By five in the morning there’s still no sign of Jared, and Julie’s worry is now bordering on panic. “This isn’t like him. My Jared is not this irresponsible.”
“He probably went out and picked up a bottle of Jack and drank until he passed out somewhere,” Wes says. “We’re probably worried for nothing.”
“Well, he wasn’t in his dorm, and every friend that I know of back at school hadn’t seen him. If he drank, he did it alone,” I tell Wes.
Julie rubs her face. “Maybe I should start calling the hospitals. He could be hurt. I know the police won’t take reports until an adult has been missing for a couple days.”
Wes shakes his head. “I doubt anything like that’s happened, but if it makes you feel better, Mom, I’ll help you make some calls.”
I sit on the couch, chewing my thumbnail while Wes and Julie get to work making phone calls. Just as Wes suspected, Jared isn’t listed at any hospital facility, which is a relief.
When seven rolls around, I find myself so exhausted that I doze off sitting straight up on their living room couch. I jump the moment someone touches me, and my eyes snap open to find Wes tucking a blanket around me.
“You are so nice. I should be taking care of you right now, and not the other way around,” I say sleepily, knowing he’s the one who just lost his father.
Wes’s brown eyes trace over my face. “No. You’re exhausted. Try and get some rest. I’ll wake you up when he comes home.”
“Okay,” I answer, too tired to get much more out before I fall back asleep.
The shrill ring of a telephone awakens me, and I tear my eyes open. I’m not sure how long I’ve been out, but it’s long enough that I have a tiny spot of drool on the side of my face.
Wes shoves himself up from the chair across from me and grabs the house phone. “Hello?”
The moment he answers, his eyebrows draw in and a confused look crosses his face.
I yank the blanket off of me and sit up a little straighter just as Julie rounds the corner with a dish towel in her hands.
“Yes. I’ll accept,” Wes says to the other person on the line.
Julie wrings the towel in her hands. “Who is it?”
Wes holds up an index finger. “Jared, where the hell are you?”
I scoot to the edge of my seat as I wait with bated breath.
“Yeah.” Wes rubs the back of my neck. “We’ll be down there as soon as we can. Sit tight.” He nods, like he’s answering a question that Jared’s asked on the other end. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll talk when we get down there.”
The moment he hangs up the phone, Julie rushes to Wes’s side. “What did he say? Where is he? And why is he calling collect?”
Wes holds up his hands. “Easy, Mom. Jared is fine, but the bad news is that he got arrested last night.”
“Arrested?!” Julie and I both say in unison.
Jail is the last place I ever expected to find Jared. He’s too straitlaced and too focused on baseball to do anything crazy enough to land himself in jail.
“What for?” I ask.
Julie shakes her head. “I can’t believe this. Jared’s never been in any trouble before. What on earth could he have possibly done?”
“Drugs,” Wes says simply. “They picked him up when he was buying weed.”
My hand instantly covers my mouth. “Oh my God. This could be—”
“Bad. I know,” Wes finishes my sentence for me. “When school finds out about this, they will most likely take away his scholarship and kick him off the team.”
My eyes widen. “No! That can’t happen! That will crush him.”
My emotions teeter on the edge and they are millimeters from falling over. I’m mere seconds away from losing my head. If Jared loses baseball, I . . . I don’t even want to think about what he’ll do. He’s already got enough to deal with. This will only make things ten times worse.
Julie sits down beside me and wraps her arms around me. “My boy needs you to be strong for him. He’s suffering so much, and it looks like things are about to get a whole lot worse before they get better. You have to be strong.”
“I’ll try.” I wipe my face with the back of my hand, but the tears continue to spill from my eyes.
We don’t waste any time. We pile into Julie’s car with Wes behind the wheel and race down to the local police station to figure out how to get Jared out of this mess if we can. The ride is quiet for the most part—none of us wanting to speculate too much on Jared’s fate until we’ve gotten to the bottom of everything and figured out the best way to help him.
Wes pulls into the parking lot and then stops. “Here we are.”
When I exit the car, my hands shake. I don’t know why I’m so nervous, but I guess maybe it’s the idea of knowing that everything in Jared’s life is about to change. It baffles me as to what would possess him to buy drugs. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s never touched the stuff because he was so into sports and keeping his body fit. Doing drugs was not something he was even remotely interested in.
It hurts to know that Jared felt like he had to go buy drugs in order to find comfort instead of seeking me out for it. I always thought I was his place of comfort—the person he can always turn to when he’s in trouble.
Inside the building everything seems very sterile and minimal. The cinder-block walls are white and completely bare with the exception of some golden plaque honoring an officer who was killed in the line of duty. Two wooden benches sit back to back in the middle of the room, and to the right is a desk separated from us by what I imagine is bulletproof glass.
Wes explains to the small black woman in a police uniform sitting at the desk who we are there to pick up.
She nods and then presses a button in order to speak through the little speaker that’s mounted on the glass. “Bail is set for fifteen hundred dollars, and he’s scheduled for arraignment on May twentieth at eight in the morning.”
