“Jared . . .” I say his name in a hushed whisper. “I would’ve never left you. I loved you.”
He stares up at me. “Something reminded me lately of how things can be taken without notice. One of my bandmates lost his mother, and it got me thinking. It’s the reason I came back here. Mom won’t be around forever, and I wanted to fix things between us before it was too late. I wanted to at least rectify my past with her, but you . . . I wasn’t ready to face you yet.”
“So you bringing the flowers . . . ?”
He shrugs one shoulder. “A simple mistake. Mom had those yellow roses set off to the side, and I grabbed them with the rest of the deliveries. I didn’t know they were for you. There was no name on the card, only an address, which I thought was odd. How were you even supposed to know who they were from?”
I swallow hard. It’s then that I wonder if Jared has a clue about Wes and me, because surely he would’ve said something about the flowers being from Wes, since he’s the only person who would be sending those to me. I suddenly feel like the traitorous girlfriend, but that’s ridiculous, considering I haven’t seen Jared in five years. It’s none of his business, really, but I should at least explain to him about the situation between Wes and me before he hears it from someone else. “I know who they’re from.”
He looks away from me and points his gaze down to the floor, but he doesn’t look angry, more disappointed and sad. “Oh?” Jared holds his hands out in front of him, balancing his elbows on his knees, and rubs his palms together. “Are you seeing someone?”
I lick my dry lips. “It’s complicated.”
This was a day I never wanted to see come. Telling him—explaining why I married his brother—is something I convinced myself that I would never have to do, considering he left without a word and seemed disinterested in the things I did.
“A scorned lover then?” He raises a questioning eyebrow.
“The thing you have to understand about that is . . . well . . . it’s—”
“Complicated. I got that part, and I know I have no business prying into your life. I don’t have the right to do that anymore, but I can’t help but be curious.” There’s a hint of a tease in his voice, but I know he’s dying to know the answer to his questions.
I straighten my shoulders. “Let’s not talk about our love lives. I’m sure mine pales in comparison to the things you’ve done, Mr. Rock Star.”
I add the last little jab. It’s way too tense in this room, and I don’t think either of us is ready to unveil all our truths to one another at this point.
He smiles a bit. “You been keeping tabs on me?”
I hold up my index finger and thumb, then bring them close together, leaving only a smidgen of room between them. “Just a little. It’s hard not to when I see your band everywhere I turn lately. They were just talking about your band on that gossip show Celebrity Pop Buzz Nightly the other night. That reporter, Linda Bronson, is determined to track down the whereabouts of your lead singer. Has he really disappeared?”
He nods. “Yeah. Our tour manager, Jane Ann, can’t find him anywhere. She thinks he’s gone into hiding. He’s missing shows and costing Mopar Records a boatload of money. They’re pretty pissed at him but are determined to find him.”
“Is that why you’re here?” I realize that sounds a little rude, so I try to rephrase that. “That came out wrong. What I meant to ask is, is that how you got the time off?”
“It’s kind of hard to play without the band’s front man,” he says simply.
“I’ve been following your career ever since I spotted you on the band’s first album cover, and I’ve always wondered why you weren’t the lead singer. You have such an amazing voice.”
He bites his bottom lip and then pulls it through his teeth. “That makes two of us. When I first signed my deal with Mopar Records, they told me that I would be the front man of the new band they were creating, and then they went out to find the rest of the band members. The moment they signed Ace, everything changed. They moved him into the front man position without talking to me about it. We showed up at our first rehearsal and it was like, surprise, meet your new lead singer.”
I shake my head. “Ace is great and all, but I have to say that you are much better.”
Jared smiles. “Thanks. I wish the label saw it that way.”
While I know he loves being the leader, he doesn’t realize that he doesn’t have to be center of attention to shine. “Jared . . . I think you’re already back on top. Look at what all you accomplished since you left. Music wasn’t ever really your dream, just something else you were good at, and now you’re so successful. Most people would kill to be in your position—people who have dreamed about it since they were kids.”
He glances down at the floor like he’s mulling over what I just said. Finally, after a long moment, he nods. “I sound ungrateful, don’t I?”
“I didn’t say that . . .”
His gaze shoots back at me. “It’s okay, London. You’re right, and that’s one thing I need to work on. I need to find a way to accept my reality and not get upset when things get messed up.”
My heart does a double thump. How I hope he means that, because the secret that I’m keeping from him is one that I hope he’ll be able to accept.
“Enough about me,” he says. “I want to hear about you. Looks like you’re doing well.”
I pick at my thumbnail. Where do I even begin? When I glance over at Jared’s face, I can tell he’s wondering why I’m hesitating.
He furrows his brow. “I know that look, London. What’s on your mind?”
I lick my bottom lip and open my mouth, but I can’t force the words to come out. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
I close my eyes, because if I’m going to tell him this—break this secret open that I know will hurt him—there’s no way I can look at him. “There’s no easy way to say this . . .”
