“That’s all I have to do?” Everyone, and by everyone I mean Katie, tells me kissing’s instinctual – that I’ll just know what to do. Well, I don’t know anything. I don’t know how exactly to place my mouth on his, or what the fraking hell is going to happen when tongues get involved. My stomach jitters around, fine tremors dancing along my skin.
What if I suck? What if I’m so bad at this, he’s never going to want to see me again? I’ll never see Matty! And still live next door and know that my shame will never move away. Alright, my entire future is being jeopardized by this one moment – if I totally suck, I’m moving back in with my parents.
“You promise you won’t be an asshole if I suck at this?” The words are clear, but said behind a fuzzy wall of my drunkenness where I can deal with any answer he provides.
“Baby, you’re not going to suck,” he says, fingers biting into the sweats at my hips, like he wants me closer.
My left hand squeezes along the side of his neck, my bad hand resting on the back of the couch, behind Hunt’s head.
“You better remember that after what comes next.” I swallow down my nerves and lick my lips. The way Hunter’s gaze zeroes in on my mouth has those razor-tipped butterfly wings in my stomach flaying me open. Jesus. My lips start itching, like a part of me knows that he can take away the discomfort as soon as our lips start touching again.
Still staring at my mouth, a small smile tugs at his lips. It makes me feel better.
“You’re really cute when you’re nervous.”
I frown. “I don’t wanna be cute. I want to be sexy.”
He laughs, deep in his throat, the rumble vibrating his chest, and pouring into mine, next to my pounding heart – that’s how close we now are.
“Cute is sexy.” He says, fingers playing with the strands of my ponytail down the length of my spine. I shiver, squeezing his thighs with mine as the goose-bumps pebble along my skin.
“If you say so.” I take a deep breath through my nose, watching his beautiful face, marvelling at the fact that I’m here – in his lap, three point four inches from his delectable mouth. It’s enough to unravel me. “Okay, okay. Ready? Here goes nothin’. Three...two...-”
Thank you baby Jesus, he kissed me before the countdown was over!
Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. I don’t know what to do, Idon’tknowwhattodo! Oh...oh, his mouth just moved under mine, and oh god, is that his tongue? I like it, I love it.
I move my mouth under his, and frak that’s even better. Holy Tardis of Gallifrey, I love kissing. Hunter sips at my bottom lip, nerve endings I didn’t know existed flaring to life, like fireworks being ignited. The itching, the buzzing along my lips rubs against his and stars explode behind my eyes, travelling down the length of my body, tightening my nipples, making that throb between my legs even sweeter.
I need more of him. I need more of Hunter.
I may have made a noise, like a moan or a whimper as I press myself closer to his big body, squeezing us closer, abs to abs, chest to chest. My left hand goes to the back of his head, holding him to me before his tongue swipes along the seam of my lips and my belly drops out. I didn’t know kissing would feel like bungee-jumping without the rope.
His kiss consumes me, until it’s all I want, all I need in my life. Fuck nerdy shirts, movies, my books, my future. This, this is a drug I’ll take all too often if he lets me. Lava has replaced the blood in my veins, and the commands my brain is pouring out are to pull him closer, to open my mouth, to taste, to lick, to suck.
Our tongues tangle and stroke each other, the rasp of his tongue against mine pulling another moan out of me. I’m dimly aware of his fingers biting into my hips... were they moving?
He tastes like sweetness and cool metal - what a hero tastes like. I swallow down his strength, needing it to move forward. I know if he asks me, I’ll let him have everything.
With that, I pull away, heaving in air. Oh Christ, he’s gorgeous. A blush tinting his cheeks, eyes closed, mouth wet from me, lips parted to deal with his own rapid breathing.
Please don’t tell me I’m awful. Please, please, please.
“It was that fucker Tommy, wasn’t it?” Hunt opens his eyes and stares at me, sucking on his lower lip, as if still wanting to taste me after we’ve stopped. My panties are ruined forever and ever now.
I shake my head, wondering what dimension I’ve landed in. “I’m not following.” I unlock my arms from him, settle my ass more firmly on his thighs so our crotches are nowhere in the danger-zone. His hands are still on my hips – proprietary, possessive. Why do I like that so much?
