III
I read over my notes of what the woman said when she spoke about herpowers. There is one point which fills me with dismay. She impliesthat when the influence is slight the subject knows what he is doing,but cannot control himself, whereas when it is strongly exerted he isabsolutely unconscious. Now, I have always known what I did, thoughless so last night than on the previous occasions. That seems to meanthat she has never yet exerted her full powers upon me. Was ever a manso placed before?
Yes, perhaps there was, and very near me, too. Charles Sadler mustknow something of this! His vague words of warning take a meaning now.Oh, if I had only listened to him then, before I helped by theserepeated sittings to forge the links of the chain which binds me! ButI will see him to-day. I will apologize to him for having treated hiswarning so lightly. I will see if he can advise me.
4 P. M. No, he cannot. I have talked with him, and he showed suchsurprise at the first words in which I tried to express my unspeakablesecret that I went no further. As far as I can gather (by hints andinferences rather than by any statement), his own experience waslimited to some words or looks such as I have myself endured. Hisabandonment of Miss Penclosa is in itself a sign that he was neverreally in her toils. Oh, if he only knew his escape! He has to thankhis phlegmatic Saxon temperament for it. I am black and Celtic, andthis hag's clutch is deep in my nerves. Shall I ever get it out?Shall I ever be the same man that I was just one short fortnight ago?
Let me consider what I had better do. I cannot leave the university inthe middle of the term. If I were free, my course would be obvious. Ishould start at once and travel in Persia. But would she allow me tostart? And could her influence not reach me in Persia, and bring meback to within touch of her crutch? I can only find out the limits ofthis hellish power by my own bitter experience. I will fight and fightand fight--and what can I do more?
I know very well that about eight o'clock to-night that craving for hersociety, that irresistible restlessness, will come upon me. How shallI overcome it? What shall I do? I must make it impossible for me toleave the room. I shall lock the door and throw the key out of thewindow. But, then, what am I to do in the morning? Never mind aboutthe morning. I must at all costs break this chain which holds me.
April 9. Victory! I have done splendidly! At seven o'clock lastnight I took a hasty dinner, and then locked myself up in my bedroomand dropped the key into the garden. I chose a cheery novel, and layin bed for three hours trying to read it, but really in a horriblestate of trepidation, expecting every instant that I should becomeconscious of the impulse. Nothing of the sort occurred, however, and Iawoke this morning with the feeling that a black nightmare had beenlifted off me. Perhaps the creature realized what I had done, andunderstood that it was useless to try to influence me. At any rate, Ihave beaten her once, and if I can do it once, I can do it again.
It was most awkward about the key in the morning. Luckily, there wasan under-gardener below, and I asked him to throw it up. No doubt hethought I had just dropped it. I will have doors and windows screwedup and six stout men to hold me down in my bed before I will surrendermyself to be hag-ridden in this way.
I had a note from Mrs. Marden this afternoon asking me to go round andsee her. I intended to do so in any case, but had not excepted to findbad news waiting for me. It seems that the Armstrongs, from whomAgatha has expectations, are due home from Adelaide in the Aurora, andthat they have written to Mrs. Marden and her to meet them in town.They will probably be away for a month or six weeks, and, as the Aurorais due on Wednesday, they must go at once--to-morrow, if they are readyin time. My consolation is that when we meet again there will be nomore parting between Agatha and me.
"I want you to do one thing, Agatha," said I, when we were alonetogether. "If you should happen to meet Miss Penclosa, either in townor here, you must promise me never again to allow her to mesmerize you."
Agatha opened her eyes.
"Why, it was only the other day that you were saying how interesting itall was, and how determined you were to finish your experiments."
"I know, but I have changed my mind since then."
"And you won't have it any more?"
"No."
"I am so glad, Austin. You can't think how pale and worn you have beenlately. It was really our principal objection to going to London nowthat we did not wish to leave you when you were so pulled down. Andyour manner has been so strange occasionally--especially that nightwhen you left poor Professor Pratt-Haldane to play dummy. I amconvinced that these experiments are very bad for your nerves."
