He nods. “That’s exactly how I feel.”
I open my mouth to say more about Henry but hold back because I don’t want to push the subject too far and make Jared uncomfortable. So far he seems very calm and rational—a far cry from five years ago.
I bite my lip but then decide to just continue bringing up his father to gauge where he’s at emotionally with his father’s death, because last time I saw him he couldn’t handle it. “I really loved Henry. He was like a father to me too, so I understand why you lost it the way you did after he passed. He was pretty amazing.”
“That he was,” Jared says softly as he stares into my eyes. It seems that he has no trouble talking about his dad now.
He sighs. “I was wrong for taking off the way I did, London. I’ve apologized to Mom I don’t know how many times, but I’m so sorry that it took me until recently to tell you that. I loved you so much, and you don’t know how bad I wish that I’d never screwed things up between us. I would say that I wish I could have a second chance to prove to you how much you mean to me and how I would never leave you like I did before, but I know that’s not fair of me to say. You’re with Wes now, and I have to learn to deal with that.”
Tears burn my eyes. “You don’t know how bad I wish that too, but you hurt me so much. I cried for you—still do. You completely wrecked me. Wes and I—it just sort of happened. I was lonely and he was there for me through a really dark period in my life. I never meant for me and Wes—”
He steps to me and presses his index finger to my lips. “Don’t. You don’t have to be sorry for that. I wasn’t there for you, and Wes was. I understand why you gave it a shot with him.”
I stare at him in amazement. This wasn’t the reaction I expected from him. The old Jared would’ve been angry with me no matter how many times I apologized for marrying his brother. This new side of him seems to understand and has compassion for the mistake I made, which only makes me explain how I still feel about him.
“He reminded me so much of you. The things that attracted me to him pushed me away at the same time. Every day I was with him, I thought of you. Being around him reminded me of what I lost with you. Wes knew it—but he loved me anyway. I just couldn’t love him back in the same way—not the way I loved you. You were it for me, and that’s why things were doomed from the start with Wes and me.”
He cups my face. “London . . .”
“Jared.” I can only whisper his name in return before he pulls me in for a kiss.
He doesn’t move too fast. He holds my face in his hands as he presses his mouth to mine. There’s no urgency in his actions. It’s almost as if he’s taking the time to savor every second of this.
He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me in tighter. “I’ve missed you so much. Can you ever forgive me for leaving you—for that night in the parking lot? For everything? You should hate me, I know that, but I swear to God if you’ll let me, I’ll make it up to you.”
For years I’ve dreamed of him saying this, begging for my forgiveness and promising that he would make it up to me. I know I should hate him and not give in so easy, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want this so bad. I still love him, and I need to know that I can trust him again and that his intentions with my heart are pure.
I lean my forehead against his. “God, I want to believe that, but I’m scared. I can’t take you crushing my heart again.”
He squeezes his eyes shut like it pains him to look at me, and then he opens them and pulls back to meet my gaze head-on. “I deserve that. God knows I did you wrong. Please give me a shot. I’ll understand if you guard your heart for a while until I can prove to you that I’m deserving of it.”
Jared cups my face. “You’re my girl, London. There’s no one else but you, and never has been, and I’ll love you until my very last day on this earth.”
I stare into his blue eyes and then touch his bottom lip with my thumb. “I want this with you so much.”
“I want you too, but I want to know that I’m your choice. That you and Wes—that whatever that was between the two of you is over. Finished. I need that peace of mind before we go any further.”
I can see the pleading in his eyes for the permission he needs to claim me as his own again. I bite my bottom lip as I speak the truth out loud. “Wes and I were over before we ever began. It’s you that I love, Jared. It always has been.”
Jared smiles as he grips my hips and lifts me up to the counter with ease before hitching my legs around his waist. “You don’t know how happy that makes me to hear you say that. I swear, I’ll never leave your side again. Not ever.”
I melt into his words. They mean so much to me. I’ve wanted to hear them for so long, and I can’t help but give in to the moment and kiss him with all my might. This, in turn, excites him. Jared’s hands are everywhere, tugging on my clothes in order to get his hands onto my bare skin. When he threads his fingers into my hair, he pulls me deeper into his kiss. This is the ultimate way to make a woman feel desired—to act like you can’t get enough of her and want her so much you can barely stand it. I absolutely love the way it makes me feel.
His hands settle on my hips as he pulls me even closer, pushing himself between my legs. The shorts I’m wearing creep up my thighs and stretch across the skin of my legs. His lips attack mine, and I find myself completely immersed in him.
I adjust my hips and feel the hard cock in his jeans rub up against me. No man has ever been able to arouse me this much. There’s something about Jared that attracts me, and I’m drawn to him no matter what bad shit he’s done. The way he so blatantly wants me—the way he’s laid it all out there on the line—is a complete turn-on.
“God, London, I’ve missed this—us—so much. No other woman holds my heart, never has. Only you,” Jared says. “I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. So sorry.”
He keeps chanting those words softly in my ear, over and over. Every instinct inside me tells me that he means it, which only reignites all the old feelings that I had for him, bringing them all to the forefront in full force.
