It was still early afternoon when Lin Ming returned from work. The moment she came through the door and her eyes met Mei’s her fears were confirmed. Father hadn’t directly stated his intentions, but she knew what he had planned. He meant to arrange another marriage for her. It had nothing to do with traditional values. This was about the night she had spent with Redding, or more specifically, with someone who wasn’t Chinese. She had worried about the outcome of Father’s meeting all day long. Every time she thought about it the bitter taste of burnt congee rose in the back of her throat. Even before Mei had said a word she knew what had transpired.
* * *
The day started badly and had gotten worse. The congee that morning had been burnt. It was so unlike Mei to ruin a meal. Congee should have had a light and delicate flavor, but it had been scorched in the pan. The taste was distinctly bitter and harsh. It wasn’t clear if Mei even knew that the congee had been burnt. She rarely ever ate breakfast. Like Ching and Father, Lin Ming muddled her way through the meal, stirring the congee as if it were too hot and gingerly eating spoonfuls until she could stomach no more. It seemed peculiar that Mei didn’t even notice the horrid expressions that accompanied each spoonful. Still, no apologies were made and no one complained.
Relieved that the breakfast had ended, Lin Ming had headed to the tour office. She had handled the booking and scheduling while Ching had assisted Father in attending to a personal matter. When Ching finally arrived at the tour office, he never said a word about what Father had done. Lin Ming thought to ask and he would have told her, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. The whole day seemed like a bad dream. If it had been possible, she would have completely erased the last twenty-four hours.
* * *
Only the night before, they had just finished dinner and were sipping tea when Father launched into one of his tirades. He delivered the long-winded discourse with all the intensity and passion he could muster. It was centered on the importance of retaining the traditions of one’s culture, but as his discourse progressed, his true intentions were laid bare. His intended target of that particular rant had been Lin Ming. She sat directly across the table from Father, but her eyes were focused downward onto her bowl. Ching sat across from Mei, neither listening to nor caring what Father said. He just stared off into space, grinding his teeth every few minutes, but that didn’t derail Father from his message. Mei rose from the table, seemingly unaffected by the whole rant. She lifted the hot water from the stove and refilled the teapot before returning to the table.
The underlying message of Father’s rant was the value of an arranged marriage. He even alluded to the fact that he had arranged Ching and Mei’s marriage. A marriage that was as vibrant as it was durable. He emphasized the importance of passing these values down to their children, even though Ching and Mei were childless. Lin Ming lifted her head just long enough to make eye contact with Mei, but still Mei said nothing. Father’s long-winded rants weren’t unusual, but it was unusual for Mei to remain quiet. Hers was the voice of logic that was all too often missing from his lectures.
Father used his tirades as a means to reassert his waning authority over the household, but his empty words were usually forgotten within hours. This time, more determined to have his way, he had taken a different tack. He had used Ching as his intermediary. Days before, they had huddled in a private conversation, much to Mei’s annoyance. If she came within earshot, Father and Ching would sit back in their chairs and act as though the conversation had just ended.
Father would have been loath to admit it, but Mei was the head of the household. She had an uncanny way of influencing family decisions, yet she was neither imposing nor overbearing. She was a simple, ordinary woman with wire-rimmed glasses that fit her face poorly. Individually, her features were pleasant enough, but collectively, she wasn’t at all attractive. Her hair was cut straight across at the neckline and her daily attire consisted of a blouse over Mao styled black pants. In spite of her subtle mannerisms, she possessed a deep-seated tenaciousness and wasn’t someone to be crossed.
* * *
Upon arriving home and having her fears confirmed, Lin Ming stood frozen in place. Mei took her by the hand and led her to a chair at the kitchen table. Then, she spoke to her quietly so not to wake Father from his nap. Even though Mei tried to dampen the impact of Father’s actions, Lin Ming only heard every other word. Mei said that Ching and Father had left that morning to meet someone. When they returned, Father had said that he had arranged a marriage. The intended groom was actually someone Mei knew. Someone a few years shy of Father’s own age. He was a businessman, known for his ruthless tactics and foul temper. Mei also said something about poor health, but Lin Ming was no longer listening. News of the arrangement was not surprising, but that didn’t lessen the disappointment. At first, Lin Ming found it difficult to respond. Her lips quivered and her hands trembled, which caused tea to spill from her cup. Mei held her hand and tried to console her with reassuring words.
“I will put an end to this arrangement, and don’t worry about Father or Ching. They will be careful what they say,” Mei said. “And I’m sorry about the congee this morning. It wasn’t meant for you.”
“You burned the congee on purpose?”
“It was necessary. Ching and Father were ignoring me. I had to make sure that they were still listening,” Mei said.
She didn’t offer any real explanation for her actions, but Lin Ming knew that she took exception to being excluded from family matters.
“Now, tell me about your American, with the strong face and wild eyes,” Mei said. “Are you in love with him?”
“How can you ask that?” Lin Ming gasped. “He’s not part of my life anymore. He’s the reason I’m in this mess.”
“But you spent the night with him.”
“Well, I shouldn’t have. It was a mistake,” Lin Ming said defensively.
