CHAPTER IV
"ADREA'S DIARY"
To-day I have made my entrance in the first scene of the drama oflife. To-day, therefore, I commence my memoirs. Everything before goesfor nothing!
As I have removed myself altogether from all association withthe humdrum existence which might have been mine, I am naturallyfriendless for the present. So far as the other sex is concerned, Ifancy that that could be easily remedied. But no women are likelyto care about making my acquaintance, and I am glad of it. I hatewomen--men, too, I think! At any rate, there will be no one of whom Ishall make a confidant, so I have chosen you, my silent friend. I gavea guinea for you in Bond Street, and with your dainty morocco caseand binding, I think you are well worth it. At any rate, you will befaithful so far as silence is concerned.
To-day has been an eventful one. I have made my _debut_ as a dancer,and Paul de Vaux has been here, in this house, alone with me! That ishard to realize, but it is so! He has altered since he used to payme periodical visits at the convent--and so have I, I imagine! Yet herecognised me! How pale and stern he looked when he stood up on thehearthrug and called me by my name! He is very handsome--handsomer noweven than on that day when he stood by, in that chamber of death, andsaw my father murdered, without lifting his hand. Ah! Paul de Vaux,Paul de Vaux! that was an evil day for you! Did you never think thatthat little brown girl, as you called her, would grow up some day; ordid you think that she would forget! Bah! What fools men are!
He remembered me! How grave he looked, and yet how tender his voicesounded! He did not forget that he was my guardian, and I his ward.How bewildered and anxious he was! Was I living quite alone, had I nofriends, did I think it wise to lay myself open to so much notice?
He had come close to my chair, and was leaning down, so that his headnearly touched mine. Really, when I looked up, I thought that he wasgoing to take me into his arms. I looked up and laughed softly intohis face.
He said no more. I invited him to dine with me, and promised to danceto him afterwards. I even let my hand rest for a moment upon hisshoulder, and whispered--but _n'importe_! He behaved just as I wouldhave had him behave! He took up his hat and walked straight out of theroom! It was rude, but it was magnificent. Ah! Paul de Vaux! you maystruggle as long as you like, but in the end you will be mine!