Chapter 6
“I killed all those people. That was never to be the mystery. There were so many, I've lost count. Not all were killed the same way so not all were attributed to me. And I'm sorry if that weighs heavy on you but from my perspective as I sit here, the end justifies the means. Just because we are identical twins doesn't mean we are not two distinct individuals where we have our own wants and needs and desires; this will become clear to everyone by the end. The twins thing is what made my plan possible and why you are listening to me talk, but there was so much more going on. Nothing is down to chance and cutting his name into their flesh was simply to get his attention and ensure his involvement.
“Let's go back over something you may have forgotten in all the excitement. The first time I killed wasn't straight up premeditated. That is, I didn't go out that day with the intention of killing someone. I had thought about it for years though. I dwelt on the idea and let my imagination take me through the different ways I could do it. I imagined matters of a less tactical nature. Things less about me and my desires like, who it would be, what they looked like and how old. And then more interesting things like, did they fight back? Did they just cower in fear until it was too late? Would I use a knife to make sure I could feel the moment when the pressure I put against their skin finally proved too much and the blade would slice through causing blood to flow out and down my hand?
“What would their scream sound like? Would I enjoy it or would it scare me as much as it did them? I imagined picking the wrong person only to have them fight back. What would it be like to have someone plunge a knife into me? Would it scare me or would it bring me as much pleasure as the thought of doing it to someone else did? Surely ecstasy isn't an unreasonable response for either participant in such a moment? Maybe I would use something a little messier. A bat or pole?
“What if I got to the point of no turning back and got too scared to go on? I had questions consuming my mind. Occasionally these thoughts would find their way into my dreams. I'd wake with memories of killing or being killed. It was exciting because it was the closest to the real thing I had experienced.
“Thinking back on my first time, I would have been too scared had I planned it out and acted on it as if I knew what I needed to do. The most impassioned imagination could never have come close to what it was really like.
“He was fifty seven. Homeless. Smelt terrible. I saw him on a train and followed him. I carried a knife on me at the time, just because I could. Details are unnecessary but when you're talking about something as absolute as death, nothing should be understated.
“Of course from your point of view you'll know that for society the difference between the deaths of the old and the young is cavernous. Media plays the murder of the elderly as horrible but if the victim is young it’s beyond words.
“As my brother stood over the bodies of my victims he knows the difference as well. He can see the burns around their mouths and on their hands. He stands over them knowing he'll soon be speaking with their families and he'll see the pain they will carry. All these things I created along with everything that grows from them.”