“That fuckwit, Tommy. Your friend with the mouth. He told you you were bad?”
My jaw unhinges and my mouth hangs open. “You think...? You think...Tommy and I?” Jesus, Sera. It’s not hard. Tell the man the fraking truth. “No. It wasn’t him.”
“Which one of your boys did it? Who lied to you?” His eyes blaze, and his mouth sets into a grim line. A thrill passes through me that I’m causing this reaction from him.
I’ve gone and swallowed my tongue. This must be the reason why I can’t talk, why I can’t answer properly.
“Not...not them. I swear. We’re just friends. We’ve never... that’s never happened. Ever.” Could I sound any dumber? Kissing Hunter has damaged my IQ.
Hunter frowns, staring down at my mouth again.
I have to ask, even though it curdles the beer in my belly, and builds that awful pain in my throat before tears start coming.
“So... the verdict?” I stop breathing.
His fingers dig into my hips again, urging me forward on his lap. My knees hit the back of the couch, and I settle more closely on him, like I was before we stopped. His eyes roam my face. Shit, he’s trying to find the nicest way possible to let me down easy.
“It’s fine. Let me get up, Hunt. Just... let me get up, would ya?” My hands hit his chest, and push, but he won’t let me go. Frak a duck, my eyes are burning. No, no, no.
“Sera, stop. Stop for a second.”
I stop and wait, head down, looking at where our bodies meet. Two different pairs of sweats, his t-shirt and mine; his plain, mine nerdy, two very different people. The line has been drawn, and I was never meant to cross it, only look from afar and covet.
“By the power of Grayskull, let me go!” The tears fall on my cheeks. “Please, just let me go. I want you to leave.”
“And here goes thinking you were perfect.”
I freeze, ice coating my insides. “Are you high? What the fuck are you smoking?”
His thumbs gently swipe along my cheekbones, palms on either side of my face. I’m cradled again – he’s not just holding my face. Damn it all to hell.
“I wasn’t complaining. Nor will I ever complain. You can use that mouth on me anytime you like.”
Maybe I have been transported to another dimension.
“How is that even possible?” The words pop out of my mouth before I can stop them.
“That I want to kiss you again?” His eyebrows have jumped high on his forehead, and he has the sweetest grin on his face. A grin I want to spend hours and hours kissing.
I stare at Hunter out of the corner of my eye. He appears to be human.
“I plan on doing a lot of it. For long periods of time. In different places along your body.” I’m sure I’ve swallowed a volcano, there’s so much heat building inside of me. Hunter gets closer so our bellies touch and we share the same air.
“I plan on making those sweet little noises come out of your mouth while I kiss you. I plan on touching you when I do it. Everywhere you’ll let me.”
“So I didn’t win the Guinness world record for sucking at kissing?” I ask, blood pounding in my ears.
He laughs, tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and kisses me, the lightest touch of lips.
“Frak no.”
My heart melts. “You said frak,” I whisper, and watch him grin. Jack Sparrow’s grin when he steals the Interceptor from the under the Co
mmodore’s nose has nothing on Hunter’s.
“Matty’s started saying it, too.”
I smile, the warmth in my chest set to explode. “Yeah? I read it in a book once, and then I started watching the show,” I explain.
“Yeah,” Hunter smiles, the skin at the sides of his eyes crinkling. Because I can, I kiss him there, on both sides and pull away when his hands cup my shoulders.
“I better go. You’re going to watch another movie?” He asks, moving me so I’m sitting on the couch and he’s now standing.
“I’ll probably re-read Ender’s Game, and I don’t know why ‘cause I have like a million books on my TBR list.” I wiggle in my seat.
Hunter looks down at me with a look of confusing affection. I’ve gone and spoken another language again, and he’s lost in translation.
“Forget it,” I say, standing to walk him to the door.
“I can’t believe I landed myself a nerd,” his smile is sweet, and my heart wants to explode with happiness. “I’m liking it a lot.”
