“Don’t you try that with me, Eden.” Jace was angry now, hating the guilt she could so easily lay at his door. “When you get on that train tomorrow, you remind yourself that you are not welcome to live here with me. Don’t go back to Pine River and persuade yourself that I said otherwise. If you up and sell and try to move in here, you’ll find yourself without a home.”
Eden was speechless. Jace’s eyes had been steely. She knew he would not bend on this issue.
Not surprisingly, little was said the rest of the day. And in the morning, Eden was still so hurt that she told Jace she would walk to the train station. She was even more hurt when he didn’t argue with her.
The shaking began again as soon as she found her seat on the train. It was unsettling and familiar all at the same time. As the train pulled away, Eden felt almost desperate to jump off and somehow turn back the hands of time.
I’ve gotten everything I wanted. I chased Maddie Shephard away, and Jace doesn’t even blame me. Woody is gone and no longer standing in my way. But it wasn’t them. Jace really wanted this change, and not because he was under the influence of his uncle or some woman.
This realization for Eden was almost more than she could take. She nearly broke down on the spot. Jace’s rejection of her and her need to control him was so complete that she wanted to sob.
And she did sob, completely losing control, but she waited until she was back in Pine River. She took a long walk in the woods and cried for the first time in years, knowing she was completely alone.
Fourteen
“Listen to this,” Doyle said when Cathy came to the store to bring his dinner. He’d just opened a letter from Maddie and now pulled Cathy close to read it to her.
“ ‘I’m not missing the Nunleys just yet. The staff is turning the house out, cleaning everything in sight, and I’m categorizing all of the missus’ collections. It keeps my days very full. And the treasures I’ve found!—things that Mrs. Nunley has probably forgotten she owns.’
“ ‘I’ll probably do Mr. Nunley’s books next and then start on the missus’ letters. She wrote and asked me to do this, and that’s what got me started on the collections. I thought I would be lonely, but the days are rushing by, and I look forward to all I’ll get done before they arrive back.’ ”
There was more, but Doyle stopped reading. Just the night before, Cathy had cried, missing Maddie and worrying about her welfare. Now her head lay against her husband’s chest, and she thought that this was the first encouraging letter they had received from Maddie since she’d gone back to Boston. This letter sounded hopeful, as if she were finally moving on in her life.
“Sit here with me a while,” Doyle invited, and the two took the chairs by the stove that sat in the middle of the store. Doyle ate and Cathy talked to him. It was almost an hour before a customer interrupted their time, but even then Cathy didn’t rush away. She wanted to finish the letter, but not until they could be alone. Such good news needed to be shared, and who more perfect than Doyle.
It was happening again. Eden was back after just two weeks had passed. Considering the way their last visit had ended, Jace was not thrilled, but he didn’t verbally attack his sister or leave her in the cold. He was, however, mentally steeled for the worst.
“I need to talk to you, Jace,” Eden began, having asked her brother into the parlor and shut the doors.
“You’re back awfully soon,” Jace mentioned, his tone guarded.
“I am, yes, but it’s not what you think.”
“You’re not moving to Tucker Mills?” Jace had to know.
“No, I’m not,” Eden said, able to be at peace about this for the first time. “I came to apologize. I realize I could have written, but this was too important.”
Jace could only stare at her. Eden had never apologized for anything in her life. He didn’t know what to say.
“I’ve been wrong,” Eden began, but Jace cut her off.
“You’re saying you’re wrong?”
“Yes, I’ve been very wrong. I did something terrible.”
Jace could not believe what he was hearing. He stared at Eden in amazement and then realized how pale she was. This was costing her dearly, and Jace told himself to listen.
“You were right, Jace. I did want to be in control of you and your life. I see that now. In fact, I wanted it so much that I lied to you.”
Jace kept listening, trying to find his sister amid the words.
“I never saw Maddie kiss a man,” Eden admitted, feeling sick about what she’d done. “All she did was help a man with his load, and he gave her a quick hug.”