“So, are you in love with him?”
Lin Ming said nothing. She just looked away, not wanting to make eye contact with Mei. There was no point in denying that she had feelings for Redding. Even though she tried not to think about him, he always managed to find his way into her thoughts. She thought about the times they spent together. Not so much about the things they said, or the places they went, or even that passionate night, but how it felt just being with him. She could see him clearly in her mind. It was a warm day in the Administrator’s Garden. They were holding hands and sitting on a stone bench near a plum tree that was in full blossom.
“What feeling do you hold inside?” Mei pressed for an answer.
“Does it make any difference what I feel? The marriage has already been arranged. Anyway, Redding will return to America soon.”
“I told you not to worry about the marriage. Now, what was it like to sleep with him?”
Lin Ming froze in horror, absolutely stunned by Mei’s forwardness. Even Mei was red faced, but she continued to push until Lin Ming provided an answer.
“You remember when you and Ching were first married, and there were noises from your room?” Lin Ming asked.
“Of course I remember,” Mei said.
In the early days of her marriage to Ching, not only had they made enough noise to wake the household, but also even the neighbors complained. Eventually, they learned to temper their passion, but there was still the problem of the incessantly squeaking bed frame.
“It was like that,” Lin Ming said.
“Then, it was nothing like your marriage to Yang?”
Lin Ming only shook her head.
Although sporadic, the times that she had slept with Yang had left her feeling nauseated, dirty, and undesirable. After he died it had been her intention never to lie with another man again. She had fully intended to live her life as an unmarried woman, and then came that first kiss in Wuzhen. It was unexpected, as were the feelings that followed.
“When Ching and I were married, I didn’t know what to expect,” Mei said. “Naturally, I was afraid,
but that first night together, it was as though we had always known each other. He isn’t just my husband. He’s a part of me that can’t ever be divided. Is that how it felt to be with the American?”
Lin Ming shrugged, and then slowly nodded.
“When you told him you couldn’t see him anymore, did you tell him why?”
Lin Ming shook her head under Mei’s constant stare.
“You must tell him,” Mei said. “He should know the truth. Otherwise, he will blame himself and always wonder what he did wrong. Don’t worry, Father will never know.”
Lin Ming steadfastly held her seat, far from being convinced that seeing Redding was a good idea. Mei immediately sensed the reluctance, so she approached the issue from a slightly different direction.
“I know that you think it’s a bad idea to see him, but I know something that you don’t know.” Mei paused for a moment before continuing. “It’s not his feelings I am worried about. It’s yours. You must tell him why you can’t see him and you must tell him what is in your heart. Otherwise, you will always hold some regret inside and you will never know happiness no matter whom you marry.”
“You can’t ask me to do that. Everything is already so complicated and that will just make things worse.” Lin Ming said.
Whenever Father’s angry rants had unbalanced the family, it was always Mei who had set the household back on a solid foundation, but that no longer seemed to be the case. Instead of easing the tension, she seemed to be antagonizing the situation.
“When your marriage to Yang ended, you were unsure about your life. I showed you compassion and understanding and I made this your home again,” Mei said, and then the tone of her voice became stronger. “I protected you from Father. I cared for you. I helped you find your life and happiness and I have never asked you for anything. So you will do this for me. You will go see your American, and when you return, I will only have to see your face and I will know. Now hurry and change before Father wakes.”
“Why should I change?” Lin Ming said as she looked at her tour company uniform, but Mei had already disappeared into the hallway of the two-bedroom apartment. When she returned, she was holding a yellow print dress that had previously been badly stained. Lin Ming had already spent an hour on the stain before deciding it was a lost cause.
“This is more appropriate.” Mei twirled the dress front to back to display its unmarred condition. “There’s not a stain anywhere.”
It couldn’t have been coincidental that the dress was cleaned the same day she was asked to meet Redding. Mei definitely had a plan. That much Lin Ming was sure of, but she couldn’t quite grasp what Mei was trying to accomplish. She took hold of the dress knowing that Mei had to have worked on it for hours in order to remove the stain.
Her feelings for Redding were real enough, but a relationship was neither practical nor realistic. She thought she had buried her feelings, but Mei had dragged them back to the surface. Still, no amount of manipulation or coercion on Mei’s part was likely to dissuade Father from forcing the arranged marriage. Lin Ming was overwhelmed by a feeling of foreboding and it seemed pointless to fight the inevitable. Her life was more complicated than even Mei knew, and she had neither the strength nor the courage to explain.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Redding was pleased with his efforts in the classroom, but mostly he was relieved that the school day had ended. He passed several students outside. Some faces were recognizable, but most were not. It didn’t make any difference; those he did recognize he couldn’t place in any particular classroom. They would say, “Hello, Mr. Teska,” and he’d simply respond with a smile and a nod.
A small contingency of parents and grandparents waited just inside the gate for their children. As Redding left, he nodded politely to those who made eye contact. As he passed through the gate, he turned in the direction of Xi Huan Road. There, he would have a much easier time finding a taxi.
“Redding?” a familiar voice said somewhere behind him.