“London, I just opened up and poured my heart out to you because I want you to know how sorry I am for everything that happened. You know how fucked up I am. Whatever you’re hiding can’t be any worse than the shitty things I’ve done in my life. You can tell me. Whatever it is, I swear I won’t judge you.”
His words sound so sweet, and I’m convinced that he means them right now, but I know the moment he finds out about me and Wes, his niceties will fly out the window. After all, marrying his brother is the ultimate betrayal no matter how long we’ve been separated, but by the same token, he betrayed me too. He left me for five years without so much as a word. I can’t help that the man I tried to move on with was his brother. Wes was there for me when I needed someone the most.
“Jared . . .” There’s a break in my voice already, but I know this is something he needs to hear. “I—”
Before I have the chance to tell him, there’s a knock on my front door. My body instantly relaxes like it’s been saved by the bell.
I shove myself up from the couch. “I’ll be right back.”
Mentally, I scold myself for not just coming right out and telling him. After all, he walked out on me, and no matter how nice he’s being to me right now, I have to keep that in the forefront of my mind.
Still going over how best to just come out with it in my head, I open the door, and the wind whooshes from my lungs. Wes stands there with his hands shoved in his pockets, and every nerve in my body panics.
There will be no gentle way of breaking the news to Jared now. Wes won’t have it. He still holds so much anger toward his brother, and I know shit is about to hit the fan.
NOW
JARED
It’s been five years since I’ve seen London, and had I known that this was her house when I grabbed the flowers off Mom’s counter, I wouldn’t have delivered them. I wasn’t exactly ready to see her—to confess to her all my demons—but I’m glad I did. Although things are still tense, in an odd way we’ve fallen right back into a comfortable pattern with each other, sharing things that we
can’t talk to anyone else about.
Looking back, I know now that if I had just opened up to her and told her what was going on inside my head, we could’ve probably gotten through that dark period together. But, being the jackass I was and unable to see past my own pain, I overlooked hers. By the time I realized what I had lost when I walked out on her, it was already too late to salvage her trust in me.
When I ask her who the flowers are from, she tenses, clearly uncomfortable with telling me about that portion of her life.
Just when I think she’s about to give in and tell me, the doorbell rings, and it’s almost as if she’s relieved.
“What are you doing here?” There’s panic in her voice, and I feel like whoever sent her the flowers is here to apologize in person.
I stood up when London went to answer the door, just in case whoever it is on the other side is company that she needs to spend time with. I ready myself to leave on her command, but the voice from the other side of the door causes my back to stiffen.
“London, please. We need to talk. It’s important.” My brother’s voice, pleading with London, makes me tilt my head.
Why is he even here?
“I told you, Wes, I need space,” she tells him. “You coming around, calling, sending flowers, isn’t helping.”
“I’m not here because of that right now. I came to tell you that I found out that Jared is back. I felt like it was my job to warn you and come check on you.”
Considering how things went the last few times I saw her, I understand Wes’s concern for London. God knows I was a dick and treated her horribly, both when I left her after my fight with Wes and when she tracked me down at the bar when I was with Suzie Q’s band.
“Wes,” London says, “I already know.”
“You do?” Even I can hear the curiosity in his voice.
I shove my hands in my pockets so I don’t come off as aggressive as I step up behind London. Wes’s eyes land squarely on me, and his jaw instantly stiffens. Clearly there won’t be one of those made-for-television reunion moments happening between my brother and me. The expression on his face tells me that he’s pissed that I’m here.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Wes growls as he redirects his gaze back to London. “You let him in here? Have you lost your mind?”
“Wes, please,” she pleads. “Calm down. We’re just talking.”
“I won’t calm down! He doesn’t get to talk to you—not after what he did—not ever! The bastard doesn’t deserve any kindness from you.”
I understand why he’s mad, but he’s got to be able to tell by looking at me that I am not the same hothead I was before. I need to make him understand that I mean her no harm. “Wes, man, look, I know—”
He points his finger in my direction. “You can just shut up. Whatever you think you had with her in the past, it’s over. You blew your chances with her.”
“If I want to talk to her, you can’t stop me,” I retort. “It’s up to her if she wants me to leave or not. This is her house.”
Wes narrows his eyes at me. “That’s where you’re wrong again. This is my house, asshole.”
I flinch. “Your house?” My eyes flick down to London. “What’s he talking about?”
She swallows hard. “That’s what I was trying to tell you before. Wes and I . . .”
I hold my breath as she struggles to tell me exactly what’s going on between them. My heart squeezes in my chest, and my knees grow a little weak after my brain puts two and two together.
Unable to wait on her to finish, I fill in the gap. “The two of you live together? You’re like a thing?”
“We’re more than a ‘thing.’ London is my wife.”
My eyes widen and it’s suddenly hard to breathe. “Wife . . . ?”
“That’s right. Things have changed since you walked out of here, so don’t act so surprised that she moved on without you. You left her for five years! I was the one who stayed and picked up all the pieces of the mess you left behind. So like I said, you don’t get to talk to her. She no longer belongs to you.”
