My phone rang in my pocket, giving me the opportunity to slip away for a second. "Sorry, I'll be back in a second."
"Of course," Steph said, turning away and heading for Cara.
"Hey," I said, stepping to the side so I'd actually be able to hear Nell.
"Hey, are you having a nice time back home?"
"Yeah, it's good. What's up?"
"Okay, this is going to sound weird but I'm just going to come right out and ask. Chloe and Logan are going to Scotland to look at a wedding venue and she wants me to go, too. No way I'm being stuck with the love birds for two nights though, so do you want to come with?"
Finally! Chloe had told me about that a week ago. I was starting to think that Nell wasn't going to ask.
"Sure, I'm in. When is it?"
"Next month. It's going to be absolutely freezing."
Turning away further, I muttered quietly down the phone, "I'll keep you warm."
"I'm sure you will. So you want to share a room."
"Nell," I said and laughed. There was no point in dignifying that with a reply.
"Right, okay, stupid question. I'll go and tell Chloe we're in and let you get back to your family time."
"I'll see you tomorrow night," I said.
"Do we have plans?"
"We do now. Bye."
I hung up and noticed Mum had caught me saying Nell's name. She watched me with a giddy smile.
"What, Mum?"
"How is she?"
"She's fine."
"Perhaps one weekend you could bring her with you?"
I would love that but I doubted that would happen anytime soon.
"Maybe," I replied.
Mum scowled and went back to talking with Greta.
"You never mentioned a girlfriend. How long have you been together?" Steph asked.
"We're not together. Me and Nell are..." Now how did I explain fuck buddies nicely so that if my mother overheard she wouldn't be disgusted?
Turned out I didn't need to. Steph's eyes widened with understanding. "Oh, I get it."
"Yeah. We're friends."
"You're not happy about that?"
"No, I am. I'm cool to be friends and see how things go, but somewhere down the line I want more."
She ran her index finger around the rim of her almost empty wine glass. When did we move on to alcohol? "And Nell?" she asked.
Sitting down, I took a deep breath. "Nell is complicated. She's so convinced that she doesn't ever want a relationship and I know a lot of people say that about all sorts of different things but she's so determined that I'm not convinced she'll change her mind."
"What if she doesn't?"
"Well, I'm not going to have half a relationship forever."
"Maybe she just needs time. You're both still young. I assume she's our age?"
"Yeah, she is. Time is all I got."
"I hope things work out for you, Damon, you deserve to have everything you want."
"Glad you think that because right now I'd like to get drunk in my mother's kitchen. Want a top up?"
She laughed and nodded. "Definitely, and I think you moving onto beer now will do the trick."
Fucking right.
Nell
Damon was at his parents' house and there was a girl there. A girl whose hair I wanted to rip out with my bare hands, strand by strand. We weren't together in any real way but I selfishly thought of him as mine. A random on a night out or holiday was nothing; he'd never see them again. A girl from home was a whole different story.
Chloe and I sat in a bar drinking cocktails. "Who do you think she is?" I asked.
Obsessing. Yep, I was obsessing. It was irrational and downright annoying but I was.
She rolled her amber eyes. "I think she's a friend of his from back home."
"Yes, of course she is! We fucking know that, Chloe, but a shagging friend or a non-shagging friend?"
Laughing, she folded her arms on the table. "Um. Shagging probably. Yeah, definitely shagging."
I narrowed my eyes at her and wanted to throw up all over her nice new dress. The cow said that on purpose. "No." That wasn't it. Shaking my head, I replied, "No, I don't think so."
"Oh really? Why's that?" she asked, grinning wide and clearly loving every second of this. What was there to love? What kind of a backward best friend enjoyed things like this?
"I just don't think she is. He would've said something to give it away even if he didn't mean to. She's just an old school friend that's also a friend of the family."
She shrugged. "Okay."
"Do you even understand how annoying you're being right now?"