"I think so, too, dear."
"And for Miss Penclosa's nerves as well. You have heard that she isill?"
"No."
"Mrs. Wilson told us so last night. She described it as a nervousfever. Professor Wilson is coming back this week, and of course Mrs.Wilson is very anxious that Miss Penclosa should be well again then,for he has quite a programme of experiments which he is anxious tocarry out."
I was glad to have Agatha's promise, for it was enough that this womanshould have one of us in her clutch. On the other hand, I wasdisturbed to hear about Miss Penclosa's illness. It rather discountsthe victory which I appeared to win last night. I remember that shesaid that loss of health interfered with her power. That may be why Iwas able to hold my own so easily. Well, well, I must take the sameprecautions to-night and see what comes of it. I am childishlyfrightened when I think of her.
April 10. All went very well last night. I was amused at thegardener's face when I had again to hail him this morning and to askhim to throw up my key. I shall get a name among the servants if thissort of thing goes on. But the great point is that I stayed in my roomwithout the slightest inclination to leave it. I do believe that I amshaking myself clear of this incredible bond--or is it only that thewoman's power is in abeyance until she recovers her strength? I canbut pray for the best.
The Mardens left this morning, and the brightness seems to have goneout of the spring sunshine. And yet it is very beautiful also as itgleams on the green chestnuts opposite my windows, and gives a touch ofgayety to the heavy, lichen-mottled walls of the old colleges. Howsweet and gentle and soothing is Nature! Who would think that therelurked in her also such vile forces, such odious possibilities! For ofcourse I understand that this dreadful thing which has sprung out at meis neither supernatural nor even preternatural. No, it is a naturalforce which this woman can use and society is ignorant of. The merefact that it ebbs with her strength shows how entirely it is subject tophysical laws. If I had time, I might probe it to the bottom and laymy hands upon its antidote. But you cannot tame the tiger when you arebeneath his claws. You can but try to writhe away from him. Ah, whenI look in the glass and see my own dark eyes and clear-cut Spanishface, I long for a vitriol splash or a bout of the small-pox. One orthe other might have saved me from this calamity.
I am inclined to think that I may have trouble to-night. There are twothings which make me fear so. One is that I met Mrs. Wilson in thestreet, and that she tells me that Miss Penclosa is better, thoughstill weak. I find myself wishing in my heart that the illness hadbeen her last. The other is that Professor Wilson comes back in a dayor two, and his presence would act as a constraint upon her. I shouldnot fear our interviews if a third person were present. For both thesereasons I have a presentiment of trouble to-night, and I shall take thesame precautions as before.
April 10. No, thank God, all went well last night. I really could notface the gardener again. I locked my door and thrust the keyunderneath it, so that I had to ask the maid to let me out in themorning. But the precaution was really not needed, for I never had anyinclination to go out at all. Three evenings in succession at home! Iam surely near the end of my troubles, for Wilson will be home againeither today or tomorrow. Shall I tell him of what I have gone throughor not? I am convinced that I should not have the slightest sympathyfrom him. He would look upon me as an inter
esting case, and read apaper about me at the next meeting of the Psychical Society, in whichhe would gravely discuss the possibility of my being a deliberate liar,and weigh it against the chances of my being in an early stage oflunacy. No, I shall get no comfort out of Wilson.
I am feeling wonderfully fit and well. I don't think I ever lecturedwith greater spirit. Oh, if I could only get this shadow off my life,how happy I should be! Young, fairly wealthy, in the front rank of myprofession, engaged to a beautiful and charming girl--have I not everything which a man could ask for? Only one thing to trouble me, butwhat a thing it is!
Midnight. I shall go mad. Yes, that will be the end of it. I shallgo mad. I am not far from it now. My head throbs as I rest it on myhot hand. I am quivering all over like a scared horse. Oh, what anight I have had! And yet I have some cause to be satisfied also.
At the risk of becoming the