My nose starts to sting. “Thank you,” I manage, hoping he hears what he said means a lot to me. Walking to the door, I keep my head down.
Hunter grunts, and turns me into the door before I can get my hand on the doorknob. My back against it, I look up in his face while he stares at me.
“What did I say? What put that look on your face, baby?” he asks, plastering his body to mine. My hands go to his pecs, and I feel his piercings hit the center of my palms.
I swallow past the pain in my throat. “It’s nice to be liked, you know?”
Hunter stares at me a long time, caging me in with an arm on either side of my head, as he leans down, closer and closer. He nods.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” he says, leaning down until he gets to my mouth. “Yes or no?”
He gives me a choice. Bloody hell, I like that. A lot.
I wrap my arms around his shoulders, go on tippy-toe until my tendons twinge and kiss him, forgetting about technique or worries or whatever because I want to taste him one last time before I go to sleep.
When we pull away, our rapid breathing makes us grin at one another. With one last kiss to my cheek, he opens my door. I hear him wait in the hall for me to lock up before his door opens further down the hall.
Goodbye Josie Geller, and hello, Sera Delos.
I get to my phone on the coffee table, typing so fast autocorrect doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
Me: I’ve just been KISSED. This is legit, no joke!
Katie: jhadhgdhghddghde! Whaaaaaaat?! How was it? Did the Earth move out of its orbit? Please tell me it did. A guy that hot can’t do anything less.
I grin. Me: I was dizzy if that’s what you mean, and I can’t feel my legs. I think I could kiss him for hours.
Katie: Lucky bitch! Ah! I’m so happy for you. We need to have sangria A-SAP. Tomorrow, after work, drinks on me! All is right in the world! I can’t believe it! Do you feel like a new woman?
Me: Uh, no. Not really. I haven’t been reborn or anything since he kissed me.
Katie: Pffft, yes you have. And it’s AWESOME.
Me: Totally awesome. See you tomorrow!
Katie: Until then.
Fraking weird knowing Hunter is just next door, on the other side of the wall where my back is to the couch. The very couch where we made out, me for the first time ever! Rocky Balboa is grinning at me in my head like I’ve made him proud, like I’ve knocked the shit out of Apollo Creed and Ivan Drago at the same time.
My phone buzzes on the couch next to me, and my heart tries to come out of my mouth when I realize it’s Hunter.
Hunter: What are you doing?
Me: Texting you, obviously.
Hunter: Snarky. I like it.
Me: That’s good, I guess.
Hunter: Can I ask you something?
Me: Sure. My heart thumps against my ribs. I wonder if this is what a panic attack feels like.
Hunter: Who told you you were a bad kisser?
Me: Uh, I’d rather not divulge the source.
A pause, then: Hunter: Why? I’m getting ready to string my web of lies.
Me: You’ll end up beating him up, maybe going to jail, and orange is not a good color on you. I wouldn’t mind you getting more tats, but then Matty and I will have to see you behind bars, and I kinda really like having you live next door.
Hunter: Fuck, now you’re being cute. Can I come over and kiss you again?
I should just get my grin tattooed to my face or something. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Seriously – best day ever. Me: Tomorrow. Drive safe when you go and pick up Matty, ok?
Hunt: Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow, baby.
Oh. My. God.
Doubts swirl in my head the entire night.
One kiss does not change the world; it doesn’t even matter to some people. A kiss is something that’s just done – usually a prelude to sex. A kiss doesn’t matter, a first kiss ever is usually forgotten, a muddied memory from a time when we were all awkward and uncertain.
One kiss doesn’t mean there’s a relationship.
One kiss doesn’t mean that I have a claim on Hunter MacLaine, especially if Alysha had a claim on him first. I don’t even know what I’m doing with him. Is he just playing me?
I wake up late and have to rush my morning routine, only swiping a couple of coats of mascara on my lashes and some lip gloss quick quick. Oh, snap. My mouth is swollen, sensitive to the brush I’ve swiped with gloss across them.
And now I’m red. Nice.
Stuffing my feet into my TARDIS blue Chucks, nabbing my purse and keys by the TMNT lanyard, I open my door to have my nose collide with something hard and soft at the same time.