Jace blinked at her several times, his mind racing.
“Did you hear me?” Eden asked.
“Yes, but what about David? You said she talked to you about David.”
Eden shook her head. “All she did was mention that a man named David had once been in love with her. I lied about that too.”
Jace’s eyes grew round and his face flushed. He stared at his sister as though she’d sprouted horns. Eden read the look and wanted to be sick, but she knew this had to be done. She knew she had to repent to her brother, even if he never forgave her.
Jace came to his feet. He paced around a bit and then spotted the desk. He could see her. He could see Maddie that night she came to see him. He could see the way her hands trembled and the way she left the bracelet on the desk. Jace turned to his sister, his rage nearly choking him.
“Do you know what you’ve done?” he asked her, all but shouting.
“I ruined everything,” Eden said, tears coming to her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Jace; truly I am.”
“I sent her away.” Jace hadn’t heard her. “I told her to get out. I cut her off and wouldn’t even listen to her.”
Eden looked miserable, but Jace finally saw his role in all of this. He had never even asked Maddie about David. Based on Eden’s words, he assumed the worst of her, but he’d been assuming things about her before Eden even spoke to him.
Jace sat back down, dropping heavily into a chair. Eden watched him, waiting for another blast of his temper and praying as she’d never prayed before. It took some time, but Jace finally looked her way.
“Why, Eden? Why did you do this?”
Eden shook her head in misery. “I was certain that I was the only one who could truly care for you, Jace. I was so full of pride and wanting my own way, I couldn’t see anything else.”
“You’ve changed,” he finally said. “What’s happened to you?”
Eden sighed. “I want to tell you, Jace. I want to tell you more than anything, but first I want to help you fix this with Maddie and her family. I want you to find her, so I can apologize to her too.”
Jace came to his feet. Such a thing had never occurred to him. Maybe it didn’t have to be over. Maybe he could explain and apologize as well. Maybe he could have her back. Jace went to his sister and took her by the shoulders and brought her gently to her feet.
“I’ve got to go and see Doyle and Cathy. I’ve got to talk to them.”
“Will they be home right now or at the store?”
“Oh, right.” Jace hadn’t thought that far. “I guess I’d better wait until this evening.”
“Do you want me to come?” Eden asked.
Jace looked down into her face. Even her features were softer.
“No,” he said quietly, “but thank you.”
“Jace,” Eden whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
Jace nodded. “Thank you for telling me, Eden.”
The desire to hug him was so strong that Eden almost acted on it, but Jace turned away, and Eden had to let it go. She watched Jace pace around some, thinking out loud as to when he would leave for town. She hoped he would ask her again about the changes he saw but reminded herself to be patient. At some time she would tell him, maybe not today or this weekend, but at some time she would explain that she wasn’t the same person anymore. She would tell him all about the miracle that had happened in her life.
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Both Doyle and Cathy heard the knock on the front door. They were in the middle of tea, but there was plenty, so company would certainly be welcome. What Doyle didn’t expect was to see Jace Randall, hat in hand, standing humbly on the step.
“May I talk to you, Doyle? To you and Cathy? It’s important.”
Doyle nodded, his face not welcoming, but he stood back to let Jace enter. Cathy had come to her feet but frowned in confusion when she saw Jace.
“I’m sorry to disturb your tea,” Jace began when both Shephards stood in the parlor and faced him. “I have something to tell you and something to apologize about. If you’ll let me.”
“Sit down, Jace,” Doyle invited, and Jace pulled a chair a little ways from the table; he didn’t feel overly welcome but couldn’t blame his hosts for that fact.
“Have you had tea?” Cathy asked, old habits of hospitality dying hard.
“I’m fine, thank you.”
Neither Shephard returned to the meal, so Jace knew he was expected to speak. Rubbing his damp palms on the tops of his pant legs, he tried to begin.
