he’s all that’s left.
Caleb started as a silent infatuation, me watching him from my pew as he sat still and calm with that predatory look in his eyes. For months I watched him and he barely blinked in my direction. Now he’s a relentless face that sneaks up on me whenever I turn my back.
I don’t know why I’m so engrossed in him. Boys like Caleb have never been my type. The arrogance, the cockiness, the mindset of the world revolving around them, it’s too much for me, but Caleb…he has me hook, line and sinker.
I thought about it last night. I thought about why I feel I need him as bad as I do and why I find myself appealing to his obnoxiousness. It’s his eyes. It’s what t
hey hold. He does well hiding it most of the time, but every now and then something slips through and it’s raw and painful. It’s absolutely breathtaking. I know Caleb has suffered terrible loss...I asked my father about it at breakfast this morning before he left for work. He didn’t know much, but he told me Caleb’s sister died eleven years ago and his mother committed suicide not long after. Following that, he gave me a lecture about taking your life and what it represents in the eyes of God, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was too busy listening to the sounds of my heart cracking, creaking like an old ship in my ears.
I don’t have any siblings. I’ve always wanted a little sister, but due to a complication with my birth, my mother had her uterus removed right after pushing me out.
I know it’s not the same thing as having a sister, but once, when I was small, we had a small, white kitten I named Ghost. She was my favorite thing in the world—the closest I ever got to having a sibling. One day, she tried climbing my mother’s bookshelf. We’d just had fresh carpet laid down and the slips of cardboard underneath all of the furniture made things unbalanced. When she jumped off, it shook the whole bookshelf and my mother’s polystone statue of Virgin Mary came crashing down, landing right on top of Ghost. It broke her neck in a few places and killed her instantly. I guess the point of the story is that I was absolutely devastated, crushed beyond belief at the loss of a small kitten I claimed as my sibling. I can’t imagine losing a real human sister and the thought of being without my mother is unbearable. She’s a little tough to love, but I still do.
Unconditionally.
Same goes for my dad.
I thought about Caleb fiercely after that, contemplating if I should call him or not. If I did, what would I have said? Eventually, I let it go and kept myself busy by watching reruns of Friends. To my surprise, he texted me just after lunch. It was nothing important, but it was everything I needed to make me feel better, less tense.