Julie opens her purse and pulls out the wad of cash we stopped at her candy shop to get. She counts out the money before stepping up to the glass and placing it into the metal box on the counter so the female officer can pull it through to her side of the glass. Julie stuffs her wallet back into her purse as the officer sends a form through for her to fill out.
Once everything is complete, the woman tells us to have a seat while they bring Jared out.
I can’t imagine being trapped in this place. This visit alone is enough to scare me straight to the point where I never want to do anything that will risk my freedom.
It takes about an hour, but a loud buzzer sounds just before the dark gray steel door rolls open on the track. A few inches separate the wall and the door as it continues to slowly open and I spot Jared. His dark hair is disheveled and his normally bright blue eyes seem dull. A glimmer of a smile passes across his face the moment he spots me, and I can tell he’s happy that I’m here but is doing his best not to seem overly excited that he’s getting out of this place.
I don’t give him any choice. I step over to him and wrap my arms around his neck. “I was so worried. Don’t you ever leave me like that again.”
Strong arms wrap around my waist and pull me tighter against his chest. He buries his face in my hair and inhales deeply. “I’m sorry, London. I fucked up so bad.”
I shake my head. “Shhh. Don’t talk about that right now. Whatever happens, we’ll figure it out.”
Jared gives me one final squeeze and then releases me. When I step back and straighten my shirt, Jared looks down at his mom and frowns. “Mom . . . I’m—”
Julie wraps him in a hug. “It’s okay, son. It’s okay.”
Once he’s in his mother’s comforting arms, a sob rips out of his chest. Tears that I’m sure he’s been fighting since he heard the news last night about his father flow freely down his face. I glance over at Wes, who also bats away the tears from his eyes and throws his arms around both his mom and brother. Finally, they are able to grieve together over the loss of the
man who was the rock of their family—the man who held them all together. It’s then it hits me like a ton of bricks that life for this family will never be the same, and my heart breaks for these people that I love so much.
NOW
JARED
I’m still standing there in shock. I can’t believe that asshole just flipped us off and then stormed off the stage like that. Ace is one selfish bastard to leave us to deal with the aftermath of an angry sold-out crowd who obviously will not be getting the show that they paid for.
There’s no other choice but to cut the music and follow Ace’s lead off the stage. Luke and Tyler take off first, while I’m right on their heels. The fans at Summerfest instantly boo. I turn back and watch as our instruments get pounded with half-empty beer bottles and anything else the people can find to throw onto the stage to show their protest.
“Fuck,” Luke says, standing next to me. “They’re pissed.”
“Wouldn’t you be? I mean, shit, they paid for a show, and we just walked off stage,” Tyler adds.
“What choice did that asshole give us? I mean, who does that?” Luke’s face is just as red as his hair.
We stand there, completely unsure of what to do next. I’ve never had anything like this happen before. Hopefully Jane Ann has tracked Ace down and talked some sense into that moron. He needs to get his stupid ass back on this stage before these people riot and tear this place apart.
After close to twenty minutes since Ace’s Houdini act, Tyler looks to me. “Do you think he’s coming back?”
I shrug. “I have no idea, but I still expect to get paid for this show. I showed up. It’s not my fault Ace picked now to be a fucking diva.”
No sooner do the words leave my lips than Jane Ann shows up without Ace. Her red hair is frizzy and completely disheveled. I can tell by the wild look in her blue eyes that she’s losing her shit right now.
I straighten my back. “I’m going to guess that Ace told you to piss off.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “It seems that Ace will not be doing the show tonight.”
“Thanks for that one, Captain Obvious,” Luke spouts off. “Does he plan on making the next show tomorrow night?”
Jane Ann squares her shoulders. “I’m unable to answer that at this current time. I guess we will just wait and see when we get there tomorrow.”
I release a bitter laugh. “Are you fucking joking? There’s no way I’m going to stand up thousands of people again. Either he’s going to be there or he isn’t, which is it?”
“I don’t know,” she answers.
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“It means I don’t even know where he is, okay?” she growls at me. “He’s gone and I have no clue where he is. He’s not answering his phone—nothing—so like I said, we won’t know if he’s going to show up until we get to the arena tomorrow.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “This is fucking ridiculous. I told you that you put all your eggs in the wrong basket. Guys like Ace can’t handle the pressure of being center stage.”
“I don’t need this right now, JJ. What we need to focus on is finding Ace. His foster mother is ill, so I’m pretty sure he’s heading to Ohio to see her. If any of you speak with him before I do, you better tell me, and let Ace know that I expect him to be at that show tomorrow night.”
“Why would you even think that we’d talk to him before you? He rarely speaks to us, and we are definitely not his friends,” I tell her. “This isn’t anything new.”
“Unbelievable. Well, you all better hope that we find him or we’ll all be out of jobs.” She doesn’t give us time to say anything else, just turns on her heel and walks away.
Damn that Ace. Now he’s really gone and fucked us all.