“Motherducker!” My nose stings and the burn in my eyes tells me tears are about to come without me wanting them to. I sniff, stuff a finger under my nose to see if I’m bleeding. Nope.
“Hi, Sera!” Matty’s voice comes clear even if he’s blurry despite my glasses. I wipe underneath my eyes, and stare up at Hunter, unease making my stomach twist, and my heart stumbles on its beats.
“Hey, little buddy.” The kid’s jumping in place, and he lunges forward to snag my hand, both of his holding two fingers each.
“C’mon, c’mon! I have to go to school today, and then Daddy will drive you to work!” Matty starts dragging me closer and closer to the elevator only because I’m letting him.
“No, no. Really, I’m just going to take the metro and-”
Hunter’s hand somehow sneaks under my loose hair and covers the nape of my neck, his thumb stroking the side of my throat in mesmerising swipes.
“Sera. I’m going to drive you. That’s all there is to it.”
That thumb is causing shivers to erupt along my spine, down to fingers and toes. I don’t want it, I don’t want this reaction, not when I’m not sure of anything.
“I would really, really like to take the metro. Have a good day at daycare, little buddy, but-”
“Matty, cover your ears. Now.”
I swallow whatever little saliva I have left, and shake my head.
“Don’t, it’s okay, Matty-”
Hunter’s nostrils flare, like a dragon about to blow fire. “Block your ears, kid. Now.”
We march into the elevator, a smile on Matty’s face, hands clapped over his ears.
Hunter’s hands go to my shoulders, cupping them, then sliding down to my wrists, down to my good hand, where our fingers entwine. I’m not sure if I want to pull away or not.
“Sera. What the fuck? What happened after I left?” His face is soft, eyes pin-balling all over my face, fingers holding me close. I’m scared; I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life.
I clear my throat, chew on my bottom lip.
“We just kissed, okay? It was just a kiss. No big deal.” Fraking hell, it was a big deal, it was. At least to me.
I stare down at my blue shoes, and Hunt’s badass biker boots. Nerd and badass. Yeah, right
.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? What the hell happened after I left? Who did you talk to? Who twisted everything around? Sera?” He punctuates each word with a twisting of our fingers, making sure we stay locked together.
My throat gets thick. “Nobody twisted anything around,” I shrug, like that should answer everything. “We just kissed, and it was a bad idea. This...whatever this is. For the love of the Winchesters, this chemistry, attraction, what-the-frak-ever – why did Aly come see you the night before? For what reason?”
I can’t believe I kissed that mouth, now set into a straight line, jaw locked and eyes hard. “She came to see me. I haven’t been answering her calls or texts for over two months. Ever since that day I went to the hospital. I’ve told you this already.”
I yank my fingers out of his, twinging a couple of knuckles, ignoring the pain in my bad hand. I’m just a giant mess right now, using the emotional spectrum like a roller coaster and I’m in the front seat, feeling the brunt of every single one.
“I won’t be a sidepiece.” Frak, I knew he would hurt me like this. I knew it, I knew it.
“I didn’t ask you to be one. I want to be with you. I thought I made myself very clear,” he says. The words hit the empty space between us, the bing of the elevator doors opening jarring us both.
“I don’t understand what’s happening.” I shove a hunk of hair behind my ear, adjust my glasses up my nose. “Are we in a relationship? Because we’re not following the traditional steps and all.”
Hunt grins at me. “Fuck. Even when you drive me crazy, you do it all cute-like.” His palm smoothes along one of my cheeks, landing a kiss to my mouth right before he leads us out the doors to his car.
“Can I listen now?” Matty pipes up from thigh-level. He looks between us both, from Hunt to me and back again, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“Can I? Can I?”
“Sure, kiddo,” Hunt says, ruffling his hair. “Let’s get you to daycare, yeah?”
“Shotgun!” he yells, bolting out into the parking lot to head to Hunt’s car just when screeching rubber echoes about the underground lot. Ohgodohgodohgod. No, no, no. I scan the whole parking lot in a quick sweep, unsure of where the sound is coming from the underground acoustics.