It’s always been Jared who’s owned my heart. Wes has only been a crutch—someone I used to convince myself that I was over Jared. All those nights lying awake and wondering where Jared was and if he was thinking about me, I’ve finally gotten my answer. He was dreaming of me too.
The heat of his stare overwhelms me as he pulls back and then presses his lips to mine. My panties grow wet, and I’m so turned on by finally being in his arms again that I can’t see straight.
Dear God. I can’t believe he’s gotten even sexier with time.
“I want you so much,” he whispers before kissing the sensitive flesh below my ear. “Tell me you want me too.”
Those words flowing from his lips cause the rational side of my brain to shut down completely and allow my greedy body to take control of my actions.
I grab his face and crush my lips to his. My fingers find their way into his thick, dark hair as I hold him in place while he returns my kiss with such passion that I’m sure my panties are about to ignite.
My hands roam over the rigid muscles of Jared’s rock-hard abs before I grind my pelvis against him.
When my eyes drift down to his body, I lick my lips in anticipation. The pronounced “V” of his hips points like an arrow at what I know is a considerable length hiding behind those jeans.
I move my hand down to the button of his fly while he pulls my blouse over my head. He dips his head down to the tops of my breasts. He drags his lips over the mounded flesh as he works my white, lacey bra down to expose my puckered nipples.
“You are so perfect,” Jared murmurs before sucking one of my nipples into his mouth.
We tear away each other’s clothing, but it’s like we can’t get each other naked fast enough. The sounds of both of us panting fill the room while we take turns licking, kissing, and tasting one another.
Jared drags my panties down my legs and then shoves his underwear down too, cleari
ng away all things from between us.
He hooks his arms under my thighs and pulls my hips to the edge of the counter before he uses his fingers to splay open my most sensitive flesh and rub my clit.
I writhe against the palm of his hand and my head drops back. “Jared . . .” I say his name like a plea. It’s been far too long since I’ve experienced such pleasure that I don’t want it to end.
Saying his name only causes his finger to move faster, circling and teasing me, causing that familiar euphoric feeling of an impending orgasm to rush through my body.
Every nerve ending in me ignites as I let loose and fall into the bliss of pure ecstasy.
His lips connect with mine and our mouths meld together. I’ve missed this—I’ve missed him so damn much.
I press my pussy against his crotch and rub myself against his cock. “I want you.”
He inhales sharply through his nose and then blows his hot breath across my lips. “God, I want you too. So much.”
Jared bites his lip as I reach between us, eager to touch and explore his beautiful body. His flesh is warm and silky as I wrap my fingers around his shaft and guide it to my entrance.
“Shit,” he murmurs as he licks his lips, and then he brings his face back up so he can stare at me with his lust-coated eyes. He reaches out and flicks his thumb over my still-erect nipple.
I bite my lip as I inch closer to the edge of the counter, guiding his cock up and down my folds, making impact with my clit each time.
Jared sucks a quick breath through his teeth. “Jesus. You’re so fucking wet.”
He crushes his mouth to mine as he thrusts his hips forward, and just the tip of his cock slides inside me. I spread my legs wider and grab his ass in both of my hands. “I want you inside me.”
He trails his nose along my jawline. “You don’t know how bad I want to fuck you. I’ve thought about you for so long. I know once I’m inside of you that I won’t last. I want you too damn much.”
“Please,” I beg. “Make me feel good,” I whisper against his lips.
As soon as the words fall from my lips, he thrusts his cock inside me, and I clench down around him.
“Fuck,” he breathes, moving at a deliciously slow pace. He drops his head and rests his forehead on my shoulder. “You—God, you’re amazing. I don’t want this to end.”
“Oh, you feel so good,” I tell him as he moves a little faster. “Harder,” I tell him, feeling a little greedy as I seek out another orgasm.
He snakes his arms under mine and splays his hands on my back as he does exactly as I ask.
“Yes,” I hiss.
That familiar tingle erupts throughout my body as he drives himself inside me.
I pant, and my mouth drifts open as I come again. “Oh, God. Jared, yes!”
“Come for me, baby. You’re so fucking sexy,” he growls as I come undone under him.
He thrusts into me a few more times before he curses and comes inside me. He stills and then pulls out, rubbing his come-covered cock over my folds.
He bites his bottom lip. “I’m sorry about that. I should’ve used a condom, but I was so caught up. I want you to know that I’m clean, I get tested regularly. You’re still on the pill, right?”
I shake my head. I should’ve stopped him, but my stupid body just doesn’t know how to say no when it comes to this man.
Jared sighs and then jams his fingers into his hair. “If something happens, we’ll handle it, okay? I promise you can count on me now.”
I pull back and stare into his blue eyes. “Jared . . .” I say his name almost like a whisper.
He furrows his brow. “I know that look, London. What’s wrong?”
I open my mouth to answer him, but a wave of nausea hits me hard, and I twist just in time to vomit into the kitchen sink.
“Oh my God. London? Are you all right?” There’s thick concern in Jared’s voice as he stands behind me and holds my hair back while I continue to expel my lunch. “Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well?”
