I could hear both of my parents talking in the background to each other, so I knew they had no idea of the exchange that was going on right now. Ryker’s eyes narrowed at me and I smirked, bringing my attention back to my dad when I heard his question.
“What car are you looking at?”
“I want one like Ryker’s. A Porsche 918 Spyder,” I answered, clearing my throat and taking a bite out of a bread roll.
“Isn’t that the car that famous actor passed away in recently?” Dad asked, pausing his cutting.
“Yes. But I won’t be doing what they were doing. Anyway, I want a white one.”
Ryker’s hand gripped onto my knee and I jolted, trying to move away from him, only his grip tightened. My face flushed, and I wished I wasn’t wearing this dress now. His fingers slowly dragged up my inner thigh, a moan sitting at the front of my lips waiting to escape.
“I’ll make sure she gets a good one,” Ryker answered my dad casually, bringing his beer up to his mouth with his other hand. My eyes shot down to his tattooed hand skimming across my thigh, spiking my heart rate. His traveling continued until he reached my panties and I shot up off my seat.
“Bryleigh!” my mom said, my sudden movement shocking her.
“Sorry,” I replied, my cheeks flushed red with my thighs clenched together, all while trying to relieve some pleasure.
“Everything okay, baby?” Ryker asked from his seat, with a small smirk under his fake worried expression.
I sat back down. “Sorry, I thought there might have been a spider. You were saying?” I said to my dad, as he carried on with his conversation.
The rest of dinner went like this: Ryker feeling me up every second her could, right until mom and dad said they were going to get an early night. We helped Pauline clean up like old times before walking into the pool house.
I stopped in the doorway, flicking the lights on.
“Shit,” I whispered. It was like traveling back in time, only so much had happened since we had both been in this room together. We were no longer young, reckless teenagers, who were completely obsessed with each other. Now we were adults who were still irrevocably obsessed with each other. My four-post bed still sat in the same place as soon as you walked into the room, with the chest sitting at the foot of the bed. The System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine, and Guns N’ Roses posters remained on the white walls with grey trimming. The sitting area still dipped down a couple of steps off my room, where the same sofa sat now with a larger LCD television, which hung on the wall. The same kitchen opened out onto the living room and overlooked the rock pool. It was all the same; it even smelled the same.
Ryker stepped around me, a smile on his face. “Damn. This brings back memories.”
I laughed, walking in and dropping my bag onto the blue sofa. “Sure does.” Ryker walked up to the System of a Down poster and I followed him. “What?” I asked.
“Nah, nothing. It’s just… I tried to find this exact poster when you left. I wanted something that reminded me of you, something you owned that when I looked at it, I’d feel like you were near me.”
He sat down onto the bed, wrapping his fingers in mine and tugging me down next to him. “Fuck, I missed you.”
I smiled, bringing my hand up to his cheek. “I missed you too.”
“I didn’t know it, but all these years that you weren’t here, I’ve been lost. The endless supply of women? They meant nothing to me. The only women I actually cared about were the ones I didn’t have wrapped around my dick. You’re the only girl I’ve had my dick in that I gave a fuck about.”
I laughed nervously. “Well, I guess that’s our fucked up relationship in a few simple words.”
He looked up to the roof. “I got those instead.” He pointed to the ceiling that had patterned holes in the white plaster.
“I knew your ceiling looked familiar,” I said to him, bringing my eyes down to his.
“It was the only thing I could think of. I couldn’t give a fuck how cheesy that was, because when it came to you, I’d be whatever I needed to be.” My heart filled with emotion mixed with loss. I’d lost him for so many years, but there were many layers to Ryker, some layers only I knew about, simply because he refused to peel them off for other people. I threw my leg over him so I was straddling his hips, and my arms hooked around his neck as my head tilted. His hands wrapped around my ass tightly and I dropped my face down, my nose running along his. “Fuck me.”
His jaw tightened, his eyes scanning mine. “You sure?”
I nodded. “I love you, Ryker. That will never change. Fuck me. Make all our other problems disappear.”
His fingers wrapped around my neck, pulling my lips to his. My tongue darted out into his mouth softly, his head tilting giving me more access. I gripped onto his jacket, ripping it off before clutching onto his shirt and breaking our kiss to lift it off him.
He smiled against my lips. “Best déjà vu ever.”
Later that night, we were lying in bed after our shower as I wove my fingers through his, looking up at the roof with my head resting on his chest. “When can you leave the country?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the patterned roof.
“Um,” his raspy voice answered. “Two years. My anger management classes start next week too.”
I giggled. “I’m not laughing about your anger issues. That is no joke. I’m laughing that we have been through all this shit. Dragged each other through hell, all for what?” I flipped onto my stomach, my hair falling over one of my shoulders while I dragged my finger over his tattoos that covered his body. My finger stopped as my breath caught. “I know this place.”