“Eden is here,” Jace said. “She came, but not to move here.” Having said this, Jace remembered that they knew nothing of this and started again. “I think I told you about Eden and the way she wants to be a part of my life. I mean, too much so. And well, she’s here now and told me that she lied to me about Maddie.”
“What does Eden have to do with Maddie?” Cathy asked. Jace noticed that she did not sound upset.
“I was a fool,” Jace admitted. “I condemned Maddie on only Eden’s words. She told me that Maddie had been kissing another man, and I believed her.”
“Does Maddie know about this?” Doyle asked, realizing how little they knew.
“Some of it, maybe. She was probably very confused over the way I treated her. I knew I couldn’t trust Eden, but for some reason I did, and then I sent Maddie away.”
Cathy’s mouth thinned. The memory of saying goodbye to her girl was still fresh. She missed her so much she ached.
“What exactly do you want us to know, Jace?” Doyle pressed him. “That Eden lied and you were unfair?”
“Yes, that and the fact that I sent her away without cause. I wouldn’t even listen to her or ask her. I just accused.”
“She told us that. She didn’t tell us much, but she said you didn’t ask her about David; you just blamed her.”
“Who is David?” Jace finally asked. “My sister seems to know, but Maddie never mentioned him. Is he the man from Boston?”
“No,” Doyle supplied. “He’s a man who once loved Maddie, but she didn’t love him back. There’s nothing more to it than that.”
Jace fell quiet. He was so drained from all of this but also desperate to make it right and to find out where Maddie could be located. He hadn’t thought it completely through, but he wasn’t going to let Maddie go on thinking he didn’t love her.
“She’s finally doing well,” Cathy said. “Her last letter said she was doing well.”
“I’m glad. I was rather hoping I could get her address.”
“Why?” Cathy asked, suspicion rising instantly.
Jace looked at her and then to Doyle.
“I’ve never stopped loving Maddie, and I wonder, even with the way I hurt her, if she might still love me. I was a fool and drove her away, and she may not want anything to do with me, but I’ve got to talk to her. I’ve got to explain that I’m sorry I listened to Eden and not to her.”
“No,” Cathy said, no longer calm but coming to her feet. “You can’t see her. She’s been hurt enough.”
“Please, Cathy,” Jace begged, not caring how he sounded. “Please tell me where she is. I’ve got to explain to her.”
“No,” Cathy began, but Doyle spoke up.
“What do you hope to accomplish, Jace?”
Jace took a deep breath. “I guess I’m mostly hoping for her forgiveness, but I also want to know if her feelings have changed. Mine haven’t. I hid behind anger and drink, but my feelings are the same.”
Doyle looked at his wife.
“Don’t you do it, Doyle Shephard,” she warned. “I won’t have it.”
“Cathy.” His voice was gentle. “You know she still loves him. You saw her face. Jace should have given her a chance, but this is Eden’s doing. Otherwise, Jace would never have sent her away.”
Cathy shook her head, not wanting to hear it, but Doyle was making sense. She thought that if Jace hurt Maddie again, she would become violent, but to not give him a chance to fix this was a fight she was losing in her heart.
Making herself calm down, Cathy went back to her chair. She even picked up her cup and took a sip of the now-cool tea.
Jace watched her, looking to Doyle now and again, but Doyle was watching his wife.
“I’ll give you the address,” Doyle finally said, “but I need to know what you have planned.”
Jace nodded, thinking fast. “First I need to find someone to look after the farm animals. The harvest is done, and Clara will mind the house. I have to find someone, and if I can accomplish that, I’ll leave on the Monday train and head to Boston.”
“And then what?” Doyle wished to know.
“I’ll find where she lives and talk to her.”
“To what end?” Doyle was not satisfied yet.
Jace looked at the two people he’d thrown away with Maddie and knew nothing but regret. At one point they had trusted him completely. He’d given all of that up.
“At the very least,” Jace explained quietly, “I’ll leave Boston knowing that Maddie has forgiven me. But if I have my way, I’ll leave Boston with Maddie by my side.”