The next show comes and there’s still no sign of Ace. From the information that Jane Ann was able to dig up, the woman who raised Ace passed away last night in a hospital in Columbus, Ohio. Ace was there when she died, and it’s assumed that we’re going to have to cancel the next few shows to give him a chance to grieve the loss and attend her funeral.
As for the rest of us, we’re stuck in limbo, waiting to see when Ace will return. Jane Ann has made several attempts to reach Ace, but all of her calls have gone unanswered.
I’ve been cooped up in my hotel room for days, which isn’t a good thing for me. It allows me too much time for my mind to wander and dwell on people in my past. The one person who’s been on my mind since the day I found out that Ace’s foster mother passed is my own mother.
Seeing what Ace is going through and how that shit’s being publicized in the tabloids actually makes me feel sorry for him. I know firsthand how much it hurts to lose a parent, so I can sympathize with what he’s going through. It also reminds me that life is precious and that there are no do-overs when it comes to people you love dying.
I haven’t seen my mom in nearly five years, but she’s the only one I’ve remained in contact with from my old life. My calls home are sporadic and short, but it’s nice to know that she’s okay. As much as I love Mom, it hurts too much to speak with her because I can’t stop myself from thinking of Dad when I do. But it’s times like these when I just need to hear the sound of her voice.
I grab my cell off the nightstand and dial the number to Mom’s candy shop, where she answers on the third ring. “Best Candies.”
I lick my dry lips. “Hey, Mom.”
“Jared.” The way she says my name it nearly sounds like a sigh of relief. She does that every time I call, like she’s been waiting since the last time we spoke to see if I would call again. “It’s so good to hear your voice. How are you?”
“I’m good. Busy, but good.”
“Being busy is always good. It tends to keep your mind occupied,” she says.
I know there’s so much more she wants to say to me, but she’s learned over the past few years that if she starts digging too much, or mentions London, those are the triggers that cause me to hang up. That completely makes me feel like an asshole. My life shouldn’t be this way, but it is. It’s royally screwed up, and I’m too much of a coward to face all the people that I’ve caused so much pain.
“I’ve heard your band mentioned a lot. What’s going on with your bandmate? Looks like he flipped out during a performance,” Mom says, bringing me out of my thoughts.
I sigh. “Apparently his foster mother was in the hospital, and he took off to see her. It was honestly a good thing he walked off stage, because he went right to her and was able to tell her good-bye before she passed.”
Mom’s quiet for a few minutes. “Not everyone is so lucky.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat. I wish to God that I would’ve gotten a chance to see Dad and talk to him one last time. There were so many things that I wanted to say to him—tell him how much I loved him and what he meant to me—but I never got the chance. Ace is lucky, and he should count his blessings that he was so fortunate.
“Does this mean the band will be taking some time off?” she asks. “I would love for you to come home. I know Wes would—”
“Wait,” I interrupt her. “Does he know we’ve kept in contact all this time?”
“Of course not. I haven’t told anyone like you asked. I know there’s some bad blood there, and that’s between the two of you, although I wish you’d come home and work things out with him. He’s the only family that you’ve got left other than me, and I would like to see the two of you become close again.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Wes will never forgive me for what I did. We both know that. He said so himself.”
“You might be surprised at how things change over time. If you never try to make amends, how do you know what another person is willing to forgive?”
I sit on the edge of my bed, and my eyes drift up to the ceiling. Tears attempt to push their way through, but I fight like hell to stay strong and not allow my emotions to overtake me.
Am I sorry for what went down the last night I s
aw Wes and London? Absolutely. Can I take back what I did? No, but I wish to God that I could. I never meant for things to get out of control, and I will never forgive myself for what I did, so how can either of them?
Leaving everything behind was the best thing I could do. It was the only way that I knew to force myself out of their lives—by not being around them, not giving them a chance to forgive me.
It took me at least a year and a half before I could even call my own mother on the phone after what I did on the day the University of Tennessee decided to revoke my scholarship. I’m so ashamed of myself for everything that happened between London, Wes, and me after the school took what little bit of normalcy I had left—not to mention wrecked all the plans I had for my life—away from me.
I didn’t think it was possible for my mother to love me anymore after that, but I was wrong.
“Will you think about it?” Mom asks.
“What?” I ask.
“Coming home. If you’ll have time off, please consider it. I would love to see you.”
I take a deep breath. I’ve missed her so much, and I would love the chance to see her. Life is way too short, and I need to stop being such a coward and take the risk of seeing people that I’m not exactly ready to face just yet in order to see Mom. She means the world to me, so I’ll risk facing London and Wes again if I have to, although I would prefer to take baby steps and just start out by seeing Mom alone first on this visit.
“Okay, but it’ll be quick, and you’re the only person I want to see,” I tell her.
“Of course, son. Whatever you want.” I don’t have to see her face to know that she’s smiling.
When the plane touches down, I stare out the window at the familiar surroundings that I haven’t seen in so long. We’ve played a couple shows in Knoxville, but I make it a point to not stick around the city long for fear of running into people that I may know. I wasn’t ready to face it—not that I’m ready now, but the need to see Mom helps me overcome the fear a bit.