She grinned again. "Uh huh. Sorry, but I'm really enjoying this. I didn't think I'd ever see you get all worked up about a guy."
I held my finger up. "I am not getting worked up." I was. "I just want to know if I need to demand he goes for another sexual health screening."
"And do you actually believe that?" She did a double take. "Wait, another one?"
"Never mind, he's clear, and I hate you."
"No, you don't."
Yes, I bloody do.
I clapped my hands together. "I vote that we get me shit faced tonight."
"She's just a friend, Nell."
"Good for him. It doesn't matter what he does. My desire to get drunk has nothing to do with Damon and his little friend." She raised one eyebrow. "Fuck off. I don't care what he does."
Wisely she didn't say anything but the little cow didn't need to because this time both perfect eyebrows rose. The thin strips of hair on her face told me exactly what she was thinking: It does matter. Deep, deep down I knew that it did but I couldn't let feelings like that bubble to the surface, it was dangerous and the last thing in the world I wanted when it came to a man was danger.
"Have you decided what dress you want me to wear for the wedding? Nothing puffy please."
Laughing, she slumped back in the seat and pouted. "But I've seen this gorgeous peach floral dress with the most adorable ruffles and lace edging."
"I would wear it, Chloe, but I would never forget it. Remember that being the first one to get married sets the precedent for how I choose your bridesmaid dress." I wanted to add if I ever get married but that would only make her talk at me about how stupid I was being.
"You know I wouldn't. I'll have to steal you away from Damon to try some on."
"Hoes over bros, Chlo-Chlo, you know that. Name a date and I'll be there. You've probably not got long..."
Her eyes widened. "Don't I know it? Logan wants to do it as soon as possible and so do I but he's not the one organising everything. There's so much to do, I feel like I'm going crazy already."
"You're a wedding planner," I said dryly.
"Yeah, I know. That's what I thought, too. Oh it'll be easy because I do this for a living. Not so bloody easy, actually!"
"Have a drink. I'll help wherever I can. Do you honestly think she's just a friend?"
Chloe started laughing. "Oh, you don't care at all. Open up and let him in, Nell. I have a feeling you'll be so much happier when you do."
"To start with maybe." My parents were great at first. I was young when things were all happy, dancing unicorns and glitter but then it changed. I wasn't confident enough that I wouldn't change the way they did.
"What does that mean? Come on, talk to me. You've said yourself a million times that we can discuss anything. What can't you tell me?"
What I didn't want to tell her wasn't going to be spat out over drinks in a bar. I didn't ever want to talk about it. I liked that she only knew the (mostly) strong Nell. Having someone know how messed up my head got sometimes made me feel sick.
"Look, both sets of my grandparents had a lot of issues, my parents did too, and I'm not willing to go down that road. Love can be so fickle, you only have to watch The Jeremy Kyle show to know that. People that were once madly in love can turn against each other. I'd rather not do that, especially with Damon. We're friends and I like having him around,
why would I want a relationship to screw that up?"
"What if it didn't?"
I shook my head. "I don't think I can do that." It was too risky. "Anyway, you absolutely suck at getting me drunk."
She took my conversation change the way she was supposed to - shut up about my relationship quirkiness. Ha, I bet she'd put it differently.
"Alright, prepare to wake up with a mouth drier than a dessert and a marching band in your head," she said, shuffling out of the booth and heading to the bar. Oh well, at least I'd have something to do tomorrow then. Spending the day dying with my head over the toilet would take my mind off my absent special friend.
When Chlo returned I raised my glass. "To spending tomorrow feeling like I've just deep throated a cactus."
Two shots and three cocktails later I was off my face and Chloe was trying to keep me under control. Once or twice the staff had looked over when I laughed a little too loudly or stumbled my way to and from the bathroom.
"Honestly you get a little tipsy and everyone thinks you're crazy," I said, dropping myself back in the booth.
"Probably because you can't walk in a straight line and your skirt is tucked into your knickers."
