‘Goodbye.’
‘Certainly, goodbye. But you may be wishing all too soon that you had said something quite else.’
Darcy Dancer sat by the mattress. Looking again out on the fields as darkness fell. Until the lights of the dormitory were switched on. As somewhat smaller boys charged in. And whispered putting books back in lockers. At the sound of what seemed an evening dinner gong, they charged out again. Another boy came in and said he was delegated to escort me. And that until a better name was allowed him by Supreme number one I would have to address him as Stupid.
‘Have you a christian name.’
‘Yes. But that too has been changed.’
‘To what.’
‘Awfully.’
Down into a hall, lighted with brass chandeliers. Long refectory tables. A young woman serving soup. Stares at me. And stares again when I stare back. Chunks of leathery beef floating in thin brown gravy. Lemonade and tea to drink. Awfully Stupid sitting next to me. Being awfully loud slurping up his food. Purejoy at a distant corner table turned round once to look. With other heads boisterous and noisy turning with him. No doubt to rain retribution upon me for my reluctant attitude. To become a big bully with them. By midnight tonight I will be miles away. Wear three pairs of socks and all my six pairs of underwear. Head out cross country in the opposite direction from the new moon. Awfully Stupid nervously next to me nudging my elbow.
‘I say, Kildare, they are rather looking at you, aren’t they.’
‘So it seems.’
‘They call themselves the Presidium at that table. For infractions of their rules they conduct courts. You must be careful not to offend them.’
The serving girl still staring each time she comes to our table. Now when I look at her she casts her eyes down as she stands waiting with dinner ended. The clattering of dishes and shuffling of chairs and the silence as two masters from a high table file out. Followed by the bigger boys of the Presidium. Purejoy central among them. Who with three others now turned again to regard me with rather sickly grins as they passed. I stood next to Stupid who throughout the meal as I left food on my plate asked my permission to scrape it off on to his. I also gave him my entire pudding. Which seemed nothing more than stale bread chunks soaked in warm milk. Of which latter I could get plenty from some cow in a pasture tonight.
‘Stupid. Why not use your middle name for you. Do you have one.’
‘Yes.’
‘What.’
‘Kelly.’
‘It’s not very original. But we’ll call you that then. At least it’s much better than Awfully Stupid.’
‘I hope no one finds out you’re not calling me Awfully Stupid.’
‘Don’t worry if they do. They’ll have to account to me.’
‘But they can be wretched. They always travel together. And have bodyguards. Supreme number one two and three conduct attic torture after lights out. They push red hot pins into your skin. If you cry out they later shove your head under water in the tub. And if they think your bottom is awfully attractive they bugger you.’
A bell tolling eight. Darcy Dancer with Awfully Stupid in the library. As this boy whisperingly showed a play he had written and kept secretly hidden stuck up underneath a library table. Another boy entering as Awfully Stupid tucked his manuscript up under his sweater.
‘Are you Kildare.’
‘Yes.’
‘God I’ve been looking all over school for you. Follow me. Mr Michael wants to speak with you in his study.’
Following this boy out to the front hall. And up the main flight of stairs and along to the end of another corridor. Stone flagged, chill and Gothic. The boy asking if I played cricket or rugger. And said nothing further when I said no. He left as I knocked. Come in. A small sitting room. Warm inside. A turf fire blazing in the grate. Mullioned windows left and right of the chimneypiece. Books on opposing walls from floor to ceiling. This gentleman with long black wavy hair and sad brown eyes in a grey tweed suit. An insignia on his blue tie just like one I’ve seen Mr Arland wear. Bag of golf clubs in the corner. He puts a hand out. To shake rather softly mine.
‘Please. Sit down. It’s all very strange for you I’m sure. This institutional life. I understand you’ve not had the doubtful pleasure of being in a school before.’
‘No sir.’