Doyle leaned close now, his voice dropping.
“If you hurt her, Jace Randall, after gaining our trust again, you’ll never know another day’s peace in all of your life. If you use our girl or go to see her just to assuage your conscience, you’ll have to live with that forever. You’ve been totally selfish in all of this. You have to go for her, not just for yourself.”
Jace swallowed hard. Doyle’s words and tone made Jace doubt his own motive, but only for a moment. He knew why he was going to Boston. He was going to Boston for a second chance with the woman he loved. If there was a woman in all the world sweet enough to offer him such a thing, it was Maddie Shephard. If Jace could just speak with her, he had a tremendous sense that all was going to turn out.
Jace and Eden parted ways at the train station in Worcester. They had ridden the train that far together, but Eden’s train home went in another direction. At the beginning of the journey, Jace had questioned her about the changes he saw—not just on Friday when she arrived in Tucker Mills, but the whole weekend. She had been genuinely kind to Clara, not defensive or underhanded. And on Sunday morning, she had gone into town to services even though Jace had not wanted to go.
Eden had done her best to explain. Jace sat in quiet horror as he learned that his sister had arrived back in Pine River with the intent of taking her own life. She had even gone so far as to find a sturdy branch in a large tree, and she was trying to figure out where she could get a rope when a child interrupted her.
“She was so little,” Eden explained, “but she could talk. She said she couldn’t find her house. She was very brave, not crying or carrying on, but she looked so frightened, and for a moment I forgot about myself.
“I walked her back in the direction I thought she might have come, and her family was looking for her. They were so happy to see her—just a man, a woman, and an older boy—that they wouldn’t allow me to leave. They brought me in out of the cold and fed me, wrapped a warm blanket around me, and gave me something hot to drink. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had taken care of me.
“But then the most amazing thing happened: The man asked if he could pray. I didn’t like it. I was uncomfortable, but I didn’t feel I could say no. He sat in a nearby chair, his wife and son on the sofa, and his little daughter in his lap. He bowed his head and
thanked God for bringing his child home, but that wasn’t the hardest part. He then thanked God for me, Jace. I’ve never been so touched. By the time he was finished, I was crying and I couldn’t stop.
“His wife came and put her arms around me, and I only cried more. I was so embarrassed, but they didn’t seem the least surprised. He waited for me to calm down a little and then began to ask me about myself. And I told him! I don’t know what came over me, but I told him what a selfish person I am, and how my own brother didn’t even want me.
“But that’s not all,” Eden had told Jace, the story pouring out of her as the train rocked along the tracks. “He said he understood, and what’s more, he said God understood. He said God understood about my sin so well that He sent His Son. He said that I could be forgiven if I only believed what God had said about the Lord Jesus Christ, and that He was the way to life eternal.
“I have to tell you, Jace, I wasn’t thinking about life at that point, eternal or otherwise. I just wanted forgiveness. I was desperate for it. I had driven Maddie away from you, and Woody was gone, but you still didn’t need me the way you used to. I was losing control and ready to do anything I could to get it back. I hated what I saw in myself. It was so ugly and awful that I wanted to die. I thought if I could be forgiven, maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad.”
She stopped then, seeming to be out of words, but Jace was still trying to understand.
“So what happened, Eden? This man said a prayer, and you were forgiven?”
“His name is Mr. Engler, by the way,” she said quietly, sounding tired. “He’s a pastor. And no, he didn’t pray. I prayed. I told God I believed in His Son and wanted the salvation He offered.” Eden sighed a little. “As soon as I told God that I was a sinner and needed His forgiveness, I knew a peace that I can’t describe to you.
“Mr. Engler and his wife, Lissa, talked to me for hours. They brought their Bibles out and showed me things that I never knew. I told them more about what I’d done, especially with you and Maddie, and they showed me where Scripture says I had to repent to you.” Eden looked into his eyes. “That’s why I came, Jace. I don’t exactly know what this new life will look like, but lies are not part of it.”