One of his eyes opened as his hand caught my finger. I looked at the tattoo again, propping myself up onto my knees so I could get a better view. He smiled, watching me closely as I tried to remember where I had seen this landmark. I ran my finger over the horse with the knight on top. My breathing froze and my eyes shot to his. His smirk had disappeared, a more solemn look slipping across his face.
“Ryker?” I whispered, looking back to the horse. “Is this the Ban Jelačić Square statue? In Zagreb?” I asked him, and he smiled.
“Yeah, it is.”
The tears that I had been fighting to hold off for so long began to drop. “You got this?” I asked.
“The day after you left, I needed something that made me feel close to you back then. I’ve always needed something that reminded me of you. I knew that Zagreb was the capital of Croatia, so I got it tattooed over my heart because that’s what it felt like.”
His hands reached out to my face, wiping the tears that kept falling as he propped himself up on one elbow.
“What what felt like?” I asked on a shaky whisper.
“That my heart was in fucking Croatia, not near me. I was empty. I needed, still need, you to fill me. You’re a part of me, Bryleigh. You’ve always been a part of me, and when you left, you took my heart with you.”
I buried my face in my hands, my sobs escaping. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me on top of him.
His finger hooked under my chin and with his other hand swiped away my hair. “Hey, don’t cry.”
A fit of laughter erupted out of me and he smiled. “You did not just quote that song.”
He smiled, his dimples sinking into his cheeks. “I’m pretty sure that means you have to sing it.”
My laughter stopped. “No, no it doesn’t.”
“Please.” His bottom lip dropped to a pout and I sighed.
“Did Indie send you a video? I have a feeling I know what it is.”
He propped onto his elbows, picking his jeans up off the ground and taking his phone out of the pocket. Lying back down, I rolled onto my tummy again, tucking in under his arm.
He swiped his phone open. “Yeah, she did. I swear if this is a video of you kissing another dude, I’ll slaughter you all and I’m not playing.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “It won’t be.”
He must have pushed
play, because the video sound started blaring, and when Evanescence started playing, I relaxed a little at knowing she hadn’t gotten any other sneaky videos of me. He smiled as he watched me end the song then he dropped his phone and pulled me on top of him again.
“She tell you about that song?”
I nodded. “After I sung it, yeah, she did.”
His fingers drifted over my cheek and I sighed, resting my head into his hold. “You’re mine, princess.”
I smiled, nodding my head. “I’m yours.”
“Now sing for me.”
I shoved him. “No, not that song, not yet. One day.”
He smiled. “I’ll settle for that.”
***
The next morning, the bright morning sun blared into the room through the cracks of the curtains and I groaned, forgetting how much those curtains sucked at keeping the light out. Flipping onto my side, I watched Ryker’s relaxed features while he was asleep. He looked so perfect like this, without his trademark smirk or those baby blues piercing into me. I didn’t know what was going to happen from here on out, but I knew whatever did happen, we would work through it. We always would. In the end, I knew he was the person I wanted next to me when I took my final breath, and ultimately, he felt the same way. I knew I consumed him as much as he consumed me, and as much as I knew he was still a fucker, he was my fucker that I got to fuck with for the rest of my life.
Two years later
“Baby, this is a private jet. Our jet, it is safe, so you need to chill,” I said to Bryleigh, as she hyperventilated in the seat next to me.
“Exactly, Ryker. It’s these small jets that crash!”
I took her hand in mine and kissed it. “You need to chill out. Once we’re in the air, it’s fine.” The jet was climbing to its destination, my ears popping on the way.
“Next time, take some Valium,” Ryder said, as he pointed to a now sleeping Tommy.
I laughed, squeezing her hand.
“I can’t believe that big bear is scared of flying,” she squeezed out on a chuckle.
“Best believe it,” Ryder answered.
We were on our way to Hamilton Island on the Whitsunday Coast of Australia. Phoebe wanted to take us here, and I only just got released to leave the country. Our latest album blew up, and Bryleigh still hadn’t listened to it. Her stubbornness hadn’t changed.
After we left her parents’ house all those years ago, she decided to move to Westbeach to be closer to me and took on a job at the hospital there. She still hadn’t heard “Jaded,” but I had plans for tonight that all the guys were in on. It had been long enough; it was time to have her branded with my name. Hopefully, she’d say yes.
Once we landed on Hamilton Island, we jumped on a couple golf carts and made our way to the private resort they had on the other side of the island to settle into our rooms.
“Hey, what’s the plan for tonight?” Bryleigh asked, as she ran the brush through her hair.
“We’re going for dinner on the beach. Sound good?”
“Yeah.” She smiled. “It’s so beautiful here I might not come home.”
I laughed, knowing damn well that if she refused to come home, I’d knock her ass out and drag her onto the plane if I had to.
“Yeah, it’s pretty impressive.” I grinned, reaching for her hand. My fingers brushed over the risen scar that sliced down her wrist and I winced. Even after all these years, seeing that scar still pains me every day. It’s a constant reminder of how close I had come to losing her forever.