‘Well I’m sorry we’ve temporarily had to put you among smaller boys. But we weren’t quite expecting to have you so soon. Indeed we were only expecting you for an interview. However. We’ll get it all sorted out. Mr Arland is an old friend of mine. Speaks very highly of you. I’m not exactly headmaster but I’m senior enough perhaps to be able to do some things which may make your stay here more comfortable. Wretchedly cold out in the dormitories for a start I know. Please don’t continue to stand. Do sit.’
‘Thank you. But I’d just like to stand sir. I’ve been sitting rather much already today.’
‘By all means, then. I suppose you’re well used to big old gloomy places like this. From what Mr Arland tells me.’
‘Yes sir.’
‘Well both he and I were together nearly Trinity’s entire golf team. He’s always been a somewhat shy retiring fellow. But a cracking good golfer. Easily ranked among the very best. He’s very sad no longer to be tutoring you. But I suppose you already know that.’
‘Yes sir.’
‘Tell you what. I think we might make things here a lot easier for you. School’s chock full of a lot of little ruffians. And a few but very few, rather tough types. Not to worry. We have to get used to you just as you have to get used to us. But I might just be able to see to it that you have no hard passage to row. But no favouritism you understand.’
‘Thank you sir, but really it isn’t necessary.’
‘Well I’m not sure you may not find it so. It is not as if you have come out of some other school. You know going through the mill. The hard knocks, and all that sort of thing. What.’
‘Well one does, merely by living a country life come by hard knocks, sir.’
‘Ha ha I’ll bet you do by jove. Mr Arland said you chase the fox.’
‘Yes.’
‘Well plenty of hard knocks in that pursuit.’
‘I agree sir.’
‘We’ve had scarlet coats through here a number of times. Had to fetch a man rolled on by his horse to hospital with two broken legs. Awful sight he was too. But the defiant gentleman was trying to fight us away and be lifted back up on his horse.’
‘Remounting is essential sir in order to ensure your nerve is not lost.’
‘Good lord, what about the man’s legs.’
‘You can always ride without legs but not without nerve, sir. At least if you have even a little bit of legs left.’
‘Well anyway. Legs or not, you seem well able to take care of yourself. And you know where to come. Find me here most Monday and Thursday evenings. Just knock. And Mr Arland tells me, you do a little reading.’
‘Not really as much as I should sir.’
‘Well you’re welcome to these shelves any time.’
‘Thank you sir.’
‘And tell me, not that I want to pry into your relationship with Mr Arland, but you do know who Mr Arland’s father is.’
‘No sir.’
‘Ah. Well that is not, that question, let me hasten to say, indicative in any way that you should know.’
‘I know his father is an aristocrat sir. But that is all I know.’
‘O well that’s enough. We could all do with being more aristocratic. Not really that it is finally any spiritually decisive factor in living a better life. But it materially helps to get one going. Course it can sometimes hinder one to keep going. So. Good to have you with us, Kildare. Goodnight.’
Back through the corridors. Hear my footfalls echo. Men make that sound going to the scaffold. Sound of voices elsewhere. Portraits on the walls. Scent of turf smoke. Organ music. Get back fast now to plan. Would pack what I could in a pillow case, if it weren’t
so white. Best fill a sweater, tie the sleeves closed, break an ashplant out of a hedgerow. And carry my woolly possessions suspended over my shoulder. That just sounded like a scream. Followed by piercing laughter. Getting educated like this must be a barbaric experience.
Darcy Dancer entering the dormitory. Faint yellow light. My bed down the far end. Past all these others. Must pass so many beds undetected. Two boys giggling and shoving. Stand aside for me to civilly walk by. As if I might bite them if they did not. The girl who served soup. Something about her face nearly familiar. Standing at the side of my own bed. Smoothing down the blankets with the palms of her hands. Awfully Stupid sitting there. Clad in green pyjamas and pink socks. Jumps up as I arrive. Everybody’s eyes in this place are like those of a frightened animal. And this girl. Even as she leaves. Grey sweater peeking out at the throat and sleeves from underneath a blue overall. I cannot think why she would stare at me so. Just as I find I stare back. Each time rather more wanting to look in her eyes.