I should've been embarrassed but I burst out laughing. I had a fairly decent arse. Ripping my skirt out of the material of my French knickers, I shook my head. "Whoops."
"The old man at the bar got a real good look," she said, laughing along with me. Brilliant, I was an old man's wanking material tonight.
I did notice how my best friend let me walk the entire length of the room rather than rushing to my aid and covering my bare arse.
"I think I'm done tonight, Chloe. When the whole bar sees your backside it's time to call it a night."
"Alright, let's get you home. Wait there until I come around, I'll make sure you're fully dressed before you stand up."
"Oh, now you want to protect my dignity. You're a little too late for that tonight, sweetheart."
She smiled as I used Logan's pet name for her. It was cute and started out with him calling everyone sweetheart but the more he fell in love with her the less he used it for anyone else.
God they made me sick.
Chloe helped me up, out and home. She was an angel. "I love you," I said to my best friend. The alcohol had made me feel warm and fuzzy and in need to tell everyone how incredible they were.
She laughed as she carried me into my bedroom. "Love you too."
"Chlo-Chlo, I'm going to be hung over for dinner with my mum tomorrow, aren't I?"
"Yes, honey. Probably the day after that as well."
I groaned and gripped my head. "I don't want it for that long. Call Logan, he's a health and fitness freak - for which we all thank him, especially when his top comes off - he'll know some magic anti-hang over cure."
Instead of punching me for admitting that I perv on her fiance she laughed and rolled her eyes. "He would tell me to give you water and get you to go to sleep. I don't think you'll have any difficulty with the sleep part."
Neither did I. Every step took monumental effort that I just didn't have in me anymore. "I'm not thirsty." Christ, I'd just drunk an entire bar.
"That's not the point," she said and launched me onto my bed. I bounced and rolled onto my back, watching the world take a second to catch up. "You need to hydrate your body so please stay awake long enough for me to get a glass of water down your neck."
I saluted. "Yes, boss."
Shaking her head in pure amusement, Chlo left my room in search of water. If my body wasn't so heavy and I had a clue where my phone was I'd call Damon. I wanted to hear his voice whisper unspeakable things to me.
I looked around and saw that Chloe had dropped my bag on the bed too. I extended my arm but it was just out of reach. Things had started to swim and I knew it would only get worse if I moved. My late night drunken call to Damon seemed as impossible as me having a clear head in the morning.
"What are you doing?" She asked, laughing at me wiggling my fingers and willing my handbag to come closer.
"Want my phone," I replied.
"That a good idea?"
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Because doing anything on your phone when you've had eight too many is never a good idea."
"Ooh," I said, pointing at her. "You're totally right! Rule one is never use a phone drunk. Rookie mistake."
"Okay, sweetie, sit up so you can drink this."
I pushed myself up on my elbows and waited for the sea-like motion to stop before I fully stay up. "Thanks," I said, taking the glass and draining every drop.
"Good girl. Now do you need help getting changed?"
"Yeah, I can't sleep in my bra."
She laughed. "And your dress, earrings and shoes?"
"Bra more," I replied, tugging the hem of my dress. Chloe pulled me to my feet and assisted getting me undressed and into some pyjamas.
"Now into bed."
I did as I was told and snuggled under my quilt. "Chloe?"
"Yeah?"
"She's just a friend, right?"
Chlo sighed and brushed my hair behind my shoulder so it wasn't falling in my face. "Of course she is. Get some sleep, Nelly, you're going to feel like shit in the morning."
"Thanks for looking after me. Sorry I got drunk."
"No, you're not. You asked me to get you drunk."
"You're right, I'm not sorry, but I am grateful for you."
"Anytime. Love you." She kissed my forehead, and I was drifting by the time she closed my bedroom door.
When I turned up at Mum's for out bi-weekly dinner, Dad's car was in the drive. My heart fell right the way down to my feet. Disappointment fizzled in my veins but I wasn't surprised. I was never surprised but today I was too hung over to deal with it. How many times would they do this?