Once we were ready, we headed down to the beach, where the tea candles were laid out on a long stretch table that sat on the beach. Everyone was there waiting for us already, and when I pulled back her chair to let her sit, Phoebe smiled from her spot beside Bryleigh. “Aww, he has manners. How sweet.”
I flipped her off and sat down on my seat.
After we had eaten dinner, Phoebe clapped her hands together excitedly and I looked at Ryder nervously.
“Oh! You should sing ‘Jaded,’ Ryker!”
I kicked her and looked to Ryder.
He shook his head. “I didn’t tell her anything.”
“Tell me what?” Phoebe asked, confused.
Bryleigh took a drink, looking at me. “What’s ‘Jaded?’”
I stretched out my collar and took a large drink of water, evil-eying Phoebe over the rim of my glass. She aimed her psychopathic smirk at me, and in this very moment, I was a hundred percent sure that the bitch was narcissistic.
“Uhh, it’s a song,” I answered, clearing my throat.
Her smile lit up brighter than the candles on the damn table and my heart contracted in my chest. I fucking loved this girl entirely too much. “Sing. Now.”
My eyes closed in frustration before opening and shooting into Phoebe again. “Okay, baby.” I looked up to the waiter who was standing near the tiki torches and signaled him to get me my guitar. He nodded his head, walking off and coming back with it. I took it from him and nudged my head. “Move your chair over here.”
She picked up her chair and rounded the table before dropping it down opposite me. “This is corny. It never happened, and if any of you fuckers ever try to bring it up again, I’ll knock you out.”
They chuckled before I picked the first chord and begun to sing the song I wrote when I got locked up in prison:
Jaded
Verse
Ever had to look through jaded glass,
The murky vision reminding you of the past,
The mistakes you both had made?
Can all this shit end one day?
Hook
How couldn’t you see,
what this is doing to me?
How could you not know,
I’m the addict and you’re my blow?
Chorus
Say what you need
Say what you know
Say anything or nothing
Just don’t jade the glass again
Chorus
Say what you need,
Say what you know,
Say anything or nothing,
Just don’t jade the glass again
How couldn’t you see,
what all this shit has done to me?
How could you not know,
I need to give it to you nice and slow?
You’re the only girl for me,
always have been and always will be
I lived in jaded glass,
Watching as you lived your life,
I want you, need you, to be my wife…
Phoebe gasped, and at the same time, Bryleigh did, tears falling down her cheeks. My girl shot up and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“Hold up.” I placed my guitar down to grip onto her ass. “Is that a yes?” I asked, looking into her eyes.
“That’s a fuck yes.”
I laughed and looked to Phoebe, who was wiping tears from her cheeks. “Are you crying?”
“Fuck you,” Phoebe replied.
“Pussy.”
“Bitch.”
I shook my head at her, and she started laughing, running toward us and wrapping us both in her arms. I placed Bryleigh down and swiped the hair off her face, gripping onto her chin. “Mine.”
She smiled. “Like that had ever changed.”
Simon – My partner in crime, the Clyde to my Bonnie, and the love of my life. I could not have done all of this without your undying support. I love you so much. Always and Forever.
My four terrors – My little people who understand that mommy is a working gal now, I love you little munchkins, continue to take my breath away every day and I’ll continue to drink wine because of it.
Isis Te Tuhi – a novel wouldn’t be enough words to say how much I’m grateful for your sexy existence. You’re my number one critique and my number one bitch face. I love you. The original Mrs Finlay. — Oops, I wrote it. Oh well, this is my party and we’ll sing if we want to. #distanceaintshit
My betas (Andrea, Caro, Michel, Kathy,
Kaci, Heidi, Amy)– Thank you for being here for me on my writing journey. Thank you for all the time and effort you put into helping me make these stories come alive, I appreciate you all so much.
Andrea Florkowski - When things get hard and maybe shit is not clear for me, I can always count on you to give it to me real 100%. I’ll always and forever be one of your kiwi cubs… (And the favorite one… let’s be honest here…) The place reserved for you in my heart is untouchable.
Caro Richard – So the acknowledgement for you in my previous book is all mushy… yeah, we’re pretty must past that. I don’t have enough space to tell you how much I appreciate and love you, so yeah, I love your crazy Brit ass and appreciate all that you do for me. #MyBetterHalf
Anne Malcom – You amazing woman. I cherish our friendship so much and I’m so grateful to have you in my life. #Personsforlife That makes no sense but hey, everyone knows us Kiwi’s have our own vocabulary. #Yeahbro #YeahNah #GhostChips #NekMinute
Addison Jane – Was going to write something cheesy, but then I remembered that we way past that. Love you, chica! Never forget that.
Kat Fenton (Kitty Kats Crazy About Books) — One of the girl’s who have been my ride or dies since the beginning. I love you!
Kori Toth-Gray — #1 Pimp. I’ll forever be grateful for all the time you put into pimping my work. You rock my shit.
Lastly just a big thank you to everyone who shares, pimps and promotes my stuff. I see the tags and I appreciate the love so much. Thank you! I don’t know what I’d do without all your help.
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