Redding turned around, and standing on the other side of the gate next to the wall was Lin Ming. He stood for a full moment just gazing at her while an afternoon breeze played with her hair and ruffled her dress. He saw her smile, fleeting and shy, the same one he had come to know.
“Not that I’m complaining, but I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
“I know, but I need to talk to you. Maybe we could go for a walk,” she said, as if unsure how he would respond.
As they headed in a direction that took them away from Xi Huan Road, he could still hear her words at the train station, loud in his head. She had said that under no circumstance was he to make contact with her, nor would she be able to see him. He wondered what had caused her to change her mind.
“You will be leaving China soon and you deserve to know why I refused you.”
“Sure, we can talk about that, but first I want to ask you something,” Redding interrupted. He was pretty sure he knew the reason why she had left so abruptly, and he was more than willing to listen to whatever explanation was offered, but that wasn’t what he really wanted to know. “Do you know an art dealer from New York? A guy named Joran.”
“Yes, I remember him. He joined a group tour about a week before you came to Suzhou,” Lin Ming said.
“That day in the old city, when we saw him on the street, why didn’t you say so?”
“I didn’t think it was important. I thought maybe he was just being jealous.”
“Why would he be jealous?”
“The day after the tour, he came to the office and invited me to dinner, but I told him it wouldn’t be possible. I told him that my family would never approve.”
“You didn’t sleep with him, did you?”
“What? You think I slept with him?” Lin Ming demanded. “Why would you think such a thing?”
Redding knew he had screwed up. He never should have asked the question, but for some stupid reason he had. He saw the hurt look on her face, but there wasn’t any way to take back the question.
“I’m sorry! It was just something he said.” He cursed himself for his lapse in judgment. Joran had set him up and he had fallen head first into the lie.
“I thought you said you didn’t know him,” Lin Ming said, obviously riled.
“We recently met, but we’re not friends or anything. We just kind of ran into each other. That’s all,” Redding said. “So what were you saying, something about refusing me?”
“Yes, I should explain,” she began, and then her voice just trailed off as if she were suddenly distracted. Her eyes were focused directly on his face.
“What happened to your eye?”
“Oh, that? It’s nothing serious, just a little shiner that I picked up while I was jogging. Next time I’ll be more careful.” He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to tell her about the past few days, but telling her about the beating seemed like a really bad idea. “So, how did you know I was going to be at the school?”
“I went to Tae House and Ting said you were teaching.”
“Yeah, I thought I would give it another try. Overall, I’d say it went well,” he said. “You know, I can actually sense when I’m connecting with the students. It’s like I can tell when they’re grasping the material and I’m pretty sure they like me.”
In a moment of reflection he saw himself back in the classroom. Seated before him were young students with their faces intently focused on him, waiting to absorb any knowledge he might impart. He could hear the students repeating his words and zeroing in on the pronunciation. It left him with a feeling of accomplishment.
“Of course, it’s important to be liked,” she chided him. “But you are there to teach English and they are there to learn.”
Although the remark had been made warmly and with a smile, there was an aura of sadness about her that Redding saw in her eyes. It wasn’t until that moment that he realized just how much he had missed her.
* * *
Their direction seemed aimle
ss and without purpose other than that it led them away from Xi Huan Road. He wondered if this was an attempt to minimize a chance encounter with someone she might know. He didn’t care where they were headed as long as he was able to spend time with her.
“I need to explain something.” Ling Ming paused. “It’s important to me that you understand my situation. When Yang died, I had nowhere to go, so I moved back to Suzhou. My father blamed me for my unhappy marriage. He says that I didn’t do enough to make it a good one. Now he has decided to arrange another marriage. He says that I’m not capable of making decisions for myself.”
“You can’t possibly believe that?” Redding said. “I may not know much about Chinese culture, but your father is full of crap.”
“Redding, please! You’re the reason he says I make bad decisions.”
The obvious suddenly became clear and he felt stupid for not realizing that her impending marriage was all because of the night they had spent together.
“You don’t know my father, and telling you this isn’t easy. He has a narrow view of life and he has always asserted his influence over the family. Father still believes that he is the head of the household and should have the final say in all matters.” Lin Ming stopped just long enough to take a breath and sweep the hair from her face. “I work at the tour company as my contribution to the household, and sometimes Ching gives me money for clothing or expenses, but I own nothing. I live in a house that is dominated by my father, so if I am told to marry I will have no choice.”
They had reached the next corner and still Lin Ming didn’t seem to have any set destination. She said nothing and Redding patiently waited while she collected her thoughts. They turned and walked along a quiet, tree-lined street. Some of the trees still held their autumn colors while others had already shed their leaves.
“My father won’t care if I am happy or not, as long as I’m married. The man he has chosen for me is old and his health is bad. I’m sure Father thinks that he will leave me money when he dies, but Mr. Wang is not that kind of a person. He has children older than me and they will fight for his money and take everything,” Lin Ming said, wiping away tears that had begun to form. As she continued, bitterness rose in her voice. “To be married just for the sake of being married is wrong, isn’t it? I don’t think Mr. Wang needs a wife. He just wants someone to take care of him, someone that’s obligated by marriage.”