Damon picked a bad weekend to go away. I needed something physical and exhausting to get my mind off what was undoubtedly going on here. With shaking hands I grabbed a packet of Paracetamol from my bag and popped a couple.
Pulling myself together and praying the painkillers would kick in soon; I blinked the first signs of tears away and got out of the car. I'd reached my limit of anger when it came to my parents and their actions years ago so even though I wanted to scream at them both I knew it was pointless.
I walked in and found them in the kitchen. Mum was stirring gravy and Dad was smiling at her from the other side of the island. Dad spotted me first and pushed away from the marble worktop. Seeing them combined with the hangover, doubled the churning in my stomach.
"There's my little Nelly," he said, rounding the island to give me a hug.
"Sweetie," Mum said, hugging me next.
"Hi," I replied tightly.
I just needed to get through the next few hours and I could go home to normality. It'd be a miracle if they didn't bicker or argue over dinner.
"What's going on?" I asked. It was a stupid question and one I'd asked so many times I'd lost count.
Dad smiled the same way he did every time, like the cat that got the cream. "We've decided to give things another go. I love your mum, Nell, and we're both determined to make it work."
I wanted to whack them around the head with the boiling gravy pan.
"What makes you think it'll work this time?"
"Nell," Mum said, her tone warning.
"No, love, Nell has a right to ask questions. There's never been anyone else for me other than your mum, you know that."
I understood that perfectly. I could also respect it. But that didn't mean they should be together. If there was ever two people that should stay away from each other - preferably by one of them moving to Australia - it was my parents.
"Right," I replied. "Well, let's hope it doesn't end the same as it has before." Dozens of times before.
"It won't," Mum said. She always sounded so sure and I had no idea how she could be after going round in circles for such a long time. "Now, would you like a glass of wine with dinner? It won't be long. You
can have one, right?"
"Sure. That'd be great."
Keeping the disappointment from my voice was so difficult.
"Could you get it please, I need to stir," Mum said to Dad and then went back to her fucking gravy. I sat down and watched the picture perfect scene in front of me with tears in my eyes.
After dinner Dad went into the living room so he could catch the second half of the game and I stayed back to help Mum clean up.
"I know what you're thinking," she said, wiping the table vigorously.
"Yep, so there's no reason why we need to talk about it."
"There is if you're going to give me the cold shoulder."
"I'm not. Under the circumstances I think I've been very civil."
She dropped the cloth on the table and straightened her back. "Things are different this time, Nell. We're both trying hard to get along and talk about our problems before they turn into screaming matches."
I'd only heard that about a million times before. I wondered if she still believed it. She couldn't, surely?
"Really? What's so different this time, Mum?"
"We've been apart for the longest period of time, both done some growing and we want to make it work. We're trying so hard and Dad's even suggested we see someone."
My eyebrows shot up in surprise. That was a new development. Dad wasn't someone that spoke about his problems to anyone. Still, I wasn't at all convinced that they'd make it work. Until I saw it, I was one hundred per cent sceptical. They clashed in the worst way and unless one of them had had a personality transplant I didn't even think a therapist would be able to help them sort it out. Some people just shouldn't be together.
Rubbing my head, I groaned. Why were they doing this all over again? I just felt so done with it all. I was fed up of the same cycle over and over again. In a few months time they would break up, announce they hated each other and the other was the worst person in the world and I'd be back listening to them bitch about how they should have never put the effort in to get nothing back.
Same shit every single time.
"Fine, Mum. You know how I feel, I'll never want you two to be together but there's never been anything I could do about it."
"Oh, don't be like that. Most kids want their parents to be together."
"Well, thankfully, most kids didn't grow up with you and Dad."
"Hey," she snapped. "I know you're not happy about it but there's no need to go around saying hurtful things like that. You don't understand our marriage."