I shake my head. “I didn’t feel sick until just a few seconds ago. It was like I just got off of an amusement park ride and the world was still spinning.”
“So you’re saying I just rocked your world?” I can hear the teasing in his voice, and I reach behind me to smack him. “Ouch. Kidding. Only kidding.”
I turn the faucet on and rinse the contents in the sink down the drain and then cup my hand to fill it with water to wash my mouth out. When I stand up, Jared watches me closely, like I’m a puking time bomb that’s ready to erupt again at any second.
He hands me a paper towel. “You okay?”
I take it and wipe my face. “Yeah. I’m okay.”
“Does that happen often, or is it just sex with me that makes you ill?”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not sure what happened. I was fine before and during. It was . . . I don’t know.”
Jared’s lips twist. “Maybe you should go to Dr. Friedman and get it checked out.”
I nod. “Maybe I will.”
Jared bites his lip. “I’ll go with you, if you want. His office had the best suckers.”
I laugh, finding it amusing that he remembers that about the family doctor both he and I have gone to since we were in junior high school. “I think I can handle going to the doctor on my own, but I’ll be sure to tell him how big of a fan you are of his treats.”
The next day I sit in the waiting room of my family doctor as I listen for my name to be called. I’ve felt sick for the last month, but I chalked it up to being stressed over the separation in my marriage. Puking for no apparent reason is definitely a new thing.
Jared showing up two days ago has made things worse. Being caught between two men has magnified my stress levels tenfold. I’ve decided it’s time to get checked and get a prescription for nerve pills if that’s what I need. After I left Jared yesterday, I couldn’t stop replaying what occurred between us in that kitchen. I’m not sure where we go from here. I would love nothing more than to try and start over with him. Jared and I need to sit down and figure out this thing between us.
“London Kraft,” the short, dark-haired nurse in blue scrubs calls from the doorway.
I toss the magazine I was reading back down on the table in front of me and push up out of the chair. “That’s me.”
I follow her down the hallway. After she asks me why I’m here, she weighs me and takes my blood pressure, and then ushers me into a small exam room. “The doctor will be right in.”
Nearly twenty minutes later, Dr. Anthony Friedman comes waltzing in the door. Dr. Friedman always looks exactly the same every time I come in here. Hair combed over to the side and thick-framed glasses complement his white lab coat, completing the stereotypical nerdy appearance.
He sits down at the small desk in the room with what I assume is my chart in his hand. “So, London, my nurse says you’re not feeling well—some general tiredness and nausea. Is there anything else going on?”
“Those are the main things,” I tell him. “I’ve never felt so off before in my life.”
He glances down at the chart. “And you’ve been feeling this way for nearly a month?” I nod and he makes a note. “When was your last menstrual period?”
I furrow my brow as I try to remember. I’ve been so distracted lately that I can’t recall. “I’m not sure.”
Dr. Friedman’s eyes soften. “Let’s get a pregnancy test for you, and we’ll start from there.”
My stomach drops to the floor, and a wave of nausea rolls over me. Is this really happening to me right now? I rub my forehead and then close my eyes.
I guess it is possible that I might be pregnant. Wes and I didn’t use birth control—messing around with my hormones made me too weepy—but I did keep track of when I ovulate so that we could avoid sex around those times. We haven’t been married long enough to even entertain the idea of starting a family.
When Dr. Friedman leaves the room, the dark-haired nurse pokes he
r head back through the door. “London, if you’ll come with me over to the restroom.”
I follow her but am in full-on robot mode, just going through the motions. I chew the meaty flesh on the inside of my bottom lip, trying to hide the fact that my heart is beating a thousand miles a minute inside my chest as I try not to freak the fuck out until I know if I’m pregnant or not.
She opens the door to the restroom and hands me plastic cup that has my name on it. “Fill it up to the line and then open the little door on the wall and set it inside. Any questions?”
“No,” I whisper.
After I provide the sample, she sticks me back into the exam room, where I wait for what feels like forever for the doctor to come back in and give me the results.
Dr. Friedman sits back down at the little desk across from me. “Congratulations, you’re pregnant.”
My eyes widen, and I suck in a quick breath. “Are you sure?”
I clutch my chest at the realization of how this will affect getting back together with Jared. It can never happen now—not after this.
He nods. “Our tests are pretty accurate, but of course, we always do a full blood workup too. Since you can’t remember the date of your last menstrual period, there’s no way to know for sure exactly how far along you are. You’ll need to make an appointment with an OB to confirm the pregnancy, and if you need help finding one, let my staff in the front office know, and they can help you. In the meantime, I’m going to write you a one-month supply of prenatal vitamins and advise you to start eating healthy. Follow the basic food groups, limit your caffeine intake, and absolutely no alcohol. Any questions?”
My entire body is numb, and while I’m sure I’ll have a million questions later on, I can’t think of a single one right now. The only thing that’s on my mind is telling Jared.
I stare up at the doctor and do my best to fight back tears as I shake my head.
“I know this is a lot to take in, especially if you weren’t trying to get pregnant. Go home and talk about this with your partner, and I’m sure that will help.”