‘I can call you Kildare. Can’t I.’
‘Yes Kelly.’
‘Please. They were seen earlier. And I hear they are still lurking around. You must address me properly.’
‘Who were seen.’
‘The Presidium members of course.’
‘I don’t in the least care if they are around Kelly.’
‘You should you know. Last term a boy got hung up by his wrists and ankles for two hours from an attic rafter. And there are even much worse things than that.’
‘What.’
‘I’ll tell you later I think.’
‘Why not now.’
‘Well. I think it’s so sinful.’
‘What is sinful.’
‘They make you masturbate while they all watch and you’ve got to do it three times in quick succession in order to be let off a beating or hanging.’
Darcy Dancer opening suitcases. Lights out. Boys going back and forth to the wash room with towels toothbrushes and toothpaste. Blackness on the windows. Someone passing down there with a lantern. Fog outside. The new moon would be long set now. Be such a black black night. Awfully Stupid does really seem awfully stupid. But harmless. Sitting as he does, his face wretched with anxiety, cracking the knuckles of his fist again and again. Licking his lips. As he thinks up some new question. Then scratching his head. Then frowning. Before finally leaning forward to speak.
‘Are you fearless, Kildare.’
‘No. I have fears, Kelly.’
‘You don’t seem to.’
‘Well I do. But bullies don’t frighten me. Fear can be quite good for you. It makes you watch out.’
‘O you’re so absolutely right, you really are. I’m bloody well watching out all the time.’
‘That’s jolly good then Kelly.’
‘You know I wish you were going to stay here next to me. I really do. I hardly have any real friends. I really am all alone down here in this corner now. That was Dunster’s bed. He got pneumonia. And it wasn’t long after he got the tub treatment too. I think that’s what gave it to him. But you’ll probably get your own room soon. Wish I had one. Even though locks aren’t allowed. I’d lock it right up. They hate me because I’m a shopkeeper’s son. Only they won’t admit. But so are some of them. I come from County Kildare the same as your name. Where do you come from.’
‘Kelly I think it is time for you to go to sleep. And conserve your energy for your fight against your torturers.’
‘It’s no joke Kildare, the way you make it sound. What are you doing. Putting on all those layers of underclothing.’
‘Just underwear, I’m easily chilled at night. Doctor’s orders.’
‘O.’
‘Goodnight Kelly.’
‘Goodnight Kildare.’
An owl hoot. Some whispering. Stare up at this ceiling. Till all is sleeping. And a dog barking. Somewhere far out there in the darkness. Be sheep dogs chasing me cross country. If only I had Kern and Olav. They would merely snap their necks one by one. As they did with any dog venturing into Andromeda Park. How many miles will I have to go. Without boots my feet will get awfully wet. But they slow you down when you have to run. From farmers bulls and dogs. Poor old little Kelly. Sat there tonight the side of his bed as if he were in prison. Awaiting execution in the morning. He’d be absolutely no use out roughing it. Terrified of shadows. Chewing his fingernails and cracking his knuckles the way he constantly does. And now his bed squealing as he tosses and turns.
Silence growing in the dormitory. Whispers hushing. Only a snuffle and a cough here and there. But that was a whimper. A torch light flashing in the door and down the beds. Must be a master. Checking the inmates. See if any have escaped. Just wait perhaps a little longer. This morning Mr Arland said, just as we went by that alley down which Lois took me, that we were all in our own little ways on a treadmill but that he hastened to add that it was prudent to consider one’s position there fortunate. But my monotonous presence here clearly will be unblest. If only I had had time to reconnoitre the ground floor. Should have ate more of my supper. Feel gnawing pangs of hunger now. Even stuffed as I was in the Grafton Cinema Café. Kelly would conclude I was permanently departing if I inquired of him where stores are kept. Kitchens just in back beyond the dining hall. Borrow a bit of bread cheese and butter. The more butter the better. None served at supper. Poor old Kelly there just releasing a snore. Only grown up thing he seems able to do. Nannie nannie, some other little boy has just cried out. Shadows. The end of the dormitory. One two three four. And now five. Tiptoeing. Creaking. Coming down this end. Best to appear asleep.