My eyes widen. All of the times when I was out on the road touring and thought about London and my family, never did I picture this scenario happening. Sure, I knew Wes had a thing for London, but I didn’t think London would ever reciprocate Wes’s feelings. She always seemed so oblivious to the way he looked at her.
Ever since we were kids, I noticed Wes stared at London a little too long, but I couldn’t blame him. London is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. It’s hard to not notice her.
The rage I normally feel when things don’t go my way isn’t there. I’ve learned too much about how much hurt flying off the handle can cause. Them being together—it’s my fault. Leaving did push them together. I have no doubt that my brother was probably the shoulder she cried on when I shattered her heart.
Wes is right. I no longer have any claim on London. I left her behind—walked completely out of her life—it’s not fair of me to be upset that she moved on.
I close my eyes and frown. When I reopen them, I flick my gaze from London to my brother and then back again, knowing this whole situation was created by me. I can’t be mad at them. More than anything, I envy Wes. He has the life that I wanted with London, living the dream that I screwed up when I walked out on her.
I swallow hard. “I’m sorry.”
Wes’s head snaps back a bit, and he furrows his brow. This wasn’t the answer that he was expecting. “Why are you sorry?”
“For causing all this. We never used to fight like this. We all just got along, but now . . . I deserve this. I might as well have pushed the two of you together myself.”
“Jared . . .” London’s eyes glisten with tears.
“It’s okay, London. I understand. He loves you—he always has. I’m glad there was someone there for you when I left.”
She shakes her head. “That’s not how it happened. We just started officially seeing each other a year ago, and our marriage . . . it’s not working.”
“It’s not working because you can’t get over him and what he did to you.” Wes points at me. “You love him way more than he deserves.”
The hurt in Wes’s voice is clear. The tension between these two still seems raw from the outside of the situation, and I seem to be the very source of what’s ruining their marriage. It’s time for me to leave before I make things any worse for them. “I’m just going to go. The two of you obviously have a lot that you need to work out.”
Wes steps back, allowing me to pass by him. “Yeah, I think it’s best you go.”
The coldness in his voice stings as I walk out onto the porch, leaving Wes and London behind. The closeness I once shared with my brother is long gone. I don’t see a way back to the relationship we once had, since it’s clear that we’re both in love with the same woman.
“Jared, don’t go!” London pleads. “Stay.”
I turn around and face her. “I’m sorry, London. I don’t belong here. You and Wes . . .” I hesitate, unsure of what to say. “You don’t need me in the middle of this, causing you any more problems.”
I don’t give her a chance to say anything else. I all but run to the delivery van, jump inside, and speed off to process everything I’ve just learned. Once the initial shock passes, grief washes over me. The relationship I had with London is dead and gone, and it hits home that I’ve really lost her. Even though I’m the one who left her, a small glimmer of hope always flickered in the back of my mind that someday, somehow, we’d find our way back to one another. But now she’s with Wes, my own brother. It’s ironic that I expected Wes to stay out of my relationship with London, and now the shoe is on the other foot.
She said things between them weren’t working out, but I won’t intrude on their marriage. I can’t interfere no matter how bad I want her back. I’ve already been selfish enough when it comes to Wes and London, and I don’t want to hurt either of them any more.
When I get back to the
shop, Mom greets me with a smile. “How’d it go?”
I smile but decide that I’m not ready to tell her about who I just ran into. “It was fine.”
She frowns, and I’m sure she already knows that I took the yellow roses and delivered them to London, but she’s not letting on that she does. I know my mother, and she’s waiting on me to dive into telling her the bad news before bringing it up herself.
“No problems? And you found everyone all right?” she asks again.
I nod. “Everything went fine.” I need a distraction. “Are you ready for dinner? I’m starving.”
Mom wipes her hands on the faded blue towel she’s holding. “Yep. All done here. Let’s go.”
Through dinner, I’m quiet. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to Mom and hear all about what’s been going on in her life, it’s just that I can’t stop thinking about Wes and London.
Mom reaches across the table and places her hand on my forearm. “Is everything okay? You seem like your mind is somewhere else.”
I take a drink from my water glass and sigh. I could continue to hide the fact that I know about London and Wes, but my mind is teetering with so many questions. Who better to ask than her? “Why didn’t you tell me about the wedding?”
Her lips pull into a tight line, and then she sighs. “I thought you took the yellow roses.”
I nod. “I did, and let me tell you, I don’t know who was shocked more—me or London.”
“I can imagine. I never meant for you to find out that way. My plan was to break the news to you once we came here for dinner. How are you doing now that you know?”
I shrug. “I think I’m still in shock. Honestly, I can’t believe London married my brother. It just hurts so damn bad. I wanted to marry her. I wanted to be the one who gave her the Kraft name, but I wasn’t here to do that. It’s my fault that they’re together, and I can’t even be mad at them, even though I wish I were. It would be a whole lot easier to hate them both instead of having this heart-wrenching sadness inside me right now.”