Figures stopping at Darcy Dancer’s bed. Two moving up one side, two the other. One standing at the foot. And a hand reaching. Pushing Darcy Dancer on the shoulder.
‘Kildare. Wake up. We are the Presidium. I am the spokesman. We have come to invite you to an inquisition.’
‘What inquisition.’
‘Your inquisition. Get up. And come with us.’
‘I won’t get up and come with you.’
‘You will if we make you.’
‘Well then try and make me.’
‘There are five of us. And one of you. Don’t be so daft now to challenge us.’
‘I don’t care how many.’
‘Keep your voice down. I suppose you plan to shout and wake everyone up. A cowardly call for help. Is that it.’
‘No.’
‘Well then. We see you’ve made a friend of Awfully Stupid there. To start with that’s awfully stupid of both of you. At least Awfully Stupid is not that stupid that he would refuse to come. Are you Awfully Stupid.’
‘No Supreme number one.’
‘We of course, Kildare, will merely take Awfully Stupid in your place, if that’s the kind of thing you prefer. We’ll let you listen to his agonizing screams through the ceiling. Awfully Stupid has the most god awful scream you can imagine. Ah that’s better. You are getting up. We thought you would not want harm to befall your new little friend. You may put on socks trousers and jacket. But no shoes. For silence sake. There is much stealthy creeping to be done.’
Darcy Dancer, preceded by two in front and followed by three behind, walking out the dormitory door. Turning left into a small corridor. And up three steps into another. Under an archway to a landing. And up a tiny narrow staircase. Another door. Opening into a water closet. A ladder being brought in. The door closed. And latch secured. The suspended electric light bulb pulled aside by a string.
‘You see Kildare. We post a guard here during daytimes. Should someone want to use the water closet he then soon hears within the unpleasant sound of yawking and even viler sounds should such be necessary to defer further inquiry.’
The spokesman climbing the ladder rungs up to the top and pushing open a small wooden cover in the ceiling. Darcy Dancer signalled to follow. And the last member of the Presidium tugging up the ladder and closing back the tiny trapdoor. Candles lit. Vast rafters across the ceiling. Sound of dripping water into a great
tank. Dusty wood wormy floors covered with little black beads of mouse dung. Stack of newspapers and magazines. In a circle, boxes draped with black cloth. Each with a numeral. One to seven. A chair with a high back emblazoned with a red skull and bones.
‘Now Kildare. You sir, shall be there placed in the middle. So the inquisition may begin.’
‘I’ll stand where I am.’
‘O dear you are difficult. How many pairs of underwear are you wearing.’
‘None of your business.’
‘Strange. Indeed if not even suspicious. Were you expecting us and wanted to keep warm. Surely you are not that cold here. Now the purpose of this convening is to find out exactly why, when given a friendly invitation to challenge for a place in supremacy among us and maybe even become one of us, you are instead defying us.’
‘I’m not defying anybody.’
‘You rejected Supreme number two’s overtures this very afternoon. We want to know why.’
‘I just don’t want to join anything.’
‘I regret we do not accept that as sufficient reason.’
‘It’s my reason. I’m not a joiner.’
‘O. What a pity. You are then a lone wolf are you. We still don’t think that sufficient.’
‘I think it is.’
‘Well we unanimously don’t Kildare. Now. Your full name is Reginald Darcy Dancer Thormond Kildare. Is that not correct.’
‘Incorrect.’
‘Of course we already know it is correct. You have, have you not, rather barrelled your name up. It’s all right the Darcy but the Thormond and the Dancer. That’s all a bit much.’